So, I've been replaying the Mass Effect trilogy. In regards to my "canon run", I've been torn between my Male Shepard and my Female Shepard. Their romances with Kaidan both have their pros and cons, and I can't quite decide which one clicks for me. Literally, I made a personal pros and cons list and I still can't decide.
But, this also means I've been a little unwell in the head test trying different scenarios with both Shepards. This post is meant to document my findings and hopefully help out anyone who might want to romance Kaidan, but doesn't know how they want to go about it.
Disclaimer: This post will talk about the vanilla, un-modded Mass Effect trilogy. I play on console, so I tragically do not have the luxury of the Nexus! This is for anyone who plays vanilla or plays on console like me! If you're on PC, and if none of the options below suit you, there is probably a mod that can help you out!
To begin, Shenko is very flexible. There are several variations, and it can easily be sculpted to the preferences of the player. First of all, Kaidan is bisexual, and can be romanced by both Male Shepard and Female Shepard. So, you got those options. You want a slowburn? Yeah, you can avoid romancing anyone until you run into Kaidan again in Mass Effect 3. You want the angsty forbidden love, "we never officially broke up, but we're not really together right now, it's COMPLICATED" dynamic, then yeah! You can get that too! With this in mind, I will be splitting up this post in terms of their different, possible dynamics, and the restrictions that come with each Shepard.
The Slow Burn Dynamic
Kaidan is one of three original companions whose romance can be initiated in Mass Effect 3. If Kaidan has not been romanced in Mass Effect 1, then Shenko becomes more of an angsty slow burn. There are unspoken feelings, lost time... waiting to romance Kaidan in the last game of the series is just as tragic as the other Shenko variations. The only difference is that their feelings were never expressed until the world was ending.
The Slow Burn Dynamic - Male Shepard
In the vanilla game, this is the default dynamic for Male Shepard and Kaidan. He can only be romanced in Mass Effect 3. However, it does not hurt the ship any. With a slow burn in mind, Male Shepard is allowed to talk freely with Kaidan in Mass Effect 1 without accidentally triggering his romance, and without being forced to be rude or turn him down. While it's messed up Kaidan wasn't a romance option for Male Shepard in the first game, we can still take the good from the bad - especially in the context of a slow burn.
Male Shepard's dialogue with Kaidan is a bit more dry in Mass Effect 1. However, a Female Shepard going for a slow burn will also wind up on the same dialogue path as a Male Shepard.
A Shepard on the slow burn path will notice that a lot of Kaidan's dialogue and scenes still seem somewhat... charged. If you haven't romanced anyone, Kaidan will be the companion who interacts with Shepard in Mass Effect 2's prologue, he will still be used to get to Shepard by the Collectors, he will still say losing Shepard felt like losing a limb... there's a lot of goodies to be discovered.
To initiate a slow burn romance with Kaidan as a Male Shepard, you must:
Save Kaidan on Virmire (duh).
Ensure you haven't triggered the romance for any other character by the point of Mass Effect 3. This will lock you out of Kaidan's romance otherwise. I'd recommend not romancing anyone else in the previous two games for the feel of it all, but that is ultimately up to you and your Shepard.
Buy Kaidan the bottle of whiskey while he's in the hospital, exhaust all dialogue with him, and visit whenever you get an email from him.
Avoid killing him during the confrontation and invite him back on the Normandy. Talk to him after every mission.
Meet up with him on the Citadel and return his feelings.
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PROS
There is zero effort required to initiate the slow burn. This is the default state. You will not have to be rude or turn him down in Mass Effect 1.
Kaidan's confession at Apollo's is much more sweet with Male Shepard than it is with Female Shepard due to him being more shy and roundabout in addressing the slow burn. After all this time, indeed...
CONS
Ashley is the character who approaches the beacon on Eden Prime, meaning Male Shepard will not have the opportunity to push Kaidan out of the way and talk to him after the mission.
Kaidan does not hold or kiss Male Shepard's hand while at Apollo's.
Said scene with Kaidan is also cut short in comparison to the one with Female Shepard.
A lot of dialogue is cut in the final scene, and it immediately jumps to their sex scene, rather than allowing for Male Shepard to request that they merely cuddle (which Female Shepard CAN do).
The Slow Burn Dynamic - Female Shepard
This is where things get a little tricky. While mostly similar to Male Shepard's, if you're playing as a Female Shepard and want her romance with Kaidan to be a slow burn, you'll have to follow a few specific steps when it comes to Mass Effect 1.
It is notoriously easy to prematurely romance Kaidan as a Female Shepard. Thankfully, there is one specific line of dialogue where you can abort the romance early on.
To initiate a slow burn romance with Kaidan as a Female Shepard, you must:
[True Slow Burn] When talking to Kaidan after the first hearing, you unfortunately must shut him down. This is the only way to avoid Kaidan letting on about his feelings for Female Shepard (aside from outright ignoring him!). When he apologizes for getting informal, choose the bottom-right option: Just be ready.
OR
[OPTIONAL: Turned Down, Followed By a Slow Burn] You can be nice to Kaidan after the first meeting, but this will also mean Kaidan will outwardly ask Female Shepard if he's getting mixed signals or not. You can abort a romance with him by gently turning him down.
Save Kaidan on Virmire (duh).
Ensure you haven't triggered the romance for any other character by the point of Mass Effect 3. This will lock you out of Kaidan's romance otherwise. I'd recommend not romancing anyone else in the previous two games for the feel of it all, but that is ultimately up to you and your Shepard.
Buy Kaidan the bottle of whiskey while he's in the hospital, exhaust all dialogue with him, and visit whenever you get an email from him.
Avoid killing him during the confrontation and invite him back on the Normandy. Talk to him after every mission.
Meet up with him on the Citadel and return his feelings.
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PROS
Kaidan is the character who approaches the beacon on Eden Prime, meaning Female Shepard WILL have the opportunity to push Kaidan out of the way and talk to him after the mission. You can talk to him freely in this conversation, just not the one after the first hearing.
Kaidan will hold and kiss Female Shepard's hand while at Apollo's.
The scene before they attack Cerberus' base with Kaidan is not altered in anyway. There is additional dialogue, and Female Shepard can ask that they merely cuddle instead of have sex. Kaidan is the only love interest in the whole game who will not leave when Shepard asks for this.
[ASEXUAL SHEPARD] Kaidan's slow burn route for a Female Shepard is the only one where you can avoid sex without any consequences (like a character breaking up, leaving the room, or incorrectly claiming they did sleep together). In both the Citadel DLC and in the scene mentioned above, Female Shepard can choose to cuddle with Kaidan and he will be totally fine and happy with this.
CONS
You have to be careful talking to him in Mass Effect 1 if you want a slow burn. Either you'll be forced to be somewhat rude to him (and miss out on a good chunk of his first conversation mentioning Rahna), or you'll have to outright reject him. This does, however, work out well with a Shepard who starts off very formal and cold but defrosts over the course of the plot.
Kaidan's confession at Apollo's is a little bit more blunt than his confession to a Male Shepard. It implies they had feelings but never acted on them or spoke of them, as opposed to M!Shep's where it was a realization in ME3.
The Angsty Forbidden Love, "We Never Officially Broke Up, But We're Not Really Together Right Now, It's COMPLICATED" Dynamic
In contrast to a slow burn, one can choose to romance Kaidan in Mass Effect 1. This section will be shorter, since it is unfortunately impossible to romance Kaidan as a Male Shepard in the first game. Without mods, anyways, but that's not what this post is about. There will also be a lack of a pros and cons section, since there is no Male Shepard version of the romance to compare it to. And I won't be comparing this dynamic to the slow burn dynamic because there are no objective pros or cons. Just preferences!
Actually, the only objective pro is that Kaidan's dialogue with a Female Shepard who has not turned his advances down is a lot better and more full of character.
This version of Shenko has very high ups and very low downs! And, of course, many different outcomes. It's the forbidden love in Mass Effect 1. The drama of the Horizon encounter in Mass Effect 2. Kaidan's letter to Shepard. Their reunion in Mass Effect 3. "Don't 'Kaidan' me!"
To initiate an Angsty Forbidden Love, "We Never Officially Broke Up, But We're Not Really Together Right Now, It's COMPLICATED," romance with Kaidan as a Female Shepard, you must:
Talk to Kaidan after every mission in Mass Effect and take all of the kind and flirty dialogue options. Whenever Kaidan asks if he's overstepping, tell him he isn't.
Avoid romancing Liara; you must turn down her advances.
Save Kaidan on Virmire (duh).
Accept Kaidan's company before arriving to Ilos.
You can romance someone else in Mass Effect 2, but I would recommend against it as Kaidan's dialogue is sweeter in Mass Effect 3 if you don't. Again, preferences though! You might like that drama!
Ensure you haven't locked in the romance for any other character by the point of Mass Effect 3.
Buy Kaidan the bottle of whiskey while he's in the hospital, exhaust all dialogue with him, and visit whenever you get an email from him.
Avoid killing him during the confrontation and invite him back on the Normandy. Talk to him after every mission.
Meet up with him on the Citadel and renew your feelings.
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There are also other options, of course. Like not getting back together with him. Not getting with him at all. Letting him die on Virmire. Shooting him during the confrontation. But, these are more self explanatory!
I hope this wall of text was helpful, or at least enjoyable to read! I might have missed something, so if there's any other fun facts you want to share, please feel free to add them! Or ask me any questions! Have fun hunting for that Canadian booty!
i like the opening of me3 when you’ve romanced kaidan, because seeing someone you used to love across a room really does stop time. saying their name is foreign until you remember how it feels on your tongue. and then the words flow back to you before you realize how much things have really changed, and you’re left watching them walk away and wondering if things will ever be the same
I was tagged by @ghostxofxartemis - what a delightful idea, even if it makes me go stop and think about my characters and their heights! ROFL So, we'd be here forever if I did them all (and my brain already hurts), but here are a few I figured out! :D Thanks so much for tagging me!
Tagging: @swaps55, @hunnybadgerv, @pigeontheoneandonly, @iberiandoctor and anyone else who would like to share!!!!
[EDIT] Whoops! Almost forgot the link! https://hikaku-sitatter.com/en/
Since I've been writing them for MERWeek2021, here are Benjamin Coats and Kaidan Alenko (Alenkoats). Ben is a half inch taller than Kaidan (as referenced in their story Breathless where Ben calls on a little bit of help from Star Wars... ;) ).
My main mShep pairing - Caleb Shepard and Kaidan. Caleb is 6'3"; Kaidan is 6' (he's pretty much 6' in all my pairings just to keep it easy. The only one that's the exception is Alenkoats where he's 6'1.5").
My main femShep pairing - Serafina Shepard and Kaidan. Kaidan is 6'; Serafina is 5'10".
And just for fun, ABBOATS! Abby Williams is 5'6" tall and Ryan Coats is 6'2.
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Just as a quick reference (and because I found it vastly amusing), I put my height and the height of my Ex in there too and this is how we stood. (I'm 5'4" and he's 6'2)
I always knew I came up to his shoulder, but it's completely different seeing it this way! lol
