emono-omae replied to your post “patrick marleau does not trust mitch and auston to leave room for...”
these tags are EVERYTHING
thank you! i’d like to imagine that patrick marleau shows ups every night, right up until their wedding night.
even when they start living together, there he is. knocking at their door. ready to play cards and ruin auston’s sex life and mental health in one fell swoop. jesus christ, doesn’t this man have a family? but he’s like the cockblocking terminator. he never stops.
on their wedding night, when mitchy starts to get down on his knees, auston freezes up.
“what’s wrong?” mitch asks. normally this is right when patty would knock. his spidey senses for premarital sex especially tuned to the “fucking with auston matthews” frequency.
“where’s patty?” he blurts out. mitch’s face contorts hilariously. “it’s our wedding night. i think he can find someone else to play cards with tonight. fuck, auston.” auston could throttle him. this stupid beautiful boy. YOU NEVER WONDERED WHY A GROWN MAN WITH A FAMILY CAME TO OUR CONDO EVERY NIGHT FOR TWO YEARS? he wants to shout. he married a fuckin dumbass.
but a dumbass who he’s apparently finally, blessfully allowed to have sexual intercourse with, so he’s willing to let that slide.
and thus, patrick marleau ensured that mitch and auston kept it pure til marriage. amen.
