What they failed to understand was that a creative person can never restrict himself/herself within a particular time-frame. I was no longer a school-going boy. The writer in me revolted – I started to voice my likes and dislikes.
Deepak Ranjan, Nights of the Velvet: A Conditional Dream
Hi, 27 ENTJ here. On a Daily basis I am not cery entusiastic and expresive person for others. I found it can be not effective during meeting new people, parties, dating others. I am more entusiastic in 3 cases - others are, i am drunk or they are my close friends. I would like to be more expresive, the same reson why I make small talk, being nice for strangers and trying to communicate well. I feel its very impornant.How should I improve that? Is my motivation right?Anbooks or YouTube Channels?
Have you ever known "expressive" people and tried to figure out why they are expressive? The original meaning of the word "express" comes from the idea of pressing/squeezing something out. In terms of social interaction, it means putting forth or communicating something with a level of energy that rises above the norm.
What do people put forth or communicate in social interactions? All sorts of things like: statements, news, ideas, speculations, plans, goals, claims, opinions, beliefs, values, memories, jokes, questions, confusions, etc. And where does the energy come from? Usually, underlying feelings, emotions, passions, immediacy or urgency, or a desire to show oneself. An important part of socializing is the idea of being seen, acknowledged, and understood by others. Why do you feel compelled to socialize and make friends in the first place? Why not just stay home and do your own thing all the time? Whatever it is that's motivating you to socialize should be visible in the way you express yourself.
Due to inferior Fi, it's likely the case that the missing piece of the puzzle has to do with feelings, emotions, and passions. These are the things that, when expressed, allow people to know something about who you really are, i.e., what your unique subjective experience of the world is like. One complaint people often make of Te doms is that they don't really feel seen or known by them. Why? Since Te doms don't value their own deeper subjective experience of the world, it doesn't occur to them to get to know others in depth either. As a result, it always feels as though there's a psychological barrier or wall in the way of deeper relationship. It may be worth asking yourself what's stopping you from expressing more. If you don't experience strong enough feelings, emotions, and passions to express, it comes across to others as though your true personality is hidden or that you have no striking aspects of personality for them to connect with.
If inferior Fi indeed lies at the root of your question, then a possible solution is to get in better touch with your feelings, emotions, and passions, and have a better understanding of what role they ought to play in your self-concept. It may be helpful to consult some of the books I've recommended about emotional intelligence on the resources page. When you're more aware of them, you'll have more opportunity to express them, and you'll feel more motivation or enthusiasm for self-expression.
Beware that you're playing with fire, though. Every quality has a benefit but also a cost. On one hand, being more expressive allows you to show yourself and be seen by others, to foster a much deeper and more fulfilling connection in your relationships. But, on the other hand, greater intimacy also produces greater potential for conflict, if what you express or how you express things doesn't always land well with others. It's the price you must pay. You ask about right motivation. Well, I suppose you should reflect on whether you think it's worth the risk for the reward.
