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fuck im so fucking boring

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(Nickname: Milk). I've been having a really hard time connecting with people. When I feel like having a conversation words never come to me, and when someone talks to me I have no idea what to say, and they think I'm boring. I feel so lonely b/c of this. I don't have any friends I talk to anymore. I used to be an extrovert when I was smaller, I have no idea what is wrong with me. I feel like a freak and that I'll die having no friends. Thanks for your help, good luck on your online teaching :)

Hey Milk,

Let me ask you a question. What are you passionate about? What interests you? It’s hard to have a conversation with people whom you have nothing in common with. You can learn to make small talks but small talks and a real conversation between friends are completely different things. Small talks last about five to ten minutes at social gatherings typically. Here is what I’ve discovered about conversing with people. Talk about things that interests you. Talk about things that fascinates you. If they’re telling a story, listen to it and if there’s something in the story that peaks your interest probe about it. Sometimes you don’t have anything to elaborate on and that’s okay. Remember that you don’t always have to be speaking to be interesting. Sometimes it’s harder to find someone whom you can be quiet with.

It does not make you a freak if you cannot understand or work small talks. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. You’re not going to die alone unless you make it happen. What I can advise to you right now is to discover your hobbies and see if there’s any events relating to those hobbies around your area. By going to events that interest you, you’ll expose yourself to people who are similar to you. That’ll give you something to talk about. Don’t be afraid to talk to people and allow yourself to be silly. I’m not sure how old you are but trust that you’ll meet people who will be great friends. It may not be today or tomorrow but maybe one day you’ll get along very well with your co-workers. Maybe you’ll take a science lab class one day and your lab partner is a complete nut and you’ll love them. I had really good friends when I was a child. Then I had to move to America. On the other side of the globe, any friends I had I no longer had. So I made new friends. They also left me. From senior year of high school to college, I had very few friends but the friends I made that last 6 months of college turned out to be my best friends now. So trust that something is going to happen as long as you allow yourself to be around people and just be happy. Don’t force a friendship. Remember that you don’t have to be hanging every day to be good friends. One of my friends is now living in Korea and we are still super close. I moved to a new state and I haven’t seen or texted my friends back at home in weeks and they’re still coming to hang with me this weekend as we had planned before. My best friend moved to New York ten years ago and we text twice a year and she’s still going to be my maid of honor when I get married.

So to conclude take these few points with you

Be yourself.

Talk about things that interest you. Don’t fake interest in things for others.

Remove any unrealistic expectations you have for a what a friendship is.

If you’re happy, then you're happy. Don’t compare your friendship to anyone’s.

It’s okay to prefer to be around 2-4 people instead of 10-15. It’s okay not to have an army of friends.

I love you.

Always by your side,

Kelly