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Jaskier: Everyone’s all “follow your dreams” and “be the change you want to see in the world” but when I do it “oh no it’s illegal!” Allow me to be an artist, damn you
Geralt: You burnt the tavern down
Jaskier: Yes, but I did it beautifully ✨
Geralt:
Geralt: hold the fuck up
Jaskier: I'm a fuck up
Yennefer:
Ciri:
Roach:
Geralt:
Jaskier: hold me?
"Quick, kiss me so they don't arrest us!"
Jaskier slams Geralt against the wall and brings their faces close together, his nose and mouth nearly inside the Witcher’s hood with him. With the bard this close, Geralt can feel and smell and see everything. The sweat beading on Jaskier’s brow, the way his gorgeous blue eyes are flitting up and down the street anxiously, the way his heart is beating hummingbird fast in his chest...
“What’s wrong, Jaskier?”
“I’m being chased.”
“By?”
“The city guard.”
“Because?”
“I am an idiot and a fool. Now quick,” he grabs the Witcher’s face between his hands and brings them close together. He whispers the next words only a hair’s breadth from Geralt’s lips and the Witcher can practically taste the honeyed wine Jaskier had drank with dinner. He wanted to taste it. “Kiss me so they don’t arrest us!”
So what if Geralt’s performance was incredibly enthusiastic and passionate? It was really only half a performance, anyway...not that the bard needed to know.
Jaskier: want to see how hardcore I am?
Geralt: hm
Jaskier: *punches wall*
Jaskier: now take me to a healer
Jaskier: *talking*
Geralt: I JUST WANT SOME DAMN PEACE
Djinn: I'm about to end this whole man's career
Jaskier: What's the signal if everything goes a bit pear shaped?
Geralt: how about "oh fuck"?
Jaskier:
Ciri:
Jaskier: now that could work
Geralt: this is my... not friend... other word.
Jaskier: I'm his carer
Geralt: yeah. He cares so I don't have to
Geralt: Witchers are like onions.
Jaskier: they smell bad?
Geralt: no
Jaskier: make you cry?
Geralt:nO
Jaskier: you leave them out in the sun and they get scraggly white hairs?
Geralt: NO
Jaskier: -
Geralt: WiTcHeRs HaVe LaYeRs
Co wrote with @thefunkyneighbourhoodlesbian
