#existential loneliness

[sarcasticxsincerity]

[angelkarafilli]

Dead Man (1995)

Dir.Jim Jarmusch

Mystical Western in which William Blake (Johnny Depp) makes a physical and mental odyssey through the American West around the year 1850. He is seen as a reincarnation of the English poet William Blake by a native American who, following Odysseus, calls himself 'Nobody'. When William Blake gets shot, his new companion tries to patch him up. William Blake and Nobody then wander the wilderness together, in search of salvation.

[maggiecheungs]

final shot of Angel’s Egg (1985) dir. Mamoru Oshii // final shot of Pulse (2001) dir. Kiyoshi Kurosawa

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

“My ongoing struggle against the Capitol, which has so often felt like a solitary journey, has not been undertaken alone.”

— Mockingjay

[sarcasticxsincerity]

Wednesday, July 21, 2021; 10:14.

Life truly is cyclical.

Here we are again. This feeling like a weight inside your body.

So many thoughts & feelings, but no release valve to let them all out.

Sometimes I think that I am the problem in my life. Maybe I will never know true happiness, because in some fucked up way I can’t let myself feel something I don’t truly believe I deserve.

Naively I thought for a moment, that I was maybe done being depressed. At least for a while. But in what scenario, do I get a good outcome? In what scenario does someone’s heart not break into a million pieces? In what scenario is that heart not mine?

I cry tears, but only for myself. & what I’m missing out on, for what I’m longing for.

Maybe that makes me a selfish person. But caring is hard. & what better person to care for than oneself.

Do you ever feel yourself changing? I feel myself losing my ability to love & care. It’s just too risky. There’s too many variables.

So my life isn’t over, although I sometimes wish it was. I’m sad, I’m lonely, but I’m here.

Coping mechanisms are an interesting thing. I can only control so much.

I write. I breathe. I imagine. I close my eyes at night only to wake in the morning to the same melancholic existence. I’m here; I EXIST.

[credagraeves]

The existential loneliness is pretty fucking crushing but I would never give this for anything. I feel so bad for people who are scared to look at reality and their main motivations being emotional comfort and belonging. What is real being a second thought or an uncomfortable monster to push away.

[sufferingsaprotroph]

idk guys, i think this would be easier for me if i had had like

any experience of being genuinely accepted in a community in the past 35 years? even as a lesbian i never really "fit in" with the lesbian community (spoiler alert: it was because i'm a guy) and growing up as an autistic person in a conservative catholic culture i learned at a really young age that i had to pretend to be someone else if i wanted to not get abused, so i'm basically not capable of being accepted as my actual self even if i thought it were possible

[lynnwriting]

Existential Loneliness

Have you ever felt so alone, even those closest to you don't understand why you are the way you are sometimes? Have you ever wondered why you see things differently than others? Click to read my #musings below on why that might be! #amwriting #blogpost

This past Shabbas my rabbi shared about his experiences at a conference, and this sparked a memory of mine, one which might be worth sharing here. To contextualize, said rabbi of mine met with fellow clergy and leaders of like-minded philosophies and practices, and the hot topic which seemed to be on everyone’s lips was this new concept of “existential loneliness.” What is this existential…

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