So last year, I was in a show with a man I'd never met until our chemistry read together. He is a lovely person, a fantastic actor, and just a genuinely solid individual all around.
We had a great time playing opposite one another. He's the best kind of scene partner--the kind that isn't afraid to try weird stuff and is always on board to throw spaghetti at the wall together to see if anything sticks.
He also just lost his mom 3 months before we started working together.
I, being a member of the Dead Moms Club (along with my husband) told him that he was officially a member of the shittiest club in the world, but the good thing is that he wasn't in it by himself. I told him if he ever wanted to be angry or cry or just tell someone about his mom, he could call me.
And then I pretty much didn't hear from him beyond a few in-person theatre things for a year.
He texted me out of the blue and proceeded to tell me that he felt terrible for never letting me know how much my offer of support meant to him, and that he had wanted to call me so many times over the last year...
BUT HIS GIRLFRIEND WOULD NOT LET HIM.
Yes, you heard this right. His girlfriend, a woman who claimed to love and support him, would not let him accept the offer of friendship and comfort from someone who had been in his exact shoes.
Because I'm also a woman. And I'm a woman her boyfriend happened to have to kiss on stage because hi, we were Emma and Mr. Knightley and yeah, sorry. They kiss. It's a thing they do.
Nevermind that the kissing was Stage Kissing -- one of the least sexy kinds of kissing one can do.
Nevermind that the offer was entirely platonic.
Nevermind that my husband was right there next to me when said offer was made, nodding along and saying he was there for him too.
So this guy, my friend, went through the Literal Worst Year of Anyone's Life (I would not wish those first 12-18 months without my mom on anyone not currently sitting in the White House right now) without anyone who knew what he was going through to talk to about it or help him through some of the worst stuff.
Thankfully, he has now ended this relationship and, with the benefit of hindsight, is realizing just how toxic of an environment he was in. And he's going to therapy, which is great. But he asked me if that offer was still good, saying he understood if it wasn't because of how he basically ghosted me for a year.
A) My offers of friendship never expire, so you're good there my guy.
B) How much did this chick fuck him up that he feels like he has to ASK IF WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS now that he feels like he no longer has to ask her permission?!?
Jealousy is a sickness. It serves no purpose other than to poison things. The amount of friends I have had to step away from over the course of my life because some woman felt threatened by the idea of her boyfriend confiding in or enjoying spending time with someone else of the opposite sex is...
I've honestly lost count.
And that's sad for me. And it's really sad for them. Because it's SO HARD to make friends as adults. So. SO hard. And letting your own insecurities shrink the circle of love and support of someone you claim to care about?
But my husband and I are meeting Mr. Knightley for coffee over the weekend. So at least there's that.
