Every morning is just a surprise. Not sure how I will wake up, happy, sad, mad, okay.?. What emotion landed today? Sometimes you can’t even describe it because it can be a mixture of more than one emotion. It is really hard to explain it in detail.
Then I think about how this was supposed to happen. I think back to the red flags and a flashback hits. When that red flag flashback hits, I just get upset about it and have to say this was suppose to happen.
Flashback in March. When I found out there was such a thing as vanish mode. Then I found out he known about this since January since he had a screenshot of it. Confronted him, he lied. Long story short he lied and made it about me. My fault! That I don’t let him have friends “that are girls” bull shit! He was following some white spazzy looking broad. She wasn’t even following him back. So he claims they were just friends. Old co workers. So you know he fucks around with old coworkers and obviously this isn’t a good thing. He had conversations with other females that was totally fine. He Fucken lied. He was having other types of conversations with other people and then i saw a screenshot of some other broad story? He wasn’t even following this person. This was in his deleted photos. He has been doing this for a while. He lied to me. He was interested in other female pages. He has multiple people on vanish mode while being in a relationship. This was in March.
I have to constantly go back in flashbacks to remind myself that it wasn’t my fault. I did not ever say he cant be friends with this person or that person. He knew what he was doing. He was busting out his dick showing other females his shit and asking for things in return. Disgusting, I know. Then I checked his activity section and sure enough almost everyday he was either clicking on chicks pages links. Such as only fan pages and/or sites. Multiple nasty looking females. That was disgusting. This explains why he would get text that look like scams. Im not sure how I managed to pulled through a couple months more, up to June.
He was cheating on me when I started my new job and he was obviously cheating on me when I was working long hours. I felt bad for him because im thinking fuck he works hard and all, but he was doing this shit behind my back. I remember right before i broke up with him we were watching Shahs of sunset. There was an episode where this guy is cheating on his gf and its pretty much what I went through the next day. He didn’t even feel remorseful seeing that. All he said was “she looks uncomfortable”. The universe was watching my back. That was a sign. Now Im uncomfortable knowing him.
I then learned he would flirt or was interested in vendors we would vend with. One in particular i knew this girl that I thought was my friend and turns out she is not. I guess he had gone to some booth with “my friend” and asked her to ask the girl thats was vending “whats up”. That girl has a husband, of course she is not interested. That girl told one of my good friends that she felt a bad vibe about him. Rightfully so since she knew I was in a relationship with him and he shouldn’t of done that. That vendor was actually very close with my friend from Monster creations (they have good stuff, check them out). He isn’t that slick but good try.
Why there is no going back to that. I dont like liars especially cheaters. I dont trust him. Especially learning that he is in some redemption path. Nope dont trust him, seen this happened before. Lasted only a month. I will never trust him. I was super vocal to my friends about this break up because I know my patterns too. I told my friends to remind me why I cant ever go back to that. When there is no trust there is nothing. Im glad this happened now and not 10+ years down the road. He would of been a waste of time. It was a waste of my time. Ill never get that back. I just have to make the best of what I have left.
I will be fine. I just need to let the flashback take me and ill just have to deal with it. Liar, cheat, sneaky, sleazy, qualities that I don’t want.
