Chronic emptiness is one of the symptoms of bpd. When you think of emptiness you think of feeling flat, a feeling of nothingness and I know that this chronic emptiness is not just that. When I feel ‘empty’ I use certain things to make me feel full, physically. I binge eat mostly to achieve that full feeling, till it hurts and I realise I still feel that ‘emptiness’. It’s taken me a long time to be able to describe what it actually feels like and I’m still not sure if it explains it fully but here goes. I personally think the chronic emptiness is actually more of a chronic longing, a longing to be filled with love and connection from/with the people we care about, to have the intense friendships/relationships we always dreamed we would. But as borderlines, we idealise and we feel things more deeply and intensely than others, so for us it’s hard to accept that people don’t feel things are intensely as we do and that can make us feel lonely. It’s a cycle, because that loneliness then takes us back to the chronic empty/longing place of wanting to be understood fully, of wanting to connect with people on the same level we live on as borderlines. Everyone has a desire to figure out what it all means, of why we are here and who we are meant to be, the difference is that living with bpd makes me feel that so much more, it’s like a persistent hollowness to life because things like that feel so much more to me, sharper, more painful. My emptiness will never be just an empty flat feeling. My emptiness is isolation, loneliness, longing and aching to understand why I feel as deeply as I do and how to connect with anything when I feel like I will always feel more. May is borderline personality awareness month, I will be writing about what it is like to live with as much as I can. ✨ #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpdblogger #eupd #eupdrecovery #bpdrecovery #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthawareness #blogger #mentalhealthblogger #raisingawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder (at Scarborough, North Yorkshire)
