#existientialism

[selkies-world]

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[flashlight-smallknife]

Journal entry 3/9/2023

Idk it still blows my mind that looking back being neurodivergent and not knowing how to take care of ourselves is basically what’s killed nearly every single person in my family

Just like. Nobody has ever known how to take care of themselves. Which mostly led to addiction and always led to circumstances where folks couldn’t take care of themselves anymore, or it was too little too late from years of damage. Everyone’s been in panic mode since at least the Irish potato famine, maybe longer.

The decision to break this cycle coupled with the conscious awareness that I have already achieved emotional development beyond the capabilities of my ancestors feels big in a way i struggle to conceptualize. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask to be born and I didn’t ask to be alive but I’m choosing to make the best of it (because at the end of the day, it’s really all I’ve got). Unfortunately to make the best of it I must also heal untold generations of emotional trauma, which I also didn’t ask to do.

I am filled with insurmountable gratitude as I know I am experiencing the beauty and joys of life with greater intensity than all those before me but grieve the incomprehensible loss of all of the lives my ancestors and family members could have lived if they were clued in on what was going on.

[panicked-poet]

#14 (Explorer/Discovery)

Not an original thought - that we are tiny that what we know on the vastest scale is a tiny drop in the ocean and that the lights on that ocean will burn long after we are gone. I will be too old to sail that sea, chase that horizon, feel the solar wind off the hull. But I can look across the waters of the in-between spaces and know that it will happen. And know that I am tiny. Never a feeler, never much for emotion, a cold heart and a dead sense of empathy never being touched. But you see the stars at night out in the country, see hundreds of them so bright see the milky way, look up at them until you reel in the silence of the night you feel like words can't describe. Feel tiny and feel the immense vastness you see in front of you that is not tiny at all. And desire to open up your sails to skim over the waves is real and sharp in your chest again. You look for the unseen, the untouched, the vast places on the ground in littler, defiant ways. Find other planets among the rockslides. Find the stars in the icy river. Find the universe in deer bones with fresh teeth marks. And know with each one That you are tiny, tiny, tiny and that every world is vaster than comprehension.

[selalmeida]

Today's quote by Wil Durant. We are all amazing and unique. We have a special place in existence. Be amazed that you are where you are... That there is a shadow that continues to follow you, a beautiful reflection in front of you, the hands and limbs of your body that you continue to look at everyday from the eyes of your soul to your grounded feet. You're a miracle. #qotd #metamorphosis #meta #existientialism #thought

[hardfemmesirius]

We started our poetry section in English and we're analyzing this awesome poem but like the intro video we had to watch for the main point of the entire project is making me majorly uncomfortable because it's like "What are you doing with all your wasted time? What are you doing with your life" and it's freaking me out

[seekendfind]

Humans are the only species who know that death is an inevitable certainty. No wonder why we're all so fucked up.

[nightram]

Dear person I’m jealous of

How can you not be so aware of the pointless and empty existence that is life? We are a simple carbon-based life-form that has to pay to live on the very earth it was born on. There is no negotiations of whether you want this existence or not, nor is there an acceptable way to just say “no” and opt out. How can you have so much faith that there is higher meaning? That there’s a higher being? I truly envy this hope you hold, because I cannot and will not ever experience it.

I try not to think about this, but everything leads back to this at some point. It makes me so sad to think about but I can’t stop. One day maybe, I’ll find a way to look past it but for now I am jealous of your ability to ignore/accept/look beyond this wall I’ve come to.