Back into the tumblr-verse
So, it's been a while since I've been on tumblr. Mainly, because I had no chance to watch SPN S15 when it came out and had to wait till it would be available in Germany—so, because I wanted to avoid spoilers, I will forever regret that I wasn't a part of Nov 5 of 2020.
tumblr has a special place in my heart. It is the place where I had the chance to find so many of my interests mirrored, but also where I learned so many new things: about feminism, oppression, misogyny, education, black lives matters and many more. It was the first place for me to both cherish all the desires in my brain from gay ships to hiatus deprivation, and explore perspectives and opinions of so many different people I could never have imagined.
In my head, tumblr will always be connected to SPN—that's where my heavy addiction to this site went down the rabbit hole. I can't remember which was first: Destiel gifs on my dash or me watching the show, but soon it was all one thing. I FELT Destiel before S4 even startet, and when Castiel spread his wings in the scene I alreda saw in so many posts, I swear, I shrieked. Loud.
I took the path deeper into the verse: reblogging every well made gif set, consuming every compilation on youtube, and crying my eyes out over Twist and Shout; following everyone of the cast on social media, taking the smallest bead crumb and living basically only for every bit of pleasure that I could find on this theme.
Addiction. That's what I call it now. I needed it then, it was a way to cope with certain things and imbalances in my life. It all helped me to escape in a sphere of joy and reassurances, from people I never met but who felt the same way as I did. At some point, it got better. Healthier. No more doom scrolling. I still was up to ongoing ship wars and stand bys, the inside jokes, and I loved every time when there actually WAS a Supernatural gif for that particular occasion. When the SuperWhoLock Fandoms united, when me made John Green find the thing or science tumblr explained really cool stuff.
Everytime I start a new show or fall in Love with a movie, I just KNOW that tumblr will have my back. That there are others who think just like me, who have the same addiction and find the same pleasure as I do in overhinking every bit and peace of it. To analyze reasons and relationships and actions, and to share it with others.
I couldn't have get over my feelings for Endgame without tumblr. I would never had watched Sherlock without JohnLock all over my Dash. And just know, as I have a similar situation in my life as back then when it all startet, tumblr is my only help with my newborn addiction for the absolute treasure that is Malec. Similar to Destiel, on the day THAT episode aired, their kiss was all my dash was showing. I didn't know the show (not airing in Germany then) nor the ship—but that scene was so intense, it stuck with me. For Years.
And as I needed SOMETHING last week, I remembered them, turned to YouTube, watched all Malec scenes, rewatched them, then watched them again. Then I read the first three books in three days. So now I'm back, here in the tumblr verse, ready for where ever it will lead me to this time. Because, I know it's an unhealthy addiction at the moment, but I will get over it, and there's no better place to help me through it.
