Meet Miss Universe
After seeing the cover for FANTASTIC UNIVERSE posted by @humanoidhistory I thought I'd go look it up on Archive.org to read the Vance story; I think the roster of ""Ladies"" in the Miss Universe contest would be a big hit with Tumblr Fan Artists and Monsterfuckers :)
Miss Conexxa (Beta Trianguli). Humanoid, Type A. Tall, rangy. Red hair in varnished spikes, copper skin, black lips and ears. Shins overgrown with glossy black fur, like cowboys chaps. Attractive in a weird kind of way. Weight 150 lbs.
Miss Alschain (Beta Aquilae) Humanoid, Type B. Little, like a big-eyed elf. Eyebrows like tufts of green feathers. Thin pale hair like corn-silk. Insectivorous. Weight 80 lbs.
Miss Chromosphoro (Centauri 9518). Upper half like a big red fish, surrounded by eighteen jointed legs, the knees at eye-level. Weight 150 lbs.
Miss Shaula (Lambda Scorpii). Inverted tub. Mottled brown and gray. Shiny. A hundred little sucker-legs underneath. Eye in center like a periscope. Weight 200 lbs.
Miss TIX (Tau Draconis). Humanoid D. Jackstraw type. 9 feet tall, spindly. Big head, no chin. Faceted eyes. Cockroach-color. Suckers at tips of fingers (16 fingers). Weight 90 lbs.
Miss Aries 44R951. A big dry tumbleweed, with a hundred jellyfish tangled in it. Weight 40 lbs.
Miss Vindemiatrix (Eta Virginis). Translucent eel with dorsal spines and four hands around mouth. Brain in long spinal band, phosphoresces visibily during thought processes. Weight 60 lbs. 3 ounces.
Miss Achernar (Alpha Eridani) Armadillo with wasp head. Green scales. Highly telepathic. Be careful what you think around this one. Weight 150 lbs.
Miss Earth. Sancha Garay of Paris. Need I describe her? Humanoid A. Weight 115 lbs.
Miss Theta Piscium. 40 starfish strung on a seven-foot length of bamboo. She rolls, walks upright, or jumps. Weight 30 lbs.
Miss Arneb (Alpha Leporis)i A globe of blue jelly. Inside are seven balls of yellow light floating around 3 balls of red light. Weight: ?
Miss Jheripur (Omega Crucis). Humanoid C. Four feet high, three feet wide, yellow as butter. No hair. Weight 250 lbs. Quite an armful.
Miss Delta Corvi. The name fits. She looks like a crow. Tall, no beak, black skin, no feathers except crest running down neck. Weight 200 lbs.
Miss Alphard (Alpha Draconis). Like a metal lobster, without claws, antennae. Low to the ground". Said to be fast on feet; also rather touchy. Don’t joke with this one. Weight: ? Maybe 500 lbs. Maybe more.
Miss Mars. Lorraine Jorgensen, of Polar Colony. Blonde, big blue eyes. Very nice. Weight 124 lbs.
Miss Claverops. Humanoid C. Amphibious, sleek like a seal. Greenish-brown. Hands and feet like a frog. Weight 180 lbs.
Miss Mel. A monster. Eighteen feet long, color of raw oysters. Six big arms. Makes constant noise like a loud laugh. Head something like a gorilla, thorax like queen termite. Weight—I don’t dare guess. Be careful of this one. She likes to pet you. I’m black and blue, from her love-taps. Smells like slaughter-house.
Miss Sadal Suud (Beta Aquarii). Mandrake. Body like green-white carrot. Red foliage sprouting from head. Sadal Suud means Luckiest of the Lucky. Will she win? Weight 150 lbs.
Miss Persigian (Auriga 225-G). Bright blue lizard. Pretty color. Said to sting like a nettle on contact. Weight 100 lbs.
Miss Veidranu (Psi Hercules). Humanoid B. Fragile thing. Covered with moth-dust. Pink, green, blue film for hair, running down her back. Nice figure. Pretty. Weight 100 lbs.
Miss Gomeisa (Beta Canis Minor). A ten foot pontoon with an iron sail. Lives in an ocean of mercury. Charged electrically. Care! Don’t touch! Weight: ? Heavy.
Miss Procyon (Alpha Canis Minor). Forty feet of Manila hawser.
Miss Grglash (Eta Cassiopeiae). Humanoid D. Woman-like form misleading. Basic chemistry siliconic. Skull is a furnace, flames shoot out of holes in scalp. Looks like beautiful orange hair. She’s hot. Don’t touch! Weight 180 lbs.
@randomencounters A selection of exotic courtesans :)
You can read the magazine yourself here:
Fantastic Universe v03n02 [1955-03].
