Thoughts.
I am 200% pro choice and pro abortion if it's what you want to do, having had two myself. I'm an advocate for women's rights and doing what they want with their bodies, equality and standing up for what we believe.
But there is so much to be said about the lack of aftercare after an abortion and how you're tossed back into your life like nothing has happened and expected to snap back into the norm with no support or option of counselling.
Some may be fortunate enough to be able to do that and of those I'm envious. I see and present myself as a strong, independent and outspoken woman but this is something I have struggled and will continue to struggle with for the rest of my life. I was so young and was never given any options or advice afterwards.
I really think that aftercare and support is something that is so vital and should be addressed. Due to the trauma of my experiences I've had so many mental health issues, changes in personality, nightmares, guilt and grief. I became and have continued to be withdrawn and still to this day regularly recall it second by second in an attempt to figure out if what I did was the right thing.
It's not regret...but it feels like it a bit. Its a similar feeling. I know for me those were the right decisions at the time and how different life would be. How could I be responsible for another when I can barely look after myself? I can barely keep myself alive, I couldn't keep a child alive, right? It wouldn't be fair... Or is this what's unfair?
I now can't have kids even if I wanted to, does this mean I being punished for what I did? Is it karma? Is it something higher? I'm not religious... but about this, I do feel like I'm being punished somehow.
These are things that I doubt I'd still be thinking or questioning if I'd been offered some sort of support and taught how to process the feelings of guilt, grief and shame that society subconsciously ensures you should feel.
Just a thought.
I'm now going to torture myself by recalling and analysing each day, second by second.
