Ephemeral Prince left me totally wrecked. I know I’m extremely late to the fandom but I just had to do something for these two. I couldn’t stop thinking about how a confession scene would’ve gone so I had to get this out of my system.
After everything that happened, Snowe and Erio haven’t talked about the tension and feelings between them. Snowe breaks the silence.
Also posted on AO3 here!
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The thing about second chances (or maybe in this scenario it’s the third) is its continued fight against fear. Being given another chance doesn’t necessarily allow one the courage to make another choice after the first wrong decision. Humans (even humans bestowed with the powers of the universe) are fractured creatures given to anxieties. Even if we know the predicted outcome, we still can’t possibly know the consequences of the better choice. Snowe has lived and died and suffered and come out like a phoenix from the fire. But he’s still human. And in an effort to avoid confrontation and in an effort to maintain that happiness he had fought so hard for, he hesitated.
Maybe we’re starting too early. Let’s start with this: it began with the letter from Astra.
Looking back on it, Snowe wonders if Astra knew. They were so close now it’s hard to imagine she didn’t pick up on something, but it was also incredibly embarrassing for him to know that it was so obvious to a third party. He chalks it up to the fact that she was so level headed and gutsy. She wasn’t someone to let something linger for so long.
Richard had come back from the school one evening with a letter from Astra. Snowe had looked up from River’s crib, placing her gently back down, before he took it. She said she and Erio needed his help sorting through the apothecary stock tomorrow. Nothing too serious, it was just the by product of working and not keeping up with day to day organizing. Snowe thought it was weird she didn’t just come by to ask, but he had brushed it off. Besides, he was partially thankful she was going to be there too anyway.
An aside; Snowe wasn’t uncomfortable around Erio. At least, he didn’t mean to be. But lately, ever since everything’s been dying down, he’s begun to reflect on their past adventure. He was less prone to moments of angst now, but there was still an unanswered question he had never gotten back to. Some tension that was never revisited and even now was being blatantly ignored. Even now Snowe didn’t dwell on it. He merely folded the letter and thanked Richard. That night, after dinner, he had tossed and turned in his bed with the same anxieties revisiting him, buzzing in his mind. He can clearly remember the amber glow of alcohol in candle light, his biological father sitting across from him. That glass had been so cold, but the drink had burned in his throat. What had he said? Even now the words echoed through his mind, settling throughout his body, a resolve that burned in his blood.
Life is meant to be on your own terms. It’s far too short so you owe it to yourself to make it what you want.
Snowe knew damn well now that life was short. He knew damn well just how fragile it could be. From his own death and from everyone’s around him, death had been a constant that made itself no mystery to him. It was cruel and quick, and in the end, necessary. He absentmindedly brushed his fingers against the blue markings on his forehead. He wondered how much longer his life was now because of the Crown. In the end, maybe it didn’t matter. What mattered was that he was being a coward.
There were so many moments he had back then. So many times when death was breathing down his neck and Erio was right there. There were so many times he could’ve said it, but he never did. Even with his life was at risk, he didn’t try to make a move. He would’ve rather died with his regrets. Snowe has always been that sort of person.
So what did it take? What had to happen for him to finally just stop giving a damn and tell him? If it wasn’t death, then was it the promise of life? The very promise that there would be a tomorrow? What he had now?
If so why did he still hesitate?
That night Snowe fell into a restless sleep, with vague images of a dream flitting through his mind. Sloppy kisses and burns and a heart on the edge of bursting. Missed chances. Defeated resignation. And then, finally, a heartfelt and strong love.
--
When Snowe got to the apothecary the next day, he found the signed turned signalling the store was closed. He guessed they started without him, and went through the back door with the key he was given a long time ago. However even in the backroom, no one was there. (Even more worrisome was that the stock was neatly organized without anything remiss). Confused, he made his way to the counter and a letter sat there addressed to him. He read it.
Hey Snowe,
Sorry something came up. Hiante needs my help training the town’s mages. Won’t be home until later tonight. Could you keep an eye on Erio for us? He had a long night.
Thanks!
Astra
Instantly, Snowe feels his heart race. It all dawns on him that this was more then likely a ploy. He turns the letter over and finding no mention of organizing the stock he sighs.
She got me. He realized.
He casts a nervous glance to the stairs leading up to their rooms. The home was quiet, save for the distant sounds of Aldcoast teeming with life. The sound of people chatting and walking, the sound of creaking wagon wheels. The faint sound of waves crashing on the shore. A clock ticked on in the shop, rhythmic and daunting. Snowe could leave. He looked down at the letter and felt his heart pounding in his chest. He hasn’t been left alone with Erio since he washed up on the shore with Xiri. Every time someone else had been there with them.
He really could leave.
He feels like he should.
He places the letter back down. He reasons with himself.
He’s just checking in on him. It’s nothing so serious, he told himself. He can be in and out and honestly it’s nothing major. After all, wasn’t it just him?
Weren’t they all family?
Snowe ascends the stairs, each creaking with his weight.
Knots are tangling themselves in his stomach and he keeps trying to quell that anxiety. He finds no one in their living room however. It was a cozy, lived in space, warm and inviting. On the couch he finds a cloak thrown haphazard on it, on the wall is a board listing the chores that need to be done. When he finally looks over he finds the door to Erio’s bedroom open.
“Erio?”
No response. Snowe peeks in and for a moment, his heart warms.
The first thing of notice were the books scattered around his room. Dark tomes, written in words Snowe barely recognized stacked on the desk and built in towers on the floor. Next was the mug of coffee sitting cold on the desk, half-drunk and mostly forgotten. Finally, was Erio. Curled up on his bed, his sheets a mess, his breathing even. Asleep.
Snowe wishes his heart wasn’t beating so fast. There was no reason for it to. He had seen him asleep plenty of times and this really wasn’t any different. He cranes over and examines him a bit. His hair was slightly mussed from tossing and turning, but altogether he seemed peaceful. Snowe wondered if he should wake him, but he decided against it. If all Erio was doing was taking a nap, then he was fine. Snowe had done his part and he didn’t have to be left alone with him or anything. This was an out. So Snowe just pulled the sheets back over his shoulders, and made way for the exit.
“Astra?”
Snowe froze. The voice had been sleepy but familiar. There was a shuffling of sheets and Snowe sighed inwardly. Of course it wasn’t that easy.
“Sorry,” he laughed awkwardly, “Just me.”
Turning around he found Erio turned toward him, drowsy and confused. Snowe always thought it was funny how no matter what emotion the demon showed it always had a tinge of annoyance to it.
“Snowe?” He asked, yawning, “What are you doing here?”
“Astra said you needed my help in the shop. Organizing the stock?”
Erio furrowed his brows, frowning. “The stock’s fine, I don’t need anything like that.”
So I was right, Snowe cringed. If anything, he has to hand it to Astra. She was good.
“Where is she anyway?” Erio asked, stretching. Snowe tried his best not to look directly at him.
“She left a note saying she was going to be out with Hiante today. They’re training the soldiers.”
“I do remember them mentioning that.” Erio mumbled to himself. “So why’d she ask you to come here?”
Snowe, three steps ahead and already piecing together Astra’s planned, lied. “You’re guess is as good as mine.” He laughed, “She did mention she wanted me to check up on you though.”
Snowe looked back around the room, messy and mismatched. “What happened anyway? You don’t usually sleep in this late.”
“I visited my mother yesterday.” Erio explained, “She was taking me through the demon’s library and lent me all these apothecary books she wrote. I lost track of time studying them last night. I decided to close shop to catch up on my sleep.” He shrugged.
“Yeah, it’s probably best you did that. I don’t think your people skills get any better when you’re half asleep.” Snowe joked. When Erio shot him a look, Snowe ended up laughing. With the topics of explanation died down, the mood of the room grew awkward. With all conversation gone, the same feeling of nervousness settled back into Snowe. It was just them. If he stayed any longer, he knew the things they hadn’t addressed were going to come up sooner or later. There weren’t any more distractions to hide behind.
“S-So,” Snowe quickly said, “You’re just going back to sleep? I can leave if you want.”
Erio flopped back, sighing deeply. He shrugged.
“It’s up to you. I don’t mind you being here.”
And with that, Snowe’s heart jumped to his throat. He knew for a fact Erio didn’t hate him. It had just been so long since he had been given an invitation. Snowe found himself at a crossroads; he still had an out. He could go and he could continue with what they already had. Just living this peaceful life and ignoring whatever they had during that journey. All that tension can die down and they can just keep living as family, as what-could’ve-been, as a flower not allowed its chance to bloom. It was a safe route. It was certainly the easiest one.
But Snowe has been on death’s door. Snowe has granted life and he has helped save the world. He is someone who tore the world asunder and faced danger to give back to those he loved.
With all else said and done, when Soan had given him that advice, why was his drunken and impulsive choice to go after Erio? With all the world at his back and his life a tenuous thread ready to break, he had chosen in that moment to only stumble into a bedroom and messily kiss a boy who understood him.
Didn’t that mean something?
“Can I sleep with you?”
Erio’s eyes shot open, his cheeks scarlet.
“Wh-What?” He sputtered out. Snowe, coming back to his senses, also felt his face heat up.
“I-I mean like. Can I take a nap with you?”
“Are you having trouble sleeping again?” Erio blinked.
“No.” Snowe looked away, “I don’t need help with dreams or anything like that. I’m not tired. I just...I just think it’d be nice.”
The sentence hung between them, heavy with meaning. Honest actions are scary without a pretense to cushion their intentions. In these months they had been content seeing each other with various excuses and obstacles between them. Whether it was with another person present or with a reason to be there. But now there was nothing in between them but a sincere atmosphere and plenty of room to talk. Snowe had made his move and he braced himself for some kind of prickly answer, some kind of joke to undermine the message. Neither of these came. Instead after a moment of consideration, Erio lifted the sheets and scooted over.
“Go ahead.”
Snowe felt breath catch in his throat. Quickly he complied, shedding himself of his cloak and boots. Afterwards he slipped under the sheets and settled in. The sheets smelled of Erio, like the spices he used in his blends. They were still warm and cozy, and outside some birds were chirping. Still in the distance was the sound of the ocean, calming and constant. Snowe felt himself relax, and the butterflies in his stomach didn’t feel like an annoyance, but a blessing. Scary but exciting. They watched each other for awhile, and it was Erio who looked away first, laughing.
“When Astra said to check up on me I don’t think it was an excuse for you to laze around.” He jokingly accused. Snowe blushed.
“I-It’s not like that! I mean, I didn’t have anything else planned for today.”
“I guess you’ve earned it.” Erio shrugged. He looked back to Snowe, and reached for the blue markings on his face. He absent-mindedly traced them with his finger and Snowe felt himself blush.
“It’s still hard to believe.” Erio confessed, “After everything that’s happened.”
Snowe found in the back of his mind that he missed this. This coziness, this chatter. He really had nothing to be afraid of. So he let all the anxieties he held in his body just melt away.
“It’s nice right? To have peaceful days like this?” He whispered. Erio nodded and dropped his hand to his side.
“So you’re not feeling lazy; you’re feeling sappy.” Erio teased.
“Y-You don’t have to say it like that!” Snowe frowned as Erio laughed. He half wondered if he should playfully hit him with the pillow, but he decided against it. It’d be a losing battle either way.
“This feels nostalgic though, don’t you think?” Snowe kept going, “I mean when was the last time we did something like this?”
Erio blinks, and looks up at the ceiling. “I guess when we were traveling. It’s been awhile.”
They laid there in silence, just soaking in the moment. Snowe wanted the conversation to keep going and so he searched his mind for topics, anything to buy him time.
“Hey, do demons dream?” He asked, “I mean, like, I knew Xiri did but I don’t know if that was just because of me or because he’s the King of Dreams or-”
“Snowe, why are you here?”
Snowe widened his eyes, shocked at the interruption. Erio turned his head to look at him, his eyes serious. But he should’ve known by now; he could never hide anything from him.
“Wh-What do you mean?”
“You’re acting strange.” Erio stated, matter of fact, “You’re bringing up the past. Why did you come here?”
“Th-The letter.”
“No. Why did you stay?”
Snowe gulped and looked down. Of course Erio wasn’t the type for small talk; if there was something that needed to be said he got to the point. While Snowe didn’t hate this about him, he knew he could never fight against it. He sighed.
“Is it bad that I’m here?”
“No. But I know there’s something bothering you.” He turned over to him, giving him his full attention. “You know you can tell me.”
Snowe knows that full well. He wonders if there were any secrets of his Erio didn’t know. And even most of all, he was happy to share them with him. The hardships they had faced together had brought them so close, but Snowe is still hesitant. While everything else had been personal (worries and dreams he didn’t mind confiding) this was different. This was directly tied to him and he had no idea how he’d respond.
Snowe closes his eyes. It was so weird; he had healed the world and he had faced death and yet somehow this moment felt so daunting in comparison.
“You said,” Snowe breathes, “we’d talk about it when everything was over.”
When he opened his eyes, Erio looked confused.
“Talk about what?”
“...Us.”
Then it dawned on him. Snowe had expected him to respond with a serious look, but he was surprised to find Erio look embarrassed. A little surprised himself. Maybe he hadn’t expected Snowe to be the first one to bring it up. Snowe was pretty shocked at himself too, but the moment was here and life was still so short. It felt like a weight was on his chest, a heaviness that weighed him down. Snowe took in a deep breath and sat up.
“Look, just,” He exhaled, “Just hear me out ok? When I’m done you can tell me what you think. But right now, is it ok if I just...tell you?”
Looking back he found Erio still speechless. But he slowly nodded and Snowe took this as an ok. He wondered if he could do this while looking at him, but finding it entirely too embarrassing he turned back around. Instead he confessed all his feelings to the wall, shy but free.
“I don’t know when exactly it happened. I just know I had fallen in love with you.” He began. “I guess with everything that was happening I couldn’t really name it, but I just knew I was so grateful to have you there. At first I thought ‘maybe I’m just lonely’. Like, because of the stress I just thought I was in love. I just wanted someone to spoil me because I was so scared and lonely and afraid.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I felt terrible. Not only was I using you because you were warm and because you could help with my dreams, but now I was forcing all these fake feelings on you.”
“You weren’t using me-”
“No, I know.” Snowe put a hand up. “This is just how I felt back then. I began to wonder if I was just doing stupid stuff because of the pressure or because I really did like you. Not to mention, I had no idea how you felt. Back then, I thought it was all pity. I thought if I told you anything you’d just be nice out of that same pity.”
Snowe was quiet. He leaned over, putting his face in his hands. His heart was thumping madly, his knees were shaking. He wanted to back out. But now that everything was out there he knew he couldn’t take any of it back, so he decided to just keep going forward. The opportunity to run away was gone. He had to see this through.
“So I guess I just...waited. I mean, I slipped up in Aslan. I’m still really sorry for that. I just told myself to keep it in. Like, maybe when all of this is over and I finally fixed everything it’d go away.”
A pause. Uneven breathing. The tension hung between them heavy and apparent. Snowe sniffled.
“But it never did.” He finally said, “It’s still here.”
Snowe blinked away tears. It was hard to finally say it outloud not only to himself, but also to Erio. Snowe’s not sure what he felt then; like a weight was off him maybe. Relief of some kind. He closes his eyes and sprints to the end.
“I was really happy you were there for me. You saw me at my worst and you kept being there. And I know it’s weird to say, but I was happy to be there for you too. Not because I was paying you back but, just...I wanted you to be okay too. I was happy when you were happy.”
And he was done. Snowe looks down at his shaking hands, tracing the edges of his fingers with his eyes. He could still remember the time they were burnt, the very pain each movement had. Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night in a panic, running his hands over his body, looking for burns or scars or broken limbs. Some phantom pain that stuck to his mind which had its own healing to do. But right now, looking at his hands, he knew that with everything he had gone through, he was still so happy Erio had been there. He knew this love wasn’t fleeting. And now, finally being able to confess it, he laughed softly.
“I don’t...I don’t expect you to return my feelings. It’s...It’s ok if you don’t. I don’t want to make things awkward for us.” He finished shakily, “But if you don’t like me, all I ask is that we stay friends. You guys really mean so much to me.”
Silence settled in at the end of that sentence. A heavy atmosphere kept weighing in the room, some emotional build up ready to burst. Snowe gulped and willed up the courage to finally turn around to look at Erio. He doesn’t know what he was expecting; at this point he just wants a response.
Snowe had heard the term breath-taken before. He’d never seen such a perfect example of it.
Erio was sitting up now, his eyes wide, his cheeks the most flushed Snowe had ever seen. It was sweet, how honest the response was. When Snowe caught his gaze, Erio instantly looked down, shy and confused. At first Erio began to say something but then closed his mouth. He was thinking hard, Snowe could see that.
“...How am I supposed to respond to something like that?” Erio finally muttered in some weak attempt at sarcasm. Snowe couldn’t help at laugh.
“Sorry? Was it too heavy?”
“No, I…” Erio paused. He opened his mouth to say something again but then stopped. He pursed his lips and frowned and tried again but thought better of it. Finally he furrowed his brows and sighed heavily.
“Look, just,” Erio finally said, frustrated, reaching over “Just come here.”
Snowe jumped when he felt hands grab his shoulders and he was taken off guard when he was pulled over. Erio pulled him into a kiss, and Snowe felt his heart leap and do somersaults and his knees went weak.
In the back of his mind, he lovingly thought to himself This is so like you.
When they parted, it took them a moment to get back their bearings. Erio looked away, embarrassed.
“I was just...I was just so tired of us dancing around it.”
Snowe lightly nodded but he wondered if he even needed to. Instead the realization was slowly coming to him, the fact that Erio was returning his feelings. He smiled. He laughed.
“W-What?!” Erio asked, defensive. Snowe shook his head.
“No. I’m just really happy.” He began to tear up, “Really, really happy.”
He brought a hand to his mouth, emotions washing over him. He looked down and cried, smiling. He heard Erio sigh as he brought him into a hug.
“You really are so sappy.” He lightly chided, and it made Snowe’s heart warm.
“Why me?” Snowe asked, muffled from where he was cushioned against Erio’s chest.
“What?”
“Y-You haven’t said it yet. Why me?”
Snowe wondered what face Erio was making, but he was sure he had a good idea. He shifted, still holding Snowe close, and let out another sigh.
“I don’t know. Maybe I have a thing for plucky blonds who like to get themselves into trouble.”
Snowe laughed. He felt Erio rub his back and leaned against him.
“I think you’re strong.” Erio confessed, “I think you’re kind. I think you’re the bravest person I know. You just kept going. And you stumbled, but that’s normal. I just...I just wanted you to be happy too. And it just...happened.”
And maybe that was the beauty of it all. Maybe this was what they always had. A slow gradual build up, a rightfully earned happy ending. They knew each other and rather than rushing into it, instead they stumbled together. Unplanned, unpredictable, but not wholly unexpected. It felt right. It felt like finally coming home.
“...I love you, too.” Snowe replied. He felt Erio tense up, and it brought a smile to his lips. He wiggled out of Erio’s hold in order to get a good look at his face. However, the demon had covered his blushing face, mortified.
“Hey, come on,” Snowe teased, “I want to see.”
“I don’t know where you’re getting all this bravado.” Erio grumbled. He flinched when he felt Snowe try to move his hands, and he playfully fought against him. Snowe continued to pester him, asking him to let him see his face. When Erio finally relented, a blushing mess of a demon, Snowe went with his impulses again. He leaned over and kissed him again, and he felt Erio tense once more. But slowly he relaxed and leaned into it. It was nice, Snowe thought. The kiss made the butterflies in his stomach flutter, it was a burst of energy running up his spine. When Snowe drew back they held each other’s gaze.
“You’re a better kisser when you’re sober.” Erio muttered. Snowe laughed again, and when he was pulled in for another kiss he didn’t fight it. They were starting to get into the rhythm of it.
“I have no idea why we took this long.” Snowe breathed when they parted.
“It doesn’t matter now, does it?”
Snowe answered him with another kiss. And another. Soon enough Snowe was surprised to find himself falling back, lying against the bed, Erio above him. He smiled and pulled him down. He could’ve swore he felt Erio smile against his lips, but he didn’t want to break this moment and point it out. He ran his fingers through his hair, holding him close, feeling his heat. Snowe’s head was spinning, he felt like he was floating. The world kept turning around him and it was beautiful and it was complete. Erio’s lips were warm and his contact was so sorely needed then. Vaguely, Snowe wondered if he could hear footsteps somewhere, the creaking of floorboards but he ignored it. He felt way too good right now. Absentmindedly he traced his hands towards Erio’s chest and tugged at the laces on his tunic. Erio stopped for a moment, and Snowe looked at him, wondering if he’d gone too far. He was about to ask Erio if he should stop but instead he felt a hand over his own, and Erio lightly nodded. He kissed him again, and with granted permission, Snowe began to undo the tie.
“Erio!” Astra called out, “Are you up yet? A soldier got hurt, I need something from the shop!”
The two startled but before they could move, Astra was already at the door. They both froze in place and Astra stopped too. She looked between them, and Snowe could tell her eyes were focusing on Erio’s exposed collar bone and Snowe’s searching hands. She blushed. But then she felt a giggle build up.
“Well,” she finally said. “It’s about time.”
“I-It’s not what it looks like.” Erio quickly defended, and Astra shook her head.
“No, no, it’s fine. Don’t let me interrupt. I’ll look for it myself.” She laughed and closed the bedroom door for them. By then Erio had already scrambled out of bed, trying to get to her so he could explain but she was already gone. Snowe was feeling reality crash down on him and any romantic fervor he had before had been brushed away by a strong mortification. Erio put his hands in his face and groaned loudly. Snowe looked over at him.
“Sh-Should we go explain?”
“I’d rather die right now.” Erio replied flatly.
“At least it saves us the trouble of telling everyone?” Snowe offered. Erio looked up with a horrible realization.
“Oh God, when my sister hears.” He stated, aghast. “When my sister hears.”
Snowe couldn’t help but laugh at the thought. Erio shot him a glare which only made him laugh more. The whole situation felt so ridiculous to him now after holding it in so long. In the end, the things he fought for were still here. Nothing had changed, but only shifted slightly.
Snowe, with a renewed confidence and high off his happiness, grabbed Erio’s wrist and pulled him back to the bed.
“Come on, we can tell them later.” He said softly. “You promised me a nap.”
“Is that all you want?” Erio accused. Snowe grinned, and pulled him in for a kiss. He wondered if after holding back for so long had broken a dam and made everything rush in one go. Maybe it didn’t matter. Slowly they fell back into place, a warm pile on the bed, kissing and talking and finally, indulging.
It had been a long journey here. It was a long journey that finally ended in clumsy confessions in a bedroom. But Snowe was happy to finally find himself here. They had more to talk about, sure. But now they finally had time, a guaranteed tomorrow. Instead of a rushed confession while on death’s door, what Snowe had was time. To work out the kinks, and to cherish the days, and to experience it together. They’d gone through hell and they’ve come out the other side. Complete and in love.
Snowe had sacrificed so much. Cuddled there in his arms, he was satisfied to finally know what it was like to want something for himself and to hold it so close.
I was commissioned to draw my own characters which was a nice treat. Have Snowe and Xiri from Star Stealing Prince/Ephemeral Prince after I don't even know how many years that I drew them together last.
I made a video game and it got a web novel sequel. Today, ten years after being posted, that web novel sequel is finally on itchio because every site it's on (including this fucking one) has decided to be shitty.
So, if you're a SSP fan and wanted a PDF or EPUB of Ephemeral Prince, now's your chance. I will be taking the web novel off tumblr and wordpress by next week, so itch.io plz don't do this same shit.
You can find the itch.io page here!
Anyway, I had fun returning to Snowe's design and coloring him again.
