#esdee rambles

[esdeear]

It’s the start of my week off. So far I’ve successfully gotten out of bed before noon, eaten some real food, fought a headache into submission, unloaded the dishwasher, and started two loads of laundry. If I can take the bathroom trash out and take a shower, I will have made all my goals for the day. Many thanks to all the encouragement & support I’ve gotten so far!

Taking a kitty break first.

[esdeear]

Day Three, better late than never, right? Finally got a shower, and though I took out several bags of trash & recycling, the bathroom trash wasn’t one of them. I also made a small dent in the chaos of my room, and cooked a meal.

Slowly but surely. Got four more days off.

[esdeear]

Every so often I remember that one year, my mom got edible Easter grass to put into our Easter baskets. 

Like, 20 years ago. 

And I have tried eating the grass every year since.

[esdeear]

On “Family” Terminology

If you've got to use a family term to refer to me, I prefer Aunt/Auntie/Aunty to Mom/etc. and/or Grandma/etc. Like, I'll shut you down hard if you try to call me Momma Dee, not because I don't want to feel connected to you, but because of the following.

First, Aunt can be used to refer to just about any age-range, so you lose the implication that whoever you're referring to is so old that they can't comprehend or emphasize with anything you might want to come to them about. I'm hardly sensitive about my age (I'll admit to anyone who asks that I'm 39), but I know that a lot of younger folks automatically ignore anything they hear coming from someone they deem "too old to possibly understand".

Second, while all three terms imply a family bond, Aunt has less of a connection, and less of a sense of obligation on both sides. Not saying you don't worry about disappointing your aunt if you do something wrong, but it's no where near the sort of guilt folks usually experience when disappointing their mother or grandmother. Again, this makes it easier to have frank discussions where I can give advice without anyone feeling terribly awful about it.

Third, I'm a real stickler about responsibility. Moms (and often Grandmoms, in this day & age) should provide almost everything for their children. (I know this doesn't always happen, but that's not what this is about.) While I'm happy to help folks when I can, I'm by no means capable of doing everything, and I certainly don't want to be associated with the expectation of being able to do so. Aunts, on the other hand, are there as often as they can be, but there's no judgement if they miss something.

Fourth, Aunts don't have to be a perfect role model. If I want to buy my nephew 100 chicken nuggets for his birthday, or an entire adult-sized burger entree with a monster milkshake, well that's something I can do because I'm his aunt, and it's a special occasion. If I want to shower my adopted social media family with gifts and hilarious anecdotes, sure, go for it. That's just what aunts do. But if I can't? Well, I have no responsibility to do it in the first place.

And finally, a very personal reason. I have no desire to have children of my own, and that desire ripples out to include even internet kids. I have nothing against kids (as anyone who knows my interactions with the Niblings will attest to), I just. Really don't want the responsibility that comes with caring for them, as I can barely care for myself some days. Being a parent is a 24/7 job, with no vacations, and I just. Can't. Fathom.

I know a lot of these are just my personal interpretations, but since they are things I associate with the word Mom, I'd rather not be called it. But everyone out there is free to call me Aunt.

[esdeear]

Day Two, and whilst it’s not going quite as productively as Day One, it’s not too shabby. I’ve gotten a small bit of real food, unloaded the dishwasher, and am currently running IT scans on the living room computer, since it was acting a bit wacky.

Did not get the trash out or take a shower yesterday, but I’m trying not to let that discourage me from moving forward!

[esdeear]

Need Your Help!

My mental & emotional bank is nearly empty, and I need help making deposits into it. Next week I’ll be off from work, and I *drastically* need to do something with the depression den that my room has become.

Likes, shares, comments, reblogs with cute animal GIFs, every one of these things would help tremendously! Or just drop me a little message of encouragement, I’m pretty sure I have anon turned on so you can be as sneaky about it as you like.

Thank you in advance! <3

[esdeear]

I’ma cry now.

[esdeear]

A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to visit Paris, since I was in London working tech for a convention. Could have hopped a train, traveled a couple of hours, and then spent my day taking in all the historical marvels that city has to offer. I didn’t, and now I’m regretting it, for reasons that are probably really obvious to anyone who’s touched any news outlet in the last 24 hours.

I’m letting this be a reminder to me that the phrase “I can always do that later” isn’t true, no matter how long something has been around, how permanent a fixture in the world it may seem to be. I need to learn to take the opportunity when it presents itself, because the likelihood of it never happening again is just as great as there being plenty of chances in the future.

This doesn’t even apply just to major things. I should tell my loved ones I love them more often, because you never know when it’ll be the last time. Pet my cats every time I see them. Enjoy the sunrise as I drive to work. Any moment could be the last time you do something, since there’s always going to be a last time.

Nothing is forever. Enjoy life to its fullest while you can.