1. I apologize. I rarely log in to either AO3 or FF.net. Mostly because I'm lazy, but also because I have a bad habit of just lurking. I just have a limited capacity for interaction (I'm an introvert with Asperger's Syndrome). Not that that's an excuse, really, for not commenting more often, but after interacting with live humans at work all day, it's surprisingly difficult to dredge up the mental and emotional energy to voluntarily communicate. So yeah, my problems are neither here nor there, but seriously - I apologize from the bottom of my heart for having devoured your fics on a regular basis and only sometimes pressing the kudos button and never actually typing out a review or comment.
2. You are incredible. You are one of the single most prolific fic writers I've ever seen. Seriously, I'm in awe of your word count.
3. You are a GOOD WRITER. Your research shows in every chapter. You clearly do your homework and as such, the suspension of disbelief for the reader is strong - it lets you feel immersed in the story. I often feel so absorbed in your writing that when I set myself down and say "I'm just going to read ONE CHAPTER" before I know it, I've finished three of your lengthy chapters and I'm having to fight the urge to keep going. It's nearly made me late to work or other things on more than one occasion, and I've found myself reading at inappropriate times (in line at the grocery store, while making dinner, while getting my hair cut, etc.) Your character development is subtle and natural. Your plots are well-developed and flow smoothly though each act, and you drop just enough Easter eggs and hints to keep the reader feeling involved, but avoid using too much exposition so that the reader doesn't get bored. In fact, I firmly believe that if you weren't as scrupulous as you are, you could pull an E.L. James, change a few names and minor details, and market any one of your epic fanfics as the next big romantic novel (you probably wouldn't even have to change it to a heteronormative relationship, I'm sure even mainstream people who don't usually consider LGBTQ+ fiction would still read your stories if they had a proper introduction).
5. I never, EVER, enjoyed AU fanfiction until I read yours. I've been reading fanfics basically since the dawn of home internet (I'm old enough to say that lol). They just never appealed to me for a variety of reasons, but primarily because of the copious use to two-dimensional OCs and shitty writing. You've converted me.
6. I have spent the last few months obsessively reading through every Saiyuki fic you've written. I haven't picked up an actual "published" book in more than a week now while I've been devouring Staying Straight, which is frankly unheard of for me. I feel bad that I haven't read through your library of work sooner, just because I was put off by the idea of so much of your work being AU.
7. Thank you for letting me stalk your work on AO3 and FF.net, and you personally, on Tumblr. Thank you for your kind acceptance of the little ficlets you've inspired me to write/gift to you - your little headcannon prompts have actually poked me into being more participatory in my most favorite, longest-held fandom. You're a very interesting person, and I hope to get to where I can more adequately and consistently express my feelings for not only your work, but also the work of the other fantastic and talented writers and artists in this (and other) fandoms.
I'm about to run off to Ao3 for some more victordean content. Do you have any recs?
AAH YES ! i haven't read a lot unfortunately BUT shadowboxing is SO good <333 takes place partly in endverse and is kinda explicit and sooo gorgeous and heartwrenching
For @ezra-blue , my recipient for the Minekura Secret Santa! Inspired by their work “Silphium”
8/5/K
It had been years, one hell of a trip West, and back again, but no matter what had or would happen, in private or public, in his heart of hearts Gojyo knew Hakkai and Kanan would forever be “Buddy” and “Sweetie”. No matter the pet names that slipped from his mouth, no matter how they would tease him, no matter how distressed he became, that’s who they were. That is who he fell in love with. And though the law said he couldn't marry both of them, or they to each other, that didn’t mean they hadn’t completely dedicated themselves to the others. The journey West had been perilous, and he never wanted to bring up certain parts of his feelings, not when they all could die, or worse they could die and he’d be alone. Again. But! They hadn’t, and the winter winds blew harshly through town. It was snowing harder than he’d expected when he went to make a grocery run. And a gift run, but they didn’t need to know that part.
Not that as a vaguely leaning Buddhist man he hasn’t had any use for the Christmas season, but Hakkai had made it a thing for them on their travels. The monkey had loved it, of course, and Sweetie loved decorating the slightly better put together house they’d moved into. His old one had been a piece of shit to begin with, and it certainly hadn’t held up to the years they’d been gone. At least the Monk had convinced the Floating Heads to help fund some new furniture, for the returning heroes, or something like that. None of it helped, though, when it came to this blasted shopping.
Despite what little he didn’t feel guilty about keeping back from their pool of food and upkeep, he didn’t have enough. He couldn’t get them the gifts they deserved. So he debated for a while, smoked a whole pack of cigarettes, and decided to buy extra fine ingredients instead. Still he was left frustrated at his failures as a partner. He supposed he could always use his body as a gift.
Not , he thought, that it was much of a gift.
Sighing, he left the butcher's shop and started walking home. It was freezing, and he was a bit under dressed, but he hadn’t anticipated being out this long, or for it to start snowing this hard. He was certainly going to hear about this when he got home.
Shivering slightly, he looked around, appreciating the quiet, though the cold that brought it could fuck right off. All he could hear was the wind blowing around the trees, and the boughs creaking under the weight of the snow. It’d been a long time since it was just him and his thoughts, which probably wasn’t ideal under most circumstances, but at least he had the peace to try and concoct a gift for his loves.
Or so he thought.
Walking up the path towards him was a cloaked figure, a familiar one, and he shook his head. There was his Sweetie, walking in the cold and the snow, to look for him. She was a hardy woman, even if she didn’t look like it, but that didn’t mean Gojyo didn’t feel a stab of guilt that she was out in this cold, granted more sensibly dressed.
“There you are! Hakkai and I were starting to think perhaps Goku had dragged you off some place!” She called as she approached, hands reaching out to take one of the bags, but he side stepped her.
“I’m fine, Sweetie,” he offered, not wanting to explain too much about what was in the bags just yet. “Just a lot of people trying to shop before the snow hit. You didn’t have to come out for little ol’e me,” he teased, trying to deflect as much as he could.
“Gojyo.”
It sounded like the intent was to tease back, but it came out more of a warning.
There were things he was still working on, and being over cautious with them was one of them, and not cautious enough with himself was another part of it.
“I got some good cuts and stuff. He’ll have a great stock to cook with.”
“Did you spend your money on it?”
“Nah, I’ve been saving some extra to treat you two,” he explained, brushing her off with a warm smile and some gentle flirting. And it wasn’t like he was lying to her. He was just omitting a little bit of the truth. Hakkai had once told him there was a word for that, but fuck all if he could remember what it was.
Kanan gave him a look, one similar to Hakkai’s that told him they’d be talking about this later, and took one bag from him, lacing their fingers together. Still she let them fall into a quiet talk, the snow still whipping around them. It felt almost like being in a snow globe, one that a child was shaking a little too eagerly.
It wasn’t an unpleasant walk, despite the bitterness of the wind and the continual decline of the temperature. Sweetie’s hand was in his, a pinpoint of heat against the weather, and if he was more inclined to reflect on his life and shit like that, he’d say that that warmth, the warmth that came from both of them had slowly been spreading through his body on its way to his heart. But that was sappy and he wasn’t all that sappy. At least not that he’d admit to, not even to himself.
It wasn’t like he wanted to ignore his heart and feelings, but they were like to get him into trouble, no matter how comfortable he got with someone.
The wind whistled between them as the house came into sight, smoke from the chimney dancing in the wind. It looked warm, inviting, and home-like. But as they approached -- not for the first time, but much harder than before -- that this place didn’t look like a place for him. It looked perfectly cozy, and just right for his Buddy and Sweetie. He could see them walking around, being domestic with a cat, or maybe a dog, a couple of kids and being happy. But he couldn’t see himself in that scenario. And he couldn’t see himself fitting in this home, even after everything he’d done, and how he’d grown.
It was there, always in the back of his mind, that creeping, gnawing feeling; one that told him, in his Step-Mother’s voice, why he didn’t belong. Why he didn’t deserve this. Before he’d drown out the voice with women or drinks, before Buddy and Sweetie, before the journey west. Then it moved to drinking and not dying on a regular basis, fighting to live another day and fix the world. Now, though there was little he could do, but struggle against it silently. Sure he still went out gambling, he still flirted and drank, but the women knew he was taken, and he never came home too intoxicated. Sweetie always worried about him walking home drunk, and Buddy would just look a little disappointed. No fucking wonder it was back, and louder than ever.
Kanan squeezed his hand gently, bringing him out of his thoughts a little. Her hand was warm against his, and it made him shiver a little.
“Gojyo?” she asked, gently tugging him a little closer to her. “You’re thinking quite hard.”
He shifted his bag in his arm, making sure her cloak was still snug against her and pulled her arm around his waist, leaning over to kiss her forehead. He gave her a smile, and small shrug.
“I’m trying not to fall on my ass, Sweetie, that’s all.”
“Well lean on me then!”
“Hey, we both can’t fall! One of us has to go get Hakkai when the other inevitably fucks up their ankle,” he teased, leaning over to kiss her forehead again. She laughed a little, but he could see it on her face, and in her eyes, that she didn’t quite believe him.
They were closer now, the front door was in clear view, and the evergreen he’d dragged in was in the window, cheerfully decorated. He could see in his mind’s eye, Hakkai through the window, just past the tree, arranging something or another for dinner, the kitchen warm and smelling wonderful. The fireplace crackling in the background, keeping the house warm. No doubt Hakkai was doing early prep work for tomorrow’s meal, Goku and Sanzo would be joining them. That had facilitated part of his excuse to go out and go shopping in the first place.
Shaking his head at this thoughts, and using the snow falling off of his clothes as a good reason for his shaking, he smiled at Kanan and opened the door for her when they finally reached it.
“Such a gentleman,” she complemented with a smile, shaking the snow off before she entered fully, taking both bags so Gojyo could do the same. Buddy walked over, taking the bags from Kanan as easily as she’d taken them from Gojyo and looked them over.
“Gojyo, did you,” he started, pausing slightly to watch his lover fuss over the other’s red nose and cheeks. “Did you spend your extra money on this?”
“I mean, only the best for you two, right?”
That got a sigh, loud enough to be heard as he walked away to set the groceries in the kitchen, Kanan chattering softly about what they had left to do, and just general small talk. He came back over when he saw Gojyo struggling to get out of his boots, his leather gloves having been too weak to keep his fingers from growing stiff. Helping him, he gave him a look about the same time Kanan approached with a warm quilt, wrapping it around his head and shoulders and dragged him off to sit in front of the fire.
He could feel both of them want to give him a gentle chiding, but they both seemed to think better of it, just making sure he was comfortable and warm on the sofa, Hakkai moving to work on his preparations, Kanan off to make him some tea.
Closing his eyes, he ignored the muffled talking coming from the kitchen, his mind turning to what he could possibly do for them. It was clearly too late to buy anything, and he’d struck out at all the shops he’d gone to. Maybe they had some spare ribbon from when Buddy had wrapped the gifts under the tree, and he could get creative with that? Not that he was sure that that would be an acceptable gift. They could have at him whenever they wanted. Rubbing his forehead, he cracked an eye when someone sat next to him.
“Hi,” he whispered, shifting a little closer, resting his head on their shoulder. “Did I get enough? We are feeding the monkey tomorrow.”
Hakkai gently ran his fingers through Gojyo’s hair, and he could smell ginger and garlic prominently on them. The whole house smelled amazing, and it was more concentrated on Hakkai. It was warm, and comforting, and the fingers running through his hair were all working together to make him a little drowsy.
“More than enough. I don’t think I’ll be using some of those for tomorrow’s dinner. Perhaps just something special for the three of us, since it’s been awhile since we’ve had a romantic dinner,” He offered, and the redhead gave a nod, smiling softly at him. It was cozy, a little too cozy, and soon he was dozing off. He only half woke up when Hakkai shifted him to lie down, fixing the blanket over him. That fuzzy half awareness was a place he’d never been able to get to, until they came into his life. He’d only ever managed three states; dead to the world asleep, instantly awake, or awake but hungover as hell. Such was his life before they arrived and he found some security.
He was only vaguely aware of the two of them moving around the house, the smell of a wonderful hot pot starting to drift through and mingle with all the other scents that had been hanging around. The fire crackled comfortingly, and he slightly cracked an eye when someone went to feed the fire. Kanan caught him peeking, and brushed her hands off. Leaning over, she kissed his forehead and curled up on the sofa with him, wiggling her way under the blanket.
They stayed in comfortable silence until Hakkai called them to dinner. Gojyo was loathed to get up, far too warm and comfortable where he was.
“You’re a little flushed, darling,” she whispered, pressing her hand to his forehead.
“How could I not be, with such a beautiful woman in my arms?”
More deflecting, but he didn’t feel like he was flushed or feverish. He could not get sick, not this time of year anyway. Pulling her down for a kiss, he sat up and hugged her gently. “Now, do you think we can talk him into eating here and not at the table?”
She laughed and shook her head, taking his hand to lead him into the dining room, the table lit with candles and the nice china they’d gotten after they returned laid out. Squeezing his hand, she led him to his chair, settling him down and gently brushed his hair back.
“He put a lot of work into this, so no,” she laughed, hugging him before going to help. “You just stay here. You spent your money to get us really nice things, in the cold and the snow, and you should enjoy it.”
As much as he would have liked to protest, he knew he when he was outdone, and he settled back, running a hand through his hair as he took in the room, the soft glow, and just the effort they’d gone through. Though that did give him an idea.
Grinning, he called that he was going to put on something nicer, and walked to their room, humming to himself. It wasn’t the quickest he’d ever changed clothes, but he decided to try something new on under his clothes and quickly realized this was going to make dinner very interesting to sit through. Still, he had to try. Tying his hair back, he hummed as he came out in a nicer shirt than he’d been wearing and a loose pair of trousers. He was still wearing his slippers, but they were comfortable and Sweetie had gotten them for him. How could he not?
He settled back at the table as they finished setting it, Hakkai wearing one of the sweaters they’d gotten him when they got back, Kanan just wearing the same blouse and skirt she had been when he woke up from his nap earlier, and she kissed his cheek.
The meal was amazing, and their conversation flowed easily. What pauses or silences they might have had were comfortable, and Gojyo never felt the need to fill them. At least not quite yet. But as he predicted, dinner was quite a long affair, and while they were cleaning up for the evening, he was more than a little uncomfortable.
Clearing his throat softly, he watched the two of them turn to look at him, an eyebrow raised each. “If you two wouldn’t mind following me, I have your gift,” he offered, taking both of their hands and led them to the bedroom. Setting them both down on the bed, he smiled and slowly started to unbutton his shirt.
“Gojyo, please tell me you didn’t get a tattoo with our names,” Hakkai asked, looking a little hesitant about what this could be leading to.
“Nope. Besides, Lin’s place is closed til the snow lets up,” he explained, sliding his shirt off of his shoulders in a slow strip tease.
“Did you forget to get a gift?” Kanan asked, looking more amused than interested.
“No. There weren’t any that were good enough for either of you. So I decided to give you guys a little show.”
“How is this different than other nights?”
“It’s a festive show okay?”
They both fell silent, sitting back to watch the scene unfold. There wasn’t any music, which was a bit awkward, but still, he managed to look as sexy as one could when divesting oneself of their clothes, to reveal the awkwardly hilarious leopard print thong underneath, striking a pose. The giggles and quiet applause at the end wasn’t quite what he expected, but the pairs of hands pulling him to the bed certainly were more entertaining.
Hours later, when he was leaning against the wall by the window, cigarette lit and temporarily forgotten between his fingers, he looked out briefly at the window at the snow still whipping around, and then back at the warm bed he’d left in favor of a smoke, filled with two dozing people who had somehow stolen his heart.
Maybe he sucked at getting gifts, and maybe he thought he wasn’t good enough at times. But, however cheesey it sounded, they were the best gift he ever could have gotten, and times like this, where the voice in the back of his head finally shut up for once, he wondered if maybe that was the best kind of gift he could give them. Loving them, no matter what.
Snorting at that thought, he put the cigarette out in the frog shaped ashtray he never remembered getting, and climbed back into bed, waking both halves of his heart with kisses and wandering hands, determined to love them until the end.
Who said “I love you” firstMmm...Wufei, maybe. I mean I don't think either would say it for a long time but I think Wufei might possibly get there first.
Who would have the other’s picture as their phone backgroundDuo. He's still a little over the moon that Wufei is into him and likes having the proof right there every time he uses the phone.
Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirrorDuo, largely because Wufei gets all 'I JUST cleaned the mirrors, Maxwell, really??' about it but he also gets that warmly-disgruntled sort of pleased look underneath because the notes are usually very sweet.
Who buys the other cheesy giftsDuo. I mean honestly.
Who initiated the first kissThere are a million ways it could happen but I like the idea of it being a mutual thing, a not-quite, half-aborted, are-you?? kind of awkward thing where they almost don't but instinct says Do and it all turns out as it should.
Who kisses the other awake in the morningDuo has tried. Wufei has suggested he'll have better luck if he brushes his teeth first.
Who starts tickle fightsDuo. Wufei has discovered that fighting back is more satisfying than getting annoyed.
Who asks who if they can join the other in the showerEither, depending.
Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunchDuo. He's very aware of Wufei's tendency to overwork and does his part to make sure as few meals are skipped as possible.
Who was nervous and shy on the first dateIf there was an official First Date situation...both nervous but not particularly shy, Wufei reserved-but-jittery and Duo full of low-key manic energy.
Who kills/takes out the spidersAre spiders going to be an issue in the colonies? Possibly, but let's surmise they live on Earth. Wufei will let them be in their natural environment but if they invade his territory all bets are off. Duo finds his vehemence amusing.
Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunkDuo. Definitely Duo. Wufei does not get drunk very often, and he's more of a mellow-contemplative drunk.
ezra-blue replied to your post: Man come talk to me about hazgat I’m ready
PIGGYBACK RIDES. YOU KNOW THEY HAPPENED.
LMAO
They’ve literally walked across the world fighting youkai, I’m sure Hazel’s feet and legs get screwed up sometimes, especially since he’s so prideful, ha ha.
