First time
Pairing: Fili x fem!reader Summary: Fili gives in to his desires, but fears he made a mistake. But you come to him that night, seeking more. Warnings: smut, fluff, inexperienced reader, implied sort of age gap but not really i just wanted to say it, fingering, porn with a little plot, gentle!Fili A/N: this actually made me want to write platonic!fili lowkey.
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Fili had been dodging you all day.
He wasn't sure if it was shame, guilt, fear, regret. No---definitely not regret. The way your hair had glistened in the sunlight as you approached where he sat beneath a tree, your bright eyes, berry-colored lips stretched into that glowing smile, had hypnotized him in that moment as they already had for so long. And how it all seemed to lure him in like a siren song until suddenly his lips were softly against yours.
It wasn't regret. Perhaps he just felt unworthy.
Or maybe it was the shocked expression that crossed your face the moment he pulled away, the one that he couldn't identify. Was it fear? Surprise? He didn't stay long enough to find out stuttering an apology before disappearing. He couldn't get it out of his head, couldn't look at you without remembering what he'd done---like he'd taken something that wasn't his. The feeling settled like a rock in his belly, unshakable.
He felt hot, almost feverish while he tended to his duties. When he returned to his bedchamber that night, he stripped out of his coat and boots and tunic, leaving them strewn by the threshold, and sank into a cold bath. His head pounded, and he couldn't understand why this sickness lingered. It wasn't like he hadn't kissed someone before, and it certainly wasn't that he was bad at it. He closed his eyes, trying to let the cool water soothe his aching head.
He went to bed early that night, shortly after dinner. He'd look on the day with new eyes when he awoke, and surely then he'd know what to do. How to fix this. How to get his friend back.
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You padded down the halls with bare feet, eyes bleary from sleep, dressed only in your almost-sheer white night dress. You'd tried to rest, to sleep off the spiraling, but your mind just wouldn't shut up.
You kept reliving it. The little crinkle in his eyes as he looked affectionately at you, little white caps of sunlight in a sea of blue, closing as he leaned close to kiss you. Then, the scratch of his mustache against your face, and the cold surprise of the little metal beads tapping your jaw. But none of it compared to the warmth of his lips. How pleasantly soft they were, nothing like you'd expected.
Although you weren't really sure what you'd expected, if anything at all. Before then, you supposed you hadn't really thought about it. You loved Fili, that was for certain. He'd been your closest friend and confidant on the journey to Erebor, and guided you to acclimate to dwarven culture after it was retaken. You'd always loved being close to him, spending your free days roaming the surrounding wilderness, letting him teach you to hunt. Even spending cold nights snuggled up next to him, wrapped up in his cloak because clearly you needed it more. But you'd never even thought of the possibility of a kiss. He was a prince---of Erebor, no less. What could he possibly want with a hobbit like yourself?
There was before the kiss, and now you lived in this endless sea of after. And all you could think about was how badly you wanted more of it. There were questions you had that needed answering, but surely that could wait. Now, you just needed to find him.
The tiny taps of your feet came to a halt suddenly, and a light touch of fingertips coaxed open the huge wooden door in front of you, just enough to catch a glimpse of the glowing hearth at the opposite end of the room.
Mustering confidence you didn't know you had, you pushed the door open just enough to slip through and close it softly shut behind you with a quiet thud. The dwarven prince, sprawled half-naked on the bed, golden curls messy and undone, stirred at the small sound. He was accustomed to such high alertness, even in deep sleep.
You remained pressed against the door, a nervous flicker in your eyes as he slowly woke fully, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. When his gaze fixed on you, his eyebrows raised a little. You were not who he'd expected to see, even though it wasn't the first time you'd awoken him so late at night. Only this time, it wasn't due to nightmares.
Usually he'd be in front of you in seconds, asking if you were okay, inspecting you for physical ailments. Not tonight. Tonight, he eyes revealed a timidness as if he wasn't sure you were really here.
"Fili," you whispered, your voice a tiny peep as you nervously pushed away from the door, walking to his bed. You perched at the foot, your legs folded up beneath you. Fili pushed back the heavy furs as he shifted to sit closer in front of you. In the dim firelight, your eyes traced over his broad, muscled shoulders.
"I---" he began, cheeks flushing crimson as he became flustered just looking at you. "I was out of line today," he admitted. "I shouldn't have done what I did. It was... disrespectful. Undignified."
You cocked your head to the side. Surely he wasn't feeling guilty about this. You were so sure he'd just regretted it. You'd come here tonight desiring more. You wanted him to kiss you again. But you could hear it in his trembling voice. He didn't regret it... he thought you did.
"No," you whispered breathily, taking his warm hand into your colder one. "I... it was... I liked it, Fi."
You looked sheepishly up from under dark lashes. "It felt... good, and I... I want..."---your cheeks flushed a berry color that matched your shivering lips---"I want more. Want you to..."
Fili's entire body physically relaxed as you said the words. He was breathing easier now, rubbing a calloused thumb gentle over the back of your hand---but his heart still raced. He was glad you couldn't hear it. "Tell me," he whispered. "Anything you want, Kurkanukê."
It almost surprised him how easily he was willing to give you everything. Never in all his years had he felt so naturally servient to someone. Like the only thing that mattered to him was you. It made his whole world feel new, like you'd brought him to life.
You gazed at him, all warm and sleepy and disheveled, golden skin and soft eyes illuminated with dim firelight. Lips and cheeks a little flushed, hair curly and tousled. You'd never seen him like this, so raw. Never even thought to imagine it. But now? You wanted to know how every part of him felt under your fingertips. You wanted to know what his touch felt like---those gentle hands that had so often wrapped you in bear hugs or helped you over rocky terrain. What else could they make you feel?
He watched you as if you were a dream, and if he wasn't careful, he'd wake up.
"I've just... never..." you began, shrinking a little. You felt slightly embarrassed, harboring all these thoughts and desires when your first kiss had only been hours before. Your eyes fell away, staring into the dying embers of the hearth.
Fili felt even guiltier when you said it. He would be your first.
"Look at me," he whispered, squeezing your hands. "I do not want anything you're not certain of."
"I'm certain, Fi," you assured. Mahal knows how badly you wanted him to make you feel things you'd never felt before. "I just haven't ever... done it."
He exhaled, smiling softly at you as his thumbs ran over the back of your fingers. "I'll take care of you," he whispered. "Just like I always have. I promise you that, lass."
You breathed out a little sigh. He'd take care of you.
"And you tell me if it's too much, or too soon, yeah?"
You nodded.
Smiling softly, he guided your arms toward him, beckoning you to crawl into his lap. It wasn't exactly new---there were nights he'd hold you as you cried from nightmares, even nights you'd be snuggled in his lap while he read a book to you. But this was different. Almost like he was afraid you'd break or run off like a scared fawn. But his chest was warm and soft and inviting as you settled within his embrace, letting him pull the furs over your bare shoulder.
And then he kissed you.
It wasn't so hasty this time. You felt it all, the tenderness of his lips, testing your waters. Waiting for permission. The soft scratch of his beard and his mustache, a little tickly against your smooth skin. The cold beads that surprised you every time they rubbed against your jaw. The way his muscular arm wrapped securely around your back and held you in place. The comfortable seat of his thighs under you.
He kissed you with reverence, careful fingers tracing the outline of your jaw and the shell of your ear, and then carding through your messy tresses of hair.
His lips trailed then to your cheek, and down the side of your neck. You cast your gaze down to watch him.
"Is this alright?" he whispered, blue eyes catching yours briefly.
"Yes," you breathed.
His hands followed your curves beneath your thin dress. How badly he wanted to run his thumbs over your nipples and hear the little gasps it caused, to cup the roundness of your breasts and watch your bitten lips part in a soft moan. But he kept them safely resting on your hips. He pledged to be slow with you.
Then to his surprise, your hands toyed with the hem of your dress until you got a hold of it, and pulled it over your head. This time, it was his jaw that fell open a little.
He traced the shape of you, running tentative fingertips down the center of your chest and your belly. Your skin was softer than he could have ever imagined.
You were less willing to wait at this point. He'd teased long enough. You just wanted to feel him touch you.
Taking his wrists into your hands, you placed his warm palms over your breasts and leaned in to kiss him again. "Please, Fili," you whimpered softly as you pressed your lips against his. "Need it."
His fingers were buried between your legs in no time, rubbing over your wet pussy, discovering what noises you made at each little touch. Your fingers dug into his shoulders.
"Will you turn over for me, lass?" he whispered.
You nodded readily, flipping your body so that you now sat in his lap with your back against his chest. You let your head fall back on his shoulder, feeling his hands caress down your body again as he planted soft kisses between your neck and collarbone. You could feel how hard he was beneath you, and admired his restraint in doing nothing about it. You stretched your legs out in front of you, hooking them around his as you settled further between his thighs.
"Just lie back," he murmured. "You tell me if you want to stop."
You nodded, arching your back in frustration. You were feverish for him, and the wetness between your legs wasn't going away.
He didn't make you wait any longer. A thick finger dipped gently between your folds again, picking up your slickness before carefully prodding at your hole. You gasped a little at the feeling.
"Shh, shh," he hushed affectionately. "Just one, love."
His steady hand came to rest on your belly, holding you tight in place while he worked on you.
You winced when his finger pushed gently past your entrance, coaxing your tight hole open with careful movements. His voice soothed you in your right ear where his head was tucked against yours, whispering sweet praise at how good you were doing, how wet you were for him.
Before you knew it, one thick finger was submerged inside you, stilling a little while you adjusted, curling against the soft flesh as soon as you were ready.
"Oh, Fili," you cried, your hands clutching his thighs that caged you in. He smiled as you clawed at him, trying to gain leverage.
"Come here, lass," he whispered, gently grabbing your arms and bringing them up above your head, resting over his shoulders where your hands nestled in his hair. His finger plunged deeper and your hands gave a light tug to his hair---just what he'd wanted you to do---as another groan echoed from your lips.
The heel of his hand rocked against your clit, sending little shockwaves against the bundle of nerves, filling you with a delicious warmth. This wasn't unfamiliar---you'd touched yourself before. But it was so different with Fili, so safe. Like you were meant to be here in his bed, surrounded by his smell and his heat.
"Fi, I'm close," you whimpered, feeling that familiar weakness overtake your limbs as you began to tremble.
He hummed against your temple, tracing his free hand back down the underside of your arm, brushing over the peak of your breast and down your side. His featherlight touch sent you over the edge. Your right leg shook uncontrollably as you bit your lip, stifling a cry as the sensations exploded inside you, wracking your body with fire.
Fili held onto you through it, whispering praise as you rode it out. When his finger became too much for you and you squirmed in his embrace, he gently pulled out, tugging the furs back over to cover you.
You lay trembling in his arms for a moment, fearing what would happen next. You'd never done this before, and suddenly you felt overwhelmingly vulnerable. You hadn't realized the quiet tears that had slipped down your face until Fili was kissing them off your cheeks, holding your face in his hands like you were a precious gem.
"Are you alright, amrâlimê?" he looked deep into your eyes for any sign of unsureness, regret, fear, pain. Anything he could make better. But you nodded, your flushed lips curling into a soft smile as you closed your eyes, tucking your head under his chin.
"Sleep, lass," he whispered, his hands moving around you to stroke your back. "And if you need anything, just wake me again."
