#elder trans

[chrissy-kaos]

Not half bad for a 36 year old right?

[foxgirlscath]

Haven't had a break from the horny for a while. So if you wish to keep the allure of me being a two dimension caricature of a dommy mommy don't read. If you want to see me as a human, enjoy:

I've been full time and transitioning for over 10 years at this point.

I still get clocked but it's usually when I let my voice drop while infodumping or when I unconsciously mirror a guy I'm talking to.

But that's all well and good, that's whatever. I can deal with all that easy peasy.

36 years old, 10 years full time, I still have the heteronormative, cis society standards of attractiveness in my head.

It's frustrating. Growing up in the 90s and early 2000s didn't help, and working in the game industry (boys club) didn't help, and just socialized as a guy didn't help.

So, when I look in the mirror I see "fat" I see "bulky" I see "stocky" and my brain so heavily links those to male archetypes. That I see myself as non-passing, overly masculine, and not attractive.

But that's the societal standard observations.

The queer gaze says the opposite. I'm a big, strong, dommy, ork, mommy and while not everyone cup of tea, it's more accepted in the queer community than in the straight hetero community.

I just wanted to share because I wished someone told me this when I started to transition. When I started to get more self conscious about my body type, when I started worrying about how others perceived me as a woman. That what society sets as attractive, that what you see on TV, often isn't for the community you belong to. And to deprogram that, it can take a long time. Over a decade in fact. Plus having people clammer over you on sites like Tumblr where it's mainly your community.

Hug boxing is bad, so are echo chambers. But there's a difference between being lied to when you ask if your ass is filling in, and actually truly being appreciated for the body you have as well as everything else you bring to the table.

[sillytigergrimlin]

We be punching thst same face syndrome IN THE FACE, AHHAHAHA

I'm open for art requests rn! Until the end of September, quality of the requests will depend on my motivation! (Also if you're someone who already sent a request, im working on it trust!/g/pos)

I'm gonna be opening commisions at the end of September! Rn I'm working on art examples and refrances and stuff ! Hehehe

Also if you send in a request, lemme know of you're fine with me using it as an example on my commisions sheet or not please! I won't use it for that without permission dw

[weirdmustard]

Dug out a pic from 2015 to see what I looked like 10 years ago after about half a year on T

I'm old, man. I'm old.

[ye-olde-tardis]

I don't know how to properly put this into words. I'm going to cry over this sometime today, probably.

There is an animal in my brain that is ravenous. STARVED for representation. I can see my queerness reflected in a lot of the people around me, and in the shows I watch, but never my transness. Never that.

And I had tamed this animal. I had squashed it down, and it was quiet. It wasn't gnawing at the bars of its cage, howling to be let out, visious and drooling. The animal learned to behave so that I didn't become depressed over it. It learned that I have to be the one to pioneer these things alone. I have to become the representation that I wish I had.

But recently something happened that.... I don't know. I don't know what I feel. And it is so stupid to type it out. To see it written down in text. But I have someone now- a sort of authority figure in my life- who's also trans.

I feel like I'm not alone anymore. Like, there ARE cool people that are like me! That are older than me! I mean, FUCK, I dont have to be strong by myself??? I can grow older?? I can just exist as a trans person, and have it be this normal thing. I can just be a normal guy, like him.

It's something that I keep coming back to and turning over in my brain like a rotisserie chicken. Today, I realized that this person genuinely sees me as a guy. He's not just pretending, he's not just 'using my chosen pronouns'. He genuinely sees me as a dude because he also went through this. He knows what it's like.

And fuck, yeah, there's the tears.

[crossroads-creations]

A quote from Fresh "Lev" White from the book So Many Stars: An Oral History of Trans Nonbinary Genderqueer and Two-Spirit People of Color by Caro De Robertis

Fresh "Lev" White: One I was being seen as masculine, I remember having a white trans male friend of mine say to me, "Isn't the privilege amazing?"

My immediate response was, "If you mean I'm more likely to get pulled over and shot, I'm not feeling it."

It's different to choose to transition as a person of color, particularly Black and Brown folks, than it is as white. I'm just naming that.

[genderfluidfuckernamedfox]

I've been kinda wanting to go on T for a few years now. I still have that voice in the back of my head that's like what if your not really trans tho? I came out as genderfluid when I was like 16.... I'm 24 now and still identify that way. I've identified as trans for almost a decade !!!! I'm still in the closet with the family members I live with but basically everybody else in my life knows.

I can't currently afford therapy but hopefully when I go back to it I can talk to someone about what I'm supposed to do next. I want to get out of my family home first because idk how my grandparents are going to react.

[aceing-on-the-cake]

Genuine question, how do you go about building a queer community, or like a queer found family. And I think a lot of times when people ask this question of finding other queer people they're talking about finding friends or finding someone to date, but that's not what I'm talking about.

Communities are made up of more than just your peers, families are made up of much more than just people your age. What I want to know is how you find the people who aren't your age, the elder queers who take the roles of fathers, mothers and parents. The younger queers that you can take under your wing as a younger brother, sister, sibling. The queers that become a surrogate cousin to you. The ones who become your quirky aunts, the uncle that encourages your rebellion just a little too much, the grandparents who have survived so much by this point they deserve our respect just for being queer and happy and alive and fighting this long.

Like I'm aware of why we all like the found family trope so much, when you lose your original family and your original connections, you want to rebuild those. And I think it's totally possible for you to be able to do so!

But I think rebuilding certain kinds of connections is so much easier than rebuilding an entire community/family, and I think both are doable, I just would like to know how we're doing it.