I would say my top 3 non-cheating non-abuse (though these can be signs of an abuse relationship or warning signs that a relationship is going to become abusive) are 1.) do not slam doors, occasional accidental door slamming is fine but doing it passive aggressively and/or habitually is incompatible with what I need and want in a relationship 2.) never yell at me in anger! ever! if you’re so mad at me you’re not sure you can hold to that one, go elsewhere and send me an angry text message instead. screaming in surprise, excitement or fright is totally fine but if you scream at me in rage, I’m going and 3.) do not destroy things in rage. first fist through the drywall or thrown and shattered cologne bottle will have me dipping. this one isn’t even a personal safety boundary, it is such a turnoff that I do not think I could ever have sex with someone again if they punched a wall. that is so embarrassing and ick-inducing.
these seem so simple but there are so many people in this world who could not fulfill these requirements and do not see these requirements as reasonable. I don’t want to be in any relationship where we’re frequently arguing but these are the things that would make me think “oh, this isn’t a talk it out situation, this is not worth salvaging”
