#Repost @kbjiujitsu (@get_repost) ・・・ Only a few close to me know how difficult the prep for EBI 12 was for me and I'm not even talking about the training. This whole month and training camp has been a huge mental struggle of me vs. me. Most days, I was crying or having a breakdown or having stress and anxiety levels that were physically debilitating. I probably should not have competed, but I knew I would regret stepping down from the fight more than stepping up on to that stage. Those who know me, know I wear my heart on my sleeve. I cannot lie or hide what I feel. The only exception is when I compete. Poise and composure when in the spotlight is my strong suit, but it is an armor I wear to give way for my Jiu-Jitsu and art to come through. Regardless of how I was feeling internally, I fought in defiance against my own doubt and fears. I am not disappointed in how I fought or even the result. I'm not talking about "you either win or you learn". I'm disappointed that I let myself fall into my own trap of negative and self-depreciating thinking. It wasn't until I was on that platform looking at the stage and lights where I realized that I was where I most wanted to be. I love to fight, love to compete, and love to perform. I'm hoping that is what you all saw last night because it is certainly what I felt. Thank you to everyone for the texts, messages, tags, comments, and posts. This whole month, I had felt so isolated in my own thoughts and personal struggles, but you have all shown me tremendous love and support regardless of it all. Thank you to my sponsors @ctrlindustries @digitsuonline @howhealthywellnesscenter @coldestplaceonearth @virusintl @leao_optics, my professor @caioterrabjj, all my @caio_terra_academy team mates, and all my friends and family at home and around the world. Special thank you to @erinherle for cornering me and being my rock this weekend. Now, time to shift back into gear and focus my prep on to the Asian Open in September! #persevere #focus #EBI12 (at Caio Terra Academy)