okay this isnt really kink-related and ik you're transFEM BUT is it weird to not refer to yourself by your preferred pronoun or even have issue referring to yourself as such? (especially at the beginning of transitioning/beforehand.) like my egg just RECENTLY cracked and i realized i was transMASC (which is why i brought up that you're transfem) and maybe its like my internalized transphobia i guess (i have NO issue with trans people, i just wish i wasnt because my family's transphobic) but i have SO much trouble referring to myself with my preferred pronoun and even my preferred name like i thought it'd be easier than this idk (sorry if this is a REALLY dumb question i wanted to see if it was just me because i kinda thought it would all just click but i feel so confused)
first an aside because i want to make sure you hear it from someone young baby trans folks can unfortunately be really susceptible to being radicialized into reactionary beliefs and are more prone to having not really fully deconstructed their beliefs about the gender binary and oppositional sexism so i want to take you aside for a moment as someone who actively worked in part as a queer educator for my local community as a youth representative for some time and make some things clear and try to steer you down the right path
we have fewer differences than we dont we are all trans at the end of the day and there is no REAL delineating line between what is "masc" and what is "fem" ultimately theyre loosely defined but strictly enforced social constructs as well transmasc and transfemme are both terms that were created in order to give people gatekept out of the community more terms with which to describe their experiences the term transfeminine specifically was coined by a transfem named jane nance who actively believed gender identity labels needed to be more expansive and not restrictive or prescriptive and labels within the queer community have always been fluid and ever changing but it honors jane nances memory best when we discuss and adapt the language in ways that fit with how and why she made the terms and within that spirit and the spirit of linguistic descriptivism i would have and do argue that the terms are as useful as they can be used to describe ones experience regardless of any strict definition anyone might seek to impose upon them for instance afab transfemmes exist eg intersex transfemmes demigender transfemmes genderfluid transfemmes multigender transfemmes and transfemmes whove transitioned more than once as well amab transmascs exist eg intersex transmascs demigender transmascs genderfluid transmascs multigender transmascs and transmascs whove transitioned more than once
if you are trans and your gender OR EXPRESSION are masculine you can absolutely call yourself transmasc you would have every right regardless of agab so for instance i am a trans woman but im a butch trans woman i do not identify as transmasc but frankly it wouldnt be an incorrect descriptor
and vice versa if youre trans and your gender OR EXPRESSION are feminine you would not be wrong to decribe yourself as transfeminine
as well its worth remembering that trans is not short for transition you are not required to do so to be trans and any talk about transfem/transmasc being about "positionalities" is one that holds that being trans is inherently about going from one state to another with a specific binary endpoint when it isnt and there are far more ends to go to that dont exist on a flat one directional line
and it should also absolutely be said that as transmasc and transfemme are descriptors of two facets of how gender identity or expression can be understood its also fully possible and in fact common for people to be neither including binary trans men and trans women if they do not feel those words describe themselves
segueing into your question off of that id say that your relation to your chosen name and pronouns are your journey and i cannot speak to whats in your mind if they make you happy thats great!!! but also dont feel like you need to pick a side tm and go with a specific binary gender or smthn or even necessarily ascribe to defining your gender in any way thats comprehensible to anyone but yourself
it is absolutely common for trans ppl to have to take some time to properly gender and not deadname themselves its perfectly natural ESPECIALLY if you still use your deadname and dead pronouns in different circles and it doesnt invalidate you or your experienbces in any way and it doesnt innately change how you feel about yourself either right??? it is just an adjustment period living two lives in and out of the closet can be tricky!!!
but also be aware of how you do feel!!! if it DOES change how you feel about yourself and your gender or if using your chosen name and pronouns dont make you super happy thats okay explore a little ask friends to try out some pronouns find where you sit and get comfortable and know that no matter what you got people in your corner supporting you anon even if its just some stranger running a horny kink blog on tumblr
and if you ever have any other questions/want any more advice or want to read more educational content relating to trans issues and history or hear more about intersectional transfeminist theory more at length feel free to visit my main blog
