i’m mad. and maybe it’s stupid to be this mad. maybe it’s dumb to care this much about a fictional character dying (or maybe dying? i still don’t even know). but god, it hurts. and it’s not just about that.
this show has been my comfort for a long time. It’s been an hyperfixation for a while now, not just something i liked, but something that helped me feel safe. something i turned to when everything else was falling apart. it became my escape, my distraction, my emotional anchor. i’d rewatch episodes, scroll through fanart, read fanfics, talk to people in the fandom. it made me feel like i wasn’t alone.
I know it’s sound silly to some people, but at some moment it was my lifeline, when i was in a dark place, i told myself—just stay until next week. just wait for the next episode. just hold on a little longer to see what happens. and somehow, that worked. week after week, episode after episode, it gave me something to look forward to. it helped me go on during one of the hardest year of my life
so yeah, maybe it’s dramatic, maybe I am, but now i can’t even watch it. i can’t open my dash without seeing edits that make my chest hurt. i had to unfollow artists i loved because i can’t handle the pain of it right now. and i hate that. i hate how much this is affecting me. i know no one is responsible for my mental health but me. i know it’s not the writers’ job to protect my feelings. i know it’s “just a show.” but it was my show. my comfort. and now it feels like that’s been taken from me.
i don’t care if it sounds silly. i’m allowed to feel this. and right now, i just feel… bad. like i lost something that really mattered to me.