Chapter 3: We’ve seen enough, but have we really?
Warnings: realistic healing, panic attack, just some heavy themes tbh.
You have travelled for many days and nights, but you have finally arrived at Sumeru. Your heart is still heavy with the ice of grief, but perhaps the sizzling winds will help it thaw...and the sizzling chemistry between your coworkers. You were feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time...until you see an unwelcomed party.
A/N: It has been long awaited, I'm sure. Hopefully you all enjoy!!
<Previous Next>
The first thing that shocked you upon leaving the boat was the almost overbearing heat. You were used to harsh coldness and biting winds, not humid heat and sizzling airs. Sumeru was very different from Snezhnaya, that was for sure. The doctor chuckled into your ear, he had been watching your survey of the port with keen but interested eyes.
Trees were what caught your attention first, there weren’t many trees in your homeland because the cold was rather good at killing any fertile farming land. And the rain turned to snow before it even hit the ground, and snow rarely melted fast enough to keep a tree watered. The trees here were lush and filled with different shades of greens and browns. Birds cooed, chirped, and flew in a dance of beauty and grace in the air. It was mesmerizing.
“How do you like it, my dearest collector?” His haughty and deep voice cooed next to you, his eyes, if you were able to see them, were looking at you with a softness unheard of by the mad doctor.
“It’s beautiful…and so alive.” You sighed dreamily. True there was fauna and wildlife in Snezhnaya but it was nothing like this. It wasn’t warm with the sun beating down, just cold and dark. “Gorgeous. Simply gorgeous.”
“It is.” Dottore agreed, a slight nod of his head “But all this pales in comparison to you.” He smiled slyly as the color red dusted your cheeks and your eyes widened in surprise.
“I-” You paused, unsure of how to proceed. Dottore, archons, all your coworkers said things like that to you. Pantalone would call you his treasure anytime you saw him, Tartaglia was basically your puppy, Columbina called you her fair dove, Arlecchino was nice to you, the captain called you his darling, Sandrone called you her muse and said you were a masterpiece anytime she saw you. All of it was very weird, now that you think about it. Even Pierro treated you differently, calling you his love and babying you.
Then there was Scaramouche. He was difficult, one minute calling you his lovely doll and saying that Celestia itself was jealous of your beauty. Then going and insulting you to your face and even to other people as well. It was a rollercoaster of emotions with him, but you did miss it. You missed him.
Footsteps echoed on hollow wood, and a scowling face made it’s way into view. “There you are.” Scara’s voice rang out, eyes narrowing in anger. You still looked a bit dead on your feet, but it was nowhere near as bad as it was when you first started your journey. You can’t recall how long the journey was exactly… you slept for most of it. And when you weren’t sleeping, you were eating. That has made you a bit bloated, which Dottore said would go down the more your body got used to regular meals again.
“You look like trash.” Scara stated simply, hands on his hips as if he was a scolding mother. “But better than what I heard you looked like.” He added, still looking rather angry at you. “How on Teyvat could you let yourself get that bad? Are you so weak that just a little more paperwork was enough to throw you for a loop? Absolutely pathetic, you are completely worthless.”
You sighed, this is what you didn’t miss “Scaramouche. Not now.” It wasn’t just a bit of paperwork. It was everything Rosaylne was doing before she died, before her murder and even before her departure to Inazuma.
He hissed and took your hand with uncharacteristic softness, eyeing you with mean but worried eyes “Were you worried about me, Scara?” You asked softly, but you suppose it came off as teasing because the instant you stopped speaking he let go of your hand with pink cheeks and turned away.
“Me? Worried for you?” He scoffed out the words like you had insulted him, which to him you probably did. “Never, I would never worry for someone as lowly as you.” His words held venom, yes, but lacked sincerity as they always do. You wish you could see the soft side of him, you can probably guarantee that it’s better than whatever side of him this is.
“No, of course not.” You agreed after a moment of thought, tilting your head. You decided to change the subject lest he get too annoyed and give you a headache like normal. “How are you liking sumeru, Balladeer?”
He didn’t miss how you used his code name instead of the nickname you always call him, and for some reason that just made him even angrier “it’s Scara to you, you lowly idiot.” he hissed, turning back to you with narrowed eyes. “And i’m liking it just fine. Here, let me show you around.”
You turned your head to look at Dottore, who simply smiled and waved you away with one hand. “Go on now, my dearest. You’ve earned a bit of fun before the work begins.” For some reason that just sent butterflies throughout your entire stomach. But you killed those fluttery bastards and turned away. Never again will someone hold your heart, you will never let anyone hurt you ever again.
“Ok ok, show me.” you relented and let him drag you all around Sumeru to show you his favorite spots, his least favorite spots, and someone named Haypasia. You’re still a bit confused about her, in all honesty. She seems weird, and she makes you feel a dark ugly thing within your heart despite her showing you the utmost kindness.
Sooner than you would have liked, sun was setting, bathing the city in a lovely orange hue as you and Scara walked down one of the many paths side by side. He was talking about something to you, but you stopped paying attention when a rather familiar looking blonde entered your vision two minutes ago. The traveler and their companion Paimon. Her murderer was walking the streets casually, as if the murder of your dearest friend wasn’t hanging off their shoulder like a noose. The familiar and never ending burning of the blood being pumped through your veins sprang to life with an intensity unknown to you.
Scaramouche seemed to notice, his mouth open to presumably tell you off in his aggressive manner before he stopped, eyes finding the same target as you had, and suddenly a vice grip locked around your wrist. He uttered your name, looking more serious than you have seen him be today “We should get back to the boat.” He didn’t state it like a suggestion, and the undertones of his voice made it seem like he was ordering you. “We’ve seen enough today.” He was being truthful, you definitely did see enough today. He had forced you to eat at three different food stalls, and bought you flowers at another 3 street vendors. All of which he was carrying for you in a bag with his other hand.
The want to enact vengeance before the lowly scum even knew what was happening and who you were was strong, oh so strong as the burning only grew steadily in its intensity the more your eyes remained on them. They were laughing and happy, while you had been miserable for weeks. WEEKS.
For some reason tears pricked at your eyes, memories of centuries with Rosalyne flashed by in only seconds, and your bottom lip trembled at the effort to keep in the building sobs. You don’t know why you were acting like this, you promised yourself and her that you wouldn’t do this exact thing. But it was so hard, and seeing the catalyst for all this grief finally broke you.
“Yeah…” You agreed in a broken whisper, shaky eyes trying to look away but stuck. “We have.”
He didn’t need to say anything else, or perhaps he couldn’t think of anything that would make you feel better. He knows that there isn’t enough words in the world, or enough gifts to stop grief weighing down your every step.
All of the warmth you accumulated throughout the day seemed to seep out of you and into the ground, and you felt cold. Cold and empty, like a corpse walking the earth again. You felt worse, if it were even possible. All you could see was Rosalyne, your dearest Rosalyne. And her smile that she saved for you, the feeling of her hands in your hair as she fixed it for you, the sound of her- wait.
Your breath, that once was calm, started coming out in short puffs and breathed in through gasps. Her voice! What did her voice sound like? You were too busy to remember it, how could you forget her voice! The songs she hummed, or the words of encouragement. You knew them all by heart but instead of hearing her voice you heard your own.
Scara looked panicked, purple hues widened as he took in your panicked form. He tried to pick you up, but you locked up and started breathing worse.
Looking around he decided to get Dottore, running off as quickly as he could. Leaving you alone in the shaded ground behind a tree.
You don’t remember the tears, sobs, or wails. All you remembered was that you forgot her voice, her sweet sweet voice.
Cold gloved hands came into contact with your shoulder, and you flinched so violently people would think you were expecting a punch to follow the touch. But the hands didn’t stray, not once as they gently rubbed your shoulders. You think you could faintly hear the sound of a voice, muffled and quiet against the walls of your despair. It sounded almost soothing, but you could barely hear it at all.
You think you heard your name, far away in the distance and not from the voice that seemed to be talking your ear off religiously. Your unfocused eyes shook as you tried to focus on them towards the horizon, the orange turning to a dark black the closer night was upon the land.
Squinting you realized that it was Dottore who seemed to be comforting you, kneeling down in front of your hunched form and seemingly comforting you. You sniffled loudly, hands blindly going to tug at his shirt. You don't know why you were tugging so insistently, but the Doctor shook his head and picked up up. You felt a small pressure against your head at the same you felt a pinch in your arm. Your watery eyes looked up again, darkness enshrouding your vision. The last thing you did before you blacked out was glare and hopefully curse his family lineage.
Then all that was left is blackness, and her.
