if you have to dress according to you assigned at birth gender for safety reasons, for a family event, to school etc., two things that could help:
you are now a spy. this is your alibi, the person they are calling isnt you, its your spy alibi and you're on a mission to understand whats going on and who likes who etc.
this is your occasion YOU ARE NOW A DRAG QUEEN/KING AND YOU'RE GOING FULL DRAG THIS IS YOUR OCCASION, THIS IS ALL FOR THE SHOW! boobies? PART OF THE COSTUME peepee? PART OF THE COSTUME your deadname and wrong pronouns? YOUR DRAG PERSONA
Menstrual Dysphoria and How I Deal With It - From A Trans FtM Teen
It sucks.
It fucking sucks ass.
Most of the things I've found require you to have a binder. Or something.
I don't.
So.... Yeah.
HERE IS HOW I PERSONALLY DEAL WITH IT
(Pretty much any trans guy can do this if he wants. I am closeted, don't have a binder, don't have any puberty blockers, and am not on any hormones. All I have are a couple of friends who know I'm trans.)
Get a heating pad/hot water bottle. I prefer one of animal stuffy ones so I can pretend there's nothing happening and just hug it.
Also please *please* don't heat it up too much - and if you do put a towel or a blanket or something around it. Getting burnt will just hurt more
Keep a bottle of water next to you. There's days when you don't wanna move because you can't handle leaving your room because that means people and interaction and AAAAAA. I get it.
Keeping water next to you means there's less of a reason to see people
Try to buy snacks beforehand - and keep them in your room. It's hard going outside during it - well for me at least. Stock up a couple days before you think it starts so then interaction with strangers and deadnaming/wrong pronoun usage goes way down.
Distractions, distractions, distractions.
Draw, music, watch a show, read a book, sleep... Anything to keep your mind busy and stop thinking bad thoughts.
Go through old message logs if you've come out to anyone and they use the correct name/pronouns to refer to you. Reading "[name]" "[pronouns]" in a sentence can really help.
Pronouns Dressing Room can also really help with this
(http://www.pronouns.failedslacker.com/ I think this is the right link)
I highly recommend menstrual underwear. It really helps me to forget what's happening.
I also think calling it something different can really help. I prefer either calling it "my guts are shredding" "i'm bleeding out" "the cycle-ops" or "the pain".
If you have to wear a dress for a school uniform - wearing footy shorts/athletic shorts underneath really helps (well for me it does).
Band shirts. Plaid. Enough said.
Anyway... That's just how I deal with it.
It's rough, it's shit, but you will make it through.
You're but a soldier who has to fight through the monster's pain.
You. Are. You.
You're "preferred pronouns" are YOUR PRONOUNS.
You're "chosen name" is your REAL NAME.
You're "chosen identity" is YOUR IDENTITY.
You're deadname isn't your name.
You are who you are.
if you are ever dysphoric just take the orange peels and put them in a bowl and rinse a couple times until the water is clear or the bitterness is gone. then boil or place in boiling water and cook until the water has absorbed the flavor from the peels. add sugar or honey to taste. none of that has anything to do with dysphoria I just think you deserve a treat
If you can, get boxers with built-in pads (I get mine from tomboyx) and if you have a heavier flow you can put pads on them too.
This one is more for laughs but I dont call it my "period" I say things like "bleeding out of my penis", " shitting/pissing blood", etc.
(If it's safe for you) wear that binder, put on those masc clothes, even if you're just alone at home, it really does help
*This is coming from a trans man with less severe dysphoria, a lighter flow and no cramps so maybe take this with a few grains of salt, but this is what helps me so I figured it might help someone, too*
That's all, good luck and remember just cuz your body is doing a thing, that doesn't make you any less of a man (or whatever you grove with)!!!
(this is sort of a sequel to my Anxiety Tips With Bird post I made a couple days ago)
note: I made this list with gender dysphoria in mind, but it works for just feeling down/sad about yourself
first off, MUSIC! This is a really well known one but it helps so much. (Listening to it and making it! making music is excellent for venting) My personal recommendation is Cavetown, they make great music and sing a lot about being transmasc
Second, another well known one: get yourself a hoodie! Hoodies are just great when your feeling down about anything.
Third, blankets. Wether your just curling up in bed, or making a huge fort, it's a good strategy to feel better
Watch/read/listen to media with queer representation! It helps you remember you're not alone in your struggle
Sort of distract yourself with a hobby. I like to game when dysphoric, and if possible make my avatar a guy.
Watch a comfort show/ YouTuber/ streamer/ ect. My comfort streamers are Ranboo, Aimsey, and slimesicle.
Vent! You can do this by drawing, writing, making music, taking to someone, ect
Remember you're seen, loved, appreciated, SO VALID, and definitely not alone!
Another note: this is my personal experience, and everybody's different! Also please feel free to add your own tips!
brand new, SHOCKINGLY easy & quick source of gender euphoria just dropped!
SO. I have a love/hate, euphoria/dysphoria relationship with my hands, specifically wrt my nails. i can usually get around that by keeping them good and short and painting them (usually black, like all good transgenders do /jk) but that's a pain in the butt sometimes.
just for the hell of it, I wanted to see how my matte top coat would look by itself and it's fantastic, I am so happy rn. and this is so much quicker than doing multiple layers of polish w/ different colors!
matte topcoat ⤵️ no topcoat ⤵️
it's pretty subtle, but the matte coat makes my nails less shiny and it looks and feels distinctly masc to me, in a way that makes me hate my hands less, which is rad and much appreciated since I kind of see my hands all the time and it's nice to not want to cringe at them lmao
A System (TM): The non-definitive guide for dealing with dysphoria regardless of medical choices
Someone asked how one deals with dysphoria. The comment was too long for the reply box.
Long comment incoming...I have some gender fluidity going on, so I get buffeted from both sides (likely I tend towards masc, so it doesn't hit too hard).
I...uh...perform a good bit of mental jujitsu on the thoughts. It's gotta get through multiple layers of pre-prepared lifestyle choices, cognitive-behavioral thinking, mindfulness, rationalization, cultivating patience, disassociation, and spite before it really hits me.
Lifestyle Choices:
I'm out everywhere. If someone calls me something else or treats me in another way, they're either misinformed or being dicks about it. If they're the former, I either correct or move on with my day. If the latter, not worth my time. Any hurt I instill in myself from their dickishness is me brandishing their weapon against myself. Moving on.
Keep your friends supportive and your family as supportive as possible. If they can't be supportive, they don't get to know your business.
Don't explain shit.
I don't wear anything that makes me uncomfortable, and I wear the things I wish I wore when I was younger. All the dresses are out of my closet. None of the pants are too tight, and I have a few cut in a masc style, when I feel like it. My clothes don't cling in ways I'm not happy with. I have the good ol' standby dysphoria sweatshirt.
I get any aids I need to for myself. I go to a barber shop for my hair, and I make sure to get it cut when it's long. I've got a binder if I need it, packers, mascara in my cabinet drawer for facial hair. Pronoun pins (that I never wear, but it's nice to have them in my pocket to touch). I carry a knife like a lot of guys where I'm from do.
I try to keep everything else in my life in-shape. Think about dysphoria like a bad knee. If you don't get enough sleep, or you're eating garbage, or you're overtaxing yourself -- that knee's gonna hurt first, before anything else, because it's sensitive. If I'm getting a really bad bout, I check in with everything else first.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy:
I check disturbing thoughts against questions like, "if a friend told me this, what would I say to them?" "is the thought reasonable?"
If I spot words like "always" or "never", I flag them & try to re-word them in a less-extreme way, and I bring up counter-examples. E.g. "You'll never pass." becomes "are you sure, never*? That seems a bit harsh.* [check the facts] Even cisgender people get mistaken for the other gender, so even random chance says it'll happen at least once." >> "I'll almost-never pass." >> "Are you sure? Because the guy at the coffee shop says 'hey man!' every time you walk in. He's either clocked you (thus, you're being encouraged & accepted) or he genuinely thinks there's a man in there, somewhere." >> etc.
I think back to other times I've had the thought/experience and survived it. E.g. "What if I'm not really trans?" >> "...dude. You've been asking yourself that for around 3 years. You asked yourself that, then some cashier called you 'sir' and you clung to that in your little heart for most of the morning like a starving man with bread. That is not very cisgender behavior. Don't you think it would've worn off by now?"
I seek out others' diverse experiences. E.g. I feel embarrassed sometimes about sewing, but I know a guy whose literal degree is in costuming. I ain't calling him less of a man for that. Why am I bringing that on myself?
How is this thought functioning in my head? E.g. If I call myself pathetic, do I really think I'm pathetic, or do I want to curl up and sleep and "pathetic" is the quickest way to demotivate me to my bed? Why not not call myself "pathetic", and just treat myself nice and rest instead?
Mindfulness:
"It's just a thought." "It's just a sensation." "This is a sensation [reflect back the sensation to the spot of the sensation, so it knows you heard it]." Know that a thought or sensation is independent of a gender. (Gender is like "the flame unbound.")
Watch the sensation, feel the way your body reacts to it, and don't feed the beast. Just watch. Imagine yourself in a zoo, with a nice big trench between you and the animals. The flesh and thoughts will do their own thing, but you're safely protected from them.
Reality is reality is reality. As Galileo said, when the church insisted their doctrine otherwise, "and yet, it moves." You can think whatever thoughts you have. Other people can say any words they can form their mouths around. Your body can shiver and throb and become nauseated and ache -- None of these change what your gender is. Your gender is the vessel (which sometimes may change itself), and the experiences flow through it.
Rationalization:
"This is dysphoria. This is just what happens when you're brain's expecting one thing and your body's expecting something else."
"It sucks, but you're going to have to deal with it for X long, so you might as well try not to suffer twice by feeding into it."
"Yeah, sometimes it's gonna hurt and/or feel humiliating. Oh well. That's not gonna change your gender; you have other things to worry about."
"My gender can take care of itself right now."
Cultivating Patience:
This is going to take X number of years, or I'm going to have to live with a certain thing for t long. That's just the way things work.
No body is stagnant and without change. No perception is stagnant and without change. Ergo, this feeling of dysphoria, as are all things, is temporary.
See how you feel in 10 minutes/30 minutes/the afternoon/tomorrow. And then you can use an additional coping skill. (My genderfluidity makes this one even more flexible, but thoughts and feelings are themselves mercurial.)
Disassociation:
Read a book.
Scroll through social media (generally not trans content, because that can feed it, but sometimes trans content).
Write.
Walk outside.
Do some laundry.
Vacuum (I hate the vacuum noise, but now I'm bitching about that instead).
Deal with the other aforementioned life tasks that have you stuck here.
Sleep.
Give yourself some time to laze around in bed and just drift.
Go find some friends or call your most-talkative friend with a bunch of petty problems (when you're around other people, you can focus on them and not your gender).
Spite:
I know that there are trans people who've lost years of their lives because of the pain their dysphoria has caused them. I've lost evenings/afternoons/experiences from it too. I have no idea what my middleschool and highschool life would've been if I'd just known, or not had to deal with it. That being said, I'll be damned if it keeps me in bed and losing my life.Sometimes that means showering with my eyes open and the lights on when I don't want to (sometimes, what I see isn't that bad, and it's my head that was worse). Sometimes that means forcing myself out of bed and stumbling around in my comfort hoodie and sweats with my head down -- but at least I'm getting groceries or something.
People who hate trans people getting healthcare generally want to see us go away/disappear/not exist -- some folks by any means necessary. Them holding up care is to make our lives harder and for us to go away. Fuck them. Fuck the state systems. I'm not spending 2+ years bemoaning not looking or sounding like I want to stay home and not do something, just because I'm going to have to wait.
This is a system I've built up over a number of years, listening to bunches of trans peoples' experiences, and going to school for actual psychology. But it works pretty well, and I started at a low-dysphoria place to begin with, so I've been able to tackle symptoms as they've arisen, largely.
(I just realized this is the meme where the ADHD person says they don't have trouble with losing things because they have A System, and the neurotypical person has no idea what A System is...and the A System is itself a signal the person has ADHD. So. I don't have dysphoria. I have A System.)
I will say the dysphoria I deal with now isn't from the same sources I've dealt with in the past, largely. A number of sources I didn't realize made me dysphoric until they went away (or I'd quietly phased them out of my life without realizing it). I also like what Abigail Thorn says about dysphoria: It doesn't exist. Not that the sensations or dissatisfaction isn't there, but that the gap between who one imagines themself to be and who one is is a gap all people have to deal with, not just trans people. Cis people feel the same sort of self-consciousness when a cis woman grows hair on her face as a trans woman. You are not alone, and the systems and circumstances of history have merely added different labels to the universal struggles.
And then I like to pay attention to what does make me happy.
excuse shit drawing quality but (minorly) life changing tip for pre-op trans guys with small-mid size chests. after shower instead of putting the towel around your waist or around your chest, put it at your waist then drape another one around your shoulders so your torso is bare except for your chest.
