Summary: Virgil and Roman hate each other to the core of their beings, but both become friends with a new stranger via the Sarrahas Project. Virgil takes to Creativity as well as Roman does to Anxiety, but they don’t know the true identity of the ones they’re slowing falling for.
A/N: i’m back from the dead and i brought chocolate and tissues to help with your tears
masterlist, from logan’s notebook part two and three
“Court is recessed until the jury has reached a verdict.” The judge said, banging his gavel down once.
Virgil stood and hurried out of the courtroom, his anxiety starting to kick in. This isn’t going to last. This peacefulness because you’ve been free from him will not continue. Virgil you fucking idiot why did you think this was a good idea? How could you let Logan talk you into going to the police? He’s going to be set free and you’ll be dead by the end of the day once he is. Stupid! Stupid! STUPID! FUCK!
“Virgil!” Logan’s firm voice broke through the dark thoughts flying through Virgil’s head. Logan gently but firmly put his hands on the other's shoulders. “Virgil, it will be alright.”
“How do you know that?” Virgil couldn’t help the slight tremor in his voice.
“There is an extreme amount of evidence against him. There is an infinitesimal chance that he will be set free. And before you say anything I am using it correctly, to mean very small, in this instance.”
A very faint smile tugged on Virgil’s lips. “Nerd.”
Logan smiled as his honorary brother. “You love me anyway.”
“I do.” Virgil felt calmer talking to Logan. He didn’t know why but the older boy always managed to calm him down but he was always grateful for it. “Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome, Virgil. Virgil, shall we meet up with the others? Both Patton and Roman looked distressed as you exited the courtroom.”
Virgil nodded. “Do you really think he won’t be set free?”
Logan thought about it for a moment. “I’d say the chances are 1 in 1.46 million he’d be set free. I’d say the odds are well in your favor he’ll be sent to jail.”
“If you’re wrong I’m going to haunt you.”
“I am hardly ever wrong.”
Virgil raised his eyebrow. “Would you like me to make you a list of the times I know about Pocket Protector?”
Logan cleared his throat. “That would not be necessary.”
Virgil couldn’t help but chuckle as the two walked to catch up with Roman and Patton. Roman was pacing slightly along the hall, talking to Patton. Patton noticed the two first and got Roman’s attention long enough to point it out. Roman turned and nearly rushed to hug the lanky boy.
“Are you okay, Virgil?” Roman asked instead.
“I am now.”
“I’m glad. I’m really glad.” Relief was clear on Roman’s face. “Why don’t we go back to my place and watch some movies until we have to come back here? Something to get our minds off of it, at least for a little while.”
Patton clapped as his eyes brightened at the idea. “I think that’s a great idea Roman! There’s nothing a good Disney movie can’t fix.”
“I believe there are several things that a Disney film cannot correct Patton. For instance-” Logan began before being cut off.
“Actually,” Virgil said. “I’d like to go watch a Disney movie.”
“Then it is settled!” Roman exclaimed, striking a ridiculous pose; which got a laugh out of Patton and an eye roll from Logan and Virgil. “We shall head to my place at once.”
The four made their way down the hall and out onto the courthouse steps. Patton linked arms with Logan as they made their way down. Just as they reached the bottom step, Virgil’s phone rang. Virgil pulled out his phone and noticed it was his lawyer.
Concern etched itself into his face as he answered the phone. “Hello?” There was a pause. “Already? Okay, I’ll be there.”
Logan, Roman, and Patton shared a concerned look. If the jury was already done deliberating that meant one of two things. Either the evidence was so compelling that there was no doubt in their minds that Virgil’s father was guilty, or the defense was able to twist all of that evidence to cause the jurors to have no doubt in their heads that Virgil was wrong. All of them were strongly hoping for the first one as they climbed back up the stairs once again.
Virgil’s hope was quickly overshadowed by his dark thoughts once again. They don’t believe you, Virgil. That’s why it was so quick. You’re just a kid, what the fuck do you know? They probably think that you’re just over exaggerating. You’re just some fucking punk kid who doesn’t like his father. They’re going to set him free and he’s going to kill you the moment he finds you alone. His nerves didn’t stop when he opened the door and walked back into the courtroom.
Virgil was sitting next to his lawyer as the jury came filing back in. He couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere but at the table in front of him. One hand was playing with the trusty string in his hoodie, the other in his other pocket. He was still shaking horribly, even worse so that he could feel the eyes of the jury on him. If the verdict was guilty his father would be put in jail. For how long, he didn’t know. However, if it came back guilty, Virgil knew that his father would kill him whenever he got out of prison. It would not be a swift death. The thought made a small whine escape his lips.
Behind him, Patton, Logan, and Roman sat together. Patton was in the middle, holding one of each boy’s hands. All three knew how important this answer was, but they also knew just how anxious their friend had to be. It took all Roman had in him not to jump over the small divider and hold his friend close. He wanted to protect Virgil and be there as a rock for him. Not being able to do that was harder than the wait for the answer.
There were so many emotions filling Virgil, he was surprised the whole room couldn’t feel them. He was extremely anxious, which was no surprise. This verdict meant the difference between life and death to him. He also felt some pride. He was still proud that he was able to pull through all the hardships so far to get to this point. Virgil felt that his mother was looking down at him, proud as well.
There wasn’t a moment he missed her more than right now. She’d be sitting next to him, holding his hand reassuringly. She would softly tell him that it would be alright. She would remind him that he did the right thing. Virgil had to close his eyes and take a deep breath to stop himself from crying.
The judge returned the verdict to the lead juror. “Has the jury reached their verdict?” His voice broke through Virgil’s inner dilemma.
The ever trusty string inside his jacket pocket broke.
“We have your honor.” The juror answered. “We the jury find Mr. Sanders guilty for attempted murder in the second degree, guilty of child abuse, and guilty of battery.”
“The jury found the defendant guilty on all accounts. Jurors thank you for your time. You are all excused.” The judge hit the gavel.
Virgil slumped in his seat, relief clear on his face. He still couldn’t look up at his father as he was taken from the room. Logan noticed that Patton and Roman were bouncing with happiness. He also knew that such a sharp change of emotions wouldn’t be good for Virgil’s well being. After a moment he made a decision. Logan leaned over the railing and whispered something in his ear before ushering the other two out of the courtroom with everyone else.
“Why are we leaving Virgil in there Lo?” Patton asked as he walked out of the courthouse.
“I believe that he needs a few moments alone. It has been a long and strenuous period for him. Let him work through his emotions.”
“But we can help him with that.”
“Indeed we can. But right now it’s something he has to figure out for himself first.” Logan squeezed his boyfriend’s hand as the trio stood on the sidewalk. He hated the media that were swarming about outside because it was another addition of anxiety for his friend, but he also knew that if Virgil was to be in Roman’s life it was something he would deal with often.
Roman had stayed quiet while Logan and Patton had talked. “I’m just glad that he got what was coming to him. Though even this is less than he deserves. That man is a monster.” The fierceness in his voice surprised all three of them. Roman took a breath to try and calm himself down. “I’m glad Virgil’s free of that.”
“I am too kiddo.” Patton squeezed Roman’s hand tightly. He looked up and saw Virgil on the top step. “Here he comes now.”
Roman turned around and saw Virgil. The younger boy had a huge grin on his face. This put Roman’s mind at ease as he smiled back. This was the first time that there was a smile, a full-on wide smile, on Virgil’s face. Normally it would be a sly little smirk or shy smile, but this one held more emotions than those ever did. Roman was so proud that Virgil came that far since they’ve known each other. He wanted nothing more than to cherish this moment forever. It was the first step to mending a lifetime of hurt. This smile meant more to Roman than the verdict did. This smile showed him that Virgil believed he was going to be okay. That he could be truly happy. Nothing would be worth more to Roman.
Virgil ran as quickly as he could down the steps. Logan was able to pull Patton out of the way just before Virgil lept at Roman from a few steps up. Only Roman’s quick reflexes saved Virgil from falling and breaking something. He had managed to get one arm tucked under Virgil’s legs and the other around his waist despite needing to take a staggering step backward. The smile he saw on Virgil’s face must have been contagious because Roman suddenly found himself wearing the biggest smile he could.
Virgil didn’t know why he lept into Roman’s arms. He was so excited he felt as if he could fly. He wrapped his arms loosely around the older’s neck and leaned forward until their foreheads touched. Nothing could stop the smile that had formed on Virgil’s face. Knowing he was free from the pain and torture was the best feeling he’d had in a long time.
“Thank you, Princey.”
“You’re welcome, Virgil.”
Both Virgil and Roman were so caught up in their emotions that neither noticed the paparazzi taking several pictures of the exchange. Logan took notice however and was glaring daggers at them. Patton gently squeezed his boyfriend’s hand. He knew just how protective Logan was of Virgil but it wasn’t something they could stop.
“Breathe, Lolo.” Patton said softly.
“I am breathing Patton. I would not be standing here if I was not.”
“You know what I mean.”
Logan sighed. “I do. I just hate how they are taking a personal moment like this and making it into a public spectacle. They’re people, not animals in a zoo.”
“I know.”
The youngest boy looked at his friends just in time to see Virgil lean his head down slightly. Roman lifted his chin to close the distance between his and Virgil’s lips. Fireworks did not ignite inside either of their heads. No, as their lips pressed against each other, there were no sudden realizations or spontaneous emotions. It was the last two puzzle pieces of the larger plot fitting together, silently telling the feelings both had harbored in their heart. Hate washed away as lips moved against lips, as arms tightened. All the joy, happiness, and love both boys felt flowed through that simple kiss. There was gratitude as well, both having helped shape each other in childhood for the worst or for the best. It was for being by each other’s sides today, helping them get out of the wrong thinking patterns they’d grown so accustomed too. It was a simple kiss, no wandering hands or parted lips, but it fit together two people who never thought it possible.
Patton couldn’t help but let out a happy little squeal. He smacked Logan’s arm excitedly, similar to how he does when there’s a cute puppy around. Logan softly chuckled at the younger boy’s excitement but smiled fondly at the two in front of him. It was nice to see Virgil coming out of his shell. At that moment, Logan was reassured yet again that Roman was good for his best friend.
The kiss lasted for several seconds. Eventually Roman had to pull away to catch his breath. He kept his face close to Virgil’s. “You’re a wonder, my emo nightmare.”
Virgil’s heart jumped slightly. Roman had called him ‘emo nightmare’ before but this was the first time the word ‘my’ was attached to it. For the first time, there were no dark thoughts telling Virgil it was all a lie. Or if there were, Virgil was ignoring all of them. He knew just how much Roman cared for him, even loved him. That’s all that mattered at that moment.
“Likewise, my Sir Sings-A-Lot.” A playful smile showed on Virgil’s face.
Roman gently put Virgil down onto his feet. Patton came over and hugged the lanky boy tightly. Virgil returned the hug with just as much feeling. He was truly blessed to have such amazing people in his life. Despite everything, they stuck with him. Logan came to stand next to Roman, watching his best friend and boyfriend hug.
“You did good, Nerd,” Roman told Logan. “Without a lot of your data going back to even before Virgil and I started speaking it might have ended differently.”
“Do not sell yourself short Roman. It’s because of you that any of this actually occurred. Virgil never would have told me about what his father attempted to do. You play a more integral role than you know.” Logan turned to face him. “However…. If you break his heart, I am not responsible for your injuries.”
“Don’t get too ambitious. The same goes for Patton.” Roman stuck out his hand to Logan for a handshake, initiating solidarity between the two. They didn’t know each other well yet, but their respective best friend was in love with them, so both were ready to deepen their acquaintanceship.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Logan finalized by grasping Roman’s hand, shaking it once firmly before letting go. Maybe one day they’d be more than their best friend’s boyfriend to each other, but they were content enough with their dynamic now.
Patton finally let go of Virgil. “We should go have lunch somewhere to celebrate! This is a big win for you! And of course Logan and Roman deserve a Patton the back for all their hard work.”
Roman chuckled while Logan and Virgil groaned playfully. “I propose we let Virgil choose where to go. After all, this is his celebration.”
“I agree!” Roman said as he stood next to the emo, wrapping an arm around his waist. He ignored the faint clicks of cameras behind them.
“I’m not sure where to go...” Virgil confessed as he pressed into Roman’s side. It was warm, comfortable, here.
“If you’d prefer we can go for a walk while you decide.” Logan suggested as he moved to do a similar position with Patton, accept with his arms around Patton’s shoulders. Patton didn’t press in, but the smile on his face grew.
“I-I’d like that.” Came Virgil’s response, beckoning the quartet to start walking in the opposite direction of the flashing cameras. Virgil was so elated at this point, so infatuation by the warmth of Roman’s arm around his middle, that he didn’t notice them.
Patton squealed slightly. “Maybe we can do a picnic in the park! I mean if you want to Virgil.”
“If you want to go somewhere else today we can always do a picnic later,” Roman said to reassure both Virgil and Patton. “Maybe one for dinner and then Virgil and Logan can show us different constellations.”
“That actually sounds peaceful. Who are you and what have you done to Roman?” Virgil teased, kicking a loose stone that was on the stairs. He didn’t question how it got there.
“I’ll have you know I can be very peaceful thank you very much!” Roman mocked hurt but didn’t move his hand like he usually did. That hand, after all, was preoccupied with holding Virgil’s hip.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
Patton and Logan followed the others, Logan’s arm still comfortably draped over his Heart’s shoulders. Despite this not being his moment to shine, to speak out about his glee for Virgil, Patton’s heart was full of love for his best friend and his newer friend. He hoped the two of them would stay together happily forever, as cheesy as that sounded. The kiss earlier showed just how much they loved one another. He also realized that it might take a lot of work on their part, considering their history, but he was rooting for them.
For now, with the sound of cameras behind them, and feet leading toward who-knows-where, Virgil finally had a sense of finality, a sense of peace, in his heart.
okay. this is the last chapter of the big bang plotline, but its not the end of this au entirely. did you forget that this started out being called ‘famous teen roman au?’ bc i did. i just want to say thank you to everyone who stuck with me this far, and hopefully for more in the future. i cant be more grateful than i am now that people have read this, liked this. i cant be more grateful for my amazing co-writer @lovecrazyjennybear , without whom this ending could not be possible. im sorry that this is so late in the game, but thank you. now heres some tissues for your tears, and the chocolate i mentioned. can you believe this is a love story where the main characters don’t kiss until part 22? which was the last part? idk. i’ll stop talking now. thank you all. i love you guys
Summary: Virgil and Roman hate each other to the core of their beings, but both become friends with a new stranger via the Sarrahas Project. Virgil takes to Creativity as well as Roman does to Anxiety, but they don’t know the true identity of the ones they’re slowing falling for.
Word count: 6615
Warnings: Body image issues, self-destructive thoughts, eating disorder/starving purposefully, negative thoughts about body, mild panic attack, talk of court hearings and trials, mild talk of parental abuse, a lot of swearing
Pairings: Slowburn Prinxiety, Logicality
A/N: sometimes i wish this was the last chapter purely so it stopped at 21 like twenty one pilots. the summary stopped applying to the entire story like,, halfway through but i dont want to change it because thats what this story was originally centered around btw logan’s birthday is august 31st, 2001
taglist at the end; masterlist
Roman was looking at himself in the bathroom mirror. He’d gotten out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and froze when he saw his reflection. He knew that he’d gain a little when because Virgil was making him eat at least two full meals a day, but what he saw was ridiculous. It was like he’d eaten nothing but butter, potato chips, and cake for the last week. He’d gained so much weight.
He couldn’t see his collarbones anymore. Roman ran his hands over where they once were. He could still feel them, but they weren’t as noticeable as before. Next Roman moved his hands to his face and squished it. There was far more chub to his cheeks than before.
Roman felt his breathing getting faster as his mind started racing. Roman, you fucking idiot! How could you let yourself eat that much food?! Look at yourself! You’ll never lose any of that back. You’ll be this ugly mess of a man forever now. Damn it, Roman! Slowly Roman sank to the floor and held his arms around his waist, trying to squeeze it in.
Virgil just finished with a court hearing to decide his fate. He found out that nothing would be set in stone until after the trial. However, he had no relatives to move in with while his father was in prison, so that left two options. He owed Patton more than anything because without him saying that his family would be willing to take Virgil in, he would’ve ended up in the foster care system. That idea scared him senseless because he’d never get out. Who would have wanted a teen as fucked up like him?
Virgil sighed as he unlocked the door to Roman’s house, glad that Roman had lent him the key before his hearing. It felt weird walking into the house without Roman next to him. Almost like he didn’t belong there. He looked around the bottom floor to tell Roman the news. When he didn’t see Roman downstairs he decided to head upstairs to the room he was staying in to start folding his clothes and tell him after.
Once he got to the top of the stairs he could faintly hear sobs from the other side of the closed bathroom door. He didn’t see the other car in the driveway--just Roman’s in the street--so he knew Roman was the only one home. Virgil quickly rushed to the door and knocked on it, his anxiety going through the roof.
“Princey?” He listened but the only noise that answered him was a choked sob. His hand grasped the gold doorknob handle. “Ro, I’m coming in.”
Virgil quickly turned the doorknob and rushed inside, glad that it was unlocked. His heart broke when he saw Roman curled in on himself on the floor. He rushed to the other boy’s side and kneeled next to him. Hesitantly, he put his hands on Roman’s shoulders like Logan often did to him. He tried to quell the awkward feeling rising in his stomach brought on by Roman’s shirtless shoulders.
“Princey. Look at me.” Roman shook his head, still crying and still facing the ground. He said something, but it was too faint for Virgil to understand. “Ro, please. You need to look at me. I need to know what’s wrong.” Virgil hated how his voice broke on the word ‘please,’ but he didn’t care. Roman needed help.
Slowly, as if doing the action in water, Roman lifted his head just enough that he could look at Virgil from under his wet hair. “You don’t wanna look at my ugly face.” Roman mumbled, barely loud enough to be heard.
Virgil felt his heart break once again. “Roman,” he started, voice almost wavering. The name felt odd on his tongue, but a good kind of odd. “Your face is not ugly.”
“Yes, it is!” Roman screamed. Virgil was taken back by the sudden change but did not move. “It’s hideous and fat! I’m fucking fat, Virgil! Look at me! You can’t see my fucking collar bones anymore and my fucking face is huge and you can see my stomach and I don’t have any fucking abs anymore and it’s all just ugly!”
“It is not ugly, Princey, nor are you fat. You’ve started eating regularly. After so long of you starving yourself your body thinks it’s going to happen again, so it tries to fight that. Fuck, I wish I knew as much as Logan right now. He’d be able to explain why better than me. I looked it up before, and your body holds onto the fat for a while after you stop starving yourself so it can burn it later if you stop eating again. But once it realizes you’re eating regularly without starving it, it’ll burn that fat away. You don’t have to starve yourself to look thin. Just give your body time.”
“I don’t have that time! Damn it, Virgil, you don’t get it! I have to look good because it’s how I’m supposed to as the Prince! This this this useless ugly flab is going to ruin that!” Tears were streaming down Roman’s face.
Virgil didn’t know how to help his friend. He knew that he wanted to because he cared deeply for him, maybe even loved him in a way. Closing his eyes, Virgil tried to remember how Logan helped him through a freakout. Right now he just hoped he would find a way to help Roman like he’d been helped.
“Roman. Roman, I want you to take a deep breath for me okay? Do you think you can do that?” Virgil watched as Roman tried to take one but it came out shaky. “It’s okay Roman. Roman, we can do it again. I’m going to count it out with you okay? Ready?”
Roman watched his friend help him through the breathing exercise that he had used to help calm Virgil down. It was slow going, every few breaths at first, Roman would let a sob escape. Virgil never seemed upset by that. He just kept reassuring that it would be okay and went back to counting. Eventually Roman was able to do one full set without sobbing, then a second.
After the fifth cycle of breathing Virgil smiled at Roman. “Good job.” Gently he used his sweater paw to wipe the tears off the other man’s face. “You did really good, Roman.”
Roman couldn’t help but sniff. “Thank you.” He said softly.
“Of course, Sir Sings-a-lot.” There was a faint smile tugging on Virgil’s lips. “Look, I know that dealing with… shit, what does Logan call them? Cognitive… something. Fuck,” Roman couldn’t help but smile at how flustered Virgil was getting. “Anyway, it’s when your brain makes something out to be worse than it really is. Dealing with that is really hard, and I’m not expecting you to be better right now, but I want you to know that you are not ugly or fat. Yes, you’ve put on a couple pounds, but that’s your body trying to prepare to starve again. If you keep eating regularly your body will see that it doesn’t have to store those pounds anymore and it will be used up.
“You’ll be looking like your stunning Princely self in no time,” Virgil’s heart beat slightly faster as he said that for a reason unknown to him. “But you have to keep eating how you have been. I know it’ll be hard but trust me. It will be worth it.”
Roman couldn’t help but admit his heart did a flip at Virgil calling him ‘stunning’. “How do you know it’ll go away?”
“Dude, I’m not Logan. I don’t have a list of reasons ready at the drop of a hat. But I looked into what your body does while combating an eating disorder before I knew you were Ivity. I wanted to know as much about what you were going through to help as much I could... Your body stores the fats of any food you eat so it has something to burn off when you stop eating again. That’s why everything looks worse than it actually is. But it will get burnt off when your body realizes that it doesn’t need to store it anymore.”
“How long do you think that will take?” Roman asked tentatively, shifting on the floor. As he became very aware that he was in nothing but a towel, a blush rose to his face.
Virgil noticed the blush but didn’t realize why. He’d forgotten about it himself. “It depends on you. If you keep eating like we have been, a couple weeks? If you go back to starving for any period of time it’ll be longer. But I’m going to be here to help you through it.” He gently moved his hand down to be reassuringly on Roman’s arm. In doing so his eyes were drawn to Roman’s body. As it dawned on him again why Roman was blushing, he couldn’t help but blush as well.
The two boys sat flustered on the bathroom floor for a few moments. Roman was the first to speak. “Thank you, Virgil.”
“Of course, Princey. It’s the least I could do after you pulled me back from several attacks. Sorry I wasn’t better at it.”
Roman shrugged. “You didn’t know what would help me. And you tried which means a lot. Sorry for snapping at you.”
“‘S okay. Logan’s heard what he’s deemed as my ‘demon voice’ a couple times when there was a really bad attack so I think it’s more normal.”
“Your ‘demon voice?’” Roman asked, raising his eyebrow.
“He said it sounds like my voice gets lower when I’m dealing with some really bad stuff. I can’t tell the difference but I guess Logan can.”
“Interesting,” Roman commented, remembering something similar happening during Virgil’s worst attack. “I don’t want to hear that more than once.”
“What, scared?” Virgil teased him. “I thought Princes were supposed to deal with scary things?”
“Ha. Ha.” Roman answered sarcastically with a smile before looking more serious. “I don’t want to know what it sounds like again because I don’t want you to have an attack that bad again.”
Virgil’s jaw dropped open for a minute. “Uh… I…”
“It’s okay. I know you were trying to get me to smile. And it worked.”
“Good.”
“Now if you don’t mind I’m going to go change and you can tell me how your court hearing went.”
“Yeah. Sounds good.”
Virgil scrambled to his feet and offered Roman a hand. Roman accepted it and got to his feet, his other hand holding the towel in place. After both were standing Virgil let go of Roman’s hand and rushed out of the room, his cheeks still faintly rosy. What he couldn’t see was the tint on Roman’s face as well as he walked to his bedroom to change.
Roman closed the door to his room and sighed. He knew that Virgil was right, but it was still hard. He felt gross in his own body. Quickly he got dressed, putting on one of his baggier shirts. Once that was done he walked back into the bathroom to hang the towel back up. With a sigh, he turned and faced the mirror.
Without knowing why Roman gently poked at his cheeks and then his stomach. “It will be alright, Roman.” He said softly under his breath, hoping that saying the words out loud would make them come true. “You’ll be ok. You’ll look like you again. Patton will still love you like this. Virgil will still care for you. He already proved that.” With a deep breath, Roman squared his shoulders and walked out of the bathroom towards his brother’s old room. Gently he knocked on the open door.
Virgil looked up from his folding. “Hey. Come on in.”
“Hey.” Roman walked in and gently sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb any of the folded clothes. “Want some help?”
“You don’t have to.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Alright. No point in turning down the help.” The two worked in silence for several minutes. Roman was worried about what Virgil found out at the hearing but he wasn’t sure how to ask. Virgil wanted to tell Roman the good news about Patton’s family taking him in, but he figured the monotonous task would help calm him.
Finally, Roman’s curiosity got the better of him. “Hey, Virge?”
“Yeah?”
“How did the thing go?”
“It went okay. I found out nothing is set in stone but for now, I’m away from him. Since he’s in jail.”
“That’s awesome, Virgil,” Roman’s relief was clear. “Wait. Where are you going to go then? Are you going into the system?” Panic was showing again. He hated that he couldn’t help. His mothers knew that he felt strongly for Virgil, but they were worried that if he stayed for much longer, there would be constant ‘alone time’ between them.
Virgil shook his head. “Thankfully no. If no one had offered to take me in I would’ve, but Patton’s family is going to take me in. They said they’ll have a small bed ready for me in Patton’s room tomorrow and that I can have the couch tonight.”
“I’m glad that his family is willing to take you in. I’m sorry you couldn’t stay here. My moms were being ridiculous in their reasoning, but there’s no arguing with them.”
“It’s alright, Roman. Honestly. The fact they let me stay for so long means a lot.”
“Still,” He saw Virgil shrug. “Anyway, you’ll like spending that much time with Patton. I think.”
“It’ll be tiring, but I think I’ll get used to it. I like Patton so it’s a bonus.”
“You’ll get used to his excitement.” The worry Roman had throughout the day was finally gone. He knew that Patton would be able to help Virgil and keep him safe. “And I’m glad you like him.”
“Even if I didn’t, I would be seeing a lot of him between you and him being best friends and him and Logan being together.”
“Fair point. So it really is a bonus that you like him.”
Virgil nodded. “I owe him a lot. If he didn’t talk his family into taking me in I would’ve ended up in the system until I was eighteen. No one would want someone so fucked up.”
“You don’t know that. And you’re not that fucked up.” Roman became defensive when the other boy scoffed. “You’re not.”
“Seriously, Princey? The guy who has anxiety and panic attacks basically every day isn’t fucked up? If I’m not fucked up then I don’t know who is.”
“You have effects of your life showing themselves. Honestly, if anyone went through what you did and didn’t have some pretty bad anxiety, I’d think they would be pretty messed up. You have the anxiety because of what you went through. What was it Patton told you? ‘Scars are a tapestry of our experiences’ I think it was. Think of your anxiety as another scar. It shows you that you survived a horrible experience.”
“Well aren’t you one for turning manure into flowers.” Virgil said dryly, though he couldn’t help but feel a little bit better about his anxiety.
“It’s a gift,” Roman replied with a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips. “Seriously, I think you’re less fucked up than I am.”
“Okay, now that is a load of fucking shit, Ro.”
“I don’t think it is.”
“You feel the way you do because that’s how society has made you feel. If you can’t see your ribs and collarbones and don’t have a six-pack, you’re not handsome. But they’re wrong. And what you’re feeling isn’t bad or stupid. You’re going against what others have shoved down your throat for years and it’s even harder for you since you’re working in the part of society that idolizes that look. But you can still be handsome without looking that way. Patton doesn’t fit that mold and yet Logan gets all tongue-tied around him.”
“That’s because Patton is easy to love.”
“Not in the same way. You don’t love Patton the same way Logan does.”
Roman shrugged. “I still don’t like how I am.”
“No one really likes who they are. But with time they learn to accept who they are. I know I’m a fucked up person with horrible anxiety and scars covering my body. And for a long time, I thought the scars were ugly and just made me even worse than I already was.” Virgil raised his hand to stop Roman from protesting. “But you and Patton are helping me see that I’m more than my scars. That they don’t show who I am. Just like you not liking your body doesn’t show who you are. And with support and time, you’ll learn to accept it. Besides, it’s nicer to hug someone who doesn’t feel like a skeleton.”
Roman couldn’t argue with Virgil’s last comment. He enjoyed Patton’s hugs immensely, partially due to the fact that there was more to hug and that he flowed warmth and comfort. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he wondered if he was nicer to hug now. Patton would tell him he was always nice to hug though so Roman didn’t know if he’d ever get the true answer.
“Maybe...” Roman you know you’ll never accept yourself, why even lie?
“You will, Princey. Just give it time.” Virgil looked at Roman intensely. “To quote Patton, ‘you’re stronger than you seem.’ Just keep moving forward.”
“You don’t play fair, Virgil. You turned Patton’s words on me.”
“You started it. I’m just returning the favor.”
The duo finished folding the clothes in silence. Virgil gently put them into the backpack that Patton lent him. He put the PJs on the top as a reminder to wash and return them to Roman as soon as he could. As much as Roman was glad Virgil was staying with Patton he didn’t want to let the emo leave. He enjoyed spending time with Virgil and having him around. It helped pushed Roman’s fears away knowing that he could protect the lanky boy if he needed. Roman knew that he was safe at Patton’s at well but it didn’t make it easier.
“-ey. Ivity.” Virgil’s voice broke through to Roman.
“I’m sorry. What?”
“I said Patton was talking about doing brunch tomorrow to celebrate getting a roommate.”
“Oh. That would be fun.”
“I thought it would be nice.” Just then the doorbell rang. “That’s probably Patton.”
“I’ll walk you down.”
Virgil picked up the backpack and stood up. Roman stood a moment later and lead the way out of the room into the main floor. Virgil put the bag down to grab his shoes as Roman opened the door.
“Hi, Ro!” Patton greeted cheerfully.
“Hey, Pat. Virge is just getting his shoes on.” Roman moved to let the younger boy in.
Patton stepped into the house, closing the door behind him. “I’m pretty sure that Virgil already told you but I was thinking of you, me, Virgil and Logan going out for brunch tomorrow to celebrate. Plus I think it’d be a nice way to kind of relax, even for a little while.” And for Lolo’s birthday but if I say anything in front of Virgil he might tell Logan.
“He did. And it sounds wonderful.”
Patton bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. “It’s going to be so exciting having a roommate and someone my own age at the house.”
“I’m like a year older than you Patton.” Virgil said, slinging his backpack over one shoulder.
“That’s nothing. We’re still in the same grade so we’re basically the same age”
“Whatever you say, Pat.” There was a small smile forming on Virgil’s lips.
“Are you ready to go?”
“I am.” He turned to look at Roman. “Thank you Princey. For everything.”
“You’re very welcome Virgil. I’ll still be here in you need anything.”
“Likewise. See you tomorrow then.”
“Until then my wonderful subjects.” Roman said with a smile, striking a pose.
“I take it back, I thank you for everything but that.”
Patton couldn’t help but smile proudly at the two boys in front of him. “See you tomorrow kiddo!” He said as he and Virgil walked out of the house.
Virgil followed behind Patton. Despite everything he’d been through this was the first time he felt truly free. Staying with Roman was a reprise from everything, but now knowing that his father was going to be away from him, even for a while, made him feel weightless. He watched as Patton started the car and turned to wave at Roman. As Patton started to drive away he couldn’t help but look forward to his new future, for however long it lasted.
Patton woke up early in the morning as he often did. He stretched his arms over his head and smiled, happy for the new day. It was an extremely important day. It was the first morning that Virgil was staying with him as well as Logan’s birthday. Patton practically bounced off the bed and made his way to the closet.
The youngest boy pulled out two boxes. One contained a joke gift he was going to give Logan, which was cat ears that moved by the power of brainwaves. The other contained the real gifts of a periodic table shower curtain and a TARDIS cookie jar. Patton quickly wrapped the two up neatly, putting a note to open the one containing the gag gift first. Once that was completed, he quietly tiptoed downstairs so he wouldn’t wake Virgil so he could start breakfast.
Patton didn’t need to worry, however, because when he reached the bottom of the stairs he noticed Virgil sitting up on the couch. “Morning, Virgil.” He said softly.
Virgil’s eyes shot up, fear clear in them until they landed on Patton. Recognition crossed the emo’s face and he visibly calmed. “Oh. Morning Pat.”
“Are you okay, kiddo?” Worry ran though Patton like a racecar. The fact that Virgil was so terrified of someone saying good morning to him broke Patton’s heart. A lot of things Virgil was doing was breaking his heart.
“Yeah.” Virgil lied. When he noticed Patton’s look of ‘don’t lie to me; I see straight through you’, he sighed, knowing that he’d be better off with telling the truth. “Didn’t sleep well. Still sort of worried that your family might change their mind. And just worried.”
Patton furrowed his eyebrows but continued to walk into the kitchen. He knew what Virgil meant by saying ‘just worried’ but he wasn’t surprised. That’s a part of the reason for the lunch today. A way to get Virgil’s mind off of things, even for a little while. “Virgil, they wouldn’t do that. They’re not that kind of people… but I understand the fear. Tell you what, why don’t we make a quick breakfast, and then we can get ready to meet with the others? I wanna tell the people at the restaurant that it’s Lo’s birthday before he gets there.”
Panic crossed Virgil’s face as he shifted on his makeshift bed. “Today’s August 31st? Fuck.. fuck! I didn’t finish his present,” Virgil’s hand flew to his hair to tease on it. “He’s going to be so fucking upset. Fuck.”
“Language,” Patton said firmly, still standing in the kitchen. “But, it’ll be okay, my friend. We can stop on the way and pick him up something from you if you want. He would never hate you, especially over forgetting a gift with everything else going on,” He took a small step toward Virgil, but there was still plenty of space between the couch and where Patton stood next to the kitchen island. “It’ll be okay.”
Virgil tried to bring his panic back in check. He knew that Patton was right, but that didn’t stop the guilt from rising up in his chest. He’d never forgotten to buy, or finish making, Logan something for his birthday since the two became friends. You fucked this up too Virgil. His mind started to play. Logan’s going to hate you. He’s going to tell Patton that you’re a horrible friend. You fucking ruin everything, Virgil.
Patton saw Virgil slowly start to spiral down, but he had no idea what to do. Since the older didn’t like to be touched much, and the younger comforted mainly through touch, the two were at an impasse. In an attempt to calm Virgil’s fast running brain, Patton sat down next to Virgil. He hoped the warmth and solidness of a friend next to him were grounding to the older boy. He seemed to be right, as Virgil leaned toward Patton. He didn’t touch him, but there was definitely a move to get closer.
In an attempt to further calm his friend, Patton decided to do what he saw Logan doing sometimes in the midst of panic: ask yes or no questions. “Did you already start on something for Logan’s birthday?” Virgil made a noise of agreement. “Good. I’ll tell you what, do you want to get ready and we can stop at your house?” Another sound of agreement from Virgil. “We can finish the present and maybe get him a jar of Crofters on the way as an apology for not trying the delicious jam for so long?” Patton teased, but it wasn’t in a mean kind of tone. He knew now with Virgil’s dad arrested, he would be safe going back there. Plus, going back to a place that was the home of so much trauma would be easier with a friend by Virgil’s side.
Virgil couldn’t help but chuckle at that, the calm way Patton spoke mixed with the kind joking helped put him more at ease. “I think I’d owe him a lifetime supply of Crofters if that were the case. And… thank you. For coming up with a solution,” He was definitely calmer than before, but still was a bit shaky when he took in a deep breath. “I’m good at pointing out problems, but not really solving them.”
“No problem, kiddo. Now, where do you live again?”
Virgil and Patton were already sitting at Logan’s favorite corner booth at the Corner Cafe when Roman walked in. Patton saw him first, since he was the one facing the door, and waved him over. Roman smiled upon seeing Patton, walking over quickly and sliding in next to Virgil. He placed the bright red, glittery gift bag on the floor by his feet.
“Greetings, wonderful citizens!” Roman declared. He must have been feeling better from his break down the day prior.
Patton giggled, his body wiggling in his seat as he did so. “Hi, Ro!”
“Uh, Princey?” Virgil asked, making a facial expression that was a cross between a sneer and one of being uncomfortable.
“Yes, Yung-brutting?” Roman turned to face Virgil instead of Patton as he talked, using a pun off of the musician YUNGBLUD.
“Switch spots with me?” Virgil hated feeling trapped between the wall and Roman. He always needed a clear path of escape. It was one of the reasons he and Logan’s favorite booth was right next to the emergency exit. But now, Roman was blocking his path out.
Roman could tell that Virgil was feeling uncomfortable, even behind that sneer. Without a second thought, he made a sound of agreement and moved out of the seat. Once Virgil had moved out as well, he slid back into it.
Virgil sat next to Roman again with a small grunt, and an even smaller, “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Roman all but whispered back to him.
“So, Roman, how was your morning so far?” Patton broke into the conversation, almost interrupting Roman, as he didn’t hear the exchange of thanks.
“It was wonderful. I had some toast with Crofters and an apple for breakfast.”
“So it made you look like even more of an asshole?” Virgil quipped.
“Language young man.” Patton chastised him.
At the same time, Roman made an offended noise, doing his signature mock hurt hand pose. It was, thankfully, quieter than normal though. He must have been avoiding attention at the moment, which made both people at the table happy. “Excuse you! And I understand that reference, but still, excuse you!”
Virgil could help but chuckle, but before he could respond Logan, walked up to the table with ‘Salutations’ on his tongue. His eyes immediately found the presents under the table, which made him crack a tiny grin.
“Hi, Lolo!” Patton said as he stood up and hugged the other. “Happy Birthday.”
Logan gently wrapped his arms around the shorter boy, still not completely comfortable with just how affectionate Patton was. He hugged back anyway because he would do anything for Patton, even if the touch was still a little too white-hot on his skin. “Thank you, Patton.”
Virgil could tell that his friend wasn’t completely comfortable with the exchange. While he didn’t know a lot of Logan’s past or the reason why physical signs of affection were so odd for him, he understood. That’s why most of the time the two would do hand touches to show the care or concern. Actually, that’s how Logan putting his hands firmly on Virgil’s shoulders to help ground him started.
“What’s up, Pocket Protector?” He asked as Patton slid back into the booth, scooting over far enough for Logan to join him.
“Nothing truly,” Logan answered as he sat. “It has been a mostly peaceful morning, though I had overslept which will throw off my circadian rhythm until I am able to correct it.” He noticed that Roman had a confused expression. “Simply put, I will need to fix my sleeping and waking schedule.”
“Ah. Thank you for not expecting us all to be nerds and understanding that.”
Logan rolled his eyes as Patton giggled. “Well, it’s your birthday. You’re allowed to do what you want today.”
“Honestly I wish for a peaceful, relaxing day among friends.”
“I think we can manage that one for ya Lo,” Virgil said, knowing that Logan’s life had been thrown into chaos lately. “Let me take a wild guess what you’re getting. Cuz it’s not like you’ve ever gotten it before.” There was a playful yet knowing smirk on Virgil’s lips. Logan rarely differed in his order since he found his favorite.
Logan couldn’t help the fond smile that tugged on his lips. “You’re correct.”
“What is it you normally get, Lolo?” Patton asked, curious.
“Eggs Benedict with an English muffin on the side.” Both Logan and Virgil said in unison.
Patton couldn’t help the loving giggle that escaped him. “Well, that sounds eggcellent.”
Roman chuckled at the pun while Logan playfully rolled his eyes. “What are you going to get, Pat?”
“I’m gonna get the strawberry pancakes with extra strawberries! What about you, Ro?”
“I’m not entirely sure. The spinach and cheese scramble doesn’t sound too bad.”
“Nothing this place has is bad.” Virgil assured him.
Roman nodded. “What about you?”
“Half an order of french toast and a side of hash browns.”
“Is that enough food for you kiddo?” Patton asked worriedly.
Virgil nodded. “It’s plenty of food.”
“If you’re sure.”
“It’s his normal order and he occasionally has a few bites left on his plate.” Logan reassured his Heart.
When the server came, the four ordered their food as well as their drinks. Logan and Virgil got a cup of coffee, Roman ordered a cup of green tea, and Patton got hot cocoa with whipped cream. Once that was taken care of, Patton pulled out the joke gift. “Happy Birthday, Lo.”
“Thank you, Patton.” Logan gingerly took the gift and unwrapped it. He had a look of intrigue and surprise as he pulled the present out. “I-I am at a loss for words Patton. It’s definitely… unique. I’m curious as to how it works. How exactly it reads one's brainwaves to know how the mechanical ears should react is interesting.”
“Great cheese pastry he likes it.” Roman’s awe was clear in the tone of his voice.
“It is a gift I was not expecting but I am curious about it.”
Patton’s smile widened. “Actually I got you another gift too. This one was a joke gift. I’m really glad you like it though.”
Logan’s mouth dropped open. “You mean to tell me this isn’t a cunning plan to get me to understand your love of cats?”
Patton giggled. “No. But you should learn to love cats.” He handed the other gift over.
Logan opened it and smiled at the thoughtfulness. He had told Patton before that the curtain for his shower at the dorm was in dire need of being replaced. Also, it was amazing that Patton remembered his admiration for Doctor Who. An added bonus is he could put many of the Crofters thumbprint cookies in it whenever Patton made some for him. “Thank you, Patton. These are very well thought out gifts and I appreciate them greatly.”
“I’m glad you like them Lolo!” Patton smiled widely.
“My turn Calculator Watch.” Roman pulled out his sparkly bag and slid it over to Logan.
“Thank you, Roman.” Logan hid his annoyance at the glitter that was falling on the table. One thing he noticed about the singer is his love for theatrics and flair. Carefully, Logan pulled out a set of thirty colored pens. Despite his preference for black pens, he couldn’t help but notice these were set in the color of the rainbow, going from dark red and slowly grading into purple by the end. They would be good for color coding. Next, he pulled out a six-pack of highlighters.
The next item was a large pack of multi-colored sticky notes. Reaching further into the bag, Logan removed five different Washi Tapes. To his slight annoyance, two of them were glitter based, but it appeared as if the glitter would stick to the tape and not fall on everything. The final item was a dark navy blue bullet journal. Curious about the color of the paper, Logan opened it. To his relief, he saw the paper was an off-white shade as the stark white of some made him more prone to headaches if he stared at it for too long. Despite his initial hesitancy, this was truly a well thought out gift.
“Thank you, Roman,” Logan said as he returned the items to the bag. “As much as the excessive glitter that is now on the table is infuriating, it is an extremely practical gift.”
“Well, I had to give some sort of excitement to the gift. Besides, anytime you see the glitter you’ll think of me.”
“Whatever you say.” There was a kindness in Logan’s eyes that Roman caught.
“So...um…” Virgil said, looking slightly unsure of his gift. He knew that it would mean a lot but that didn’t hide the fact he was worried Logan would be disappointed in it. “Here.” Virgil handed Logan a small box that is wrapped in the same paper as Patton’s.
“Thank you, Virgil.” Logan took it and opened it carefully. Inside was a heavy spiral notebook. The front and back black covers were plastic as opposed to the thin cardboard material of most. Gently he opened the front cover to check the color of paper, though he knew Virgil knew about how the colored affected him. What he wasn’t expecting was to find writing on the front page. Carefully his eyes scanned over the first paragraph.
‘Hey there Logan. This is Virgil in the past talking. From April 20th of 2018 to be exact, because you like to be exact. So anyway, in this notebook, I’ve written every memory I have ever made with you. Plus how I feel about them. It’s going to be a lot of fucking reading (and it will be kind of messy at times, you know my handwriting fucking sucks. And fuck I wish I could rip out pages but I can’t, they’re numbered) but I know that you can get through it. I know YOU, Pocket Protector. Just like you know me. And honestly? I’m glad I know you. And, thanks for being in my life. Fuck that was cheesy.’
Logan couldn’t help the tears that were forming in his eyes. Gently he took his napkin and dabbed his eyes under his glasses. He knew that Virgil must have had to save for weeks to be able to buy this notebook, but he didn’t care. The fact that he had taken the time to write all of these things down meant more to Logan than anything he could’ve gotten.
“Virgil…”
“I know its a little over the top, but you already have like 15 notebooks for notes, and I knew that one more fucking empty notebook wouldn’t be of any use--” Virgil was rattling off, not looking at Logan but instead at the table.
“I love it.” Logan managed, a small crack in his voice in the middle of the word ‘love.’ That made Virgil look up, which made him see the tears still welling in Logan’s eyes.
“Oh, shit, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“Just shhh and take the compliment, Virge.” Roman whispered from his spot in the corner. A small glance from both of the darker wearing boys saw that he was smiling fondly. His hand was over his mouth as if he were trying to hide the smile. He loved being able to read upside down. And the fact that Logan had set the notebook flat on the table helped.
Patton silently passed his napkin to Logan once he finished reading the paragraph. It took all he had to not coo and squeal at the adorableness of what was written. Virgil had told him earlier what was in the notebook, but seeing Virgil’s heart painted across the page was a whole different story.
Logan nodded thanks to Patton as he turned and blew his nose. This moment proved to everyone who called him emotionless that they were wrong. Logan knew that he felt emotions; there was a barrage of them hitting him now. Undoubtedly, love was the one he felt the strongest. It was almost like he could feel the love that Virgil poured into his writing.
“I love it,” Logan repeated again once he got himself composed. “Honestly, Virgil. This is a wonderful gift and I... I look forward to reading it.”
“Really?” Virgil couldn’t keep the awe from his voice.
“Really.” Logan gently closed the book back up and slid it carefully into the box that also held the cat ears. “Thank you, Virgil.”
“You’re, uh, welcome Logan.”
Patton smiled widely at the little group of friends. It was clear that the four of them all cared for one another. His heart swelled with love as the food was brought out. He wanted to hug them all close to him and never let go. However, with the table between them all, it was impossible to do. What was possible was for him to gently hug Logan’s arm in a show of love.
“Thank you, Patton.” Logan said gently as he took a sip of his coffee.
“You’re welcome Lolo.”
The four friends ate in mostly silence, just enjoying one another's company. Logan found the peacefulness to be helpful for Virgil which was an added bonus. The young emo was relaxed for the first time in a few months. Logan would cherish this time forever. He just hoped that the calm would last.
Summary: Virgil and Roman hate each other to the core of their beings, but both become friends with a new stranger via the Sarrahas Project. Virgil takes to Creativity as well as Roman does to Anxiety, but they don’t know the true identity of the ones they’re slowing falling for.
Warnings: Swearing, descriptive panic attack, intrusive thoughts, mentions of abuse
Patton pulled up to the airport, and checked his phone. It was 6:03 a.m. and Logan’s plane landed roughly ten minutes ago, which meant he should be getting his luggage now. Patton was absolutely vibrating with excitement. It had been so long since he saw Logan, or at least it felt like it. They never really got together outside of the Gay Straight Alliance club, but their time there was special to Patton. Logan was special to Patton. Quickly, he sent Logan a text to tell him where he was waiting in his small Kia Soul.
Patton Heart <3: Hey Lolo! I just pulled up to the airport. I’m waiting outside of terminal 23. See you soon! <3
In the process of checking the notifications he had received while driving, Patton realized he had a text from Roman. It was sent roughly at four in the morning the night pior, which made Patton worry slightly. Still, he opened the text.
Prince Roman: Tell Logan how you feel on your way from picking him up. Might be surprised at what you find
Before he could respond or try to decipher the weirdly convoluted message from his best friend, his phone pinged with a message from Logan.
Logos Brain: I just picked up my luggage. I will meet you there in approximately three minutes.
Patton’s heart soared at the message. However, his stomach also twisted itself into knots. He was going to follow Roman’s advice and tell Logan how he felt. The worry that Logan would abandon him weighed heavily on his mind, but he didn’t think Logan would truly leave him. But that didn’t stop the dark thoughts from creeping into his mind every once in a while.
A soft knock on the window startled Patton from his dark train of thought. He smiled widely and got out of the car to greet Logan. “Hey there, kiddo!”
Logan’s heart sped up slightly at the brightness of Patton’s smile. “Salutations, Patton.” He barely had time to put his suitcase down before he got a bear hug from the younger boy. Gently he wrapped his arms around the other.
“I’ve missed you so much, Lo.”
“As have I, Patton. I wish I was returning under better circumstances, but I am very glad to see you.”
Patton couldn’t help but smile wider at that. “I’m glad to see you too! Why don’t we put your stuff in the car and grab a coffee? I haven’t had one yet.”
“That sounds pleasant.”
Logan put his things in the trunk of the car then got into the passenger side. Patton got back in the driver’s side and started to drive off when both were buckled in. He opted to take the back roads so he could drive slower. A long embedded fear of driving reckless after several bad experiences kept him from going quickly. The two talked about how the prior day went and how Logan’s flight was. After that conversation died down, there was a quiet lull in the car.
Come on Patton. You can do it. He isn’t going to hurt you. I know it’s hard to open up but you can do it. “Hey, Lo?” Patton’s heart was beating too fast for it to be normal. He didn’t know if he was going to be able to get the words he needed out of his mouth enough for him to actually confess. He didn’t even know the first place to begin confessing that the feelings that he harborded for Logan were far more than just platonic ones.
“Yes, Patton?”
“Can I tell you something without you getting upset?”
“As long as it isn’t another dad joke, I believe I will be alright.” There was a smile on Logan’s face that released some of the tension Patton felt.
“You’ve made a few yourself, you can’t say much.”
“They were never intentional.”
“Whatever you say,” Patton stayed quiet for a moment, trying to figure out how to say it. Logan remained quiet, but watched his friend intently, curious about what the father figure wanted to ask. “I really like you. And I think it is as more than just a good friend.”
That was not at all what Logan was expecting. He was expecting a question about Virgil or perhaps if he believed that Virgil had feelings towards Roman. But nothing had prepared him for a confession like that. Logan realized he was taking too long to answer when he saw Patton’s face start to change. It looked as if he was trying to hold back tears.
“Patton…”
“If you hate me I understand.” The tone of Patton’s voice broke Logan’s heart. He never wanted to hurt the other boy. He cared deeply for him, more than deeply even. He only just recently had this revelation of his own, abit later than he should have, but it was as good of time as any to put a label to how he was feeling. Now, that label was paying off.
“I could never hate you, dear Patton. Could you pull over for a moment and look at me?”
Patton couldn’t help but sniff. Tears were already threatening to pour down his face. Logan hates me Logan hates me Logan hates me Logan hates me Logan hates me oh my god this was such a stupid idea! How did I ever think this was even close to okay!? “Yeah. Okay.” He pulled over, but still refused to look at Logan.
Logan unbuckled himself and turned slightly so that he was facing Patton. “Patton. Please. Will you look at me?” When he saw Patton shake his head, Logan gently took one of the other’s hands in his. “Patton. I have never been good with emotions. I have been teased for most of my life about not having any, but it isn’t true. And that has never been more apparent to me then now. I-” He swallowed and tried again. “I feel the same about you. And I am not telling you a falsehood.”
Patton looked at Logan, tears still in his eyes. “You do?”
“Yes. I didn’t realize just how deeply I cared about you until… recently, but yes.”
Patton quickly unbuckled and threw himself into Logan’s arms. Logan held him tightly and gently carded his fingers through the ginger’s hair, whispering soothing words. Patton cried in the older’s arms, this time tears of joy. The two stayed in each others arms for several minutes, Patton feeling several different emotions, but love and relief being the major two. He was so relieved that Logan felt the same way. He was relieved more so that Logan didn’t shut him out or make fun of him.
“Patton?”
“Yeah, Lo?”
“Come on.” Logan vaguely stated before peeling away from Patton to get out of the car. Patton scrambled to follow, stopped to grab a blanket he always kept in the back seat in case they wanted to sit down in the meadow they were parked near. At least, Patton thought that was Logan’s idea? The early morning sun shone off the dew that blanketed the meadow, causing it to sparkle green. Logan gently took Patton’s hand and led him into the grass.
“I apologize for causing you so much alarm in the car, Patton. It’s hard for me to express emotions.”
“It’s okay, Logan.”
Logan shook his head. “It isn’t. Not truly,” He took a deep breath. “My parents weren’t the most supportive of my more emotional endeavours. I believe they thought it would get in the way of my learning. They were told I was a ‘gifted’ child, so that took precedence. I remember playing with my friends and laughing at some of the most ridiculous things, but those got pushed aside for my learning,” He paused and Patton squeezed his hand reassuringly. Logan returned the pressure. “I have always loved to read, but it used to be fairy tales or fun books like that. I had a great adoration for Dr. Seuss. I enjoyed how nonsensical they were but they still had a lesson that was taught.
“Once my time shifted to school work I lost the time for those types of stories. I turned to the classics because there was still some small form of escape, even if it wasn’t as large as the escape fanticy used to bring me. And I... I lost a lot of my emotional connections to things. The only fraction was the Saturdays when my babysitter would take me out to a field to read. I got lost in a lot of the emotions of the stories then instead of dealing with my own. Since I was old enough to not need one anymore I haven’t been able to do that. I wasn’t able to feel anything. I didn’t have a teacher or parents or really any adult to help me through how I was supposed to feel. So I can only assume that I dealt with the unknown by shutting them off. I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was normal or not. Then Virgil came into my life.
“He was the first friend I had in probably five years. He was also the first person to help me, well, feel again. Virgil is hard to understand at first but there’s something about him that just...I’m not sure. It almost felt as if he sent a signal that he needed someone. He had been in the library having an attack when I walked in and I was able to help him calm down. We spoke a little then about what happened, and he told me later that the factual way I speak is grounding. He also helped me through some of my own emotions. Worry was the first. In case you didn’t know, it’s something Virgil understands quite well.”
There was a small smile on Logan’s lips. “He was the teacher I didn’t have, at least partially. He also helped teach me to love? He’s the brother I never had, and therefore taught me how to love my own sibling when she came along. But then, he started to shut me out. I understand now it was out of fear of what his father might do, but it hurt. Then I started speaking with you. Patton, you are a well of emotions. You can help others understand emotions better than anyone else I have ever seen. Inadvertently, you helped me understand more of my own just during the times we spoke. You showed me love and kindness and tenderness and so many different emotions. I have to admit that sometimes it was a lot to handle for me. I wasn’t used to it so it was overwhelming, but I wasn’t uncomfortable with them. They were soothing as odd as that seems. And when I left I knew that nothing there could compare with how I felt around you. I had isolated myself again. Then when we spoke last night it all came flooding back. That’s when I realized that the emotions I felt around you were so different from those I felt around Virgil. I love Virgil with all of my being, but it is familial love. He’s my brother. With you it wasn’t the same. Last night is when I realized that I was IN love with you. That realization… it hit me hard. I believe I had tried to suppress those feelings because they were unknown. They were not something I could do research into and get a clear understanding of. But you have always been so kind and loving. You’ve waited for someone to love you with all of their heart and you were waiting to return that love. You deserve that love because of all the love you have given others. I hope that I can give you even a tenth of what you deserve.”
Patton looked at Logan. He never thought that he would hear so much of the other’s story. What he knew was that he was going to teach Logan everything he could about his emotions. No matter how long it took.
He pulled Logan into a hug, carelessly dropping the blanket into the wet grass. “I’m glad that I could help you with your emotions. And I will do everything I can to help you. We’re in this together.”
“Together.”
After the two pulled apart, Patton leaned down and layed out the blanket, then sat down, gently pulling Logan with him. He then snuggled against the one who stole his heart. Logan wrapped his arms around the boy who taught him to love. He took the time to admire how the light hit his auburn curls, showing off more of the red than normal. The young man looked almost angelic against the morning light.
Patton leaned his head up small amount, wanting to kiss Logan, but letting him decide if he was ready. Despite the fear, Logan leaned forward and met Patton’s lips. However, because of that same fear, he didn’t let the kiss linger like some would. Logan moved away from it after a short moment and looked at the other boy fondly, with love clear in his eyes. It was the first emotion that Patton ever could see clearly in the other’s eyes, despite them being windows to the soul. Patton figured that Logan was just unsure on a lot of the romance stuff, but he was glad that Logan had kissed him back.
Logan hated that he wasn’t comfortable with a lot of the romantic gestures, but he wasn’t sure how to explain that to Patton. It was a problem that he would deal with later. Right now he was glad that he was able to express himself enough to make it clear to Patton that he loved him. That he didn’t have to hide his emotions anymore. Patton would help him understand them and work through them at his own pace.
After a long while, Patton’s voice broke through the early morning serenity. “Logan?”
“Yes, Patton?”
“I think that you’ll give me a lot more than a tenth.”
A soft smile pulled on Logan’s lips. “I hope so. You deserve as much love and kindness as you can possibly get.”
“So do you. You’ve done so much with keeping Virgil safe. You have a kind heart, Logan. I think just because you didn’t understand emotions doesn’t mean you didn’t have any. You just showed them differently.” Logan moved one of his hands to be able to card it through Patton’s ginger locks.
“How do you mean?” he questioned, looking at the rising sun peaking out from the tops of trees on the horizon.
“Well,” Patton started, shifting his position so that he could get maximum hair playing. “Your ‘good morning’ texts and our conversations on our sleeping the night prior shows a lot of care. And I’m sure that there’s something that you and Virgil have to say that one of you is hurting. Codes between people are just a way to discreetly say that you care and want to know stuff. But not really Morse Code. I guess in the proper circumstance it could…”
Logan moved his head to smile down at Patton, taking in the view of the lovely boy’s face. Looking down at his love in the morning light, with the rising sun's rays glowing on Patton's face, was the most beautiful thing that Logan had ever experienced. It was more than anything could have imagined as Patton rambled on about how Logan shows he cares, about his theories and sneaky ways of suggesting healthy habits that he himself doesn’t perform as a way to say ‘I love you.’ It was amazing. It was sweet. It was so Patton.
“Logan?” Patton asked after stopping his small speech. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, my apologies,” Logan shook his head with a small smile. “I was just thinking how amazing it is for me to have you here, in this beautiful morning light.”
“You are surprisingly such a sap.” Patton started to giggle, which in turn made Logan let out his own huffs of laugher. After a few seconds, Logan realized that neither of them had asked the main question yet. The big one to start everything off.
“Patton,” Logan stated rather softly, but still with a tone that required to be listened to. Patton stopped giggling and met Logan’s pure ocean gaze. “Would you maybe… like to go on a breakfast date with me?”
At that, Patton squealed. He buried his face into Logan’s sweater, happiness leaking from his eyes in the form of another round of happy tears. Logan had said it first. Patton was absolutely terrified of saying those fateful words, but he wanted to say them. He yearned to say them to Logan since the two started actually talking, but Patton never had the courage. Logan did. Suddenly, Patton realized he didn’t actually give a vocal answer to Logan’s question.
“Yes,” Patton all but cried into his Logan’s chest. “Yes, a million times yes.”
Logan let out the breath that he was holding at the end of that sentence. Patton could feel it, but he just hugged onto Logan tighter. Logan personally didn’t exactly know how to feel about all the white-hot touch that Patton provided, but in the moment he liked it. He wrapped his arms around the shorter in his lap, leaning down to kiss the top of his head.
Logan smiled down at his Heart for the millionth time that morning. His eyes flicked upwards at the rising sun again, peace filling the ever circling cavity inside his chest. The pair needed to get to Roman’s house eventually, but that wasn’t necessary at the moment. Right now, in the early morning air, it was just the two of them existing together with love swirling wildling inside of them for one another.
Roman woke up first. He felt the slight weight on his chest which told him that Virgil was still there. There was nothing he could do about the slight blush that crept along his cheeks. Careful not to move the sleeping boy, Roman grabbed his phone from the table. There was one text from Patton that was sent about an hour prior.
Pappy Padre Patton: Hey kiddo, we’re going to be a little late. Logan and I are going on a breakfast date!
Roman broke out into a smile, happy that the text that he decided to send the night prior worked it’s magic. Thinking for a moment, he would have giggled at the odd position he was in if he could without waking Virgil. His head was turned toward the side so that he could see the phone in his arm that was dangling over the side of the couch. Virgil was still half on top of him, his head on his chest. Not only was his physical position quite odd, but the relationship that he was building with Virgil was entirely amazing, weird, and frustrating all at the same time. Roman found himself wishing that his hand was playing with Virgil’s admittedly greasy looking hair. He wanted to see that soft face that knew so many grimaces to smile, to flush with color, and for his eyes to light up like his words did when he talked about something he loved. Roman wanted Virgil to be happy, comfortable. He wanted Virgil to love.
Putting all of these revelations in the back of his mind as Virgil continued to steadily breath on his chest, Roman typed out an unsteady reply with one hand.
Prince Roman: Its alrigjt we had a late night. I just woke up ans Virgils still alseep.
Almost as soon as he hit send, Virgil began to stir. He groaned and shifted, probably assuming that it would be easier to shift than it actually was. Upon being stopped of turning with the pain in his arm and a body underneath him, Virgil snapped his eyes open. The dark abysses almost immediately caught onto Roman’s soft eyes.
“Good morning, Boy Against Humanity.” Roman’s voice was still gruff with morning sound, and it just went directly to Virgil’s already growing blush.
Virgil pushed himself up with one hand on the couch and the other on Roman’s surprisingly hard chest. He got himself into more of a sitting position, but was still on top of Roman’s legs. Roman, realizing that Virgil probably didn’t want to touch him at the moment, retracted his legs. Honestly, Virgil wondered how the two were able to sleep in a position like that while still in their jeans. Instead of saying anything, Virgil grunted out what Roman assumed was something along the lines of “Gonna get changed.”
Afterwards, with a blush still rising on his face, Virgil walked up the stairs into the bedroom that held his clothes. He grabbed out one of the purple shirts and one of his new black jeans, his mind wandering. He couldn’t figure out why he had blushed so badly at laying on Roman. Was is because of the close contact? Was it because of the night before in the recording studio? A shiver ran down Virgil’s spine at the memory. The fond memory. Virgil eventually got changed and got to the bottom of the stairs when the doorbell rang.
“Virgil, can you get it?” Roman called from the kitchen where Virgil assumed he was making coffee.
Virgil made a grunt of sort to signify his answer, making his way to the door from the stairs with a little too much knowledge. Upon opening it, his heart stopped.
Logan was at the door.
Why the fuck was Logan at the door?
“Logan?” Virgil finally found his voice after several seconds of staring. His grip on the door handle fell in astonishment. Logan was supposed to be in Massachusetts. He wasn’t supposed to be here. “You’re supposed to be at Harvard.”
“And your life was threatened,” Virgil visibly paled. Logan wasn’t supposed to know about that. “You take priority.”
“I don’t--” Virgil stumbled on his words. He lifted his arm to wave it around to prove a point, but the pain that jolted upwards said otherwise. He winced, which made Logan’s concerned face show itself. Virgil hated just how much of that face that he saw.
“Virge?” A soft voice asked behind Logan. Virgil took his eyes off of his button up and sweater clad friend for a moment, just long enough to see Patton behind Logan. “Virgil, honey, can we come in?”
Virgil must have waited a moment too long in not replying, because Logan took a step forward. On instinct in his still shocked state, he took a step backward. Logan took a visible deep breath, all while keeping his eyes on Virgil. The oldest out of the four boys shifted his messenger bag before slowly raising his arms. Logan rose them slower than he took the first step as a way to show Virgil that everything was alright. He took another agonizingly slow step forward to be able to gently place his hands on Virgil’s shoulders.
“The sun has set; the danger’s gone,” Logan started. Virgil visibly relaxed. Logan’s hands on his shoulders held a specific weight. His hands were softer than Roman’s, bigger than both of theirs, and more squared off. They were his, not like anyone else’s. “Je suis là pour t'aider, mon frère. Laisse moi aider.” I'm here to help, brother. Virgil’s mind didn’t need to translate it. The French words were known better than their English counterpart. Let me help.
Patton had no clue what was happening with the two older boys. He didn’t know what Logan just said, as he had taken Spanish instead of French. What he did know, though, was that Virgil was visibly relaxing, and that was a good sign. His shoulders returned to their normal place, non-hunched. Virgil did move his shoulders up and down for a moment, most likely to feel the weight of Logan’s hands again.
After a few more seconds of Logan and Virgil just standing together, breathing, Virgil made a move. He returned his hand to the door, slowly opening it as Logan dropped his hands. Patton could have sworn he hummed something softly. He being Logan.
The three then retreated into the house, Virgil leading the way to where Roman was in the living room. The boy with blackberry hair was hunched over, arms around himself in a self hug, and completely shut off. His facade of being strong and uncaring was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t need it. It was obvious to the boy that the people here already knew about the broken, scared, and scarred boy underneath the grimace he usually wore.
“You told them?” Virgil asked in a weak tone as Roman looked up from his phone. Virgil kept his eyes on the ground. Logan and Patton shared a look as Roman stood from where he was sprawled on the couch.
“You couldn’t yourself, and I know for fact that you wanted to tell Logan.” Roman tried to back himself up and he walked forward to the other three. Upon hearing his name, Logan looked toward Roman and obtained eye contact with him. The two stared at each other for a moment before Logan reached out to shake Roman’s hand. Roman compiled and took the larger hand inside his own.
Virgil watched the odd exchange from the outskirts, slowly shrinking in on himself. Logan would be mad at him that he didn’t tell him the full truth the night of its occurrence. Patton would scorn him for not telling him sooner about all of the shit that had happened. Roman would hate him for putting the pressure of what happened that night onto his shoulders. Hell, he probably already did. They all hated him. The three most important people to Virgil certainly hated him now. There was no way around it, or at least there wasn’t in Virgil’s mind.
While Logan and Roman were caught up in their silent thanks to the other for protecting Virgil, Patton noticed Virgil getting smaller and smaller. Patton considered Virgil’s hunching in on himself something that he did when he felt threatened, or afraid, but that was with the minimal information that he was going on off of him. Patton didn’t know as much as he would like to know, but he still would attempt comfort for his love’s best friend.
“Virgil, it’s okay. None of us are mad at you for what happened, or how we found out.” Patton started, which made Virgil’s head pop up again.
“Indeed,” Logan continued on for Patton, retracting his hand from Roman’s and going to hold Patton’s instead. “Besides, from what I understand, you or Roman could not have said what happened more than once. I don’t blame you for that. It is best that we all knew… just so that we three could be able to be a better support system for you.”
“But-” Virgil choked on his words. Stop being so weak. Stop showing so much weakness. “But now Patton, he… I?”
“You don’t have to worry about protecting me, kiddo.”
“You don’t have to worry about protecting any of us,” Roman said. “You’ve spent so much time taking care of others that you haven’t been able to take care of yourself. We’re in this together. We’ll all protect each other.”
“Indeed,” Logan used the word to agree again. “Virgil, you’ve kept me safe before. I’m going to return the kindness. We are going to do this together.” He directed his voice at Virgil, which was honestly amazing for the younger. He hadn’t heard his voice so clear and so close in too long.
It made Virgil relax slightly, but he still tried to groan in protest. They don’t mean any of the things they’re saying. His darker thoughts started to rage. They’re pretending they care but they don’t. They can’t. They don’t care about you. His vision was becoming blurry. They’ve probably talked with your father and he’s making them give you a false sense of security. Virgil couldn’t see. Tunnel vision was taking over. Or was it that he closed his eyes? You’re going to lose everything you thought you cared about.
“Virgil, Virgil.” Logan’s cold and soft voice swayed into focus.
He could see Logan’s hands, so his eyes were open. Both of them were on his shoulders now. Virgil didn’t know when that happened. He couldn’t hear anything but the mantra in his head. Who are you kidding? They never fucking cared about you. It was all just a fucking joke to them. They don’t care. They don’t care. They don’t care. They don’t care. They don’t care. They don’t. They don’t. They don’t fucking care. They never fucking did.
Virgil was shaking hard. His breathing was shallow and erratic. He was still hunched in on himself, but Logan’s hands as a weight on his shoulders was preventing him from hunching farther. It was preventing him from his legs becoming weak, or his breathing get to the point to where he couldn’t breath out at all. He still couldn’t see, though. Or could he? He couldn’t tell. The only clear thing was Logan’s hands and the fact that no one cares nobody fucking cares about you.
“Pat-love, can you and Roman please go grab the information we need for the case?” Logan’s voice was clear as day, though everything else was murky. Everything but Logan was twelve miles under the ocean water. Virgil was drowning. He was drowning. He was drowning. Footsteps away, muddled and almost unheard but definitely there. “Virgil, Virgil,” Logan’s crisp voice broke through again. “You’re safe. The sun has set; the danger is gone. He can’t get us here, I promise. I swear on it.”
Logan never swore on anything he didn’t believe in. Never. Virgil’s breathing started to become less erratic.
“The chances of him discovering where you are right now are one in 33.2 thousand. Even so, Roman as a bodyguard on speed dial. We are safe. You are safe,” Logan took a deep breath in, held it, and exhaled. Virgil’s breathing pattern. “We care for you. You are the reason I am breathing fine. You mean so much to me, Virgil. Virgil, Roman cares for you. Patton cares for you. On those two facts I also swear.”
Logan never swore on anything he didn’t believe in. Never. Virgil’s breathing calmed more. It was easier to take in breaths now.
“We just want to help you, Virgil. Virgil, we love you and care about you. I want you to be safe. I don’t want you to be in fear anymore. That’s why I’m going to help you anyway I can,” There was a pause. Logan’s hands held onto Virgil’s shoulders harder. “I want to help you go to the police. It’s scary. It’s frightening, but I will be there. Patton will, and so will Roman. We are here for you. For you. On this I swear.”
Logan never swore on anything he didn't believe in. Never. Virgil’s breathing calmed back to it’s normal pace. He lifted his eyes to look at Logan.
“There you go, Virgil. Virgil, you’ve done so well.” Logan’s calming voice told him. The voice was full of love and kindness. He did not remove his hands from the other’s shoulders. Virgil liked hearing his name over and over like what Logan did. Only he did it, and it only was when he was panicking. It was safe, calming, and something to signify that Logan was there for Virgil. They had a lot of those, Virgil was realizing.
Roman was amazed at how calming Logan was for Virgil. From what he could see from where he was at the kitchen table, Virgil was panicking a tenth of what he was when he was in Roman’s care. He could have to ask Logan for tips on how to calm down their friend. Or, at the very least, talk to Virgil about what helps him recede from panic.
“I’m proud of my kiddos.” Patton said, a genuine smile on his face.
“Wait, so you and Logan didn’t go on a breakfast date?” Roman stopped laying out papers in favor of giving Patton a perplexed look.
“Oh no, we did! Old habit of calling him kiddo.” Patton was unfazed at his friend’s confusion, instead still sorting everything that Logan had brought with him. Roman honestly didn’t know when Patton grabbed Logan’s messenger bag, but apparently it happened at some point.
Virgil didn’t know what to say. His darker thoughts were still screaming at him like they always did, but the confidence in Logan’s voice was pushing them away. He believed Logan. The older strayed away from lying the best he could, and swore to never lie to Virgil. It was comforting that Logan was there, that Roman was just in the other room waiting for them. Patton, the sweet bean who barely even knew Virgil, was there too. He had support. He had people who want to help him. His brain and muscle memory told him that he couldn’t trust them, that they would turn on him when opportunity struck, but he was solid in Logan. Logan wouldn’t let them hurt him. He wasn’t alone.
“Glad I don’ haveta do this alone,” His voice was barely above a whisper, words still slightly slurred with early morning grogginess, “Might take some time to get used to... not being alone.”
“Take as long as you need, Virgil,” Logan reassured him. “Virgil, I believe we all would be more concerned if you changed how you felt quickly. Healing and changing a mindset takes time, but it will be well worth it.”
Virgil didn’t know why, but he slowly opened his arms as an inquiry to hug Logan tightly. He wasn’t sure if it was a hug of thanks or a hug of affection but he didn’t care. Logan was here and ready to help him. Nothing would stand in Logan’s way. Virgil knew that when the oldest boy set his mind to something he would do everything in his power to make it so. That was grounding in a weird way.
Logan wrapped his arms around the lanky boy. Virgil didn’t seek touch often, so when he did, it held a lot of meaning. Usually, Logan would hypothesize why the other wanted the contact, but right now he could care less about that. All that mattered was giving Virgil all the support and love he needed. Logan gently began to card his fingers through the purple hair soothingly. I failed you in keeping you safe sooner, but I will not do so anymore. I will make sure you’re free from harm Virgil. I swear it.
Virgil pulled away a moment later, turning to see that there were others in the room. Roman’s gaze still held a flame that was both terrifying and soothing, his body stock still and raised to his full height. Protective. Patton’s eyes held love and understanding, his arms wrapped around himself with a slight bent in his posture. Comforting.
“What do we do now, Logan?” That sounded like Patton, but Virgil couldn’t tell for sure. He was looking at Logan again, eyes fixed on the star necklace that he gave him hanging from the older’s neck. He wondered when that came out from underneath the older’s shirt.
“I believe we should get the information together that we have. There may be gaps in what Roman and I have collected that Virgil might be able to fill in for us. I know it’s painful to speak about, but it will be beneficial.” Logan’s look held an apology.
Virgil breathed deeply, closed his eyes, and nodded. You can do this. Logan will protect you. Last night with Roman wasn’t a dream. He’s there for you too. He tried to psych himself up for what was to come. He could do this. The positive reinforcement that he was trying to give himself felt oddly foreign in his head, but Virgil still tried his best at it. If he were to truly not have to go back home, he needed to talk about this stuff. Virgil needed help. He didn’t want to go back to that godforsaken apartment. He couldn’t.
The four moved to the dining area once again, the papers on the table sorted into piles based on month. The months with excessive amounts of notes were further sorted into weeks, but those only started after July. Virgil was shocked by the sheer amount of data lying along the space available on the circular table. Logan was impressed by how efficiently the two were able to sort things.
As much as Logan wanted to start at the very first piece of paper, he knew that the most important ones were when his data and Roman’s overlapped. “Roman which pile is the first one containing your information?”
“This one.” Roman picked up the July pile for the previous year. “We split the month apart into just your information and when mine started on the 19th.”
“That was an incredibly smart idea,” Logan took the pile and gave a impressed frown-sort of expression. “Patton, would you be willing to take any additional notes?”
“Sure thing,” Roman handed him a composition notebook. “Thanks, Ro.”
The four got to work. Logan and Roman compared information and gently asked Virgil to elaborate if they felt it was needed. Every once in a while Patton would interject when he felt that Virgil was starting to get worried and curl onto himself. Virgil was glad for Patton in those moments. Being asked to relive those parts of his life were hard, the hardest thing he’s ever done, but knowing that the people around him were understanding and wanting to help made it easier.
With one date, things started to slow.
“March 21,” Logan breathed, which made Virgil suck in a sharp breath. That was the worst date. “This is the worst date, to my knowledge.”
“It was… Actually the 20th, a few weeks after I started to shut R... Princey out,” Virgil switched the names mid thought. He didn’t need this to get personal when Roman was sitting across from him. He pulled away from Patton, who let him. He pulled his sleeves further over his hands, then wrapped them around his middle. “He was mad I was skipping classes,” Virgil shook his head and took a deep breath. “It’s the day my mom died too.”
Logan nodded, writing a few things down with a somber but concentrated look on his face. He had that look on his face for a while now. Roman was staring at Virgil, to which Virgil shifted uncomfortably. He removed his gaze and grabbed another piece of paper. Just like that, things started moving faster again.
The only breaks any of them took was when they had to use the restroom, and when Patton insisted they stop for lunch. Virgil only picked at his sandwich that Logan made, considering his stomach was doing flips, but the others understood. Patton tried his best to soothe the lanky boy with smooth tones and light touch. Roman and Logan also gave him words of encouragement throughout the process, of course. All three of them brought their own way of comfort to Virgil. Patton was warm, soft, and gave physical touch. Roman was solid, protective, and gave both touch and many concrete words. Logan was cool, collected, and gave reassuring words. It was a mixture that Virgil needed to get through this.
Around one in the afternoon, the pace was slowing. Virgil was stressed, basically hanging off of Patton as he closed his eyes and recounted why he came to Logan with bruises on his neck and a cut in his side. Roman was stone faced, something that no one at the table saw regularly, if at all. He was in the middle of a sentence when the unmistakable sound of creaking stairs filled the space.
Immediately, Virgil stopped, Logan stopped writing, and Roman whipped his head around. There was a few more footsteps, and suddenly Roman’s Ma was standing in the entrance to the room.
“Honey?” She asked, confusion entering her features when she saw the four boys surrounding her table.
“Hi, Ma.” Roman said slowly. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Virgil hunch onto himself a little.
“What’s going on, Roman?” She asked, noticing all of the papers.
Virgil kept folding in on himself. If she sees any of these papers she’s going to kick you out. She might even kick Roman out for helping you. You can’t risk Roman losing his home. God, Virgil, you’re such a fucking idiot. Why did you believe this was a good idea? She’s going to find out and hate you too. She’ll probably even call your father. Before he knew it he’d started to pull slightly on his hair.
“Just some papers we all worked on for a summer assignment. We wanted to make sure we had everything.”
Andrea raised her eyebrow, not fully believing the story. “Alright,” She said, figuring there was a reason Roman was keeping something from her. “I’m willing to help in any way-”
Logan cut her off, his voice polite but with a tone that left no room for any argument. “Actually that isn’t necessary. We were just collecting the paperwork we needed. Virgil and I will be out of your hair in just a few moments.” He started to pick the papers up, sending a worried glance at Virgil as he did.
Patton caught onto what Logan was doing as he helped the older boy pack the paperwork up by month. “I’ll drive you guys.”
“Thank you, Patton. That would be helpful,” Logan pulled his messenger bag onto his shoulder and gently pulled Virgil to his feet. “Come on, Virgil.”
Virgil let Logan pull him away from the kitchen to the main room where they paused to pull on their shoes. It took Virgil a few moments longer than normal due to the daze he was still in. Once he got them on and stood the trio heard another set of footsteps coming down the stairs. Patton looked up and saw Cinthia, Roman’s madre, walking down the stairs.
“Patton?” She asked softly. “Everything alright?”
“Sí. We have to run and do something but I’ll be back.” Patton answered a little quicker than he usually spoke as he held the door for the other two boys.
Logan gently took Virgil by the arm and lead him out of the house. Patton waved at Cinthia as he followed and closed the door behind him. Cinthia wore a very confused expression, but heard Roman’s voice in the kitchen. He sounded frustrated, as if he were in denial. In that moment, she decided to see if she could find out what was causing Patton to act so odd.
next part
hello id be lost without @lovecrazyjennybear for several reasons so lets list a few. shes the one who reminds me to post chapters. constantly. i definitely would have forgotten to post this if she didnt remind me. she also lets me rant and ramble to her? like?? thats literally amazing. that has nothing to do with this story but still. she lets me ramble about plot lines and emotions and i listen to her when she rambles and its just amazing and shes just such an amazing friend. and!! recently she posted her first original work and its amazing. its called The Tin Man Has A Heart and its gold and you definitely should go read it after you finish this okay bYE
Summary: Three times Patton comforted Roman, and one it was the other way around.
Warnings: divorce, emotionally abusive mother, low-self image, self depreciating, crying (lots of crying. like a lot), minor swearing, attachment issues
Word count: 3855
Pairings: Platonic Royality (Romantic if you look)
A/N: This is for @the-prince-and-the-emo‘s tsfanfic exchange, in which I wrote for @panic-at-theeverywhere! I really hope you like it, and that it lives up to your prompt. I totally forgot if you wanted a romatic pairing or not, so this is what I came up with. Without further adu, the fic~ (general taglist under the cut)
The first time that Roman was ever comforted by Patton was a very simple time. Back when the two were mere kids, bad things were few and far between. The worst things that the two had experienced were no animal crackers at snack time, and that one time where that weird kid took their spot on the swings at recess. Nothing wrong usually happened. It was blissful never-ending good weather, and the two friends were as inseparable as two friends could be.
That was, until, Roman started acting odd. He was late to school a bunch, which made him miss the morning assignments, which in turn made him have to stay and do the work during recess. This extra class time escalated when Roman started missing full school days. Since Patton’s slightly younger play buddy was now absent at recess time, the bubbly young kiddo had to make other arrangements. He managed to shimmy himself into a group of other kids, but they always wanted to play pretend as animals. Patton loved that, sure, but he wanted to play house, or damsel in distress, or tag sometimes! And he wanted to play on the swingset like he and Roman used to do!
Thus, the two friends started to fall apart. Roman was never around anymore during playtime. When he was, he didn’t like to be an animal with Patton’s new group of friends. That escalated into him not playing pretend at all, and instead sitting on the swings alone with the weird kid. Patton didn’t like this that much, but if Roman wanted distance, he would give him distance.
That was until there was a whole week period where Roman wasn’t at school. Patton got very worried, worried enough to start asking his teacher when Roman was coming back. That always lead to dead ends, so the younger was left wondering when his best friend would return. If he could still call Roman his best friend.
The following Monday, Roman was at school again! Patton was so excited that when he saw him, he ran up and gave him the biggest hug in the world. Roman returned it, and the two had a mini cuddling session in the middle of the classroom until their teacher told them to get back to their desks.
At recess, Patton and Roman went together over to the swings. They sat for a bit, swung back and forth, and talked about what happened while Roman was gone. This went on for a bit, until Patton took the time to notice the very sad look on his friend’s face. Immediately, he jumped off his swing and proceeded to slow Roman’s swing down as well.
“What’s wrong?” Patton asked with childish worry written all over his features. He received a shrug as response. “Don’t shrug me! You’ve been off for a while, RoRo.”
At that, especially with the sweet nickname, Roman looked down guiltily. He held onto the swing’s chains harder for stability. “Mom and Dadda have been fighting a lot. Over me. And now they are really mad at each other, and I have to go live with only Dadda.” Tears were briming in Roman’s eyes at this point, which made Patton’s heart cuhthunk loudly.
In response to that weird feeling in his heart, Patton wrapped his small, pudgy arms around Roman. They wobbled a bit, as it was a swing set, but Roman abandoned attempting to steady himself in favor of wrapping his arms around his best friend. It was a peaceful, heartfilled moment, especially when Roman started to cry into Patton’s shoulder.
“It’s okay, RoRo,” Patton attempted comfort as he held his friend tightly. “We’ll get through this together! No matter what!”
Patton and Roman stayed hugging on the swing set like that until they heard the three whistles that signified the end of recess. Roman quickly rubbed his eyes with a little help from Patton. The two children then went back to class and went through the rest of the day as closer friends than before. Their hearts were intertwined, and they were happy.
Comfort between the two friends became something of a reflex. As they grew older, their problems escalated, which made the times they needed comfort a higher number. Which made the type of comfort that they needed shift. They could no longer just hug, cry, and everything be made better. Now, it was a process.
Roman was laying on his bed atop the large red comforter that spilled over the edges of it, his room a spitting image of an aesthetic-loving fourteen year old. His eyes were closed, so he couldn’t see that the setting sun’s light was peering in through his open window. He also didn’t see the way the sheer gold curtains fluttered in the breeze, or how his potted plant near the window had its leaves fluttering too. All he could focus on was the smooth voice of Ed Sheeran fluttering in his ears as his record player went around, and around, and around.
He had been avoiding Patton for a little over a week now, but he honestly didn’t mean to. It was just a natural reflex now. The guilt that he felt pool in his stomach at that thought made him shift on the bed. He didn’t want to think about that right now. He just wanted to lay there and listen to music. Roman opened his eyes momentarily to count the bumps on his popcorn ceiling.
He didn’t want to think about how his mom yelled at him last week. He didn’t want to think about how she said he never did anything right. Roman didn’t want to think about how she said she didn’t even want to come to the bi-weekly meetups with her son. He didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to think about what that meant; how it meant he wasn’t worth anything. How he was so unworthy that his mother didn’t even love him.
Before Roman could check himself, he was wiping tears off of his face. He sniffed, shutting his eyes tighter that last time to hopefully prevent more tears. He couldn't help feeling obligated to love his mom, though, despite everything that had happened. Despite the divorce, despite growing up without a mother, despite her not even wanting to see him, despite her standing him up multiple times in their meetings to reconnect, despite her asking for money from him, and despite her not loving her son. Roman wanted to love his mother. He didn’t want to be that kid whose mom walked out on. But here he was, the setting sun getting lower in the sky, picking apart himself because of his mother's words.
That was, until, a rock hit his leg. Immediately, he sat up straight, head on a swivel to see where the disturbance came from. His eyes were still wandering his room when he saw another rock fly in through his window. He looked at it curiously, eyebrows and shoulders tensing in confusion. Why was someone throwing rocks at his window?
Roman only had one speculation, and was proven right when he leaned out of his window. There were several rocks on the roof just below him, the trail leading downwards to where Patton stoon waiting. He still had several multi colored rocks in his hands. The face he wore was one of pleading, sorrow, but most of all: worry.
“Patton?” Roman whisper yelled down to his friend, whose arm was still pulled back in preparation to throw another rock. “What are you doing here?”
“You were,” Patton started, lowering the rock, “You were avoiding me, and I know that only happens when something's really wrong. You weren’t answering my texts so…”
“So your next option was a Romeo and Juliet type way of communicating.” Roman leaned against the window still, hoping that Patton couldn’t see the tear tracks on his face.
“Yeah, I guess,” Patton responded, putting his hands back into his pockets and emptying the pebbles into them. “Did something happen with that meetup with your Mom?” Patton got right into asking, knowing that Roman was dying to talk if anything had happened. He was never good at keeping things inside.
“Come to the back door?” Roman gave a small smile to his friend who was now rushing to the backyard. Patton was so determined to help that he didn’t even see anything wrong with ignoring him for the past week. He only saw it as a cry for help. Roman didn’t know if he would ever find anyone else in his life that was quite like Patton, who knew him inside and out.
Before Roman could move from his spot at his window, Patton entered the room. He glanced quickly from the record player, to the dirty laundry on the floor, to the unmade bed, then finally settling on his best friend. He wore a soft smile, a glint in his eyes behind his glasses that made clear the concern that he harbored. Roman was seeing that look from Patton a lot lately, and he didn’t like it. Patton shouldn’t spend his time worrying and fretting over Roman, but he still did.
“Dad home?” Were the first two words out of Patton’s mouth, whispered as he closed the door behind him.
“Work.” Roman replied, moving from the window over to Patton. Before he could even ask, Patton was stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Roman.
“You don’t have to talk about it, RoRo,” Patton started with using that old childhood nickname, oddly scooting their still hugging bodies over to sit on the bed. “I care so much about you, it’s insane. You’ve always been there with me, for me, us against the world. So it scares me when you shut me out, because I don’t have my best friend. When you ghost, I know that you’re sitting in here, listening to whatever record you could find first, thinking horribly about yourself.” He was rubbing Roman’s back by now.
“Patton, I don’t…” Roman started, but trailed off. He knew that he was in a losing argument right now. Patton was right, he did do that.
“Yes you do. We’ve had this conversation again and again, and I just… You are so much, Roman. You are so much amazing, and potential, and ability that it’s hard to describe. You’re a Prince ready and willing to save so many people that you forget about yourself. You forget how much you’re worth. Roman, don’t listen to whatever that bitch says,” When Roman made an argumentative, disproving sound, Patton just held onto him tighter. “No, she is a bitch. She doesn’t care about you, not like your dad does. Not like I do.”
“You’re right, but,” Roman breathed in heavily. “She’s my mom. I have to listen to what she says, Pat.”
“Do you listen to what that dark and brooding kid says about you?” Patton asked, pulling away from the hug so that he could see Roman’s face. Now at arms length, he could see the tears starting to fall down Roman’s face. He removed one of his hands from atop his shoulders to wipe away the tears.
“No! That’s different.” Roman tried to counterpoint, leaning into Patton’s touch.
“How so? Neither have shown that they hold your opinion as something to be noted, or that they actually care about you, let alone love you. Sharing blood does not make you family.” Patton said with a tone of finality, like he knew exactly what he was talking about. The argument was good, too good maybe, and was almost impossible for Roman to not concede to
“You’re my family.” Roman said instead of touching on the other point that Patton made. They were brothers, and no one could tell them any different.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Patton shared a soft smile with Roman before engulfing the other in a hug again. Later was for talking more in depth about what the seeds Roman’s mother planted grew into inside of the boy. Now was for holding each other, and knowing that there wasn't any other person in the world that could possibly care for them more than they did each other in that moment.
“Patton!” Roman yelled into the house, his keys discarded into the key bowl. He started to shrug off his jacket at the same time he kicked off his shoes. There was an unknown force pulling down on his face, making it droop. “I’m home!”
The two lifelong friends were now attending the same college with Patton majoring in bakery science (yes, it is a thing) and Roman majoring in performing arts. They shared a small apartment together just outside of campus that was a short enough ways away that they could feasibly walk to their classes. Although the two were in two completely different fields, their friendship had lasted through the two years when they barely saw each other. But now, in their junior year of college, the two couldn’t be closer. Comfort for each other shifted once again to be more of just there for each other. There wasn’t any special way to comfort, but then again, there never really was.
“BABE!” Patton screeched from somewhere inside the apartment. There was a crashing sound, which made Roman smile slightly and cringe. Mostly cringe. Then, a flying ball of blue came rushing toward Roman, knocking into him. He wrapped his legs around Roman’s middle, both unfazed by the nickname and the jumping into arms that Patton did.
“I take it you’re happy I’m home.” Roman teased, tightening his grip on Patton as the former leaned back to be able to see Roman’s face.
“I’m always happy to see you so I can do…” Patton paused, a giant smile growing on his lips. That didn’t hide the spark of worry in the other’s eye, though. It never did. “This!” the man in Roman’s arms then began to pepper kisses on his face while making obnoxious smooching noises. Roman laughed and proceeded to walk into the living room while his face was being attacked. This was an odd thing for two people who claimed to be friends to do, but it was their normal.
“You cooking tonight or am I?” Roman asked as he plopped down onto their small couch, Patton now sitting on his lap. Patton pouted, grabbing either side of Roman’s face and making him hold eye contact with him.
“What happened with the audition?” Roman sighed, but didn’t dare look away. He was, once again, entranced by the pools of blue that were Patton’s eyes. Although the sea eyed boy was in Roman’s lap, he was actually taller by now, which meant that Roman didn’t get much of staring into his eyes. It was incredibly cheesy, but Roman wasn’t nicknamed Romano cheese by Virgil for no reason.
“I didn’t…” Roman started, shaking his head and closing his eyes so that the welling tears wouldn’t leak. The reality of the question began to weigh back down onto Roman’s shoulders. “I didn’t get the part. Not even an understudy.” The thought process that he tried so hard to eliminate came rushing back like a flood, leaving no room for positivity. He wasn’t worth it, the part. He wasn’t a good enough actor, nor was he beautiful enough or had a good enough singing voice. His bass voice wasn’t good enough. It never was.
“Hey,” Patton started, shifting on Roman’s lap to get more comfortable. “One audition doesn’t define your worth. They probably were looking for someone with a little less pasazz, which honestly is so stupid. You are an amazing actor, Roman, it just-”
“No, Pat,” Roman cut off Patton slightly harshly, picking Patton off his lap and setting him back down on the couch. His emotions were getting the best of him, and Patton’s compromising position on his lap wasn’t helping. “I’m just not good enough for the part. Whether it be my acting, my face, or my voice, I don’t know, but I didn’t get it. And I won’t get the next one, or the next one, or the next one because why would I? Producers don’t like a resume that is only small scale productions.”
“Then do more small scale productions,” Patton replied twice as fast as Roman cut him off. “Instead of going for the big theaters, do more small stuff. I saw a flyer for a small production called Power Play? You could blow that out of the water.”
Roman bit his lip, thinking. Patton had a point. If he did get more small scale productions under his belt, he could have more experience. Experience is something that employers are always looking for, so maybe that would work? It wouldn’t, unless if Roman actually had a lick of talent in his body. Because by now, it wasn’t looking that way.
After several seconds of silence, Patton piped up again, “Roman, you have talent. You have gotten parts before, and you can again. If you’re worried about your low voice, Power Play is a play, not a musical. I believe in you. Like I said, one audition doesn’t define your worth.”
Roman began nodding, releasing his lip from his teeth. Everything was going to work out fine. It was fine. Patton had his back. That’s all that really mattered. Patton was there, and encouraging him from the other side of their couch. In their apartment. Patton believed in him, so he just might believe in himself a little too.
“Pat-love, I’m home.” Roman called into the small condo, slightly worried about the sheer lack of noise in the home. He had just gotten back from a month of being a camp counselor for three week-long thespian overnight camps. It was fun, and a break from his normal Broadway routine, but it was a month without Patton. A month without his lifelong partner-in-metaphorical-crime was sad. Lonely. But now, he was back in their condo just outside of New York, and was wondering where his Patton was.
Roman set his bags down by the door, kicked off his shoes, and proceeded to wander through the halls. Everything was still, silent, uneasy. He could hear the thumbs of each step that he took on the carpet. Roman could feel it in his gut, his heart, that something was incredibly wrong.
As Roman inched closer to the bedroom, he vaguely could hear small huffing sounds. As he got closer still, he regoncised the sound as crying. Patton was crying? Everything in Roman’s body kicked itself into high gear, concerned and worried for Patton. Had he ever even seen Patton cry? Now that he was thinking about it, he didn’t actually think so. Patton always hid away when he cried, or tried his best to repress it.
“Patton?” Roman asked again as he knocked on the door. When he got no response, he slowly opened the door.
There, laying surrounded by blue-grey blankets, was Patton. The lights were off like the rest of the house, and it was even colder in this room as the rest of the condo. Roman couldn’t even see Patton’s head, but only knew that he was there because of the giant lump under the covers. That, and the fact that the crying was coming from that lump. Roman, not really knowing what to do, sat on the edge of the bed.
The new weight causing the mattress to dip down made Patton stir. He struggled for a second to get the comforter and many fuzzy blankets off of his head, but once he did, he flopped his arms down back onto the bed with the blankets pinned under them. He gave Roman an odd, fearful look for a moment before it shifted into one more like happiness. Within a moment, Patton flung himself at Roman.
“Ro! You’re,” Patton sobbed and interrupted his speech, as he was still crying. “You’re here.” Another sob wracked his body, making him shake.
Roman wrapped his arms gently around Patton, engulfing him in warmth and love. He made a humming sort of shh sound in attempts to calm down the crying form in his arms. Patton held onto him like a lifeline, gripping onto the back of his shirt for dear life. They stayed like that for a while. Patton cried into Roman’s arms, holding onto him like he would leave any second. And Roman just let him cry, let him ball with tears and snot, onto his shoulder.
“I’m sorry ‘bout that.” Patton mumbled a little while later after most of the crying had died down. He pulled away from Roman and the hug that they shared. “I just… I got so sad without you, and the house was so quiet, and I forgot when you were coming back because I forget things way too easily, but I couldn’t ask you because you didn’t have service and-”
“Patton, my darling,” Roman cut in as he smoothed circles in between his shoulder blades. “There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about you. I’m sorry that me leaving upset you so much. I wouldn’t have gone if-”
It was Patton’s turn to interrupt. The two seemed to do that to each other a lot. “No! You wanted to go, and that’s okay. I just… I’m a little too dependant on you? I guess? You’ve always been there, like a constant thing when I was moving around and around and around and.. It’s just. Empty without you there now.”
“Is this a normal thing for you? When I leave?” Roman suddenly felt a punch to the gut. He didn’t regularly leave for long stretches of time, but sometimes he was barely at home for a week because of rehearsals.
Shakily, Patton nodded his head. “I didn’t understand how much I hated being alone until that week, in freshman year of highschool, when we didn’t talk. It’s not that bad when its only for a short time but…” Patton sniffed, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. “I’m sorry you had to see this. I’m usually good at keeping the sad to myself.”
“But I don’t want you to keep it to yourself, Patton. I want you, all of you. Your ups, your downs, and everything in between. I want to be there for you like you are for me. But now… now I see why you won’t let me. You don’t have to be afraid, darling. I love you just the same.”
With that, Roman leaned forward and took Patton into his arms again. They laid down, Roman tired from his long trip and Patton exhausted from his crying. There was still a lot to be said between the two of them, and a lot to work out. It was similar, really, to several times before where they needed comfort. When Roman needed comfort. But it didn’t matter, in the moment, what was wrong and what was right. What mattered, what always counted, was that no matter what, Patton was there for Roman. And Roman? He would always be there for Patton. Always.
Since this series is going to be long, I don’t want it to take up too much room on my already large masterlist of all my fics. Here is a single post to find all parts of Ivity and Anx, otherwise known as my famous teen roman au.
Summary: Virgil and Roman hate each other to the core of their beings, but both become friends with a new stranger via the Sarrahas Project. Virgil takes to Creativity as well as Roman does to Anxiety, but they don’t know the true identity of the ones they’re slowing falling for.
This honestly gets a lot better at around chapter 13 (that’s also when they start getting longer and longer) because that's also when I got the amazing beta reader/co-writer of @lovecrazyjennybear. She’s amazing. I hope you enjoy!
headcanons, prologue, part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven, part eight, part nine, part ten, part eleven, part twelve, part thirteen, part fourteen, part fifteen, part sixteen, part seventeen (one, two, three), part eighteen, part nineteen, part twenty, part twenty one, part twenty two (end)
text conversations part one and part two
bonus part: at the police (read after part twenty)
From Logan’s Notebook (read after part twenty one) one, two, three, four
a secret chapter (read anytime after part seventeen-ish)
before the beginning (the first time virgil went to logan after his father hurt him)
at the studio (read anytime after part nine-ish. was originally chapter thirteen before it was scrapted. questionable continuity)
Summary: Virgil and Roman hate each other to the core of their beings, but both become friends with a new stranger via the Sarrahas Project. Virgil takes to Creativity as well as Roman does to Anxiety, but they don’t know the true identity of the ones they’re slowing falling for.
Word Count: 6970
Warnings: self-inflicted pain as punishment, negative self thinking, mention of parental death, intrusive thoughts, implied eating disorder
Pairings: Slowburn Prinxiety
A/N: A beheamoth of a chapter because there were no gratifying clifhanger breaks until the end of this almost-7k-words. As promised, section II of part seventeen is out two days later. I have never posted anything this close together... this is weird. Hope you enjoy! Taglist under the cut.
Patton was highly taken back, but didn’t let it stop his plan to make Virgil feel at home. “Well, when you get your wallet you can pay us back, if you want. Unless you wanna start wearing a lot lighter colored clothes. I think that grey shirt is the darkest thing Roman owns.” He noticed Virgil looking down, unsure. “Or if you know how to make really good spaghetti that’d be a way to pay me back.”
Nothing had prepared Virgil for someone saying that he can pay them back in food. “Fine.”
“Then let’s get you some clothes. Come on it’ll be fun!”
“Let me get ready, Pat. In case you forgot, I’m still in my pjs.” Roman pointed down to his Princey-signature red pants with golden crowns on them.
Patton agreed to wait for Roman to get ready, then situated himself at the breakfast bar to do just that. As he looked around, his eyes settled on Virgil momentarily. In that split second of time, he noticed that Virgil winced when he pulled his grey sleeved arm through the sleeve of his hoodie.
“You okay, Virgil?” the younger asked, moving forward on his seat.
“Hmm?” He hummed, confused.
“It looked like it hurt when you put your hoodie on.” Patton’s lips twitched down in a small frown.
“I’m fine. Just a cut.” Virgil bit, but with a little less ferocity then other times that day.
Patton’s heart broke at realizing that Virgil probably didn’t think a cut of any kind was a big deal. He certainly thought that a cut big enough to make him wince like that was a big deal! Before he could say anything on the matter though, Roman came bursting into the main room in his day clothes. He was wearing normal blue jeans with a sage colored t-shirt that had a small brown pine tree outline on the pocket of it. It was certainly a change of pace to the usual red and gold.
“I’m here! Did you miss me?” he said as he struck a fairly flamboyant pose and a wide smile. It was clear that he cleaned himself up in the short time he was gone; his hair looked more tame and his teeth were whiter. Virgil still snorted at his antics, though.
Patton nodded, jumped out of his seat, and hugged Roman. It was a full on bear hug, complete with the younger swaying back and forth before letting go. He didn’t let go for a little while, though, as it was the first hug of the day, as he talked, “Of course I did! We’re all ready, so let’s getta goin’. I call driving!”
Patton bounced up and down again, basically wobbling over to the front entrance. Virgil followed with a strange mix of endearment and confusion in his chest, glancing back to Roman. The latter gave a shrug and a smirk to the second eldest before shrugging on his own rain jacket. It must have been cloudy with a chance of rain outside.
“There’s no way in puppy heaven I’m letting you drive, Pats.” Roman gave a small chuckle with his words, grabbing his own keys. Virgil assumed it was to the mint green Mini Cooper parked on the street. Patton pouted, but didn’t argue.
“What’s with all the fuc- with all green, Princey?” Virgil finally asked, cutting out the swear, as the three quickly made their way to the car on the street. It actually was raining, which the other two didn’t enjoy. At this point, Virgil didn’t mind. He was correct in thinking that the green car was Roman’s, though. The question had been plaguing him since he saw the other’s room, but it had its roots earlier than that. He started wondering it immediately when he found out Creativity was Roman, considering that the blog theme was all green.
“Well,” Roman started as he got into the car and took of his hood. Virgil was happy that it was a four door Mini because he didn’t want to bother the two friends to let him in and out. He was already bothering them enough already. “I just really like it. ‘S my favorite color, but the Princey brand fit more with my second fav, red, obviously.”
Patton chuckled as he put on his seatbelt after he took off his own hood. He was the last to do so, even though he wasn’t the last in the car. He took a deep breath in, taking in the air freshener scent and the situation. He was happy to be thrifting with his best friend again, and a new friend was tagging along too! Although, the youngest was worried about the almost-violent reaction Virgil had about going home. From what parts he knew, it wasn’t a home, only a house, and not a good one at that.
Roman turned on the car, but before he pulled out into the street to leave, he plugged in his phone to a chord coming out of the radio. Patton made grabby hands for the phone, and Roman surrendered the red cased object. It took so little persuasion on Patton’s part that Virgil could only assume that this was the normal routine for the two friends. After a few seconds, twenty øne piløt’s relatively new single, Jumpsuit, from their next album started blaring through the speakers. Satisfied, Roman put the car in drive, released the E-brake, and they were on their way.
To where, Virgil wasn’t entirely sure. He knew that they were going thrifting, against his better judgement, but he didn’t know where. Virgil began to play with the hem of the borrowed, baggy grey shirt as the song got into the chorus. With a jolt of realization, he snapped his still hooded head up to Patton.
“Wait, you like twenty øne piløts?” The one in the backseat leaned up a little to be able to place his hand on the driver’s seat, which was the seat he was behind. Patton broke out into yet another grin, moving around in his seat to face Virgil. Roman shook his head in fake exasperation, but the smile on his face gave away his joy at the scene unfolding.
“Do I?! I love them! I basically have the four new Trench tracks on repeat.” Patton rested his elbow on his elbow rest to be able to place his chin in the palm of his hand. He then looked at Virgil in anticipation, waiting for an equally enthused response.
“Same here,” Virgil said flatter than Patton expected, but still with excitement sparking in his eyes. He was careful to keep his face as neutral as possible, not wanting to give away just how much he liked the band. “Did you know that the lower modulated voice in Nico and the Niners is Josh?” He asked, his hand going into his pocket to find the loose string to play with. It was his go-to fidget thing; he was lucky it hadn’t broken yet.
“No! Really?” Patton gasped, happy that he found someone who liked the band he did. Roman was keeping his eyes on the road, mostly. He did take the occasional peak at Virgil in the back, and at Patton at his side. The Virgil peaks were more discrete, though.
“Yeah. I’m ready for the full album, but it also means school is going to start up again. So. Eh.” Virgil leaned back in his seat, a little more comfortable with Patton at this point. His coldness was slipping away, but he couldn’t help it. He bit down on his lip, moving his right hand so that he could press on the stitches in his arm. It was punishment for letting himself open up, and it hurt like a motherfucker. An involuntary wince left his lips, but it was covered by the screaming of Tyler through the speakers.
“Hey, you good?” Roman asked after turning on his blinker and checking his rearview mirror. He got a glimpse of Virgil’s movement in the mirror, and immediately got worried.
“Fine.” Virgil bit with his usual sneer. He pressed deeper into the stitches.
“Do you need some more Advil? There’s some in the console-” Roman tried to continue, but was cut off by Virgil.
“‘M fine.” He said, but a little softer this time. He moved his hand back into his pocket.
“We’re almost there.” Patton cut in with a song-song voice, making Virgil cock his head. He didn’t know that there was a thrift store so close.
“Ten minutes away does not qualify as ‘almost there,’ Pats.” Roman interjected with a chuckle. The song drifted out, and in place of it some showtunes began blaring. It that moment, Virgil remembered that the phone playing was Roman’s. That meant that he also liked twenty øne piløts, because he was the one who had the song on his phone. It touched Virgil’s heart a little, considering that he had no clue what the band was until Anxiety introduced him. He still listened to their songs.
“Patton?” Virgil said, not entirely sure what he wanted to ask.
“Yeah, kiddo?”
“Did…” Get it together Virgil, you’re showing too much weakness. “Did Princey introduce you to them or did you like them before?”
“I liked a few of their songs before. But Roman had put a few of their songs on his phone and when we listened to them I really liked the music. It’s pretty awesome.”
“Ah.”
“I mean I was more of a Panic! At The Disco kid myself. Even their more sad songs still sounded pretty happy. And his voice is awesome.”
“Pat, I think your heart eyes are showing,” Roman teased the youngest boy. Virgil couldn’t help but snicker slightly. “Though, I will concede. Brendon Urie has the voice of an angel.”
“And some of his newer music videos connect into a story! Did you know that, kiddo?” Patton asked Virgil who was shocked by just how excited the other boy was.
“This Is Gospel and Emperor’s New Clothes right?” Virgil tried to sound uninterested, but he couldn’t succeed as well as he wanted. It was like Patton’s excitement and personality was rubbing off on him, breaking down any walls that were put up.
“And Say Amen! That one is like the start of that whole story,” Patton turned to grab Roman’s phone. “I think you have that song on here somewhere, Roman.” He started to type the song in.
Virgil stayed quiet for the remainder of the drive, getting lost in thought. He couldn’t believe just how easily Logan’s crush could make him relax. Almost more easily than Logan’s no nonsense way could. Despite knowing nearly nothing about the boy, wanted to open up to him. Stop being an idiot. His inner voice said. It’s all probably a trick. Roman wanted you to open up to Patton and tell him all of your secrets. Then he’ll have it spread all throughout school. Roman would never have to lift a finger or break his word to you. He’d have Patton do it. But looking at the over-excited boy, Virgil didn’t believe that. Deep down he believed that Patton was good.
Roman pulled up to the thrift shop. “We’re here, kiddo!” Patton’s voice cut through Virgil’s internal dilemma.
The two of them put their hoods back on before exiting, Virgil having to just walk out of the car. He was the first one to exit, and therefore the first to make it to the front of the store. He watched as the two raced from the car to inside. Virgil turned to go in, only to turn around just in time to see Patton skidding into him, unable to stop. Without thinking, Virgil grabbed and steadied him just before he fell. It made pain light across his arm, but the gratefulness on Patton’s face was worth it.
“Thanks, Virgil. I guess you could say I’ve fallen for you.” Virgil groaned at the bad pun, but Patton didn’t miss the slight smile before he put his mask back up. “Let’s go then. Maybe we can find something really thrifty.”
Roman groaned that time, playfully. “Was that a pun of nifty?”
“Yup!” Patton walked into the store with a huge smile on his face.
Virgil just shook his head before following the young boy. He didn’t understand Patton but being in his presence was calming, in a way that was different than Logan or even Roman. He was like the sunshine determined to burst through Virgil’s storm clouds. Immediately, Virgil went towards the darker clothes. Patton and Roman followed, but stayed far enough away so it didn’t look like they’re watching over Virgil to make sure he didn’t bolt.
After several minutes of looking, Patton closed the distance between himself and Virgil. “Find anything yet, kiddo?”
“Yeah. I found a couple shirts.” Virgil raised the two black shirts in his hand. One was a short sleeve with a pocket that was made out of a purple patchwork fabric, while the other was a long sleeve crew neck with white lines that resembled something like radio static on the chest.
“I found one I think you’d like.” Patton held up a black shirt that read ‘I’ll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color’ in grey lettering.
Virgil couldn’t help but chuckle for a few moments at the shirt. When he noticed Patton face fall, he quickly stumbled over his thoughts. He didn’t want Patton to hate him, or to give him any more material to make fun of him for. At a crossroads, Virgil decided to do what he does best: be confusing.
“Hey,” Virgil bit, taking the shirt from Patton rather roughly. “Just because I laughed doesn’t mean I don’t like it.” He finished harshly, but with truth underlying his words.
Patton couldn’t help but smile at his dark strange son’s confusing-ness. At this point in the day, Patton had basically picked up how Virgil frased things, and what he actually meant. With his facade up, that was the closest to an apology that he was going to get. He took it as is.
“Hey, Pat, there’s a shirt here that says ‘How Do You Like Me Meow?” I think it’s very much you.” Roman’s voice broke through Patton and Virgil’s moment of understanding.
“That sounds hecking adorable!” Patton called back.
Under his breath, Virgil muttered, “It should have said ‘question bark’ at the end.” A split second too late, he realized he said it louder than he meant when Patton squealed loud enough to turn a few heads. Virgil ducked his head, doing his best to hide his blush.
Roman walked over to them with the shirt for Patton in his arm. “What got you so excited, Pat?”
“Virgil made a dad joke!” The youngest man looked at the boy with such pride in his eyes.
“Well it’s official Virgil, you’ve won Patton over. You’re now one of his best friends.”
Roman said that with so much sincerity in his tone that even Virgil couldn’t doubt it. And here I thought Princey was the outhere one. How can Patton consider me a friend after only about an hour and a half of knowing me? Especially after everything I did to his best friend. He should hate me. Something inside of Virgil broke at that last thought. Maybe… he can’t hate people. Maybe the closest he can do is embarrass me in front of a lot of people.
Virgil jerked out of his thoughts when a hand gently touched his arm. “Breathe, Anxiety.” Roman’s voice wasn’t cold and commanding but it held a tone that meant business. He did as he was told and breathed in the pattern that he knew all too well. “Feel better?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He looked at the oldest with a look that dared him to disagree.
Roman didn’t take the bait. “Well did you find enough clothes to make the Addams Family buy grey for a while?”
Virgil flipped Roman off but couldn’t help but smirk slightly. “And for your information Princey, the Addams Family did not have everything black. Their house was actually painted pink because it showed up as a nice shade of grey on the film,” The look of complete shock on the other’s face was priceless. Before the look could fade Virgil took out his phone and took a picture of it. “Proof that the great and popular Prince can actually look like a human and not a model all the time.”
“I mean it’s not as embarrassing as the one I have of you, Ro.” Patton said and smiled knowingly.
“If you ever show that one to anyone Pat I will write a song about how horrible you are.” Roman threatened, but it was clear there was no heat behind the words.
“Well, now I’m curious. If his jaw hanging open like someone trying to catch flies isn’t the worst picture, what is?”
“You’ll see, eventually.” Patton promised as he skipped off to the changing room to try on his new shirt.
“I don’t know how you keep up with that ball of energy. I’ve been near him for just over an hour, and I’m ready for a nap.” Virgil all but grumbled under his breath, keeping his words low. He didn’t want there to be any way Patton could hear him, considering he was talking bad about him.
Roman laughed, breaking any kind of inconspicuous presence, “Patton can be a big ball of energy, but it’s nice to have that much positivity. Plus, he’s always there when you need him. No matter what. I think that’s something we both agree is nice to have. Some constancy.”
“I hate when you make sense.” Virgil held his clothes closer to his chest, thinking. Is this too much money for Patton to spend on me? I feel like it is. I could deal with just one more pair of jeans and a couple shirts. It’s not like I’m going to be at Roman’s for a long time. I’ll have more clothes soon.
This time it was Patton who broke through his dark thoughts. The youngest was bouncing back to the pair from the dressing rooms saying, “I love the shirt you found, Ro! And it fits all nice-like,” He paused as he looked at the few clothes Virgil had in his arms. “Is that enough, kiddo? I know you probably don’t want me to spend a lot on you, but that’s almost nothing?”
“I’m fine.” That seemed to be his catchphrase today.
“Alright…” Patton’s concerned face didn’t leave but he didn’t push the issue any further. Instead he pulled out his phone and texted Roman quickly, saying he’d buy some Crofter’s for the cookies if Roman would buy Virgil at least one more pair of pants and a shirt. “Why don’t we go pay then?”
“Whatever.” Virgil walked off with Patton.
Roman read his text and smiled slightly at the concern his best friend had for the little emo. He replied with the two flavors he’d like, and proceeded to grab another pair of black jeans with unnecessary zipper pockets and a few more darker shirts. He didn’t have a hard time with choosing, as the ones that he grabbed were ones that Virgil was looking at before putting them back with sad eyes. Both of them, by almost sheer chance, were purple. One other item caught his attention as he walked up to the counter, though. It was a curious looking black hoodie with a purple inner hood. There was also bits of the same purple plaid added by wide white stitching. It looked like it was homemade, but it fit Virgil’s style well. Roman decided to grab it on an impulse, figuring he could keep it for a birthday present. Knowing Patton would keep Virgil busy, Roman went up and paid for the clothes, asking for a bag to put them in. After that was said and done he met up with the two other boys by the front door.
“Ready to run back to the car?” Roman asked. “First one in gets the first thumbprint cookie!”
“You’re so on!” Patton yelled.
The three of them ran out to the car as fast as they could without slipping. Virgil helped keep Patton from tripping, but only once as he ran past the youngest. In only a matter of seconds, all three of them were in the car and out of the rain.
“It’s not fair! Virgil, you have longer legs then Patton or I.” Roman complained teasingly as he started the car.
“Ivity, you’re taller than me. You can’t blame my legs for you being slow as a snail.” Virgil teased right back.
“That is not true!” Roman fired back. “You slouch, but I know for a fact that you’re taller than me. You’ve said so, Anx.”
Virgil felt a small blush and a smile creep onto his lips at Roman’s response. He didn’t think that he would remember that. Shaking it off, he fired something else back. Patton smiled, not really listening, as the two continued to tease one another. His heart grew and pulsed with happiness that despite everything, his kiddos were still able to be on good terms.
“Hey, Ro, how long until we get to the store?” Patton asked as soon as Roman passed over his already plugged in phone. The two sitting in the front both had their hoods off at this point, while Virgil’s was still on. It was a coping mechanism at this point, considering the fact that he was in an unfamiliar place with half-unfamiliar people.
“About twenty minutes,” came Roman’s reply. It was met with a groan from Virgil and a squeal from Patton. What was with this bubbly, chubby boy’s squealing? Virgil leaded back in his seat as Roman asked, “Why?”
Patton did a small shimmy type of a dance in his seat before avidly beginning to search for a song on the phone. Roman put his seatbelt on, closely followed by a forgetful Patton and a reluctant Virgil. There was silence for a few moments as Patton searched, but halfway through the silence, Roman turned on the car engine. Almost immediately after doing so, Patton clicked on a song, and the sounds of a music box winding sounded through the car. Recognition lighted in the drivers eyes, confusion settling in Virgil’s. After a few seconds, the music box started playing a familiar tune, quickly followed by drums and a guitar.
“No…” Virgil said in exasperation as the vocals came in. “This is Extreme isn't it?”
“Hell yeah it is!” Roman answered the one in the back as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Rise, rise and shine. A new day is coming!” he sung along with the song, drumming his fingers.
“Rise,” Patton sang the next lyric, his voice oddly soothing, but scratchy unlike Roman’s soft bartone. “Rise in time–”
“For everything’s under the sun!” The two sang together in harmony, making eye contact and smiling widely at each other. Virgil tried to hide a smile as the two continued to sing along with the recording, opting to hide it by looking out the window. He was touched by the fact that the two were not only singing together, but by the fact that it was this particular Extreme song, Everything Under The Sun.
Flashes of memory hit his vision. His mother, with her same dark hair flying everywhere as she scream-sang ‘Am I ever going to change?’ very similarly to how Roman was singing it now. Him doing an air guitar at the electric guitar solo with his mom watching on lovingly, very similarly to how Patton was pretending to do now. And when the third part kicks in, Virgil and his mother would do air symbols together, pretending to be the source of the clashing sound with wide grins on their faces. With a twitch of his eye, Virgil found the pair up front to be doing the same with large grins. The lone boy in the back wondered just where the time went. Yes, the time in the car to get to this point in the song, but also the time back to when his mother was still alive. Back when she still serenaded him as he tried to sleep with the first part of the song, ‘dream, Daniel, dream, for what’s yet to come...’
Before he could comprehend it, the trio was pulling up to the grocery store, and the song was in it’s climax. Roman was singing at the top of his lungs, with Patton providing the background vocals, as they now attempted to find a parking spot. They pulled into a parking spot, the song coming to an abrupt but peaceful end as it switched back to a music box. Virgil sniffed as Roman put the car in park, now fully aware of the tears that were on his face as his reminiscing. He quickly used his sweater paws to wipe them off, but wasn’t quick enough.
“You okay there, querido?” Roman asked Virgil, sneakily calling him ‘dear’ in Spanish since Virgil didn’t speak that language. His breathing was slightly heavy for just singing for the past twenty minutes. Patton snickered, but also had a worried look on his face.
“Fine.” Virgil really was saying that a lot today.
“You sure?” Roman asked again, but was only met with a glare. There was sort of a pleading in Virgil’s eyes. “Did the song remind you of…?” he trailed off, not sure who to say.
“Remind me again why I would tell you that?” Virgil bit in his usual tone, unlocking his door as he did so. His face no longer held any evidence that he had teared up, but only uncomfort and that same grimace he always wore.
Roman nodded, assuming what he could out of that interaction as Virgil stepped out of the car. Now with only Patton and Roman in the car, the two shared a concerned look. Roman had a small idea of what could have just happened, but Patton had absolutely no clue. Roman wanted to tell Patton his thoughts, but knew it wasn’t his place. Plus it would only make Patton want to comfort Virgil more, and that would be an obvious sign that Roman told him.
“Give him time to open up to you, Pat. He’s still not completely open with me.” Roman gave Patton’s hand a gentle squeeze before getting out of the car.
Patton followed suit and the two walked into the store. Virgil was waiting just inside of the building for them, considering he had no idea why they were there. He could only theorize that it was probably for the cookies or lunch. The youngest boy smiled at him as he grabbed a hand basket, and started skipping to the jam aisle.
Did he really just skip through the store? Virgil thought to himself as he followed behind with Roman. Though I’m not sure why you surprised, dumbass. He’s always so peppy. “Is there anything we need for lunch, Princey?”
“Probably some sauce, my Chemically Imbalanced Romance. I have pasta and hamburger meat.”
“I can go get that.” Virgil offered, putting his hands in his pockets and hunching over. He was getting a few stares, most likely because of his all black attire while standing next to Roman, who was the definition of pep.
“Nonsense. We’ll all go together. Besides, we need your opinion on a jam for the cookies.” He said as the two finally caught up with Patton.
“I got you the Morello Cherry and the Wild Blueberry you wanted, Ro, as well as the Pomegranate.” Patton said showing the basket to the others. “Anything you want Virgil?”
“Um….I-uh. I really liked the strawberry one. But you don’t have to buy a jar just for me.”
“It’s for all of us. Plus I think Roman might eat what’s left of the one he has before we finish the dough for the cookies.” Patton grabbed the Strawberry Crofters as well. “All I need is some powdered sugar, and I have everything we need for the cookies.”
“Sounds good, Pat. We need some sauce for the pasta too.” Roman said as the trio walked to the isle with the sugar.
“Do you have cumin at home?” Virgil asked low, almost too low for Roman to hear.
“Cumin? Not sure. We’ll pick some up, though. The spices are down the same aisle as the sugar.”
The three boys grabbed the last items needed–as well as some sodas–before going to check out. Virgil grabbed the bags when they were ready, despite the protest of his injured arm carrying the lightest bag. Patton wanted to argue that he could help carry some, but the look on Virgil’s face stopped him. Instead, Patton chose to bite the inside of his lip and walk out with the others.
They got situated back into the car. Roman once again handed the phone to Patton so he could pick some music. Virgil went back to looking out the window as Roman started up the car. To Virgil’s surprise, Patton played some classic P!ATD. He was expecting the bubbly boy to only be interested in the newer music or I Write Sins Not Tragedies.
Despite his desire to remain distant and cold, he couldn’t help but softly sing along. Roman and Patton sent each other a secret smile, glad that the dark boy was opening up to them, even a little bit. When Roman pulled up to his house, he waited until the song finished before turning his car off.
“Welcome home, my subjects!” He announced with a sweeping arm gesture as he got out of the car. Virgil rolled his eyes as Patton giggled.
“Thank you, my lord.” Patton said with a slight bow.
Each grabbed a couple bags and headed inside. They put the bags down on the kitchen counter before going back to the entryway to take off their damp shoes and jackets. Virgil, on the other hand, kept his jacket on, even though it probably was soaked to the bone. Neither Roman or Patton said anything.
“Hey, Virgil?” Patton greeted after he and Roman came back to the kitchen from putting the bags of clothes in Roman’s room.
“Yeah?” the boy sitting on the counter responded as he quickly pulled down his sleeve. The movement was worrying, but neither of the onlookers questioned it.
“Do you wanna do lunch or cookies first?” Roman asked instead, moving to the grocery bags.
“Lunch,” Virgil said quickly before taking a deep breath. “Sorry. I’m just… hungry.” And I want to pay you back for what you did. You didn’t have to show me any kindness.
“Alright,” Patton smiled widely. “Can I help you with it?”
“Um… actually. I prefer to cook alone… If that’s okay.” Virgil slipped off of the counter to slink over to where Roman was sorting through the groceries.
“No problem! We can help you get everything you need out, and let you do your magic.” Patton moved toward Roman as well, who shared a smile with both of his guests.
Roman and Patton helped get the things Virgil needed, considering that he wasn’t familiar with the kitchen. When they’re both sure that he had everything he needed, they headed back to Roman’s room. Patton had told Virgil he wanted to see what Roman bought, but really they were going to take the tags off of the clothes for Virgil to make sure he couldn’t try and return them. An ulterior motive was for Patton to comfort and question Roman about the song that he wrote and performed the night prior.
Virgil got to work in the kitchen cooking the spaghetti. He made some meatballs from the ground beef that Roman gave him and used some of the loose leftovers in the sauce. He also managed to find some mozzarella in the fridge, so he made sure to put that in the center of them. Then, he got a large pot and began to boil water for the noodles. When those were cooking, along with the marinara sauce that he was also making from scratch as well, it was time to start the homemade garlic bread. It was easy, mostly because it was just toast with garlic on it. It was something he always made for his mother, and one his father frequently demanded, so he knew the recipe by heart. Virgil felt he had to do everything he could to pay Patton back. Nothing was too much work at this point. Once everything was ready, he grabbed three plates and three forks and set them on the counter, then proceeded to climb the stairs to go to knock on Roman’s door.
“Doing good, Virgil?” Roman poked his head out, not wanting Virgil to see the excess dark clothes since the two were still finishing up with the tags.
Virgil gave a slightly shaky nod before saying, “Lunch is ready when you two are.”
“We’ll be right out.” Roman smiled Virgil for a moment before shutting the door again.
“Okay.” Virgil went back to the kitchen to wait. He felt bad for using so much of Roman’s food, but he felt he had to properly pay Patton back. Not only Patton, as he hadn’t fully paid Roman back yet for what he did for him last night, no matter what the older may say. Now he just had to wait to see if they liked it. The two boys came downstairs fairly quickly, and Patton’s eyes widened at the site of the meatballs in the sauce.
“You made meatballs too?” Virgil gave another jerky nod. “I love meatballs!”
“I’m… glad. They have mozzarella inside.” Virgil pushed the plated filled with spaghetti and bread towards the two boys who were now sitting down at the stools at the breakfast bar.
“I’ve never had them like that. This is going to be amazing, Virgil!” Patton took the plate that Virgil put together for him happily, readying his fork.
“Thanks, Virge.” The gratitude was clear in Roman’s voice after noticing it had less on it that Patton’s.
“You’re welcome.” Virgil plated his up last before joining the others on the stools.
“This is really amazing, Virgil!” Patton said after swallowing his mouthful of food. “The cheese in the meatballs is awesome, and the sauce is extra amazing. I need to start using cumin in mine. I guess.”
Virgil looked away to try and hide his blush, but both boys saw it. “My mother’s secret. Well, actually my grandpa’s, but my mother taught me. You don’t need a lot of it, but it gives it a little more flavor.”
“Well, it’s an amazing addition.” Patton lifted his fork to Virgil in cheers before taking another bite.
Roman hesitantly took a small bite of his own. How the heckity heck can Virgil cook this good?! “I agree with Patton. This is really good.” he mumbled, mouth still full of pasta.
“I’m glad you both like it.” Virgil mumbled as he took another bite of food.
The trio ate mostly in silence. Patton went to get seconds, eventually, with a large smile on his face. To Virgil’s surprise and delight, Roman ate most of what was on his plate. When Virgil finished, he put his plate in the sink, then got to looking for some tupperware to put the leftovers in. Roman got up and helped him before he made much headway.
“I’ll clean this up.” Virgil said as he gestured to the mess of dishes he made.
“I’ll do it after we make the dough for the cookies, Virgil,” Roman assured him. Seeing Virgil was about to argue, Roman added. “Unless you want me to give you some more brightly colored pjs to sleep in tonight. Maybe with some glitter on them.”
“You’re a horrible, vicious person, Prince.” Virgil retorted but he gave a sly smile that Roman knew meant he was being teased.
“Now, kiddos, if you two keep fighting, I’ll just have to eat all the cookies myself.” Patton teased as he put his plate into the sink as well.
“Noooo....!” Roman whined then pouted adorably at the father figure of the group.
Virgil couldn’t help the slight snort of laughter that escaped his lips. Patton smiled brighter than before at the joy he felt from Virgil showing joy. Roman sighed dramatically, but smiled as well as he got some of the items out to make the cookies. Patton helped him grab what they needed as Virgil made sure to organize them on the island. Patton then grabbed himself and the others aprons, then made everyone wash their hands.
“You don’t need a recipe for the cookies, Patton?” Virgil asked the youngest as he was given an apron.
“Nope!” He replied, popping the ‘p’. “I’ve made it so many times I have it all in my head. Like you do with your yummy pasta.”
“Fair point.” Virgil did a frown smile and handed Patton some ingredients.
Patton rolled up his sleeves and started to mix the butter, sugar and egg yolks together by hand before wiping his hands on his apron. He then used the hand mixer to combine them the rest of the way. Virgil added the flour slowly when he was asked. Roman added in the vanilla, the poppy seeds, and the pinch of salt.
“Hey, Patton?” Virgil’s voice was low, but not menacingly. Patton didn’t know just how he was able to do that, but made a humming sound in confirmation that he was ready for the question. Virgil continued after he did so with, “Why did you use your hands at first?”
“I’ve had a lot of sticks of butter go flying away from me when I didn’t. I guess you can say it wanted to be a butterfly!” Patton smiled proudly at his pun. “I was still finding some sugar it took with it a day later. So, I break up the butter by hand so there’s less to go flying away if it does.”
“Oh. That’s one way to keep that from happening.” Virgil suddenly became acutely aware how close he was now standing to Patton. He moved over a bit, hiding his movement as switching his weight to another foot. Patton didn’t notice, but Roman did, who was standing on the other side of the baker.
“Plus it’s fun to get your hands in there,” He took a taste of the dough off the mixer. He made a sound pleasure in the back of his throat before handing one mixer to Roman and one to Virgil.
“You take mine, Pat. I’m saving room for the finished cookies. With Cofters.” Roman smiled, but Virgil cocked an eyebrow at him in disbelief. Roman shot back a look, silently saying that he did actually want to have more room for cookies.
“Alright, Ro.” Patton said instead, turning around to give Virgil the other mixer and missing Roman’s second look.
Virgil took the other one with slight hesitation, and licked a bit of the batter. It was ten times better than any batter he ever made. It wasn’t lumpy or gritty; it was smooth and balanced. It had some flavor, but not too much that it would over power the jam.
“This is really good.” Virgil almost hummed, his mouth twitching upwards. It was the closest he’d gotten to a smile yet.
“I’m glad you like it, but now it’s the fun part. We’re going to make the dough balls! Time to get our hands dirty.” Patton took out a small amount to show Virgil about how big to make them.
Virgil followed suit but got a little bit too much. “Like this?”
“A little bit less. If they’re too big there won’t be enough Crofters in them.” Roman chimed in before Patton could speak, pointing to the one’s Patton’s done.
“Oh,” Virgil took a little bit off so it was closer in size to Patton’s. “Better?”
“That’s perfect, kiddo! Now just roll it into a ball and put it on the tray, like this.” Patton instructed as he put another one of his dough balls on the oiled cookie sheet.
Roman slipped away to do the dishes, letting the two have a nice bonding moment. He was glad that Virgil opened up to Patton enough to do this with him without too much scowling or anxiety.
“Roman, while you’re over there, can you set the oven to 300 degrees?” Patton called to his best friend.
“Wait. He knows how to work an oven?” Virgil teased as Roman turned on the oven to the desired degree.
“Excuse you! I know how to work every appliance here, thank you very much. And I won’t burn down the house either for your information.” Roman made a fake offended pose for added effect.
“Good, because I don’t have the number for the fire department memorized,” Both of the guests couldn’t help but laugh at the offended noises Roman was making. Virgil rolled his eyes afterward, considering that the fire department could be reached through the generic 911. “Virgil do you wanna help me put the tray in the oven?” Patton asked when he heard the oven beep after a while of making balls of dough.
“Uh. Sure.” Virgil agreed as both walked to the oven and Roman moved back to the dishes in the sink. Virgil opened the door for Patton to put them in. With the light of the oven Virgil noticed faint markings on Patton’s arms. Most people wouldn’t have noticed them at all, but it was something Virgil knew very well. He waited until Patton’s arm was clear of the oven so he wouldn’t burn the other man before grabbing his arm.
next part
hey!!! @lovecrazyjennybear!!! your writing is amazing!! and your ideas are solid gold!!! i love working with you and writing with you!!!! yeah!!! she wrote this chapter with me!!! and all the others to come!!!! this is a lot of exclimation points!!!!!!
Summary: Virgil, in dire need of help, goes to the only person that he can go to: Roman Prince. Things go differently than he thought they would.
Warnings: Blood, knife wound, mentions of self stitching, mentions of scars, mentions of manipulation, mentions of hate, mentions of death, swearing, heavy emotionally taxing conversation
Word count: 6000
Pairing: Slowburn Prinxiety
A/N: Virgil and Roman are in the same scene together. There are actual words spoken between Roman and Virgil. This is not a drill, I repeat, this is not a drill!!!
Virgil absoluetly hated that Logan was gone. He wanted nothing more than to know that he had someone to run to that would know what to say or not to say to help him. Logan always knew just how to help him. He was glad that Logan got into the college of his dreams, but in this moment he hated it was so far away. The alternative to Logan made his anxiety go through the roof, but he didn’t have any other choice.
After going through the exchange in his mind several times trying to figure out the worst possible outcome of anything he said or did, he finally walked up to Roman’s house. He gave a tentative knock on the door, debating if he should run before the door opened. But just as he was about to turn away, Virgil saw the door begin to open. He peeked up from under his bangs and saw Roman standing in the doorway.
With a shaky breath, Virgil managed to get his voice to work after several seconds. “So. How’ve you been?”
During this time Roman’s shock was pretty clear on his face. It only escalated when he noticed the blood running down the little bit of Virgil’s wrist and hand that he could see. This was more than one would get from a papercut or a scrape. “You’re covered in blood, Virgil.”
“It’s not my blood.” Why did I say that? Virgil’s inner monologue rattled off. That was really stupid. He’s probably going to think you’re some serial killer now.
“How is that better!?” Roman practically screeched at him, knuckles becoming white because of his hard grip on the door. Whether that was from anger or not he wasn’t entirely sure.
“It’s not,” Yup. He definitely thinks you’re insane. “And it’s not actually someone else’s.” He paused for a moment. “I was just trying to lighten the mood.”
“You haven’t talked to me in months.” Virgil noticed that Roman sounded slightly upset as he spoke, but honestly he can’t blame him.
“I know.” Virgil’s leg began to move on its own accord. This was the point in the conversation that Roman would surely chew him up in his mouth and spit him out. Here was the point where everything went to shit. Luckily, after years of practice, Virgil’s voice doesn’t show any of the emotion he was feeling.
“And you show up on my doorstep, bleeding, after I post a... song.” Roman’s grip on the door loosened slightly, but Virgil didn’t catch it. He was too busy staring at the ground and letting his mind swirl down the darkest paths to realize that Roman was stating facts at this point.
“That’s what happened.” Virgil fiddled with the ever trusty lose string in his jacket pocket.
“And now, after all that,” An exasperated smile began to grow on Roman’s face. “Now you’re trying to ‘lighten the mood???’”
“I never knew how to socialize, Princey.” Virgil looked up at Roman, seeing the smile. That let him relax slightly, but didn’t change most of his thought process. How can you screw this up even more? You’re done for. Even the trash cans aren’t going to want you near them. You should give up now. “And now it’s even worse.”
“How is this worse??” It’s extremely clear now to Virgil that Roman was upset and offended, despite the smile that was on his face.
Virgil knew that smile was too good to be true. “I’m covered in blood.”
Roman sputtered a moment. “Did you just‒did you just use my own words against me?”
“Yes, I did actually.” Despite everything, there was a small part of Virgil that smiled at the fact he got the most popular person to be at a loss for words. He lowered his head once again in case that smile was showing.
After a long moment of silence Roman broke it by saying, “Okay. I’m going to clean you up now.” The determination in his voice was clear.
“Okay?” He looked up, slightly surprised. After offending Roman, that was not the answer Virgil suspected he’d get.
“Then you’re going to talk to me.” Roman shifted his weight, almost as if he were nervous at this statement. Virgil didn’t know why he would be. Roman didn’t have anything to be worried about.
“Okay.” Virgil put his hand that was previously playing with the string in his pocket up on his arm. He hoped it would help stop the blood from flowing down onto the floor of the clearly expensive home.
“Good.” Roman held the door open and motioned for Virgil to come inside. He lead him through the large front room to the dining room table before pointing at a chair in a gesture for Virgil to sit down. Once he did, Roman mimicked the movement. “Alright. Now. Where’s the bleeding coming from?”
Virgil carefully removed his hoodie, unable to stop a wince from escaping. He proceeded to lift his shirt up and off his left arm so that his head and right arm were still in the shirt. A gash that was on the back of his arm close to the shoulder was now fully exposed. Thankfully he noticed that it wasn’t jagged like some of the ones he’d gotten when his father used a broken bottle. Logan was good about working around many obstacles such as the jaggedness of those particular cuts. Then again he also had some practice dealing with cuts that large. Roman probably hadn’t stitched anything in his life, so a clean, straight cut was best.
Despite it being a straight cut it was still pretty long and would take a little while to properly stitch up. Thankfully, in a stroke of pure luck, nothing major was cut. It was, however, bleeding worse now because of the movement needed to expose it, as well as the material rubbing against it.
Roman paled visibly at the sight. “Yikes okay. I’m absolutely NOT qualified for this.”
“Do you really think I am? I have no money for a trip to the ER. Besides, this isn’t the worst one I’ve gotten so get me a needle and thread and we’ll add another scar to the shitshow of my body.” Even though he basically just told Roman that he’s covered in various scars, he’s glad that the wound is in a place that allows him to keep his shirt covering most of them.
“Yikes.” There’s an almost protective look in Roman’s eyes, but he’s not looking at Virgil so he doesn’t notice it.
“Yikes is right.”
After a few moments of more silence, Roman stood to presumably find the sewing kit. While he was gone, Virgil started to think about the reasons why Roman was helping him. On one hand, it could be that he honestly cared and wanted to help someone who had meant so much to him and helped him through a lot. On the other hand, it could be for a mean joke. Maybe when they returned to school, Roman would tell everyone how Virgil was an ugly human being that was covered in scars and injuries that he couldn’t take care of properly. He would talk about how Virgil was so poor he had to go to Roman’s house just to get a needle and thread in a feeble attempt to patch himself up.
Unknowingly, Roman returned and interrupted Virgil’s downward spiral. In his arms he was carrying some paper towels and a first aid kit, “I figured we should probably clean it with more than just a little bit of water.”
“Yeah, probably,” He watched as Roman very gently used a few of the towels to clean up the blood dripping down his arm. If Virgil wasn’t so observant he wouldn’t have noticed that his hands were shaking. Is he scared to hurt me? The thought hit him like a ton of bricks. “You know that’s not the injured part right? You don’t have to be that gentle.”
“Huh?” He looked down and saw where he was cleaning. “Right. Sorry.” He finished cleaning up as much of the dripping blood as he could before getting a wet towel to carefully wipe away some of the blood from the actual wound.
“This next bit is going to sting.” Roman fished out the antiseptic spray and sprayed a good amount on Virgil’s arm. The hiss of pain that escaped Virgil’s mouth was not something he could control. However he could control how the following moments played out.
“Can you thread a needle?” Virgil asked before Roman could start worrying.
With an indigent look on his face and an offended huff, Roman moved Virgil’s hand to press a clean wet towel to the wound. He continued to clean off the wound, going a little overboard now, but gestures to the table. There wasn’t a sewing kit in sight.
“Where’s the kit, Prince?” Virgil said immediately after he pointed, shifting in his seat.
“I’m not going to sew you, Virgil. You aren’t fabric, and I don’t think it would be very sanitary.” Roman half-whispered as he gathered the paper towels he used.
“What else are you going to do? I can’t… I can’t go to the hospital. I can’t. But this,” Virgil desperately gestured to his arm. “This isn’t something I can fix alone.”
Roman sighed. “I’ll help patch you up Virgil, but I’m not going to treat you like some pair of-of ripped pants. I’m not going to drag you to the hospital right this minute, but you will have to go to a doctor of this doesn’t work. If you bleed through what I’m going to do, it’s beyond what I can help you with.”
“We can just… re-patch me if it bleeds through. I’ve done it before. I am not going to the hospital, Princey.” Virgil bit back, crossing his arms the best he could without moving his left one.
“You know I could pick you up and make you go right?”
“You can try that. But you wouldn’t be able to. I’d be long gone before you could catch me.” Virgil shook his head then looked at Roman, determination clear in his eye.
“Virgil-”
“No. Nothing you can say is going to change my mind. I can’t go to the hospital.” He shook his head again, his expression getting more desperate before he all but spit another, “I can’t.”
The two stayed quiet for a moment before Roman broke it. “Virgil, if you don’t take care of yourself correctly, then you can’t expect me to. If you don’t get your injury taken care of properly, if what I do doesn’t help, then… I don’t have to eat.” Deep down he hated that he was using the one thing Virgil couldn’t let him do and live with himself against him, but he was scared and knew it was the only way.
“Did you- Did you just try to coerce me?” The look of shock was clear on Virgil’s face, but deep down he’s impressed. He didn’t think Roman would stoop to his level.
“If that’s what it takes.”
Virgil looked at him for a moment, pursing his lips and nodding. Roman stood up abruptly, deciding that washing his hands thoroughly before putting them anywhere close to a wound was the best idea. He returned to his seat shortly, sitting down and picking up the items again. Virgil couldn’t hide the shock at how knowledgeable Roman looked right after he sat down and grabbed the first aid kit. Why are you surprised though? Virgil thought again. He’s perfect at everything he does. Why wouldn’t he be perfect at sealing up a cut? He probably would be perfect at doing the stitching too if he tried it.
When Roman noticed Virgil’s disbelieving look, he couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, which broke through Virgil’s inner monologue. “I took a first aid class with Patton as moral support for him.”
Virgil nodded at that, giving Roman the go ahead to begin to patch up the cut. Despite the clear terror in Roman’s eyes, his hands were surprisingly steady as he started in the middle of the wound and worked his way out. It’s slower than Virgil would’ve liked, but Roman got the first half done. After drying his hands, Roman got back to work finishing up putting butterfly bandaids on Virgil to get the wound closed.
The bite of pain everytime Roman needed to pinch his skin helped Virgil keep the darker thoughts at bay, in a weird, unhealthy way. He wished for Logan’s speed that had come with practice, but still was extremely glad that Roman was making sure to do it right. If it were rushed or poorly done, it could do more harm than good. Before he knew it, there was a sharper pain than the bandaid process from Roman putting a layer of Neosporin over the now closed wound. Roman then used some gauze to cover it, taping that into place.
Without saying a word, Roman got up and went to the sink to wash the blood off his hands, collecting his thoughts as he did so. He wanted to yell and scream in frustration at Virgil for not letting him explain what happened, but the younger had just shown up at his doorstep and asked him to stitch a very large, definitely not self inflicted gash. After taking a deep breath, Roman walked into his bedroom and picked up a clean pair of grey sweatpants and a royal blue t-shirt. With one quick stop into the bathroom for some pain medication, Roman returned to the dining room.
“I figured you don’t want to put your bloody clothes back on.” He said as he offered the clothes.
Virgil looked at them for a minute before accepting them and finding the bathroom to change. When he returned to Roman, he gave him two pain pills and a glass of water to take them with while he put the dirty clothes into the washing machine. Once that was taken care of, Roman returned to his seat across from Virgil and looked at him.
“Okay. Lets talk.”
Even though he knew that he had promised Roman he would talk after being taken care of, Virgil felt like he’d been put through the wash cycle several times. He was extremely tired and could barely keep himself from yawning. “Listen, Princey, I promised I would talk to you and I will. But can we postpone it long enough for me to get some sleep? You know I don’t get a lot of it anyway and getting patched up takes a lot of my energy.”
With a sigh, Roman agreed. Despite his desperate want to talk and find out why Virgil completely ignored him, he’s not heartless. Anyone could see how tired the younger boy was. He lead Virgil into one of the spare bedrooms and helped him get comfortable. Without really knowing why, he sat on the bed next to Virgil. Virgil believed it was because Roman was worried that if he wasn’t watched, he’d run before the two could talk.
Normally it took Virgil a long time to fall asleep, if he ever managed to. This time was different, for some reason. Within minutes of getting comfortable in the spare bed, surrounded by the smell of Roman, he was sound asleep. Roman looked down at the person who had helped him through so much, and who also had hurt him. Despite himself Roman noticed that Virgil’s features softened out when he slept. The worry lines that were always present on the anxious one’s face had disappeared. It was the most peaceful Virgil ever looked.
For several moments Roman just watched Virgil sleep. He watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. Suddenly Roman felt wetness run down his cheek. The dam that was holding back the different emotions suddenly burst open and he started to cry harder than before. The worry about how many times Virgil got hurt and the worry that this injury may be worse or that he messed up by not making Virgil go to the hospital and It’ll cause a more serious problem bubbled to the surface.
Under all that worry was gratitude. Roman was so grateful that Virgil trusted him enough to come seek out his help. He was so grateful that Virgil was willing to talk to him. Virgil being here and him being safe and more okay than the was forty five minutes ago was more than Roman could take. He didn’t want to wake the peacefully sleeping boy so he quietly got up off the bed and walked to his room in need of an outlet of all the emotions.
Roman grabbed his acoustic guitar and sat on the floor cross legged, tuning it before gently strumming a few warm up cords. Slowly a melody formed, one full of sadness. After a few minutes Roman added words to the melody, pouring his heart and soul into the music. He didn’t realize that the volume of his playing and singing had increased with the fierceness of the emotions, but that didn’t matter. In his emotion filled mind, he was alone, considering his moms were currently gone.
The song found its way into Virgil’s head before he woke up. Once he realized it wasn’t just in his dream, Virgil sat up straight in bed. He listened for several more seconds before deciding the investigate. Quietly he padded out into the hallway to follow the heart wrenching sound. He saw Roman sitting on the floor in his room through the open door, and decided to lean against the doorframe with his good arm. Roman’s eyes were closed, but Virgil could tell the song was about their story. Even the most dense person on the planet could tell that much.
After several moments, Virgil quietly walked until he was standing next to Roman before sitting down. Roman, despite being engrossed in his song, felt the floor shift with the new weight. He opened his eyes slightly and saw Virgil sitting next to him. With a final cord, Roman stopped playing and gently placed the guitar down on his other side and waited. It felt like hours passed through the two of them, but Roman knew it had only been a couple of minutes at most before the other person spoke.
“Princey?”
“Yeah?” Roman looked up at Virgil, finally tearing his eyes away from the guitar.
“I’m,” Virgil swallows. Roman can tell that he’s struggling with the words that are caught in his throat. He was starting to curl in on himself. “I’m sorry. I never should have shut you out like I did. I didn’t know what else to do. All my life it’s always been so much easier--safer--to shut people out.”
Roman gently scooted closer to Virgil so that their knees were touching. He could sense a monologue coming about Virgil’s part of their story.
“I’ve just had so… so much trouble with people abusing my trust. With words or otherwise. I was so fucking scared because… I thought that all you wanted to do was hurt me. Why wouldn’t you? You’re a Prince. You hate me; you’ve always hated me. Then you go and do shit like this,” he gestures wildly to his injured arm, “And I get so fucking confused. I don’t know how to think or act around you anymore. I don’t know who you want me to be. I don’t know who you are,” Virgil’s head is in his hands at this point. “I’m so fucking confused and lost and I don't know how to think anymore. I already said that. I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“Virgil-”
“No, let me finish. Ever since I cut you in line in kindergarten for the slide you’ve had this fucking grudge against me. Yeah. Do you remember that? The whole reason why you hate me? I only did it once but then… then you told everyone that I was a cutter,” he scoffs for a moment at the double meaning. “So I cut, and I cut. I wedged my way into line because that’s what you were telling me I was supposed to do. I was fragile. I was so fucking fragile and instead of having anyone to help me get stronger I was falling apart instead. My mom was dying. Did you know that?,” At this point, Virgil was fuming. “She was diagnosed with cancer the day of the cutting incident. She didn’t live to see my fifth grade graduation, when I met Logan. And who did I have to help me through that? No one. No, wait, I had you. You, you were the thing shaping me. I put all my trust into what you thought of me because I didn’t know better. I didn’t know how to grow by myself because I didn’t have anyone teaching me how. So I became the image that you created of me. And fuck, did that fuck up my mental health.”
Virgil took a much needed deep, shaky breath. Roman opened his mouth to talk, but Virgil shook his head again.
“Shut your mouth; I’m not done yet. You are not good for me. You made me hide and fear the world even more than I already did,” Virgil sounded at the point of tears. “You made me become this villain in the story of you, the Prince. And I should hate you. I should hate you just as much as you hate me, but how the fuck can I? How can I when you were just a kid too, and you didn’t know any better either? How can I when I became the person you thought I was, and you never knew what you did to me? How can I if… if what you said as Ivity was true?” there was a semi-long pause, but Roman could tell Virgil wasn’t done.
“You’ve been going through your own shit in life. I can’t hate you, Ivity. I want to hate you. I want to hate you so much, but… I can’t. I’ve tried so hard to hate you. I’ve tried so fucking hard to justify shutting you out with what you’ve done, but I can’t hate you. I’m so fucking pathetic that I can’t even hate the people I’m supposed to hate. I don’t hate you. I don’t hate Marxious. I don’t hate my dad. I should hate you. I should hate you…”
Roman looked at Virgil for a long time, letting everything he said sink in. The confusion he felt over what was said was hard for him to grasp but it had to be nothing compared to what Virgil was feeling. This was something Virgil had dealt with his whole life. Roman only got a small fraction of that feeling.
“Virgil. I-I am so sorry. I honestly can’t blame you if you hate me. After what I did to you, you should hate me. I hate me. What I did to you is inexcusable, knowing what I know now. I’m the biggest jerk in the world. I understand why you didn’t want to talk to me after you found out I was Ivity.” He takes a breath to stop himself from spiraling down further. “I tried to contact you after I worked through my own emotions from finding out you were Anx. I wanted to explain how I didn’t know that it was you. That it wasn’t some big plan to finally run you into the ground.”
He ran his hands through his hair, trying to think of how to continue. “Everything I told you as Creativity was true. None of that was a lie. None of it was a way to get you to trust me so I could throw it back into your face later. I never told anyone anything you said. The only time was when Patton read over my shoulder. That’s when you met Morality. I asked him to not use his real name or mine because I didn’t want you to pity me or swear something you couldn’t keep because of who I was. I liked not having the fame behind something. I liked that I could tell someone some of my darker issues and not have it plastered on every tabloid and TV station around town.
“Honestly Virgil? Talking to Anxiety is—was—some of the best moments of my day. And now knowing that a lot of your issues stem from what I did to you, how I saw you and made you out to be to everyone, is the worst feeling I can think of. If I wasn’t such a jerk as a kid you might have turned out completely different. You might not have such bad anxiety. You might have never needed to be a part of the Sarras Project in the first place. We might have actually become friends if I wasn’t such a horrible person.” Roman looked at anything besides Virgil. “But… I was glad that I could talk to someone who wanted to help me through my issues. And I’m so sorry I ruined that for us both.”
Roman held his hand up to stop Virgil from responding as he gathered his thoughts again. “I’m glad that despite everything I did, every single thing that got fucked up because of me, you were willing to come here and ask for help. That you trusted me enough to ask me for help. I know that it is nowhere near enough to fix everything that I ruined but it honestly means a lot. I’m here for you. I always will be. Even if you never want to talk to me again I just want you to know that.”
“Creativity,” Virgil sniffed. At some point he started crying. “Did you not hear a word I just said?”
Roman looked at Virgil when he heard him sniff, “You said you didn’t hate me. You said that you couldn’t hate me. But just because I’ve been going through my own shit doesn’t mean what I did to you is excusable. I know what you said Virgil, but honestly I don’t know if I can forgive myself as easily as you forgave me,” There was a part of Roman that thought maybe all of this was caused by the pain meds, and that when they wore off Virgil would realize that he did hate Roman and run, shoving him away forever. “I don’t know if I could live with myself if you changed your mind.” He said it more to himself, not completely aware that he said it out loud.
“You may have royally fucked me up, pun intended, but who the hell hasn’t? Everyone in my life has done something to contribute to the fucked up person I am today. My mom died and left me with a father who.. Well. Didn’t raise me. Logan gave me dependency issues. Marxious gave me trust issues. And… you… what kid-you did isn’t okay. It will never be okay, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t give now-you a second chance? The shit you’re saying now is reason enough to give you that chance,” Virgil wiped his nose with the back of his hand, shrugging. “If you think about it, I never had to listen to you. I never had to listen to anybody or take any of the beatings. But I did. And that’s fault on me too. You’re not the only one at fault, Ro.”
Roman scoffed. “Leave it to you to make a pun in this heartfelt moment. Have you no tact?” He gave Virgil a sly little smile, letting him now he’s messing with him. “If I have to be completely honest I’d rather have you to be there fucked up with me than for us to be fucked up alone. The last few months have absolutely sucked without the Emo-Nightmare to talk to. Patton’s helped as much as he can but it’s not the same. And Virge? Thank you. Thank you for giving me a second chance.”
Virgil was still hunched in on himself, but he took a moment to examine the situation before him. His worst bully and tormenter in life was sitting next to him, their knees touching. Not only was this person the same person that made him have several panic attacks, but he also was the person that helped him through several others. This didn’t make sense. Nothing about this made any sort of logical sense, and Virgil had no clue what to do with that. He was basically raised by his best friend, and Logan was the most logical thinker anyone could come across. Logically, he should hate Roman for what he did to Virgil. He should forgive him to be the better person, then cut him out of his life again.
But here Virgil was, on the floor with tear tracks on his face and a homemade patch up job on his arm, wanting to embrace Roman and never let go. That wasn’t logical, but Virgil moved so that his head was laying on the older’s shoulder. It was awkward and uncomfortable for a few moments before Roman moved to accommodate him.
Virgil took a moment to ground himself in the moment by looking around Roman’s room. His room is smaller than Virgil would have imagined it, but still a decently large size. There was a large queen size bed in the corner, just barely underneath the window that spanned across one of the walls. It had a white metal frame that must have been very old, as it was rusting in some places. The comforter wasn’t red and gold as Virgil would have imagined, but it was actually a soft sage with yellow-green vines bordering the edges. It reminded him of Roman’s blog theme. The curtains were a thin mesh fabric of the same yellow-green color, carrying this color scheme off the bed. After his eyes left the curtains, they found the matching white desk to the bed against the wall of the other side of the room. On the floor on one end of the desk was a stand for the guitar currently laying on the ground beside Roman. On the other end was an old, broken guitar that had been repurposed as a planter box. The strings were removed, but the vines that crawled up the neck of it took their place. They balanced each other out nicely.
Right before Virgil was about to open his mouth, his eye caught on the wall just beside the desk. There were several band and musical posters, including Queen, Heathers, One Direction, Nirvana, Hamilton, and a signed poster of Justin Bieber with a long personalized message. Virgil filed those away mentally for later before his eyes drifted onto the door. It was hard to make out exactly in this light, but there seemed to be a small mural of a forest painted over it. It was complete with a blue sky and a little “P” signature in the bottom right hand corner. Virgil smiled internally as he looked it over. While he did so, he played with the fibers of the rug beneath him. He didn’t get a good look at it yet, but once he did, he realized that it was round and the same shade of sage as the comforter.
“You’re a paradox, Ivity.” Virgil settled on after the several moments of silence of him gazing around the room. Roman cocked his head, looking down at the one on his shoulder, letting Virgil continue. “You make me feel so many different emotions. I… I don’t think I could have survived for much longer without you, as cheesy as that sounds. But Logan gave me a pep talk, and now? Now we are here. And I’m sorry, and you’re sorry--there is a lot of things to be sorry about--and we’re sitting on your bedroom floor. Which, by the way, is a lot less... How should I put this… royal and flamboyant than I pictured it.”
Roman chuckled at how Virgil described his room. “Well even someone as regal as myself has to have a space to make his own. Somewhere he doesn’t have to have his walls up.” He made a grand sweeping gesture with his free arm. “This is mine. No show. Just me deep down,” there was a pause. “Hang on a second. Logan gave you a pep talk? Honestly I thought he’d be more prone to giving you a 20 page stack of the pros and cons about talking to me.”
“He saw how much I was hurting without you. But there was a 20 minute conversation of pros and cons that ended in him yelling in my ear to go to you because of my arm.’
“I’ll have to remember to thank Logan for having that conversation with you. And then maybe smack him for making you bleed for 20 minutes longer than you should have because he had to list off pros and cons,” he paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “This isn’t exactly how I expected the first time we talked after you found out I was Creativity. I never thought it would be held on my bedroom floor after crying like a baby and being asked to medically sew you up.”
“Wait,” Virgil moved so that he could be face to face with Roman. “Crying like a baby? What?”
Roman nodded. “At the end of my recording. I cut out before it got too bad.” He kept his eyes locked with Virgil’s. “I honestly don’t know how I kept it together through all of it.”
After Roman stopped speaking, Virgil turned his body back to the position he was in earlier. He didn’t do eye contact, because whenever he held it for too long, he’d be questioned and yelled at. He made himself comfortable again against Roman’s side. It was a very nice place to be, and was one of the better places he’d ever been. He would say that Roman’s bedroom in his very large house was the best place he’d ever been to if it weren’t for Logan’s house. And, believe it or not, Logan was a very comfortable cuddler and very clingy in his sleep. Virgil shook his head for a moment, thoughts going off-track.
“I didn’t make it through the end so… My dad stopped me in the middle of the second verse.” Virgil confessed and began to pay more attention to his hand that was playing with the sage color rug.
Roman looked at Virgil, not saying anything. The protectiveness he felt for those he cared about was flaring up in his chest. How could anyone hurt another human the way Virgil’s father hurt him? Based on the minimal things Roman knew however, if he confronted his father it would not end well. He couldn’t put the smaller boy into any more danger. Two ideas popped into his head but he tabled one for later. “Would you like to finish listening to it?”
Carefully and slowly, Virgil moved his right arm so that it was behind Roman’s back. This allowed him to get closer to the older and soak up all his body heat. He shook his head after doing so, his hair rubbing against Roman’s chin. His head was almost in the crook of his neck, and the nod could have been a nuzzle if Roman hadn’t asked the question.
Softly Roman can’t help but chuckle at him. He was really happy that Virgil felt comfortable curling up against him. Roman refused to move until he noticed Virgil’s breathing even out. Once he’s completely sure that the younger one was sleeping, he gently picked him up, making sure not to wake him. He quietly carried him to the bed and laid him down. Then Roman changed into his PJs and curled up next to him, falling asleep shortly after.
next part
Another shoutout? You bet it is! So basically half of this chapter was actually written by @lovecrazyjennybear. She is absolietly amazing, and her writing reflects that. Fuck, she’s awesome. You know what she did? I was goofing around and gave a little bit of diolouge that I thought might happen with Virgil and Roman seeing eachother again after the whole knife thing, and then she wrote it? She took it, and ran with it?? Most, if not all, of their begining conversation is her. And she wrote Roman’s lines in the confession! I cannot describe how great of a supporter, writer, and friend she is. Maybe I’ll try again later?
Warnings: Self depreciation, references to abuse, reference to past death, crying, rooftops, stargazing
Word Count: 1629
Pairings: Slowburn Prinxiety
A/N: Once again, I’m sorry that this a day late. Taglist is under the cut. I hope you enjoy this rooftop Virgil angst that has literally no dialogue (that’s my strong point I guess)
also tagging @fedorafreak15 because they seemed to like the idea post for this fic so uh,, hello this is like the middle of the story but yeah
~•~
Saturday, May 19, 2018. Two months since the loss of Creativity
Virgil could see everything from up there. He could see all the lights that were still on at the late hour, as well as the gaps of darkness. It was peaceful, with the wind whipping through his hair, making it bounce and whispering a foreign promise to his ear. The cold wrapped around his body like a reverse blanket, snatching all the heat from his body. If he wasn’t wearing his sweatshirt up here, he wouldn’t be able to stand the night’s air. Not like that mattered much to him anyway.
Virgil always liked it up here. He loved just being able to just be. With it only him and the stars above, he didn't need to worry about the world underneath him. Virgil could just watch from here up on his roof, content to silently contemplate with the stars. A particularly strong gust of wind blew on Virgil’s back, making the boy shiver. He probably should be getting back to his room, but he had no desire to. Up on the roof, he was Virgil. Down in his room, he was just another burden.
There were very few places now that Virgil was just Virgil and nothing else. The prospect of only being himself was almost unthinkable now. Almost every single one of the places he was just Virgil either disappeared with the years or crumbled before his eyes. But to Logan, he was just Virgil. Just Virgil, who he drove to school and helped with homework. Just Virgil, who he laughed with and protected when he could. Just Virgil who was his friend, and who came overnight frequently with fear in his eyes. Just Virgil, who Logan would be leaving for college in just a few months.
Other than Logan, he had the roof. With the rooftop, it wasn’t anything like how he was with Logan. Sure, he loved the smart tie-wearing boy, but Virgil was still just another burden on the older’s already heavy shoulders. Just Virgil, the reason Logan felt guilty in leaving to his dream college, because Logan could no longer help Virgil if he was that far away. Being up there, in the cold night wind all alone, was the only time he was truly Virgil anymore. Alone with the night sky was the single place he couldn’t burden others.
The boy brought his legs up to his chest, trying to keep some heat in his body. He cranked his neck, head falling back, so he could look straight up at the stars. His hair flopped back ungracefully as he maintained the odd position of his neck. Half of it was still on his forehead while the other stood on it’s ends, falling back with gravity. It felt odd to not have the mess of purple covering his eyes. A surprisingly steady breath escaped him and dissipated toward the stars. He could see why Logan liked the night sky so much; they both would have to go stargazing again.
A thought cut itself through Virgil’s mind, making a pang stab at his heart. Creativity--no, Roman--said he always dreamed of going stargazing with someone. Virgil’s face twisted, his eyes squeezing shut and his teeth moving to worry his lip between them. The unsafe habit of letting his mind think back to the conversations he had with Ivity still managed to take hold of his thoughts. Virgil tried so hard to convince the rest of his mind, and his heart, that those secrets and warm words were all a lie.
But somehow, he couldn’t. No matter what Virgil tried, his thoughts always weaved their way back to him. When he found himself, usually on the floor, after particularly hard confrontations or difficult days, he thought back to a small tidbit of conversation with Ivity. How Iv- Roman managed to calm him down from panic attacks, or sent message after message of reassurances on his worst days. Virgil hugged onto his knees tighter. Even if Virgil tried to scold himself, degrade himself, on how he couldn’t keep latching onto lies, he still didn’t forget. As tears flowed down his cheeks on those bad days, mustering the strength to yell in his own head that none of those sweet words mattered.
Virgil’s breath hitched, but he managed to breath out smooth enough. He raised his hand to use his finger to connect the dots of the Big Dipper. It was upside down, but that was okay, since it was the only constellation he knew. His frown that managed to settle on his pale face deepened as his train of thought finally derailed from Creativity, but onto a deeper subject.
The boy alone on the roof remembered when his mom showed him the constellation’s place in the sky. They were laying down in the backyard of Virgil’s childhood home, stargazing because it was the first clear night in weeks. He could recall the light in her eyes as she pointed out the different stars and shapes they made to her son. Virgil’s eyes closed, and he could feel pressure rising behind his eyes and nose. His frown turned upwards slightly, but stayed mostly down. The boy was suddenly a child again, and he could feel his mother’s soft black hair underneath his head. He could feel her hand atop his and see her free arm pointing up to draw the Big Dipper. He could hear the whisper of her voice in the wind, telling him that the Big Dipper was the ladle that the universe soup spilled out of.
Virgil’s pitch dark eyes opened once again to find himself staring at the collection of stars. His vision turned completely blurry, the sky of yesteryear still ingrained in his memory. He could hear her heartbeat, so steady and strong, fade away into nothingness with the switching off of a motion activated light. A broken word left his lips, too mangled by the breathy sob that came with it to be clear. A tear landed on his hand, which made him blink away the rest.
The happiness that covered the memory more efficiently then the darkness covered the earth at night was slowly fading away. The harsh truth of reality was crashing back as Virgil buried his head in his knees. He buried away the memory as well, trying to maintain himself on the complexes rooftop. He had to bury the thought of her before her burial smothered him, took a hold of all emotions. Virgil didn’t know how to do this properly, how to grieve. He had that right stolen away from him when the hurt was fresh; taken away selfishly by his father who made him mature far to quick. It had already been so long without her that he didn't understand the way to look back without reopening the wound. Creativity would. He could help Virgil, but that wasn’t an option anymore. And at this point, Virgil didn’t know if it ever was.
~•~
The sky hated him today. The night prior, everything had been clear for the first time in weeks. In the middle of all the turmoil that plagued Virgil’s ever conscious mind, the clouds decided to depart to allow him to replay a bittersweet memory. In the presence of the sunlight, the clouds gave no such grace. They gathered and they stormed, obscuring sun and bringing out the colder wind. Water was in the air, hanging from above and waiting to be dropped. The sidewalks were darker, as were the shadows along them.
Virgil came to a stop, looking up from the pavement underneath his thinning black converse. The soles of the shoes would wear through soon, but he didn't have anything to replace them. Duck Tape would do again, although the rain would prove a challenge against them. He shifted his hands inside his pockets, the fabric rubbing up against him. He could feel the cold of the zipper from underneath his thin shirt. After a few more moments, Virgil was able to cross the street, leaving The Wooden Dog Complex to venture to The Wooden Dog. His feet picked up his pace as he neared the end of the street, eventually hopping up onto the other sidewalk before the walking timer turned to ten.
Virgil was on his way to Logan’s house, which happened to be across the street and at the very back of the neighborhood. Technically speaking, Virgil was just going deeper into his own housing development, since his father’s condo and Logan’s home shared the same name and original developers. After last night, and the almost revelation the purple haired boy had about his lack of safe spaces, Virgil decided to tell Logan the truth. Not the whole truth of everything, and definitely not the second reason why he was leaving his own living area and was on the roof last night. Instead, Virgil would tell his best friend that he found out who Creativity was two months ago, and that he was absolutely crushed when he did.
Words were definitely not Virgil’s strong point. He could describe his feelings through words in a relatively okay way online, but he was lost when he didn’t have a screen before him. Talking to people was hard enough as it is, and piling on trying to explain something highly emotional just made everything more difficult. Even worse was when Virgil tried to explain what he was feeling to a person who also didn't know how to describe feelings.
Virgil ducked his head again to watch each step he took as he continued into the neighborhood. As the music that played through his headphones underneath his hood washed over him, he silently hoped that the rain would stay away today.
