I was telling / reporting to my therapist how this past week since the election went, and honestly, all things considered, we're doing pretty good; thanks a lot to a very intentional effort to preserve my internet hygiene and giving myself the time to process, express, and re-engage with the local community to set myself in a pretty good place
But a really funny thing that had come up was when we were talking about some of the brief flare ups of angry / aggressive thoughts (obviously XIV driven) and how we very much kind of mentally *pat pat* "No, lets not do that", she did the Therapist Thing and checked to see if that seeming repression / rejection of strong anger feelings was shame driven but like...
Honestly? No, we have an INCREDIBLY positive relationship with our anger, because our anger is 9/10 times XIV / originating from XIV and honest to god, XIV is one of our favorite parts, and I say "our" and am okay picking favorites because I both am and know all the parts in our system and we all know XIV is definitely one of the parts that did and does the most of the system. Like he can be extremely egotistical and egocentric SEEMING sometimes, but probably of all the parts, he's by far the part most of us can rely on the most to be a ride or die support in any situation
And so these days? We LOVE our aggressive and angry thoughts and feelings. We welcome them because honestly, while they can SOUND bad, they are communicating a great need for self advocacy and to address an issue thats bothering us and - most importantly - we very much can work WITH our anger, work WITH XIV, to parse the impulse and knee jerk desire to do Great Violence TM and find a better more productive, more efficient and more in-line with our values way to meet the need / address the issue that set it off
And the thing is, XIV DEEPLY understands and respects and trusts that as well.
So the past week there has been a lot of the classic XIV lines that has probably gotten us on a watch list being said, but they're all at least half jokes and very easily "no, we know we aren't going to do that or authentically humor it beyond the wishful thinking image of it"
And honestly.... I think the emotion we have the best relationship with IS anger these days, thanks to XIV largely.
I dunno, just some system appreciation shit.
