#false labor

[miss-rogers-all-american]

May or may not be in actually labor!! God willing I am, I can’t wait to meet this little boy. Pray for me! If I am in labor it looks like we have a long while to go, so I’m going to go to bed and hopefully be awoken sometime in the night with stronger contractions!

[spockvarietyhour]

Take your Cylon Centurion Prototype to work day.

[pro-birth]

From Lovewell Collective

[miss-rogers-all-american]

Prodromal labor on an off for two days…. You’re telling me this could go on for weeks??? It’s not even painful, but it’s like being pranked.

The baby’s coming! Ha- just kidding you could have anywhere from one hour to three weeks left!!!

[saispecialitycenter]

Prodromal Labor - Sai Speciality Center

Prodromal labor is a false labor stage in pregnancy where painful contractions occur but don’t intensify or get closer together like true labor.

Prodromal Labor (False Labor) - Causes, Symptoms, & Treatment

Prodromal labor is a false labor stage in pregnancy where painful contractions occur but don’t intensify or get closer together like true la

[avereunavita]

So turns out prodromal labor is a thing… 🤷‍♀️. The whole pregnancy process is beginning to feel like nature’s biggest fuck you.

[redpandahappypanda]

So everybody and their grandmother will suggest their own methods of labor induction when you start (truthfully) telling them how you feel at the end of your pregnancy.

Frankly, they are never helpful tips.

Castor oil: an emetic, causing horrific intestinal cramps, nausea and diarrhea. Supposedly takinng a shot of castor oil will irritate your uterus enough cause contractions. While yeah, this is basically true, I cannot think of a more horrific way of going into labor. Raging shit streaming from my butthole? Hard pass.

Have sex! Or alternatively, masturbate.

Uh, do you think I could find my own vagina with both hands and a map, much less direct a partner to the appropriate orifice? Semen does contain prostaglandins, which are a cervical ripener. And orgasm itself is a kind of uterine contraction. But you would have to reserve literal CUPS of the stuff and be shooting it up there turkey-baster style for it to do much of anything besides make your cervix a tiny bit softer. Orgasm while also being a type of contraction, is not the RIGHT kind of contraction. It is more likely that the oxytocin released by orgasm does more for dilation and effacement than the physical reaction.

(Not to mention that a pregnant person may not feel up to having someone all up in their biz. Being giant can be super uncomfortable, you might have a lot of pelvic pressure and having ANYTHING in or even near your vagina can bring involuntary tears to your eyes.)

Walk! Yeah, no. You could walk a marathon and it isn't going to force you into labor. You're more likely to just exhaust yourself and risk dehydration. Dehydration can cause contractions and muscle cramps, but they are STILL not the right KIND of contractions. It's not going to do much other than make you super uncomfortable.

Fry some eggplant! You got me folks. I have no idea what it is, but old wives alike all swear by eating fried eggplant to induce labor. Who knows? I'd try it.

Eat Spicy Foods! Yeah, I think this is an extension of the castor oil thing. It's just as likely to not do much other than give you liquid lava pouring out your anus.

Go for a drive on a bumpy road! This is one that surprisingly *can* help speed things along...But you gotta already be pretty well-primed. The jostling can cause your membranes to rupture and your water to break. But unless you're ready dialated a certain amount, or your membranes are ready to go, this just may be uncomfortable.

And unless your body is already ready to go into labor, none of this is going to help. The best thing you can do, is ask how the parent to be is feeling, and be prepared to sympathize, but DO NOT offer a solution. It's not helpful. It's annoying.

[redpandahappypanda]

Haaa, yay false labor contractions at fucking 24 weeks and three days

These can stop at any time now