Odd question but how do you stop being a lurker?
I really wanna interact with other people in my fandoms but I've seen so many things get blown out of proportion and people getting dogpiled on for petty reasons that it makes me super anxious.
Hi, Nonnie!
I understand where you're coming from, many of us feel this way sometimes.
I've answered similar asks like this about joining in more with fandom, and I'll list them at the end of this post so you can see you certainly aren't alone.
I have some tips for coming out of lurking that I hope can help you out! Most of these tips will be for Tumblr but can be applied to any platform, including ao3, or other social media sites besides Tumblr.
If you have a lurking/anonymous blog for fandom that brings you joy to use, I strongly recommend keeping it just as it is! Meanwhile, you can open a new blog/account for interacting with the fandom. (Alternatively, if you're happy for your Main to be interacted with, stick with that blog! You have to pick which suits you best, Nonnie.)
So once you have your chosen blog to interact with, the best way to start interacting with the fandom is:
-Follow some blogs
-Like, reblog, and comment on other blogs' posts
-Send asks, or start a tag game, or join in ongoing creative tag games (writblr, artists on tumblr, wip shares, etc.) or events. Even if you aren't a writer/artist yourself, you can comment on and follow what creators in the fandom are doing.
-comment on writer's ao3 works, follow them on Tumblr if they list their blog, send them nice asks about their fics (writers will love you for that!)
This is all a good start! I wouldn't worry too much about the quantity of your interactions at first. You don't want to overwhelm yourself! Focus on quality; try to be thoughtful in your comments, and this will come through in the text. One thoughtful and positive comment can really make someone's day! Putting something nice into your fandom by making a kind comment is an achievement in itself.
Little by little, do these interactions more and more, and you should soon start to see people interact with you in kind. Blogs will reply back or follow you, and you'll start to notice certain blogs in your notifications.
Not every blog/user will want to be friends or follow your blog, and it's worth remembering that. Some people want new friends, some don't. That's okay, don't take it personally if one blog in particular isn't available. Be aware of who seems happy to interact and chat, and focus your replies to them. Try not to focus on those who don't or can't reply (perhaps they have a hectic home life and can't interact online right now; we just don't know! Give them the benefit of doubt).
The more people/blogs you chat to, the more chances you give yourself. For example if I went to a party and only said hi to one person, I'm only giving myself one chance at finding a new acquaintance. But if I chatted to a few more people (not necessarily at the same party, but in time!) I'm giving myself more chances at finding my people.
I understand that putting yourself out there socially is intimidating. It is online just as much in real life situations. At least with online we can have a pseud or nickname, and a profile picture that isn't a selfie. It gives you protection and anonymity. This is why I suggest using a side blog for your fandom interactions; you could create a brand new pseud if that suits you more and eases the pressure. Try it out?
With any new social interaction, try to look at things with a glass half full outlook. Say to yourself, if I say good morning to this person or pay them a compliment, I will have done a nice thing, and if they say hi back or reciprocate then it's simply a bonus on top.
You can also try saying this aloud:
I am here to have fun and enjoy myself. If I meet other like-minded people along the way it's a bonus I will gladly accept. I am ready to receive new friends.
I hope this helps you, Nonnie!
Try not to pressure yourself into chatting/interactions. Accept that some days you may not feel like it, while other days you may want to comment or chat. Do what feels right for you, and don't try to do it all at once. Little by little. One step at a time.
You can say to yourself, I'll try to comment on someone's post today. Or, I'll tell one of my favourite writers/artists what I enjoy about their work today.
Little steps like this.
It's really hard to go wrong with genuine, thoughtful, and positive responses in fandom. You don't have to write loads, a short comment is just as valuable.
Is there a gif making or headcanon blog that you enjoy? Send them a nice ask or reblog their post with a nice comment. Everyone behind a blog will always notice the positive responses in their notifications.
In summary, Nonnie:
-Try out some positive comments
-Don't overwhelm yourself
-One step at a time
-Block or filter anyone/anything that annoys you! Block liberally.
I hope that helps! Here are some more answered asks that may also help you out.
How to make fandom friends:
Making space for yourself:
Help with leaving comments:
