Now you see me, now you don’t!
Felix Graham De Vanily was, in his own humble opinion, special.
He knew exactly what to say and when, and he could make people see exactly what he wanted them to see.
He wasn’t his cousin, after all, almost identical looks aside. Adrien never knew when to speak up, or when it was better to stay quiet. Never knew how to hide his thoughts and keep his - utterly unrealistic, when it came to his father - hopes in check. And he might be smarter than Felix gave him credit for, but all that intelligence left him as soon as his friends were concerned.
That was what all his flaws boiled down to, really.
Adrien made the fatal, unforgiving mistake of caring too much. Always had.
(It was what Felix liked about him, deep down. Adrien was genuine, in everything he felt. Felix envied him for the ease with which he made friends.)
Felix wasn’t like Adrien at all. He was too smart to care for people - his mother aside - any more than he had to. Mundane distractions. Friends, crushes - all things that would only deter him from his path in life: high above the crowd, always the center of attention, yet unreachable. Playing everyone, but gone before anybody noticed.
It was a glorious but lonely road. No, scratch that. It was a lonely but glorious road. Much better.
He didn’t need anything or anyone.
He was the sole and solemn genius of the family.
He was a magician, who didn’t need any fancy jewelry to work miracles - just the right distraction and disguise.
Groaning Felix looked at the little bite marks on his finger.
“Were you even listening?! Or did you just wait for an opportunity to stab me in the back?”
The black and white bundle of fur and betrayal on his lap meowed and swiped at his hand, now out of reach.
“I knew you couldn’t be trusted.”, he grumbled and shoved the traitor off of his legs, but couldn’t help but smile when he smugly licked his nose - as if to say: I'd do it again. “I raised you too well. Now, where was I?”
“Ah, yes. I don’t care for anyone - please stop scratching that ear, honey, it’s not healed yet - because I'm just too smart for that. So it’s utterly impossible that I, Felix Graham de Vanily, am in love with Dupain-Cheng. Got it?”
His cat, the little bastard, answered by knocking his pencil box over and started to chew on a pen. Felix narrowed his eyes.
“Oh? You dare doubt my word?”
With quick fingers he stole his cat's spoils and placed it out of his reach.
“Quite bold for a creature without opposable thumbs, hm?”
Insulted, the poor, thumbless pet retreated to his laptop and laid down on the keyboard - causing the screensaver to give way to the last opened tab. Which was Marinette's Instagram page.
Hurried to hide the proof of his interest - as if she might somehow appear in his room if he looked at her picture for too long - he shooed his pet away and closed the tab. Said pet meowed smugly and, upset about being chased away from two spots already, sat down on his pillow. Great.
“You did that on purpose!”, he accused his cat. “But that tab proves nothing. It was merely a passing interest in her admittedly wearable work. It has nothing to do with any confessions - faked confessions, or that she can apparently recognize me in disguise, or the very neutral fact that she is cute, by some people's - not my own! - standards.”
His cat blinked. And sneezed onto his pillow.
“Bless you. Now move, or I’ll use you instead of a bunny for that hat trick I’m working on.”
Sighing, Felix let himself fall backwards onto his bed, grabbing the fleeing cat and burying his face in the fluffy fur.
“Oh, to be a cat!”, he wailed into his involuntary comfort pillow. “With no troubles except how to best annoy his owner.”
The poor animal hissed and escaped his grasp, saving himself from the bitter fate of a comfort pillow.
“Run, you uncaring monster.”, Felix sighed, “Leave me to my worries. Which don’t include Marinette at all, by the way.”
He sat up and watched as the little traitor turned to sulk on his dresser.
“Stop looking at me like that. Even if I had a short bout of interest - possibly even infatuation! It’s already all but cured.”
He nodded to himself, ignoring that the disinterested cat had begun cleaning his leg instead of listening.
“School's closed, after all!”, he hummed, scrolling through the news on his phone. “And social contacts are to be reduced to the bare minimum. So I’m not going to see her again before this passing interest has... well, passed.”
As if in response to his words, his laptop started to ring and the monitor lit up with the picture of blue, blue eyes and a smile that could melt the stars off of the sky. Not that he paid attention to such things.
“Oh no, no, no!”, he panted as he fell out of his bed and stumbled towards the computer. “Incoming Skype call?! Oh, come on!”
The ringtone repeated itself and Felix jumped.
“What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?”
Panicking, he looked at his pet.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do?!”
The addressed party blinked. And went back to licking his nuts.
“Argh! I am surrounded by incompetence!”
Taking a deep breath, Felix straightened his vest and cravat - just because he was staying at home for the foreseeable future didn’t mean that he would dress any less professionally.
“Who needs your advice anyway. I can do this.”
He straightened his back and sat down on the chair in front of his desk.
“I am Felix Graham de Vanily, the best actor in all of France and the United Kingdom, not in love with Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and I can totally answer a Skype call.”
Before he could think again, he pressed the green button.
“Mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng!”, he greeted overly enthusiastic. “We meet again.”
“If you can call it that.”, Marinette laughed with the voice of a goddamn angel. She was wearing a white, polka-dotted pajama top, was illuminated by early-noon sunlight falling through some sort of window in the ceiling, and her hair – was – down.
If this was some sort of cosmic test, it wasn’t fair.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of your virtual company?”, he said quickly, trying not to think too much about how her hair looked even softer than the fur of a certain cat. Then, for good measure, he added: “Miss me already?”
Marinette disappeared for a moment, before returning with a sizable stack of papers.
“As much as I could do without my favorite pain in the neck, we have a school assignment to do. You know, since school is closed?”
She leaned in and he held his breath.
“Did you even notice? I haven’t seen you last Friday.”
What was he supposed to answer to that? Oh, I noticed alright! It kept me from embarrassing myself by avoiding you, because my brain got all mushy ever since you fake-confessed to me pretending to be my cousin?
“Aw, worried for me?”, he improvised, as usual, by being sarcastic. “Let me soothe your concern for your favorite pain in the neck: I merely got tired of cosplaying Adrien. I'm a very busy man, you see?”
She rolled her eyes and somehow managed to make it look cute.
“Of course you are. Well, hopefully not too busy for a presentation on marine biology, due next week.”
“You know, the one Adrien and I are supposed to do?”
Felix Had Questions. For example:
“How was I supposed to know that?”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t hack into Adriens E-mail account. I saw you present homework that you couldn’t have known about if Madame Mendeleiev hadn’t emailed you, as Adrien.”
She raised an eyebrow, in a way that could almost be described as playful.
“Plus, you seem the type to do that.”
He scoffed and crossed his arms, as if it would hide his racing heartbeat.
“First of all: No, I am not breaking into my cousins account. I may like to prank him - or rather everyone, really - but that goes a little far. Secondly, that Lila girl was only too eager to do homework with Adrien-Me, so I could keep up with every assignment once I could get her hands off of me.”
“I thought a magician never revealed his tricks?”
True. But he had wanted to see if she would get jealous. Which she didn’t. Which was expected and totally fine by him. He didn’t care anyways.
Lucky for him, Marinette wanted to tease him more than an answer.
“Well, I hope your work ethic is better when it comes to presentations. I'll send you the materials!”
A click later, his laptop alerted him of One New Email, containing no less than twenty-two pages of material. He raised his eyebrows.
“Not to crush your little illusion of me as a hard-working student, but that looks like awfully tedious work. What makes you think I would voluntarily do homework meant for Prince Charming?”
The sassy little smirk she'd shown him during their battles of wit last week returned.
“You mean, aside from the fact that, once school is open again and Adrien is back, your little trick with pretending to be him will be revealed? And that I’m your best chance not to be chased out of town by a very angry Chloé Bourgeois? Not to start with Alya, Rose and Juleka, who still haven’t forgiven you for that stunt you pulled the last time you were here.”
Sound argument, he had to give her that.
“Pah!”, he said, just for the sake of irritating her. “So what? It’s not like it was my idea to move to Paris anyway!”
That was at least partially true. His mother had insisted to come back to France, mostly because she wanted to keep an eye on Gabriel. But he hadn’t been against it either.
It wasn’t like he had friends in London anyway, and in Paris it at least didn’t get boring, with all these butterflies and superheroes. Plus, he wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he had missed Adrien. That boy could use a little family - once Felix was done pretending to be him.
Marinette hummed and tapped her chin impatiently.
“Well, then see it as the prize you promised me after our little insult-match at the Trocadero.”
“Wait, wait, wait!”, he held up his hands. “I already settled that score, didn’t I? You confessed to me, remember?”
“I practiced confessing to Adrien with you, you mean.”, she reminded him with a raised eyebrow – Ouch, by the way – before leaning back in her pink chair. “And that was because you talked me into it. I never told you what I wanted, did I?”
Well, fuck. Not that the prospect of working with Marinette was that unpleasant, but in his current state of emotional confusion, it would only be detrimental. He needed an out, an excuse!
“Why would you want to work with me anyways? I would have thought you'd jump at the chance to do something with Prince Adrien of Dreamland. Why settle for the pain in the neck?”
“Adrien is still recovering from his flu, and given the current, ah, global situation, I thought it would be better to put his health first. Besides, you're my favorite pain in the neck.”
“I'm flattered, darling”, he said, trying not to sound like it was as true as it was, “but-“
“Oh my gosh!”, Marinette interrupted him with a shout, and suddenly her eyes dominated the entire screen, as if she were mere millimeters away from her own computer. “Felix! What is that?!”
“Huh?”, he made, eloquent as usual. He turned around, just in time to see his traitorous cat jump from the dresser right onto his lap. Apparently, now that Felix had someone else to talk to, the little bastard felt neglected.
“You mean him?”, he asked, turning back to the screen with the cat in his lap. An inhuman squeal came from the other side of the line and Marinette sacked back into her chair, which spun around its axis, like, three times in a single second.
“Felix Graham de Vanily!”, she said with all but glowing eyes. “Show – me – the cat!”
Since her voice made absolutely clear that it had been an order and Felix had always had a strong survival instinct, he obediently held up the little monster. Who let out a plaintive little “Mow”, but otherwise submitted to his fate.
“Oh my gosh!”, Marinette repeated, “He's adorable!”
“You think?”, Felix said dumbly, at a loss for how to react to this sudden change in situation.
“I do! I do! What's his name?”
“Uh...”, Felix thought, debating whether a lie would save his reputation. “Uhm...”
“Don’t tell me you named him Felix Junior!” She turned towards the cat in false exasperation. “Did he name you Felix Junior?!”
The cat that was most certainly not named Felix Junior meowed in his feline confusion.
“No, of course not!”, Felix snapped back, sinking into the chair as if it might have mercy and swallow him.
“Then what's his name? What, for God’s sake, is this pretty little kitty called?!”
What had his life turned into?
“'dini.”, he mumbled, hiding his face behind the cat.
“What? Speak louder!”, Marinette demanded, and so he accepted his fate.
“Houdini!”, he groaned in embarrassment. “I named him Houdini, alright? I was eleven!”
For a moment, the line went quiet. Then, inevitably, Marinette burst out in laughter.
“For real? I can’t believe it!”
Sulking, Felix turned away from the screen, but immediately Marinette stopped.
“No, no, no! Bring Houdini back! I love his name, okay? Give him back!”
“You're not telling anybody of him, got it?”, he hissed, cheeks as red as Ladybug's suit. Marinette snickered.
“Of course, I promise. Houdini will be our little secret, alright? Now bring him back!”
Satisfied, Felix turned the chair back towards the laptop and placed Houdini on the desk. The curious thing didn’t hesitate to lounge onto his keyboard and examined the camera, much to Marinette’s delight.
Felix sighed and leaned back.
“He looks just like you!”
At that, Felix spluttered and jumped up again.
Internally already setting up the equation: “Marinette thinks Houdini is cute, and Marinette thinks Houdini looks like Felix, then Marinette thinks Felix is cute?” he was about two seconds from fainting.
“He's got a little tie, see?”, Marinette giggled on, ignorant of the thought-spiral she'd sent him into. “Just like you!”
Oh. She meant the patterns of his fur, which admittedly looked a little like he was wearing a tie. Of course.
“Who's the most adorable thing in Paris? You are!”, Marinette continued with her shameless adoration of that undeserving little brat, who currently Mow-ed happily at the screen. Pah!
“Just so you know, he bites people for fun.”, Felix badmouthed his own pet, absolutely not because he was jealous. “You can’t trust him. He'll act sweet, but as soon as you're not looking he's got your fingers between his sharp little fangs!”
“Eh, I can handle it.”, Marinette shrugged and immediately went back to admiring Houdini. “You're a good kitty, aren’t you? The best, the best! Yes, you are!”
“No, he's not!”, Felix insisted through clenched teeth. “He's moody and arrogant! Nobody likes him, that's why I took him in! He thinks it’s fun to hurt people, he holds grudges forever and he's incredibly annoying when he's bored!”
Wait, was he still talking about the cat?
“You just like him because he looks all cute and innocent, but if you knew him, you'd never even want to be in the same room as him.”
Marinette had gone quiet on the other side, and Houdini narrowed his eyes at him in betrayal. Then she shrugged.
“If you don’t want him anymore, I'll take him in.”
She would have to pry the little shit out of his cold, dead hands!
“Did you not listen to a word I said?” he asked, trying not to let on that he didn’t actually dislike Houdini.
“Sure. But I still think he's a good kitty.”
She hummed, pushing her stack of papers aside so she could put her elbows on the desk. Resting her chin on her hand, she looked up in him.
“Most cats are. You just got to give them a chance to come out of their shell.”
“Maybe he's just lonely. Maybe he needs some friends, and then he'll learn to be nicer. I can wait.”
“Why would you want to? There's lots of better cats, you could just pick one of them right away.”
“Yeah, well, I want Houdini. All cats deserve a chance. Even the meaner ones.”
She smiled down at the black and white loaf that purred on his keyboard.
“In my experience, peop- cats only show their best sides if you give them a chance to open up. If you're too quick to brush them aside as hopeless, or mean, you might miss out on the most wonderful personalities underneath. And I think Houdini is one of those.”
And then, because the universe just wanted to see him fall, she winked at him. Jesus Christ!
“Anyway, I'll give you some time to read through the material I sent you. Message me once you’re done, we've got a lot of work ahead. Bye!”
Before he could realize what she had said, the window blanked and closed on him. Disappointed that his fan had vanished, Houdini meowed and returned once again to Felix' lap.
“Bye.”, Felix stammered belatedly. What had just... How could she go around just saying things like that? And then hang up?!
“Ugh, Houdini!”, he lamented. “Look what I have become!”
Reduced to a beetred, stammering, weird-cat-metaphor-using fool!
The cat gave a smug “Mrow” and headbutted him in the chin, but Felix didn’t have it in him to complain.
“Fine,” he sighed in defeat, “you win. So what if I like her?”
“You do too, don’t you? Bet you'd bite her anyway.”
He purred on, unperturbed.
“She's right, though. You are a good kitty. Deep down.”
Houdini meowed and licked his finger, just where he'd bitten him earlier.
“Well, now you're just sucking up to me! Two-faced little demon. Mwah!”
He pressed a small kiss to the top of his furry head, then rolled the chair closer to the desk and opened his emails.
“Alright, then.”, he tried to motivate himself, “let's show Marinette what a good kitty- what a good person we are and do our homework.”
At that, Houdini promptly stood up and jumped onto the bed, leaving him alone with twenty-two pages of reading material.
Ladybug, crashing through Felix' window: Felix Graham de Vanily!
Ladybug: I have it on good authority that you own a good kitty! It is crucial for the safety of Paris that I pet him right this instant!
Felix, remembering her right hook: ... sure?
