#energy envelope

[buttonloops]

my long covid/chronic fatigue improved SO MUCH last year that I started thinking maybe I'd fully recovered

nope

this month my hubris caught up with me

I've been pushing and pushing toward making biking my primary form of transportation

at first it felt fantastic, not being stuck in a stuffy car, feeling the wind on my face and the pleasant weariness of muscles well-used

then things went gray around the edges and my good mood drained away and I kept pushing because I'd set a goal and it had felt so good, I just needed to get myself out there and I'd feel better once I was going

then I crashed

the thick fog of fatigue came over me and I spent a full weekend nearly catatonic, just a lump in my chair

"oops, overdid it," I thought, "better rest a bit before I try again"

rested a week

tried again, running now on pure determination, desperately reaching for that delicious feeling of being full of energy and cruising through the city streets

this time the fatigue crash hit twice as hard

it's been a week now and I'm still foggy

back to rationing out my spoons

back to gaming every day because it's the only pastime I have energy for as I wait for bedtime so I can fall asleep.

the recovery is painstakingly slow. this weekend I was able to do a bit of housework and go meet up with an acquaintance for a walk.

and I want to be clear: things are so so so much better than they were at the worst. I'm going to work every day. I'm cooking and doing housework and even socializing a bit

but the thick haze of fog is back and I did not miss it

I've accepted that "biking as primary form of transportation" is not a goal I can have right now. Maybe if I got an e-bike with a throttle, the kind I turned my nose up at, the kind you can ride along on without doing any work if you're not up to it.

Now it's just. Waiting and resting as the fog slowly, slowly clears until I can think again.

[iplaywithstring]

Back in March, I hot myself a Garmin Lilly. I knew I'd be more active for the on the job training, and I wanted accurate data. I had been using an inexpensive activity tracker, but it did not have continuous heart rate monitoring, and I've learned that keeping an eye on that is super useful for understanding my energy levels.

It's been a great thing and I have absolutely zero regrets. It was a bigger expense than I usually make on myself (250-350$ depending on model and where you get it), but the features really sold it. It's been so helpful for pacing!

The app is a bit clunky to navigate at first, but there is a lot of flexibility to what data is displayed. You can even hide the calorie count if that's a thing that causes problems for you.

You can see I set a steps goal - for me it's not a goal, more of a "I can do this much activity without problems usually" and so when I hit that number I know it's time to slow down and really pay attention to how I'm feeling.

The heart rate tracking is useful and I can set alerts if I'm inactive and go above a certain number (110 in my case) - one day I was sitting in class and got an alert - 132 bpm when I had just been sitting! It doesn't happen often, but it's good to keep note of.

The body battery is some sort of magic. Not sure how they calculate it, but it's pretty useful. Basically, if it's above 80 I feel good, and if it's below 50 I'm tired and need to be careful. The app does tell me I've got lots of energy left for the day when it's above 50, but I ignore the advice and just look at the number.

The most amazing thing is that it recognizes the difference between sitting in a conference (the orange chunk in the afternoon) and relaxing on my couch (the blue in the afternoon and evening).

I don't use a lot of the features - I don't get texts on it, I don't use any of the activity presets etc. - so it's probably more tech than I need, but it does the things I need it to do super well. I also like the "move alerts" - it will buzz if I've been sitting for a while. I don't actually get up and move, but it's a good reminder to ask myself if I'm really doing what I want to be doing, or if I've just fallen into a youtube rabbit hole and would rather do something else.

It's also a pretty watch and a bit smaller than most smart watches. When it's "inactive" it's just a pretty background, and then you can tap or twist your wrist to get the digital screen.

Very happy in general and if you're looking for something to monitor your activity and heart rate, I'd recommend this as an option if it's in your budget. The only thing I found inaccurate was the pulse ox - but that's a problem with most wearables. I just turned it off (it's possible I just didn't have it tight enough, so it might not always be inaccurate, but it's not info I need to pay attention to either way).

[compassionmattersmost]

10: Embracing Your Own Pace: The Conclusion of Our Post-Viral ME/CFS Exercise Journey

Dear Friends, As we come to the conclusion of this series on exercising with post-viral ME/CFS, I want to offer you a heartfelt reflection on the journey we’ve been exploring together. It’s been a path of discovery, patience, and above all, compassion—compassion for yourself, your body, and your unique experience with ME/CFS. We’ve discussed everything from imagining workouts while lying in…

10: Embracing Your Own Pace: The Conclusion of Our Post-Viral ME/CFS Exercise Journey

[compassionmattersmost]

7: Exploring the Lat Pulldown Machine: Gentle Strength Training for Post-Viral ME/CFS

As we continue our mindful approach to exercise with Post-Viral ME/CFS, we’re moving on to one of the most versatile and accessible machines in the gym—the Lat Pulldown Machine. This machine allows for controlled upper body movement and provides a gentle way to engage your back, shoulder, and arm muscles without placing excessive strain on your system. In this post, we’ll walk through how to use…

[compassionmattersmost]

6: Gentle Movement and Stretching in the Gym: Reconnecting with Your Body

Now that you’ve taken the significant step of entering the gym without the pressure to exercise, you might feel ready to begin exploring gentle movement. For people living with Post-Viral ME/CFS, this phase requires a delicate balance—respecting your energy levels while slowly reconnecting with your body through light movement and stretching. In this blog post, we’ll look at how to introduce…

[compassionmattersmost]

5: Entering the Gym: Being in the Space Without Pressure

After driving to the gym and sitting in the parking lot, you might begin to feel ready for the next step: entering the gym itself. This can feel like a significant milestone, especially for someone managing Post-Viral ME/CFS. Walking into the gym, even without the intention to exercise, is a way to gently integrate yourself into the environment, allowing your body and mind to become familiar with…

[compassionmattersmost]

4: Sitting in the Gym Parking Lot: A Gentle Step Toward Physical Movement

For many people living with Post-Viral ME/CFS, even the thought of physical exercise can feel overwhelming. The body is a delicate balance, and pushing it beyond its limits can trigger post-exertional malaise (PEM)—that all-too-familiar crash after exertion that leaves you feeling more fatigued and symptomatic than before. Yet, there may still be a desire, a pull to move your body, to regain some…

[buttonloops]

ok turns out I still get fatigue crashes (established this a couple weeks ago but just duplicated it) and they happen when I bike too much

brb removing "work up to using bike as primary form of transportation" from my 2024 goals because looks like it's incompatible with my other goals like having a life