well if u want some ANGST what about mikasa dying in the trost battle early on in the series and eren's last words to her were some aggressive shit and oof
Introduction: I’ve been thinking about this encounter for awhile now lol. Man I’m so glad you requested it, I was waiting for some angsty shit sksksk this was really fun to write, I hope you enjoy! - u.n.
Oh and, just a warning, this one isn’t pretty. It gets a little graphic. Might be a bit much if you can’t stomach a little blood/death. This one was wild haha. Read at your own risk! -s.a.
Alright here we go Battle of Trost
Takes place shortly after she gives up and lays down her life
She stands up when the titan decides to come fuck w her and prepares to fight
As we all know, titan boi comes into save the day
He steps right next to Mikasa and she goes flyin’
The way she falls back isn’t as graceful as we have seen. Instead, she flies back and hits her head against the concrete, landing on her arm wrong and somehow accidentally impaling herself on the small blade she was holding moments before (don’t run with scissors, kids)
The blade is deeply seated in her abdomen, but she doesn’t take it out. It’s the only thing stopping her from bleeding out
She’s suffering from traumatic subarachnoid hemorrhage (tSAH). Blood is filling into the space that surrounds the brain and it’s no bueno
Suddenly Mikasa feels the urge to vomit, and becomes very dizzy. Despite the adrenaline rushing through her veins moments ago, she feels extremely fatigued
The hard concrete floor has never felt so comfortable
She’s losing vision. The last thing she sees is Eren’s titan pounding the other titan’s head into the ground, and the sound of his roar
The last thing she thinks, though, is, “I love you, Eren. I wish I had told him sooner.”
Mikasa blacks out, and because the bleeding had been so severe, not to mention the blade in her stomach, she dies before anyone can find her
Let’s take a moment to take in consideration Armin’s perspective: he thinks he lost Eren to a titan, and then he stumbles across Mikasa’s dead body only moments after her “I’m stronger than all of you” speech
It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, and he wants nothing more than to shut down and die at this point. The rest of the 104th won’t let him. But! While he’s being dragged away, Armin takes her scarf from her neck and covers her with his jacket
Movin’ on down the road, Eren is pulled from his titan
Mikasa isn’t there to cry on him. This time it’s Armin, grieving the FUCK out of the situation, and feeling nothing but guilt
Right after the situation with Kitz and the Cannons™, Eren lands himself in the infirmary to be looked over
He notices the scarf on Armin’s neck, and no Mikasa in sight. He frowns. It’s horribly out of place
“Where’s Mikasa?” Eren asks. Armin had been silent the entire time, sitting in the chair next to him but staring at his hands blankly.
Wordlessly, Armin begins to unwrap the scarf from his neck and puts places it in his hands. Eren doesn’t wanna touch it. He doesn’t want to accept the possibility that she’s gone.
Armin takes his fingers and forces it closed to where he’s gripping the fabric. They both are.
“Eren,” he starts, not even believing the fact that he’s able to speak. “Mikasa… Mikasa isn’t- she’s not-”
“You think this is funny?” Eren speaks. His eyes are wide and blank. Armin can pinpoint the exact moment anger begins to override his entire being. “Not a fucking joke, Armin. Where is she?”
“Eren,” Armin cries, “Eren, I’m sorry-”
“No, no. Fuck, no, I’m being serious-!”
“So am I!!” Armin yells and brings his face closer, choosing his next words very carefully. “Mikasa is dead.”
Eyes are wide and unblinking; his gaze shifts down to the scarf in his hands.
“Who did it?” his voice is dangerously quiet.
Armin’s face contorts, depicting the five stages of grief all in five seconds. “Eren…”
“Who did it, Armin? Was it a Titan?”
“Yes,” Armin swallows hard. He was technically telling the truth.
Eren lets out a choked noise, balling the scarf in his lap. Tears are running down his face. Hot, angry, fat tears roll down his cheeks and onto his neck. They fall into the scarf
“She’s not… no she’s not. Mikasa can’t be…”
Dead. The word sits with him heavily. The fact sits with Eren heavily, refusing to mix into his being like oil and water.
He has a whole crisis about her being gone, never being able to see her again
Eren suddenly felt his stomach sink and the urge to vomit was at his throat, remembering his last words to her.
“I’m not your child or your brother!”
“Don’t die,” Mikasa had said. Eren laughs bitterly; look who ended up dead.
Ew he hates it, he hates himself.
“I’m gonna kill them all,” Eren vows.
“Every single one of them.”
“Eren that would include you,” Armin interrupts, here goes nothing. “Your titan… it killed Mikasa.”
“How did it happen?” Eren’s voice echoed in the empty room, though his voice was barely above a whisper. His eyes were dead set on the hands in his lap and his entire body was unmoving.
“I don’t really...think we should be talking about this right n-”
“How did it happen, Armin?” this time he was looking right at him, and the emotion behind those eyes was almost too much to handle. Armin shifted uncomfortably under his gaze and focused his gaze on the scarf in his lap.
“I...I don’t think you meant to do it, Eren.” the blond’s voice was soft, afraid of the volcano of anger erupting in his best friend. This kind of anger was different; it was boiling, brewing, it was a silent anger, it was laced with an ugly hatred that Armin couldn’t quite put his finger on. It was truly harrowing..
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
Armin studied him, sympathy filled his eyes. It was misdirected anger; it was understandable. Of course this would hurt him, but there was something else in Eren’s expression that was telling him what his words wouldn’t. They must have fought before this all went down.
“I mean, she wasn’t eaten, if that’s any consolation.”
“Okay,” he eyed the way Eren’s grip on the scarf tightened. “She died of blood loss and head trauma. When I... when I-I saw her…” Armin’s gaze shifted down at the memory, bile creeping back up his esophagus and his eyes began to water. “God, Eren, when I saw her...it wasn’t pretty. I’m sorry. I couldn’t stay long enough to see. Not that I wanted to. I think...I think she might have fallen on her blade and hit her head.”
Eren breaks eye contact, but doesn’t move a muscle.
He wants to scream, he wants to throw up, he wants to get up and go on a destructive rampage.
Suddenly he hears more of Armin’s quiet apologies somewhere off in the distance, underneath all the weight he’s feeling on his shoulders. The room is spinning. He feels absolutely numb, and his chest feels so damn tight. It becomes hard to breathe, and the next thing he knows, his best friend is beside him, reminding him to inhale and exhale.
He thinks he’s doing it. It sure doesn’t feel like it, since the room still felt so tight. The walls were closing in even tighter with each breath, and no matter how much he squirmed, there seemed to be no escape. He felt a hand take his and squeeze in an attempt to remind him of the present, but time seemed to just be an enigma as his mind played back every single time he had fought with her. Or maybe it was just the important parts. Maybe it was some good memories. He saw her face, her smile, her tears.
And then he was retching, and it was a little ugly. He wanted to vomit, and Armin was crying again. What a fucking mess.
It might have been ten minutes later, or an hour, but once the room became still again and both boys seemed to have found a solid grasp on their sanity once more, Armin cleared his throat.
“She loved you, Eren.” It seemed like the right thing to say.
Eren nods, and he thinks that’s the only reaction he’s gonna get. But then he shakes his head, and grips the scarf in his lap, “I love her, too.”
