Been mulling over the Dropout "Men Don't Lactate" uh...joke? And while it absolutely does not excuse it, I do wonder if the reason cis allies tend to fall into the specific trap of erasing the reality of most trans men's biology is out of an attempt to NOT exclude them.
Like back when I thought I was cis and I was new to trans stuff I got given the message that most if not all trans people are extremely dysphoric and will be offended and upset by people talking about their bodies at all but especially if you talk about a trans woman having a dick or a trans man having a vagina. I even know trans people who will refer to their junk with the "opposite" term as a way to manage dysphoria even if they haven't gotten any surgeries, and thus it kinda makes sense that some cis people would assume it's best to treat trans men and women as cis men and women and never acknowledge that they have the "wrong" body parts or in some cases that they aren't cis at all for fear of inducing suicidal levels of dysphoria.
Which like again isn't wrong on an individual level (if a trans person asks you to treat them this way do it) but not on a blanket one because we cannot deny the reality of trans people's bodies especially their reproductive systems, as doing so does erase their existence and their needs. I'm sure there are some trans dudes who feel validated by statements like "men can't lactate" I mean I've met trans men who see being included in "all men are scum" as gender affirming as...sad as I must admit that makes me, and it is far more common for a trans guy to be made horrifically or in the worst cases suicidally dysphoric at the idea of becoming pregnant over one who is neutral to straight up positive and excited about it, but again, this not only makes it so trans men cannot talk to people about their reproductive needs and concerns, but some trans men/mascs DO want to get pregnant. I do, and I do not find it dysphoric. I am a man (well also a woman bigender but I lean more masc) who can get pregnant and lactate, and I WANT that reality recognized alongside the FACT that this does not invalidate my masculinity or manhood. Men can do these things!! It's not weird!! (If we wanna be pedantic cis perisex men can also lactate a little. It's not something unique to perisex people afab!! The human body is fucking incredible and humans of all genders and sexes are far more similar than different!!!)
But yeah the weed is kicking in so idk exactly what the solution is but I do think in this specific situation it's a case of trying to be such a good ally you unfortunately loop back around to being transphobic. I welcome other's thoughts on the matter! I will respond when I am not blazed!!
