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Q: How do you choose a path in life? I'm ok at many things but I want to be really passionate about something, I want a career that is fulfilling but I can't figure out what I want to do.

The longer I’m alive the more I hear this type of question and the more it’s clear that no one has the answer. I think the question itself is flawed, though I too have asked it.

Don’t worry, I think this is a good thing for both of us.

My question to you is -- where did you learn you needed to chose a path in life? Why do you think a single thing could possibly fulfill you? Who taught you to tell people what you wanted to be when you grew up? What are the people around you doing?

There’s a psychological concept called the Fundamental Attribution Error which states that people tend to under-emphasize situational explanations for an individual's observed behavior while over-emphasizing dispositional and personality-based explanations for their behavior. This effect has been described as "the tendency to believe that what people do reflects who they are".

I think this leads us to believe a half-truth about other people’s paths, or even that a path is really something you can choose.

When you see someone successful, a famous musician, an wealthy entrepreneur, a politician, your natural bias is to assume their accomplishment is a key-element to their person-hood. It’s more than just something they’ve done, it’s their identity as a person. Be honest – how often do you research into every other facet of a famous person’s life? Their other side-hobbies that they weren’t as well known for, their daily distractions from their work, their many unknown failures. You aren’t seeing them as a complete person, but because of our human brains making fundamental attribution errors you’re likely allowing them to seem simple. One-dimensional.

You, on the other hand, know you are complicated. You see your daily distractions. You feel your internal conflict about the things you are best at. You sense your ambivalence toward a compliment. “I’m not like that, I’m here by coincidence – I’m nowhere near the level of (insert person who does the same thing as you)”.

The way we portray ourselves online contributes to this as well. Curation of a social image leads to simplification. Scroll through a profile and you’ll see carefully chosen images and text to portray a clear path, a clear aesthetic, something simple. We all believe the same lie: focus and consistency are most important, choose one thing and be the best. Pick a genre and stick to it.

So how do you choose a path in life? There is no set path, there’s no rolodex of cards to choose from. There’s no dice to roll. No one will assign you a pre-made list of tasks to complete. There’s no path here, just a wild untouched forest. In fact, a path forms from feet walking. All you have to do is move.

Your path will look to others like the things you are known to them for, they will make their own version of what they think your path is. That’s ok, it doesn’t matter and you can’t control it.

But for you – you have to live on the path, this path is your world. Fill it with activities that make you feel things, good and bad. Try on the hats of people you admire. Try on the hats of people you don’t understand. Explore wildly, deviate from any path you feel like you’re on by force, and your footsteps will quickly form a new path in whatever direction you move. Change direction often. Have you considered spending more time on your path having fun? Try that, see how it feels.

Try focusing on your values instead of finding a path. What matters to you most in life? There are countless values quizzes to help you think this through. Let your life’s mission be aligned with your internal values, see how that feels.

If you look behind you, you can see the path you’ve formed so far, how does it look? What do you want to add to it? You are more than one single path. You’re the whole forest.

Good luck,

Ms. Strangercontext

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How do I ?

How do I find what I'm good at if I feel like I fail at everything?

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