A Stalker’s Guide to Finding True Love
Stalking. It’s a bit of a strong word, isn’t it? Think about it. A person would follow their crush around in school, their group of friends giggling behind them as their flustered face stared at their “true love”, dreams of the future filling their mind… But the moment you’re outside? Nope. It’s wrong. It’s creepy. Why’s that the case? Look, all I was doing was ensuring I was always the one serving him at the cafe. Come on, don’t judge! Love is hard to find these days, so all I want to do is to make sure I have a chance…
Just… don’t make the stupid mistakes I have. There was this one time I accidentally liked a post from about four years ago… awkward. I mean, he was shirtless… and I hadn’t noticed how far I scrolled down… Well, yes, my dear friend. I had, in fact, been scrolling for a few hours. Really, name one difference between liking a four-year-old post and liking a hundred-year-old statue by Michelangelo! This guy was my statue of David, a body like that of the gods, such a chiselled face, with what seemed like gems for eyes…
Here’s tip number two for pursuing your crush. For the love of God don’t ramble on about them. As perfect as your god on earth may be, don’t give your friends a five-page essay as to why you believe the two of you should be together. You must be as careful as a cat stalking their prey. Wait for the moment to strike, then you… Ah, then you ask them out. Not anything else! We’re going for a normal relationship here after all.
You’ve probably guessed, but I met him during my shift at our quiet little cafe. Damien… It rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? His buddies call him “Dames” I believe. One day I’ll be close enough to him to call him that… Anyway, back to the start of our fairytale romance story. So there he was, sitting by the window with a book in his hands, the golden sunlight hitting his face. For a moment I thought I was staring at an angel, who descended the heavens just for me. The book. Edgar Allen Poe. Clearly, he’s an intellectual, someone sophisticated. I myself had read over that exact book God knows how many times. He’s good with book recommendations.
Either this guy visits the library on the daily, or he’s rich enough to pay for this constant stream of books he reads. I mean, I wouldn’t mind either way. It would be nice if he were rich, but I could always provide for us. Plus, could you imagine? Sitting there together, his arm draped gently over me as his silky smooth voice read over the string of words on the pages… Will I actually focus on what he’s reading? Who knows. Probably not… I should though. I need to work on that.
Okay… uh… anything else to talk about… Give me a second, I need to compose myself. This is exactly why you don’t ramble. I’ve lost my train of thought. Maybe we can go on to telling the difference between family and someone trying to flirt with them. You don’t wanna accidentally mistake his sister for another girl, you know? It was a bit of an embarrassing situation for me. Yeah, I didn't realise who she was until her actual boyfriend asked how her dinner with her brother was… Thank God I didn’t try anything that night. Goes to show how you really should research into their family.
Oh, I’m clearly going into a lot about my life, but we’re here to help you right now. Obviously, I’m in a serious relationship right now, or at least on my way to one! What about you? Do you have that special someone in your life~? You have to be wary though. Gotta know if they’re the right one! Is it really love?
Love at first sight is actually something that’s real, you see! The world is hell-bent on crushing any sort of happiness people find. You see, in order to have a bunch of mindless people that conform to society’s standards, you need to beat them into the dust, then shove their rules and ideals down their throats. If you find the perfect someone, society will try to find a way to crush your heart into dust and match you up with someone that is “good enough”. Not perfect… just… enough. Meanwhile, they eliminate the perfect one. Your soulmate. I didn’t let that happen.
So, you just… know if they’re the one. You’ll look deep within their eyes and your heart, mind and soul will collectively scream out that this is who you need. Suddenly, they’re all you can think about. Each day becomes brighter, because you found it. You found your reason to live, the thing that can turn any bad day into a good one. Who cares if you’re feeling down, just knowing that they’re happy lifts your mood up to as high as the heavens. No matter what happens to me, or what he wants me to do, I’ll be fully content.
My final hint to finding true love should obvious. You’ve seen a person, you’ve fallen madly in love, and you feel like you know everything about them, as if you’ve known them your whole life. The final step is to ask them out, right? To finally put you out of the misery of only longing for their love from afar…
I’ll get back to you on that one.
