#emotion stuff

[fanvoidkeith]

i feel kinda normal today and uh. well that feels weird. i'll probably go back to panicking about literally everything tomorrow

[trans-atraxa]

My weight has been a large factor in my mental health being bad for a long time. I’ve always had a really bad self image about my weight and I have never felt able to get past it. In high school I went really hard into working out and trying to be fit for work which at the time was being a general laborer in construction. There was a lot I didn't like about working out but where my weight was at made me feel better. 

I ended up getting pretty strong but the way I bulked up made my dysphoria spike a bunch and become worse. so once I came out and began to transition I stopped working out. Around that time I ended up hurting myself at work as well so I stopped doing construction labor as a form of exercise. For awhile I still felt okay with my weight but it slowly got worse and worse.  Now it just feels like no matter what im doing im not able to lose any amount of weight. It doesnt help gyms are now scary as fuck to try to access as a trans woman. Also doesnt help that job injury ended up being a lot more permanent than originally thought.

I’m still hoping things are going to improve even if slowly. I just got a job which will force me to get out more. last fall we found a very large forest area to explore but it was getting too cold to do much exploring. so I’m hoping to be around more green space this summer which is better as well. At this point I’m just tired and trying to reclaim any amount of me feeling healthier that I can.

[kitsunerokko]

Woke up and after pup walk spent two hours just depression eating an entire bag of chips

[summer-azure]

I want to feel the kind of pure and happy love that makes love songs make sense again

[kiwisoap]

I really envy people who can control their feelings and shit like those people who can get mad about something and work through it? That shit is nice i just fucking go on a violent rampage stabbing my bookshelf, ripping up carpet, throwing cups around my room, turning over chairs then 10 minutes later im calm but sitting in the middle of my floor surrounded by chaos like, damn that literally didn't help any of my problems oh well

[invisible-goats]

My Granny died last night. After I got told this I hung up the phone and started laughing. Now that that’s over I just feel numb. I can’t work out if this is because she was 103 and didn’t know who she was so I kind of didn’t consider her alive anymore or because I process emotions kind of weirdly anyway.

Either way my main emotion rn is worrying that if I go to her funeral/wake I’ll display the wrong emotion and everyone will hate me, which obviously makes me the Worst.

[banal-adventures]

i’m sorry i’m not sad. i’m sorry i broke my emotional centers after years of untreated depression. i’m sorry i can’t empathize because of my neurotype. i cried exactly three times over the death of my own grandmother. it doesn’t even feel real to me. i’m sorry i can’t grieve over the shooting. i wish i could.