Sep 10, 2019
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listen with conviction
I saw this post on Stephen Satterfield‘s instagram. It spoke to me in a way I must have needed that day. I created a screenshot and looked at it every day since. You can see the pic isn’t all that much to write home about, though I am a fan of sunset photos. No, what got me was his caption. If it’s in your head then you gotta let it out. If it’s in your chest then put it in the air. If it’s in…
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creating a home in the house we built
creating a home in the house we built
Whoa! We’ve lived here two weeks and five days. The kitchen was a shit-show. Oh, who am I kidding, the whole damn house was a shit-show! How it started. and How it’s going. Sunset bubbly on the roof! I’ve been working so hard and feeling super overwhelmed. But I’m creating a home and that takes hard work and a great deal of patience. I’ve got loads of hard work in me. I seem to be a bit short…
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When you low key actually love your job but don't want to brag about it/jinx yourself
Settling in
Monday, Feb 16, 2015, 2pm
I have found it hard to carve out time for blogging. This will change. I have finally gotten settled. And I made a great friend here, also a Ph.D. student from the U.S. who is bad at foreign languages. We have lots in common and have been watching the new SVUs together. We went to Carnival yesterday — there was a parade in the streets, everyone was in costume, and I was pushing little kids out of the way to grab at the candy they were throwing out at the crowds. They gave away the most delicious Turkish delight I’ve ever had! Strawberry flavored….
Needless to say I am eating sugar again. I was doing so well — my plan was to take pictures of everything I ate and post them to this blog. I’m bummed I had to triple the dose of Lithium I take (from 150 to 450mg!) to prevent that manic episode I thought I felt coming on…. But once I get in a routine and can sleep better again, I will cut that out completely and just take 75mg of Lamotrigine. What sucks is having to wake up at 8am for my German language class! I need to get in bed by 8 the night before to secure at least 8-9 hours of solid sleep, what with all my waking up in the middle of the night and lying awake in a half-dream state. My cortisol level must still be super high — I wish I knew how to turn it down. But there is always something to worry about! The future is a storehouse of endless fodder for worry.
leaving things on a good note
Thursday, I saw Chance for the first time in months... and we actually talked, for the first time in over a year.
And it was surprisingly good. I congratulated him on his engagement, and he asked if I was happy with Jordan. And I said yes, very happy actually. And we talked a little about our lives. And we talked with Kayla. And he text me later and said "It was good seeing you. And I'm really happy for you!"
He's kind of a real person now. And I'm happy for him. And I'm proud.
Sometimes I wish we could've just been friends, and never dated.
But if we hadn't, I wouldn't be who I am now. And I wouldn't be with Jordan. And I wouldn't be so happy. And maybe Chance wouldn't be so happy either.