Dove
/dʌv/
A symbol of grace, gentleness, and peace; a bringer of freedom and love
Yixing / Female reader
Wordcount: 2.7 K
Series masterlist
If you hear the beat of dawn
This way, call my name
I will fetch you so
Please wait little more
You put down your book and look out the window beside you with a sigh. The words on the page have started blending together, leaving you reading the same sentence over and over without understanding. Another sigh as you put the book away. You knew what was going to happen anyway. The book isn’t a favorite of yours, but with limited choices, you can’t be picky.
A cold breeze blows through your room, and you shiver, pulling the blanket around you closer. Your balcony doors are wide open – they always are. It is the closest you ever get to the feeling of being free. When the doors are closed, you feel like a bird stuck in a gilded cage. Who cares if you get cold, if you get sick? You are always sick anyway.
‘You can’t go outside,’ they tell you. ‘You’ll only get sick. It is for your own good. We just want you safe.’ Over and over again, you are told this, but it means nothing to you anymore.
‘Safe’ means being stuck in this one room forever. ‘Safe’ means being alone. ‘Safe’ is nothing but isolation to you. And still, your body is weak, sick more often than not, so what is the point of it all?
You spend your days reading about the world outside – dreaming about leaving this cage you are supposed to call home. From your balcony, you can see a village in the distance, small but probably full of life. Behind the village lies a forest that seems to go on forever until it meets the mountains on the horizon, their white tips sparkling in the sun. You can see the ocean, how the village sends out fisherman every morning, and you wish with everything you have, that you could be on one of those boats. Go somewhere, far far away. All of this, you can see from your balcony, but you have never truly seen the world outside. From your balcony, it all just feels like another dream.
Every day you sit outside for hours, watching the birds above you come and go. Oh, how you wished you could join them. Jump off the balcony and just… fly away.
A soft knock on your door breaks your thoughts and you perk up, calling for them to enter. Yixing lets himself in, carrying a silver tray full of healthy foods you have never liked. Still, your heart skips a beat as you take in the only friend you have.
Yixing is tall and lithe, carrying himself with a regal grace that makes you think of the prince from your favorite fairy tale. Dark, feathery hair falls softly over his kind, brown eyes, and his gentle smile could light up a room.
“Your lunch, my lady,” he says as he sets the food in front of you. Seeing the grimace you make at the tray, he laughs softly then reaches into his uniform pocket and pulls out a folded handkerchief, handing it to you.
“Don’t tell,” he whispers with a wink as you unfold it to reveal your favorite pastry.
Warmth spreads through you, and you don’t even try to hide the wide smile that grows on your lips. “Thank you, Yixing.” He always goes out of his way to make your days just a little bit better.
He sits down beside you and gestures towards the food, encouraging you to eat. “So, what shall we talk about today?”
Despite not liking much on the silver tray, you begin eating knowing Yixing will have to report back. Though they never come to see you, your parents are always watching. If only they actually cared.
You are also eager to tell him about the dream you had – it is one you have had many times, and every time you are able to remember more and more. Every detail has been carefully scribbled down in a tiny notebook you keep under your pillow.
The dream takes you out on the open ocean on a beautiful sail ship, nothing but the sea between you and the fantastical worlds just beyond the horizon. You dream of dense jungles, endless deserts, and golden cities. There is so much to see, so much to explore. The dreams feel so real, like you have stepped through a magic portal to another world. You have read about magic, rare though not yet extinct, and you wonder how anyone could think of magic being gone when worlds like this exist out there.
All while listening attentively to your stories, Yixing makes sure you eat. Though you know he does not have to, he always stays with you while you eat, making sure you never skip the meal, all while letting you ramble on about whatever your heart desires. You talk about your favorite books, the dreams you have, and he tells you stories from the world outside.
He can never stay for long though, as soon as you finish eating other duties call his name, and he has to go. You only ever get to see him once a day, but those precious moments mean everything to you. Whether he stays because he pities you or genuinely enjoys your company, you have stopped worrying about long ago. He’s here, that’s all you need. He would never tell you the truth if you ever did ask anyway.
“See you tomorrow,” he says with a smile, but he hesitates by the door for a brief second before leaving.
The room always feels too big after he leaves, too empty. Dull. The warmth he brings with him leaves with him too.
You wrap a blanket around you and walk out onto the balcony. The wind is cold, but you smile up towards the sky and inhale deeply.
The flower garden below you is in full bloom, insect wings glittering in the sun making it look like golden dust shimmering in the air. Birds sing merrily as they glide through the air, the wind carrying in the sound of waves and the scent of salty foam.
You sigh as you lean on the railing, looking out into the world around you. The scent of the sea reminds you of your dreams. Is the ocean truly that vast? Even from the few maps you have, it seems impossible to you. Still, you can see it so clearly, feel it so clearly. The feeling of being surrounded by nothing but water. The freedom of being alone. The thrill of sailing through a storm.
The feeling of getting lost in a swamp of green as you fight your way through the jungles. You never knew so many shades of green existed, that there could be so many different types of vibrant flowers. The humid air and musky scent of pure earth, the sounds of being surrounded by hundreds of unseen living beings. You never know what you will find, what your next step will bring.
A barren desert, with the unforgiving sun burning everything in reach, nothing but sand wherever you look. The feeling of hopelessness as you wander endlessly through the dunes, longing for the cold nights. The feeling of yearning as you lie and look up at the velvet night sky covered in millions of shining stars.
You have never been to any of these places, have never experienced anything like that, so why could you feel it so clearly? The salt from the sea drying out your skin, the humid air of the jungle making it hard to breathe, the burning in your throat as if you have swallowed the sand beneath your feet. It feels so real. How?
You want to go more than anything. So what if you are sick, you are going to die either way. Staying in this room forever will only prolong the inevitable, torture you until you succumb to your illness.
The sky above you is the most beautiful blue, and soft, white clouds drift by lazily with the gentle breeze. Is there something more beyond those clouds?
Is it possible to reach the stars? Beyond the stars? This one room cannot be your entire world. There is so much more out there. You have read about the giant sail ships traveling the vast seas, you’ve steered them in your dreams, and for a moment you allow yourself to imagine sailing through the starry night sky.
If magic is truly real, you would wish for nothing more than to leave this place.
With a shake of your head, you rid yourself of the thoughts. Your dreams are just dreams; they will never be more than that.
Time passes, every day the same as the one before and the next to come. You read the same books, dream the same dreams. Yixing listens to you talk every day, patient and understanding that he is all you have. The other servants you see never stay to talk, and your parents only show themselves with months in between. ‘For your own good,’ they say, usually through the mouth of a servant. You used to love them, you remember as much, but any happy memories you might have had with them are long forgotten.
“Yixing,” you say staring down at your food. You haven’t been hungry in a while. What even is the point? “I’m going to run away.”
It wasn’t what you wanted to say, but as the words leave your mouth, you have never felt more determined. You are going to leave this place. You would rather die of sickness outside these walls while discovering what the world had to offer than be trapped and locked up alone.
“Dove,” Yixing says, shocked, but you stop him before he can say anything else.
“Don’t! I’m leaving no matter what you say. If you won’t help me, I don’t care.” It pains you to see the hurt in his eyes, but you can’t say. Not even for him.
“Dove,” he tries again, pleading. “Please. Think it through.”
“Yixing, no!” You stand up and begin to pace around. It feels like you are about to burst open, years and repressed thoughts and feelings fighting to escape. “I’ve spent my whole life thinking; I want to act!”
He stares at you, clearly not knowing what to say. You have never spoken to him like this before, have never been this honest about what you were truly feeling underneath it all. The desperation must be clear on your face because he sighs and nods slowly.
“Okay,” he then says, looking up at you with a worried frown. “But you have to promise me that you won’t do anything reckless. Let me figure something out.”
“What?” you ask, your hope soaring. He is going to help you!
“Just… trust me. Wait for me, no matter what.” He stands up and grabs your hands, squeezing as he looks you in the eyes. “I need you to promise me that you’ll wait for me, I can’t go unless I know that you’re safe.”
You squeeze his hands back, suddenly worried about what he was planning. You would trust Yixing with your life without hesitation, so why are you feeling uneasy about this? You never want him to risk anything for you – you already owe him everything. You search his face and find nothing but a cool determination. Asking what he is planning will get nothing out of him, he never wants to worry you.
This could be your one and only chance to get out, and if Yixing has a plan, you will have to trust that he has thought it through.
“I promise,” you say, trying to quiet the worry you feel. “Stay safe, Yixing.”
With your promise, he nods then lifts your hands up to press a soft kiss to the back of your hand. “I will.”
A chill goes through your room as he closes the door behind him. You better come back to me. You want to run after him, but your feet are rooted to the floor. You need to trust him.
And so, you wait.
Hours pass. Then days. Weeks go by and there is no sign of him. Your doubt and worry grow with every passing day, turning your dreams dark and restless.
Another servant brings you your lunch, but she refuses to tell you anything. In fact, she doesn’t speak to you at all like the rest of the servants you see. Without Yixing, you have nothing to look forward to. Nothing to brighten your day.
Did he leave you? The thought hurts too much, and you cannot make yourself believe it. Something must have happened to him… and that thought hurts even more. You promised to wait, but how much longer can you hold out like this without him by your side?
You stare up at the full moon, unable to sleep, and barely feel the cold night breeze as it ruffles your nightgown. A tear runs down your cheek. Please, come back to me. You close your eyes and turn to go back inside when you hear the low pulsing hum from that of beating wings.
From the moonlight emerges a gorgeous white swan, its large wings carrying it elegantly through the air as it comes closer and closer. You watch in awe as the swan lands gracefully on the balcony in front of you, shaking out its wings.
It regards you for a moment before bowing its head, and you gasp as it begins to glow. The light grows brighter and brighter until you have to shield your eyes, a strong gust of wind makes you take a startled step back. What is happening?
Just as suddenly as it had begun, as sudden is the quiet that follows. Slowly, you lower your hands from your eyes.
“Yixing,” you breathe, unable to believe what you are seeing in front of you.
Yixing smiles, and you know it is him, but he is…different. His dark hair is now snow-white, and a faint shimmer seems to emanate from his skin. White feathers flutter about in the air around him. But how? You remember reading about magical transformations, thought it was something out of a fairy tale, a curse…
“Oh Yixing,” you whisper, tears welling up in your eyes. “What have you done?” What has he sacrificed for you?
“What I had to,” he replies simply, reaching out towards you. “I made you a promise; I’m sorry to keep you waiting.”
You tentatively step closer, taking his hand in yours. Despite being out in the cold, his hand is warm, and you want to cry. “For me?” the words barely get out as you look up at him through teary eyes. He reaches up to caress your cheek, his hand so soft and so warm.
“I would do anything for you.”
You let your tears fall as you feel your heart soar, and you want to laugh. All this time. How have you never noticed the love in his eyes as he looks at you? A look you know you must have returned every time you saw him. How could you have missed that he feels the same as you?
Without saying anything, without breaking eye contact, Yixing carefully climbs up on the balcony railing. ‘Trust me’ his eyes seem to say as he gazes down at you, your hand still in his. You allow him to help you up, your feet barely able to fit on the narrow stone barrier that previously kept you from falling into the dark abyss below.
“Are you sure?” he asks, stepping closer to you. You close your eyes. You would follow him to the ends of the earth. You nod.
“Don’t be afraid,” he whispers. “Just hold onto me.”
He leans his forehead against yours and squeezes your hands. And then you are falling, but there is no fear. You feel the rushing wind on your face as you fall towards the ground below you, and you smile.
It feels like you are soaring. The warmth of Yixing’s hands never leaves you, keeping you rooted in the moment. You just feel… free.
Warmth spreads through your body, hotter and hotter as if you are burning from within. A flash of bright light breaks through your closed eyes, lighting up the night. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding and open your eyes.
There is nothing between you and the horizon ahead. Nothing to stop you. Nothing holding you back.
Your wings carry you weightlessly through the moonlit night, a beautiful swan by your side.
I threw away the old map
And got the freedom
What I want protect, baby It’s you
It’s a start of a never-ending journey
