#failed expectations

[bingoboingobongo]

throwback to this poem i wrote for school and posted on my spam last year cus my teacher gave me a bad grade for it and im still pissed but also bc i low-key really liked this poem and also just seeing everyone's attempts at analyzing it (none of them were "right" (as in it wasn't what it was meant to convey) but i still encourage you to try and create your own analysis).

anyways now im doing my own analysis on it again bc wth.

my analysis:

ok so the main thing about this poem is that it was part of a collection (that was the assignment). there were two other poems before this, and the theme/motif of the whole collection was failed expectations/failure, etc.

this was my favorite poem out of the whole thing (but not my teacher's cus she was annoying and didn't read my analysis even though she said that was the part she was grading) because not only did it carry the theme of failure within the poem itself, it also did so in a "meta" way.

it actually begins with the first two poems, which were significantly longer and seemingly more complex (although imo they were more shallow than this one). the first two poems serve to establish an expectation for the third poem. the reader is meant to expect it to follow the same quality as the first two. this is further perpetuated by the title: the best poem yet. emphasis on the word yet.

this signals to the reader that this is going to be even better than the first two poems, and so the reader now has very high expectations. but when they actually read it, many readers (including my annoying ass english teacher) are disappointed by it's simplicity. the poem failed their expectations, therefore continuing the theme of failure in a wider, broader scheme.

ofc u have the theme of failure within the poem, with the cat failing to catch the rat, but that's not the main point. the main point is that the poem as a whole is disappointing, and is failing the expectations the past poems set up.

that being said though, it's kinda ironic because in my opinion, this literally is the best poem yet because it has immensely more meaning and depth than the others, but also if it's the best than it defeats the purpose and becomes a failure, but if it's a failure than that's good, etc. etc. kinda a snake eating its own tail thing.

anyways, that was the intended analysis but it was honestly really cool to see how other people interpreted it. obviously since they didn't have the previous poems they couldn't see the broader scheme, but it was really cool to see what parts people latched onto.

for example, multiple people I think latched onto the 'very fat' part and saw the poem as some sort of metaphor for eating disorders or body image issues, which wasn't what it was meant to be but im glad people could find comfort in it.

also pretty much everyone said it was giving natsuki from ddlc vibes which i high-key fw bc she was my favorite character and her poems are awesome.

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . expecting some gratification which not only never comes, but which never even begins to come.

Anthony Trollope, from Can You Forgive Her?

[aglimpseofhim]

When people fail me, help me to look up to You.

Let me fix my eyes on You, God.

[wretchedsnek]

Silly Game Time: First, look to your right. What's the first object your eyes focus on? (If it's just a wall, pick a different direction until you see an object.)

Second, what's your favorite color? (Try to be specific about the shade—not just "orange", but "fox fur" or "pumpkin", for example.)

Combine the two to discover ... YOUR KICKASS BAND NAME! (Myself, I got Violet Veranda!)

Magenta Bathtub Drain. It feels like it's one step away from having some sort of profound meaning, but then it gets lost in the void.

[unbolt-me]

mark 8:36

every last piece of evidence dissolved as i lay there in silence the gold rush of my youth had gone with nothing to show for in my pan they steeled their bonds with stagecoach power left me to rot in riverbed dreams built their nation on monied towers groundhog foundations all the way downstream who cares that i’d had better angels who cares that they were both now gone who cares that i’d…

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[starlit-spice]

i've realized that i'm more sensitive to changes, in routine or expectations, than originally thought. it was evidenced by an event last night. we went to trivia, had a wonderful time minus a little overstimulation, and were going to get a crumbl cookies. i've been chasing the brownie for the entire week with no luck. finally, when i checked the app, it said it was in and i got so excited! we placed the order and drove the few hundred feet from trivia to the store.

i got out and went inside, checked in and moved to the side to wait. then one of the workers comes out and says that due to some prep mishaps, they were out of 75% of the menu. i got a replacement cookie, thanked them, then left. between the store and my car, i just broke down in frustration and disappointment. got into the car and my partner tried to talk me through it and figure out a trigger. and that's what we realized.

it sucks that my mind is wired that way, i hate that something to fucking small can cause a meltdown, but i just have to realize that life happens. it'll never be an immediate realization, but hopefully it will curb a meltdown before it's too big. they say the changes in routine are hard for those with autism, but i don't think most include the sudden changes in expectations.

[howifeltabouthim]

How great might have been his success, and how terrible was his failure!

Anthony Trollope, from Phineas Finn

[unbolt-me]

numen mentis

there’s whale song lilting in my brain e’er beyond a distant shore away from the fever dreams i had circumnavigated to be with you in stoic avoidance i’d edged between foam and dune got shipwrecked in lieu of belonging and realised this place was ne’er home nor bullion of promises meant for me was it e’er only me this resolve i had to follow you had it e’er been the face of god that mine hands…

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