@efflooor / continued from here
The blond was surprised to feel Annie’s hands push against her shoulders. She expected them to be around her neck and squeezing hard. It was what she deserved after all. It’s exactly what Gwen had done after Peter had died. Devastated by the loss of Peter she had killed another tribute out of rage. She could only imagine what the loss of your husband would feel like so she doesn’t bother to push Annie away. Gwen would let her scream, yell, and push her around as much as the older women desired because Finnick had been selfless enough to not only let her climb out of the sewer first but even gave her a boost. She thinks that he most certainly should have gone first. He had more value to the mission and more to live for anyways. What was one more death of a child in comparison to the life he could have lived?
“ I know. I’m sorry,” Gwen croaks out. She won’t cry, not in front of Annie. She can’t cry out of sheer guilt when the other woman was crying from the pain of losing someone. It simply wouldn’t be fair. Her eyes flicker to Annie’s stomach at the mention of the pregnancy and Gwen wants to fall apart right there. She’s a homewrecker in every sense of the word and she hadn’t ever meant to be.
Her mouth opens and closes a few times as she tries to bring herself to say more, but she can’t seem to make the words come. What else was she supposed to say? She hadn’t asked for Finnick to let her go first. She had never meant to destroy what was left of Annie’s life. All she had wanted was to make a difference for the better and yet it seemed like she had only made it worse for the other. Maybe everything she touched somehow ended up tainted.
“ I wish it had been me instead,” she finally settles on saying. It’s the truth. She doesn’t know how she’ll handle this guilt for the rest of her life. Maybe it would have been easier to die down in the sewer. It wasn’t like she had a family to go back too anymore. Maybe she’d have been lucky and heaven would have been real. Maybe she’d get to see Peter in more than just the stupid photos of them together in the arena. She hopes that Annie has other things to remember Finnick by, things that won’t be so painful to look at. She certainly hopes that the baby itself will only bring Annie joy.
