#existential epiphany

[justhadtogetthatout]

Existential Epiphany

Out of all the moments in our lives I'm not sure if there's a better moment than the one when you're driving down the road you drive down a thousand times but just a little slower than normal cause you had a rough day at work or you're walking out of the store for the second time that day because you forgot the eggs and your brain slowly tunes in to the sound of the tires on the street or the soft thud of your shoes on the pavement. Then, all of a sudden it's like you're hyper-aware of your own being. The feel of your clothes on your skin, the warmth of the sun on the back of your neck, the weight of the phone that's fused to your hand, the sore hangnail that you refuse to stop picking at, the warm spot that you've created on the couch but don't bother to move even though you're no longer comfortable because you know if you do it'll be the equivalent of bathing in the Antarctic. But in that moment it's like you can feel every atom. You look at your surroundings or you look down at your feet and in that moment you really truly feel the earth beneath you. Here you are, a one-of-a-kind soul, a loved by God spirit, all wrapped up in a beautiful body with a custom brain putting out a unique personality that ebbs, flows, and changes with the tides of life. In that moment it becomes clear how monumental your existence is and yet how unbelievably insignificant it is at the same time. You're a temporary microscopic pinprick on this intimidatingly large rock in an unfathomably endless void who has the potential to create and destroy, build up and break down, love and hate everyone and everything around you. Your one transient life sending ripples through other transient lives, permanently fabricating the history, the legacy that is You. There is only 7 billion some people on this planet and you are one of the chosen few given the gift and responsibility of existence. The realization of that, an "existential crisis", usually causes panic but today, for the first time ever, mine created a sense of peace that I've never felt before. The handful of crises that I had before filled me with dread because I wasn't where I belonged, I wasn't being who I was meant to be, the purpose for my existence wasn't being fulfilled. But now that's all changed. Life is no longer unbearably abrasive because I am finally on the path God has set before me. Now don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near perfect! I stray and mess up constantly but I am blessed with a Savior who loves me anyway. He is with me always to guide me back to the straight and narrow. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

[pulviate]

I think i understand why things cannot be perfect and why perfect isn't necessarily the best thing

[ahundredyears-blog]

I was the recipient of a random act of kindness tonight.

As I was grocery shopping, a man came up to me and offered me a $10 off coupon that his wife had saved, but couldn’t use. It expired today.

I was so startled and in such a hurry, that I took the coupon from his outstretched hand, said a quick thanks and hustled along.

Several hours later, I’m still thinking about it. I’m wishing I had taken a few more seconds to really look that man in the eyes and say thank you. Because he didn’t have to do that. He didn’t have to give that coupon away. It was worthless to him. Just a piece of paper. And yet, knowing that it would have value for someone else, he took the time and the effort to find someone who could use it.

Sure, he didn’t walk miles in the snow. He was already at the store and the paper was already in his pocket. But he made a conscious decision to help a stranger, instead of throwing that small slip of paper in the trash.

No, he didn’t have to give that coupon away. But in the process of making that small decision, he made somebody’s day brighter. And today, it was my day.

I feel so often, that time just rushes by, that people are a blur as they race about, eyes on the future, and none of us really take the time to notice or appreciate the moment we’re in. Then, like a spot light, a span of seconds is illuminated. I find my gaze fixated, my attention and my heart unwilling to let go. Time screeches to a halt and a moment becomes infinite. I snap out of the frenzied fast lane and remember that this is the kind of feeling I want to cultivate for the entirety of my life. To allow one moment to be the only thing that’s important, until the next moment arrives.

I don’t need to be in a race to finish something, just to have something as equally urgent take it’s place. My life does not need to be defined by the quantity of experiences, but by the quality. So often I forget this resolution, this life manifesto that I have adopted as my own, because society is constantly telling me I’m wrong for thinking so and brainwashing me back to the party line.

So, every time I get the reminder that it’s worthwhile to take a deep breath and stop trying to break the sound barrier, I am grateful to the catalyst.

I renew my intention to take time, slowly, and enjoy things for what they are in the present. To form connections, however fleeting. To treat each moment, as all the time in the world. To take joy in the little things. And every time I succeed, it is a small triumph. And every time I fail, it is an opportunity to learn from my mistakes and do better next time.

So, thank you again kind man, for the reminder of the goodness of people, the eternity of a moment, the strength of an open heart and open eyes, and the power of a small decision. Also, the coupon was really great.