" when I was a child, i was asked to hand in what we had prayed about at church. looking at what my friends wrote, i thought- why would they pray for that? grades, the school they want to get into, friends. they're seriously praying for that? to god? But it's God.
there was only one thing I'm curious about- what am i? why am i here?
i didn't exist before 1991 and i won't exist in 50 years. but i feel like i existed before that and will still exist after that. the feeling that I'll exist forever. I've been frustrated by that feeling and I've never in my heart, ever, felt settled. i always feel uneasy in bed. i feel uneasy around people. why can't I laugh happily like other people? why am i sad all the time? why am i always nervous? why is everything so boring? it feels like people are all scarecrows. they don't really know what they are. they're just acting as if they do. in a way, people who say they live healthily and happily may be the people who decided to put all these questions behind them. people who have decided to lie and say, "this is just how life is." I'll never do that. i don't care about where I'll go after i die. i want to see heaven while I'm alive. "
- mi jeong, my liberation notes
