i have two personalities when im writing. one is "omg this is the easiest thing in the world. i just pumped out 3k words without any trouble" and my other one is "if i write another goddamn word im gonna throw my computer out the window and jump after omg why are they still talking"
Maalik. Arabic for owner. Sometimes used to describe God's sacred ownership over the world.
But Maalik is no God.
And he is not Ali's owner.
Ali doesn't seem to agree.
Heck, Maalik doesn't even know Ali all that well. He did, back when his father was alive and they were close friends. When he was group leader for his boy scouts troop and they went camping. When everything was alright in the world.
But that was three years ago. Now, Maalik is lost. He doesn't know anything.
Living with Ali has been difficult. He feels horrible thinking that, but its true. Ali doesn't talk much, a far cry from the chatterbox he used to be. The only words hes heard him say so far are 'master' and 'sorry'. Its so.. off putting.
Maalik sighed. He cares about Ali, he really does, but this..
He turned over to look at Ali, kneeling on the carpet. Silent. Pale. Almost dead-looking.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapter Five is now up!
“Do you need dinner?” Splinter asked as they walked, his ears twitching. “I ordered in food.” There was a beat as everyone else in the room winced, Donnie and Raph looking away and down at their feet. Splinter, sensing the shift in the mood, added quietly “I got Chinese.“
currently writing a markrex fic and i thought id share a snippet lol. this is SO not canon btw lol. canon is dead and im dancing on its grave like god intended <3
Shin can be a lot of things, Natsuki's noticed that since the guy arrived at the JCC, he'd never do well here. Everyone noticed it, teachers would commonly ask him if being an assassin was what he truly wanted, students would try to lead him to different careers, for a while he even thought that Satoda-Sensei hated him because of how hard she'd go on him during training.
It wasn't that Shin was a bad fighter, honestly he was one of the best in their school, he got good grades for the most part (when he decided to try) and he got along with everyone well enough (hence no one wanting to see him die). He was just too good in the worst ways. Natsuki could never imagine Shin in this life forever. He knows Shin can kill, he's seen him do it. He just can't do it for a living, honestly there's nothing wrong with that, there should be nothing wrong with that.
But there is, there really isn't.
"Is that it?" Natsuki drawls from his bed, he's laying down and Shin's sitting at the foot of it, head in his hands. "You're leaving just like that?"
It makes sense, Shin's not cut out for this life, to be a killer. It doesn't suit him, doesn't suit him when he risks himself for someone else, spends a day finding someone's cat cause they asked, or when he helps Natsuki out with testing equipment, no questions asked. It makes perfect sense, but it's still bothering him.
"Yeah, I guess it is," Shin replies softly back. "It's just... I've been thinking and this isn't really cut out for me like I thought," He explains. Natsuki sees Shin look at his hands in the corner of his eye. They're not shaking, but there's movement, flexing.
"So why join in the first place?" Natsuki tosses back. "Didn't you put thought into this?" he sits up on his bed and looks over to Shin. Shin's face is twisted, eyes shaking, and lips pressed a little too firm.
"I did! But my intentions were different, I wanted to find my dad, I wanted him to accept me, I wanted that life. Then I got too into it, Sakamoto took me in and-"
So that's what this is about. Everyone knows it by now, how Shin worked with Sakamoto, an order member during his first years and then how when Sakamoto retired Shin went solo for a bit, before coming here due to recommendation, someone else (supposedly another order member) said it'd be good for him.
"This is about your mission with him, right? Having to find and attempt to kill him, what fucking happened?" Natsuki pushes, it's not really natural for him, he's more than bitter about it. An ugly emotion but one he carries a little too close to his heart nonetheless. "You come back and now you're quitting, just two hours after?"
"Yeah, this shit isn't for me," Shin stands up, looking at him. Frustration flows freely through his words. "You act like I don't know how everyone talks about me here- I can literally read minds, idiot- no one thinks this is for me! I wanted to prove them wrong but I can't, cause it's not true,"
Natsuki doesn't bother truly listening to Shin's last half only muttering a "can't read my mind," in return.
"That's cause of your fucking hoodie!" Shin hisses, pointing to it. Natsuki sighs, looking away. "I- I don't even get why you're so upset about this in the first place," Shin says, quieter this time.
He's not upset, he's very much not upset. Friends are supposed to be fun, if Shin's leaving he's killing it and Natsuki therefore has every right to ditch him for it. Shin's not fun, he's strangling, he takes the breath out of his lungs and fills it with water. Natsuki's drowning yet he still stands in the waves of it. A little longer and maybe he'll finally figure out why he's doing this in the first place. Shin's not fun, he's frustrating, there's no point to understanding his mess of a mind, no point to listening to him ramble on for hours, not unless Natsuki wants someone to fill the space.
He doesn't need someone to fill the space.
"Whatever, I'm just confused is all," Natsuki explains lies. "What's in it for you if you leave?"
"... it's complicated,"
He wants to bang his head against the wall, his or Shin's. It doesn't matter at the point. "Wow, very specific, love the thought,"
"It is! I want to feel like I belong somewhere- and in the short time I was with Sakamoto I felt like that, I felt like for once I didn't have to hate myself for the rest of my life," Shin confesses. "The people here- they're great but I can't imagine doing this, killing people. I told you about my decision first because I thought you'd understand. Aren't you always making fun of me for this anyways?"
Natsuki's tired, so fucking tired. "So you're leaving then,"
He doesn't know whats going through Shin's head, he can't imagine that it's anything good regarding him. He doesn't know Shin's thoughts, he can't read minds. He doesn't understand Shin any better than anyone else does, just hangs out with him a little more. There's nothing special between them.
"Yeah, I'm leaving,"
The words don't hit him at first, they don't hit him when Shin leaves or when Natsuki goes to sleep that night. They don't even hit in the morning or during practice. They hit when he's making weapons, burning his skin on a torch, accidentally cutting himself on a saw. The pain feels numb all of the sudden and frustration cuts in.
I'm leaving. The words mean nothing, just absence, there's no pain to be related with them. Natsuki's never lost something really important, trinkets here and there that he can remake but never something important.
The absence lingers in his mind, Shin's gone off to live with Sakamoto and so here Natsuki is.
That's it.
That's all there is.
fun fact this au is where what if after leaving nagumo found shin and went 'omg youre that brat sakamoto took care of! you should go to the jcc to help hone your skills!!' shin protested but nagumo forced him to go. anyways this takes place after shins sent to kill sakamoto (for some reason) but sakamoto saves him and shin's like 'i cant do this anymore' and leaves. he and natsuki are friends here and also btw they totally are gay for each other... if it wasnt obvious. OKAY BYEE!!
