#epihanies

[mumblelard]

a most charismatic fly spent the dark part of the morning exploring my desk and everything on it

even though it's cold and wet, i meant to go for a ramble once it got light out, but boba has finally settled on my shoulder after a morning sowing chaos, and that has tipped the scales towards not

despite the cold, some of the birdseed we spread outside the window has become sunflower sprouts that we can watch along with the songbirds

the forced winter amaryllis on the table bloomed and wilted and began to fade. i peeled the wax off the bulb and left it in the woods near the creek. i'm not sure why, but i never named her

last night, i dreamt of nuclear apocalypse in a very linear way, like the plot of a movie, and then i dreamt of it again. lately, all of my dreams, even the dark ones, have carried a feeling of lucid interest without sadness or fear. i don't know where the dream fear has gone

in a couple of hours, fall and emma will come. we'll ride together to our regular third-sunday-of-every-month lunch with my parents and finn (and whoever we might be keeping company with if they are ready). i'm looking forward to it

[andsoshespins]

It is perhaps fitting that on the day that I learned the term “emotional contagion,” I also, albeit separately, came to realize how much my mother’s insecurities about herself and the world impact me, more than I ever thought to consider. 

I love her, but I cannot be sucked into her self-imposed doom.  And, more importantly, I cannot allow myself to follow in her steps in this habit.

[heavenandhoney]

I need to say these things.

Notice how people make you feel. If they make you feel like shit, forget it. Be with people that make you feel human.

Try to notice all the different colors.  Notice the blues and greens in your face. Notice the overlapping colors in the sky. Notice different textures and shapes. Do not just look at the world around you-- observe.

Worship the right things. Worship the universe because it is so brilliant and infinite. It is the cause of your creation. Don't get too caught up in objects (I say this as I write on a laptop, hypocrisy is fantastic). Recognize that people are erroneous, but full of greatness and potential. Personally, I do not believe in God. Worship God or what deity you would like if it gives you a sense of wholeness and morality. But, overall, do not get too caught up in worship. You need to step back and realize that you only have so much time in this lifetime. There are so many experiences to be had, people to learn from and talk to, and so much to learn. If your worship is holding you back, then you need to let go. If it is fulfilling you, then continue to do it. (Of course when I talk about worship I am by no means supporting forms of worship that disregard morality and justice. Please, be rational.)

Do not do anything that harms yourself or others. (This is more from my philosophy class if anything, and not yesterday.) This is difficult. You cannot fully understand the consequences of something until you have already performed the action. But, if you know something you are going to do will harm you are others, please refrain from doing it.  Please, have good intentions.

Things will come back in some form, some way.  They may not come back directly to you, or in the form you want, but they'll be there.

Recognize when you need to let go of something.  Recognize when something is intrinsically good.  Hold on to that until needed. When something is no longer valuable to you, let it go. When you need it again, it will come back.

Do not create unnecessary problems.  Do not fill your mind with false memories. (This is scientific that we do create false memories.  What I mean by this is do not overanalyze something that only creates a sense of anxiety or panic within you.)

We each have a timeline. And right now, they're overlapping. People won't be with you forever. They just can't. So, treasure the time you have with someone.  If you really love and care about them, reach out.

You are alive. You will struggle and feel jubilee. There's a whole lot of world to see. You won't see it all, but you can at least try.

Learn. Never stop learning.

What a trip. (Do not hesitate to ask)

[nick-sack]

You guys, I love smoking weed and getting high, I do. But i just had a realization not too long ago, and it changed how I think of things and Im still thinking of it. I was really high(how alot of epiphanies are created) and thinking about why, even though i smoke alot of weed every day and high almost all the time, am I so depressed still. And then it came to me; SMOKING WEED FOR YOUR PROBLEMS IS LIKE PLAYING A VIDEO GAME: when it gets hard, you wanna press pause and forget about it so you dont have to deal with it now. But it doesnt make it go away or any easier. Its still there, and its probably worse now. You may not even to be able to handle it as well as before. And you'll keep pressing pause because its too much for you. And eventually, if you cant get past it, you wanna quit..some do. But the thing is, you cant just put off your problems as if someone else will take care of it for you, you HAVE TO sit there, stare it in the eyes, know its not gonna be easy, take it by the balls and make it your bitch. I thought weed would make things better for me. "Oh, my friend is treating me like shit..time for another blunt." "Im so alone, I dont have anyone of my own...i guess one more bowl will take the pain away." "I dont want to live anymore, i just want to fucking die...hopefully some more bud should erase this." It worked...for about 10 minutes. For months, maybe a year or two now, I've been depressed and just wanted to slice my arm open leaving a camera and a note behind. And after cutting my arm, if It got that bad, i thought a blunt would take away the stinging pain of the fresh self-inflected injuries but it made it a little worse. Weed isnt the answer to everything. We have to know that its not something that erases the scars of everyday life, it just helps us kinda deal with it. The pain is excrutiating as tears run down or faces and blood down our arms, wrists, thys, wherever the cut was. Weed acts as the pain killer, its up to us to make our problem disappear. I've almost given up on life a few times, the only thing that stopped me was the fear of feeling pain or survivng. But with this new found knowledge and strength, i might make it. And so can you. I know how gay, lame, and cliche this is, but alot of the most truthful things in life are a cliche. Everyone has problems and a way to deal with them. But sometimes, we just need someone to hear our story of why we have the scars we have today, maybe even a shoulder to cry on. Please like or reblog this if you've ever felt this way. I can lend an ear to hear anything you need to say, because i too need one.