Summary: Olivia Benson doesn't let anyone get close to her personally or professionally. It has hurt her one too many times before. Casual one-night stands are her norm until you sit down at the bar next to her, and her whole focus shifts. This series will follow Olivia Benson throughout her years at the SVU team.
Warnings: 18+, Smut, WLW pairing, Some episode spoilers, Canon regular violence, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Mentions of drinking, Canon typical stalking (This is will continue to change over time. Please check individual chapters since each one is a little different)
SVU Masterlist
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Chapter 1: Finding Home In A Bar ❤️🔥
Chapter 2: Finding Release When Stressed ❤️🔥🫣
Chapter 3: Finding A Way Back In 🫣
Chapter 4: Finding How To Cope 🫣🫠
Chapter 5: Finding A Way To Open Up
Chapter 6: Finding Out How To Step Up
Chapter 7: Finding Out How To Get Together
Chapter 8: Finding All The Broken Pieces
Chapter 9: Finding A Way To New Understanding 🫠
Chapter 10: Finding A Way To Stay Put 🫠
Chapter 11: Finding the Art of Tease, Deny, and Release ❤️🔥
Chapter 12: Finding Tension Between The Lines ❤️🔥
Chapter 13: Finding A Way To Admit What Is Already A Given
Chapter 14: Finding A Way To Celebrate The Most Important Day Yet
Finding Salvation: Chapter 16: Finding A Way To Reconnect
A/N: Loosely based on S4ep5, but like not enough to spoil it. But we are almost to better hair.
Summary: Olivia has been gone for a week for a case that has taken nearly everything from her. Luckily, she gets to come home and find herself in you.
Warnings: All smut, no plot. Cunnilingus. Strapless Dildo. Fingering ( R & Olivia receiving). Minors DNI. WLW Smut. 18+. Multiple orgasms.
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Olivia sinks onto the couch, hoping that it might eat her alive. This case had gotten out of hand and fast. She had been accused of many things in her life, but murder had never been one. Now she was exhausted and starting to regret how fast and loose her and Elliot played by the rules sometimes. Especially when it meant that for over a week she hadn't been able to see you, smell you, or hold you.
She doesn't wait long before you walk in the door, your arms loaded with work she knows you should have left at the office. You dump it over the counter, not noticing your girlfriend curled against the couch. Olivia watches for a moment, her heart aching at how robotically you move through putting together a pile of work to do before you kick your shoes off. You have become so used to Olivia’s absence in this short time and have created a whole routine to cope with it.
When you finally close your bag, you grab your phone, and Olivia immediately knows what you are doing. Every day this week, you have called Liv as soon as you settle in. She hasn't been able to answer once, but you always leave a voicemail reminding her you love her and miss her. Olivia has been replaying them all week to keep her mind sane. This time, when you dial, you are met with the loud ringing of Olivia’s phone on the coffee table.
You jump, swiveling around when your eyes lock with your girlfriend. “Holy shit!” You yelp, ending the call. “Olivia, you scared the hell out of me.”
“Sorry, baby, I was just admiring the view.”
You roll your eyes, walking to the couch, forgetting all about the pile of work waiting for you. As soon as you are close enough, Olivia grabs your hips, forcing your knees to fall on either side of her. Without hesitation, you sink onto her lap, your hands finding their way to her neck. Her hands roam up and down your back for a couple of moments before slipping underneath your shirt to feel your bare skin.
“I missed you so much,” Olivia murmurs, her face finally easing into something peaceful.
You move to cup her cheek, which only softens her further. “I missed you, too, my love.” You lean forward to kiss her forehead softly. “What do you want to do tonight? I can order takeout, and we can cuddle on the couch. Whatever you want.”
“I want you,” Olivia says, her hand going to the back of your neck to pull you in for a kiss.
It’s the frantic kind where Olivia can't seem to get enough of you. She pulls down on your lip, her hands clawing at your back when you instantly moan into it. Then, when her tongue swipes your bottom lip, your mouth immediately grants her access. It is she who moans at this move. She is desperate to get any piece of you she can, to remind herself she is safe at home and loved.
When she finally breaks the kiss, her breath comes in pants across your cheek as she rubs her nose against hers. It’s a new thing she has started doing when she feels vulnerable. Almost like touching your skin in every way possible is the only way for her to breathe again.
“How do you need me?”
“Inside of me,” Olivia whimpers, her hands digging more crescent moon marks into your skin. “As close as I can get you.”
You hum in agreement, attempting to get up when Olivia lets out a whine of disapproval. You laugh lightly, prying yourself from her grasp before reaching for her hand.
“Let me take you to bed, my love.”
She shoots up at this, and the short trip to bed is filled with a flurry of clothes and panting kisses. You are sure the shirt you were wearing is now ruined as buttons bounce along the floor. Olivia is aggressive, but you can tell she isn't in her usual dominant mood. No, Olivia is desperate to be unraveled by the only person who can bring her back to the real world when it feels like one foot is in the pit of hell.
When she finally falls back against the bed, her legs open for you automatically, and you grin. You don't have it in you to tease, but you know you can't immediately give in to what she wants. Instead, as her legs dangle over the edge of the bed, you sink to your knees. The whimper Olivia lets out at the sight makes your head spin.
You kiss up her legs, alternating between each side until you get to her thigh. Once there, you lose control completely and give her a sharp bite. She yelps, but then moans when you soothe the spot with a lick. You smirk against her skin and repeat the pattern all the way up until your warm breath whispers against her clit. The exhale of breath that follows from the woman above you is dripping with a sin that you would gladly die for.
“Baby,” she whimpers, her hands digging into the sheets as you continue to stare at what waits between her legs. “Can you hurry up, please?”
“Missed me that much?” You ask in what you hope is a teasing tone to hide the true feelings that have been simmering underneath the surface of your skin.
Olivia doesn’t seem to notice a difference as she nods. “I need you inside of me right now.”
Your hands find her hips, pushing her legs further open. “I know my love. I know. I just want to taste what is mine first.”
The protest dies on your girlfriend’s lips as your tongue swipes up and then circles her clit. Her grip tightens on the sheets as she does her best to keep her composure for as long as possible. She knows that she won’t last long, the tension in her body immediately melting as you suck her clit, but she wants to enjoy every single second of you that she can.
Her hand unfurls from the bed as your tongue circles around your clit, and then your fingers quickly slip inside of her. It is partly what she asked for, but not nearly enough. Her hand skims across your hand that holds her hip, and your fingers twirl together. This action is what makes you lose control. You have played long enough; now it is time to get what you came here for. She squeezes your hand hard before arching into your mouth.
Your responding moan vibrates her clit in a way that makes her nails dig into your hand. She is quivering now, her legs pressing against your ears as she grinds into your face. She simultaneously knows this is too much pressure and not nearly enough, all at the same time. Either way, you build her to the edge quickly and then shove her over it with a little nip to her clit.
“Shit… shit… shit!” She yells out, her hand only gripping yours tighter.
She comes crashing down from her high, her back falling to the bed as her legs shake around your head. You know this is only the beginning, that one simply is not enough to make up for the days that you have been separated. So you kiss each of her hipbones before you wander off to the closet searching for the large bag that you keep shoved in the back.
Olivia is still catching her breath when you finally return with two different options in your hand. The one in your right hand is the one that you are sure she will go for; it is what she always goes for. A simple black harness with whatever dildo happens to be clean and ready at the time. The one in your left hand is something that was purchased recently but never used, always just waiting for the right moment. It is a double-ended dildo with a smaller end that could go inside the wearer, allowing for full skin-to-skin contact. You don’t know what initially inspired you to grab it other than the fact that Olivia seemed like she needed you as close as possible tonight, and you would be lying if you didn’t say that you needed it to.
Olivia’s eyes trace over the options before a tentative hand points towards your left hand. A blush crosses her face as she murmurs, “I want to try this one.”
“If that is what my queen wants, that is what she shall get,” you smile, tossing the other option to the side before extending your left hand. “Want to put it inside for me?”
The request is so casual that Olivia’s face darkens even more. You love that you can do this to her. Take the woman who dominated you only weeks ago into a bumbling mess when she is in the right headspace. This relationship isn’t about who is the dom or who is the sub. It is about who needs it, and right now, Olivia is begging for a kind of bliss only you can give her.
She takes the end meant to go inside of you and swipes it between her legs. You moan at the sight of her come dripping off of it before she moves it between your parted legs. It settles inside of you easily, but Olivia is far from done. Her fingers gather more liquid to coat the dildo. You shut your eyes for a moment to calm the beating in your heart. Maybe both of you needed this more than you realized.
When the dildo is glistening in the low light of your apartment, Olivia finally stops. Her eyes flick towards yours. “Now will you get inside of me?”
“So impatient,” you murmur, leaning down to trail your lips along her jaw.
Olivia goes to say something snarky back, but instead, you slip inside of her, causing her to moan. Her hands claw at your shoulders, nails digging as she tries to pull you closer to her. Her legs come up to hook around your hips, not allowing you to move away from her more than a couple of inches, not that you would have. Right now, all you want is Olivia.
Your hands bracket her head as you set a brutal pace. She is unable to keep her eyes open, caught in a space where every nerve ending is on fire. The apartment is noisy now with the sound of her moans on repeat. She is so loud, you know that her voice will be hoarse tomorrow. You don’t stop, just let Olivia meet you thrust for thrust as you both chase something that you are craving.
She is so close to the edge that you know one more push will send her spiraling into oblivion. It is all that she has wanted, but before you give it to her, you know there is one more thing that you need. You lean into the shell of her ear and whisper. “Tell me you love me.”
There is a wobble in your voice that you despise, but you are desperate for it. To hear the words that can fix every part of your soul, even on the darkest of days. You don’t have to wait long to hear it because another thrust of your hips has Olivia screaming as her hands dig into your shoulders.
“I love you. I love you. I love you.”She repeats as a mantra that crashes her over the edge and to a place a satated calm.
When you pull out, she whimpers but only for a moment as her body relaxes against the sheets that are now damp with sweat. You roll off her, removing the dildo that has been holding you on the brink of your own orgasm. Once it falls to the floor, you push yourself up the bed to rest against the headboard so you can take a moment to breathe. You let your eyes close and try to calm the beating in your heart.
Olivia, from her position, looks up towards you with a fond smile on her lips. She is satisfied, and the last of the case has been scrubbed from her. But it only takes a couple of seconds to know that you are in your own head. She reads your body tension and the furrow in your brow like a direct roadmap to the thoughts you keep hidden. She may not know exactly what is bothering you, but she knows that she needs to fix it fast.
She crawls across the bed until she can part your thighs with her fingertips. You finally open your eyes, glancing down at her. Brown eyes sparkle as she smirks up at you, the curves of her body glistening with sweat in the low light.
“Liv,” you murmur, trying to hold onto the last of your resistance. “You don’t have to take care of me. Tonight was about you.”
“I haven’t seen you all week,” Olivia pouts, letting her lip protrude out to distract you from her hands spreading you further apart. “I want to remind the love of my life that there is no one else in this world for me but her.”
The words send your heart racing, and any protest you had dies on your lips. Olivia leans forward, kissing along your jawline until she reaches your lips. She pulls away a couple of inches so that you can see the expression in her eyes.
“I love you, and there is no one else on Earth I could imagine being with,” She whispers, and you don’t know if your heart twists with emotions or desire. “Now, please, let me show you how much.”
You nod softly, and Olivia’s lips are back on you in a flash. She nips and sucks down your neck, finally settling to leave a hickie along your collarbone. You hiss at the pain that is replaced with desire when her hand comes to flick at your nipple. She doesn’t stop at one hickey, either, and instead continues to mark down your chest until you are a roadmap of her love.
When she seems satisfied with your work, she trails open-mouth kisses back up until her breath rushes into your ear. She doesn’t say anything at first to focused on sliding two fingers inside of you so hard that you arch your back into her chest. She finds the perfect spot, immediately like she always does, and attempts to coax you closer to the edge. It is not so much the actions as the words that accompany each thrust that send you flying into a place that must be nirvana.
You are mine. I am yours. I was made for you. There is no one else for me. You are the only one I want. I love you. You are perfect for me. Mine forever and always. I love you. I love you.
You don’t know how many times you drench her fingers, but when you are finally done, your body limp against the headboard, Olivia releases her grip on you. She kisses along your right cheek and up your forehead and down to your left cheek. Finally, she places a soft kiss on your lips.
“Look at me, baby.” She murmurs, pulling away slightly.
Your eyes flicker open to meet her gaze. She smiles, her hand coming to cup your cheek.
“I love you,” she says so adamantly that you feel yourself melt even more. “Even when I'm on a case, or undercover, or ten feet away…the only thing I think of is how much I love you.”
Finding Salvation: Chapter 15: Finding A Way To Remake The Day
Summary: Nothing can ruin Olivia and your one year anniversary. At least she doesn't hope so.
Warnings: N/A
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A year of being official with Olivia came quicker than you expected. It felt like yesterday that you had bumped into her at the bar, and you didn’t know how 365 days had already passed by. There were times when you thought she would have gotten bored with you, but instead, Olivia was great at finding new ways to fall for you. Other times, Olivia tried desperately to push you away, but you never left, and eventually, she allowed herself to be wrapped in your safety. There were days that she was sure the job would become too much, but you never flinched when she came home a shell of who she once was. Almost every day that was spent with Olivia was filled with love, laughter, and light. It was a feeling so unlike anything that either of you had before, you were desperate to hold onto it for as long as you could.
Sure, there were some days that you bickered. Tensions got high with the work that you both did a spillover was inevitable. Sometimes nights were long, and the side of the bed the other should have occupied stayed empty. Yet you and Olivia always found a way back to each other because at the core of your relationship, you felt like it was meant to be. Olivia was your solace, and you were her finding salvation.
You have just finished putting together your outfit for the night when she comes behind you to wrap you in a hug. You instantly melt into her like you always do, and your heart seems to settle. She places her head gently on your shoulder, and you smile as you look into the mirror. Her hair is finally starting to grow out, and you move your hand to play with a couple of the strands. This only excites her as she runs her hands up and down your sides. She leans to kiss your neck gently.
“You know we could just skip dinner and stay home,” she murmurs, nipping gently on your neck. “That is technically what we did on our first date.”
“Are you talking about our real first date? Or the one where we left the bar with your hands practically in my pants?” You giggle, tilting your neck to the side to give her more access. “Both seem to have ended in the same fashion.”
“So we didn’t have the most traditional start,” Olivia murmurs, hugging you tighter to her, “but we made it here, so that is all that matters.”
“If you keep talking to me like that, we really won’t make it to our reservation,” you hum, turning in her arms.
Her hands fall to your waist, lifting you onto the tiny bathroom counter. She slots in between your legs, and you can already feel the thrumming start underneath your skin. Just as she comes to kiss you, her phone begins to ring in her back pocket. You groan as Olivia’s forehead meets yours. She pulls out the phone, placing it against her ear.
“Benson.” You feel her huff out a breath as her fingers tighten around the phone. “Yeah, I will be there.”
You let your arms fall as she pulls away, shoving her phone back in her pocket. There is a frown across her features as she cups your cheek. You lean into the touch, sending her a comforting smile.
“I promise that I was like fourth on call today.”
“Liv, it’s okay,” you tell her, but her eyes still hold lingering insecurity. “I promise, baby. We can celebrate our first anniversary when you get back.”
“Even if it is tomorrow?”
You laugh, leaning in to kiss her softly. “The date doesn’t matter as long as I get to spend time with you. Now go to work.”
Olivia presses another kiss to your lips and forehead before she turns to grab her jacket from the doorway. You watch as her silver dress swishes around her legs for a moment before the reality of what she is doing catches up to you.
“Wait, Olivia, you didn’t change!”
She turns as she gets to the doorway, clipping her gun and badge to random pieces of her outfit. “I’m staying in this outfit, so as soon as I am done, we can continue this date.”
You roll your eyes as you let out a giggle. “I love you, Liv.”
“Not barely as much as I love you,” Olivia winks before closing the door behind her.
-~-
Olivia ignores the stares of the unnies as she makes her way over to where Fin is inspecting the fallen victim. The latex gloves snap against her wrist, and she is almost glad that it is Fin with whom she has to work. She doesn’t know if she can take a night full of Elliot’s sly comments when all she can think about is how quickly she wants to get home to you.
Fin locks eyes with Olivia, and a small grin pulls on his lips. “Hot date or something, Olivia?”
“It was my one-year anniversary, actually,” she says, stopping next to him with a sigh. “Had reservations and everything.”
“Oh shit! Wait,” Fin replies in a panic, “You have to text Y/N right now that it was not my fault you got called in. Elliot didn’t answer me, and Munch is sick.” Fin looks at Olivia with a pleading look in his eyes. “Like the type of sick where I actively heard him throwing up.”
Olivia’s nose crinkles up. “That is information I didn’t need to know.” She gives Fin a playful shove. “But I will let my love know that you didn’t intentionally ruin what could have been the best night of my life.”
Fin rolls his eyes, but there is no heat behind the motion. “You, Olivia Benson, are a smart ass.”
-~-
By the time Olivia gets home, it is late, so late that most of the restaurants have already started to close their doors. She knows that going anywhere is entirely out of the question, but she still picks up takeout on her way back. She assumes that you have already eaten dinner, so she decides to go for a slew of desserts that she thinks you will love. On the drive home with the treats in the passenger seat, Olivia attempts to call you, and when there is no answer, she has a sinking feeling that this night isn’t going anywhere near planned.
Her key slides in the lock, and she hopes that she can salvage the rest of the night. When she steps inside, she notices a large takeout bag from the restaurant that you were supposed to go to tonight. It is still closed, and there is a pang in her heart as she realizes that you haven’t eaten dinner yet.
She sets down her bag, throwing off her heels, and ditches her gun and badge in their respective spots by the front door before she calls out for you. “Baby, are you still awake?”
When she is met with silence, she pads across the living room to see if you have snuck off to bed. That is when her eyes catch onto your sleeping figure sprawled over the couch. One foot hangs off the edge while the other stays slumped against the back cushions. One arm is thrown over your head while the other is still clutching onto the book that you had been reading. Your mouth hangs open as you snore softly. The sight melts her heart and only increases the guilt that she feels building in her stomach. This date was so important, not only because it marked your time together, but to Olivia, it marked the longest that she had allowed herself to stay and let someone love her.
She leans over the couch, gently prying the book from your hands. She kisses your forehead softly before shaking you. “Baby, come on, let’s get you in bed.”
Your eyes flutter open, and you smile as you look up at her. “Liv, you are home.”
She can’t help but grin back. “I am, but it is late, so let’s go to bed.”
“No. No,” you protest, sitting up, wiping the tired from your eyes. “We can still do our date. I ordered us food, I have your gift, and you brought…” You look at the counter where the treat bag is waiting. You turn to Liv with an adoration written in every feature. “You brought dessert.”
“That I did,” Olivia said, reaching for your hand to help you off the couch. “You sure that you want to do all of this? It is almost midnight.”
You pull her to the kitchen, your own dress still clinging to your skin. “Very sure. Just know that if this food doesn’t heat up good we are going to blame Fin.”
Olivia laughs and sets to work heating the food. You set the table, decorating it with mismatched candles, turning on music to fill the silence in the background, and finally, you pull out a present that you have been hiding in the closet. When the food is done, Olivia makes sure her chair is pressed against yours so that she can keep a hand slotted against your thigh as you eat. Between every couple of bites, she leans over to press kisses along your jawline and down your neck.
“Liv,” you murmur as her breath hits a particularly sensitive spot. “I am starting to think that we never would have made it to that restaurant.”
“Or maybe I would have done the exact same thing there,” she whispers in your ear with a smug smile on her face.
You roll your eyes, but there is a glint in your eyes when you look at her. “Just take me to bed already.”
She laughs, pushing back her chair so that she can pull you up into your arms. There are only a couple of minutes before the clock switches to the next day. She spends every single one of them telling you how lucky she is to be in love and loved by you.
Finding Salvation- Chapter 6-Finding Out How To Step Up
Summary: Olivia's life starts to merge, and she begins to see her dreams slipping by. She can't let it happen- not again
Warnings: Canon typical cases (nothing super explicit)
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Another child abuse case drops on the desk of Olivia, and she knows she is already in for a shit week. Elliot is on his usual rampage against the parents, the school, ACS. Anyone that he could blame, he did. Olivia knew the case was bad, but her thoughts couldn’t stop drifting to you- what you would do in this scenario, if this was a kid on your caseload, and how you were holding up- she hadn’t heard from you in a couple of days. It was unusual but not necessarily uncommon lately. Over the last couple of weeks you seemed to have retreated further into yourself. Olivia thought it was work stress finally catching up to you, but honestly you hoped separation would give you space to lose some of the feelings for Olivia. It still wasn't working. Olivia goes to send you a quick text when Elliot pulls her attention.
“Let’s go to the hospital, Liv…”
“Stop calling me Liv,” She snaps automatically.
He throws up his hands, “Damn. Okay, Olivia. Let’s go.”
Olivia grabs her bag, heading for the door. On the way to the hospital, she sends you a text: I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days, I’m getting worried. Are you okay?
-~-
Olivia hears your laughter first as she and Elliot enter the precinct. A smile plays across her lips, but is quickly overtaken by a look of confusion. You shouldn’t be here. You knew what she did for a living but Olivia never told you where in hopes to shield you from the horrors that roamed within the streets. She can’t think about this, however, as Elliot storms by her.
You are standing with Fin, laughing at something he said, when Elliot yells out, “What the hell are you doing here?”
Olivia goes to snap at him, but Fin steps in for her. “What is your problem Stabler?”
“This is the ACS worker that got assigned when Maureen’s friend got pregnant,” Elliot hissed out. “I filed the report, and they did nothing.”
“She had consensual sex with a boy of the same age. They both admitted to willingly not using protection.” You snip back at him, your spine straightening. “After that, what she wants to do with her baby is out of my hands… and is frankly none of your business.”
Stabler is steaming by now, pressing closer to you until he is only a foot from you. Olivia watches as you don’t cower away but step further towards him as if to confront his challenge.
He sneers at you, “You did a half ass job and you know it.”
“And you are treating me like a scapegoat because you knew it wasn’t an SVU case, and you wanted someone else to get the revenge you so blatantly wanted. We investigated, and there was nothing we could do. I am not going on a goose chase for something that does not exist.” You growl back at him with your fingers curling into a fist that you shove in your pocket.
“Oh, you investigated. Must have been great investigation skills-is that how this kid almost died?”
You don’t falter as you stare at him, but Olivia notices the way your shoulders drop slightly. She grabs Elliot’s arm, trying to pull him back, “El leave her alone.”
“Don’t you dare defend someone who is willingly letting a father beat his own son,” Elliot snaps, turning his rage on Olivia instead.
“It wasn’t her case,” Cabot explains, heels clicking along the floor as she steps into the conversation. “Y/N is the one who caught it. Another agency has been allowing one of its workers to turn in false paperwork and not even attend house visits. Y/N caught the error while doing annual audits. We have five more cases that we need to get caught up on.”
Elliot’s anger doesn’t drop, but Olivia’s concern for you rose as she saw your eyes darken again. She went to walk towards you, but Alex spoke again, “She is now the star witness of our next biggest case. I need her statement taken.”
“I won’t talk to him,” You say, pointing at Elliot.
“Munch and I will take your statement,” Fin offered, leading you away to an interview room. As you go to follow him, you look at Olivia for one second, giving her a small nod.
Olivia turns towards Elliot with rage building underneath her skin, “What the hell was that for, Elliot?”
“She doesn’t know how to do her damn job,” He gritted out.
“And I told you to drop that case,” Cragen demanded, looking at Elliot with a disapproving look. “There was no standing; you let your emotions get involved, and it is starting to cost you.”
“Cap,” Elliot protested.
“You and Olivia, my office…now,” Cragen dismisses the argument with finality. “We have five open cases that we have to organize and a star witness you already put at jeopardy.”
Olivia sighs, grabs her notes off her desk, and follows her captain into his office, preparing for a rough couple of weeks.
Olivia sees you in passing as you leave the precinct for the day, but you don’t stop to talk to her because Elliot watches over her like a hawk. Fin and Munch give details of the interview, and there is a pang in Olivia’s chest that begins to grow. You always talk about how much you love your job, and she knows all of this must be weighing on you. Finally, when there is a free moment, she breaks away to call you.
You pick up the phone on the second ring, “Olivia, I don’t have the time to talk right now. The world of foster care doesn’t stop because I called in to testify, unfortunately.”
“I…are you okay?” Olivia asks quietly.
You laugh, and it is the same humorless one from the first time she met you at the bar, “I don’t have any other choice. I have to be okay.”
“I’m really sorry about Elliot. He can be…”
“An asshole, yeah, I gathered that,” You sigh. “You shouldn’t apologize for him either when you know damn well he doesn’t regret a thing.”
Olivia doesn’t know what to say. She always apologizes for Elliot, and it has become so embedded in her bones that she doesn’t know an alternative.
“Listen Liv,” you sigh, “I have to go, but I’ll see you soon. Fin and Munch will have more questions for me, I’m sure.”
Olivia pauses, knowing that you are upset, and her hesitation lasts a moment too long as you hang up the phone. She knows she should try and comfort you but she gets swept away with another lead.
-~-
A couple of days go by before you come back into the precinct. Olivia notices your presence immediately, smiling as you enter. Elliot catches his partner tracking your movements. You go to walk toward Olivia’s desk, but hesitate when you notice Elliot watching you. Instead, you allow Fin to hug you.
“Y/N I thought you were going to stand me up,” he jokes.
“Oh, Fin, you know you have my heart,” you laugh. “Is Alex here? I tried to courthouse first, and she wasn’t there.”
“With the Captain,” Fin nodded at his door.
You give him a playful shove before going to the Captain’s office. Fin looks over at Oliva as you disappear behind the door.
“If you don’t ask her out, I will,” He teases.
“She isn’t your type,” Olivia bites her fingers, turning white as she grips her desk, with her other hand flipping him off.
“How do you know?” Elliot asks with a hint of bite behind the words.
“We are friends,” she admits. “For about a year now.”
“Fin knew?” Elliot said, turning to the other man.
Fin threw his hands up in innocence, “Y/N told me when she first came in just to make sure the connection wasn’t going to screw up our case.”
Elliot got up from the chair, storming out of the bullpen. Olivia groans, watching as her partner leaves the room.
“Olivia, I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize for him,” Olivia says, your words catching up to her. “Let him pout. I don’t have the patience today. Did…did Y/N say anything about me?”
Fin shook his head, “Nope. Not getting in the middle of that.”
Olivia chases after him as he goes to get a cup of coffee.
-~-
You walk out of the Captain’s office with Alex on your heels.
“We couldn’t have done this without you Y/N, I appreciate your help,” she smiles at you.
“I didn’t even testify, Cabot, he pleaded out,” you shrug.
Alex grabs your forearm gently, stopping you, “You made the initial report. You saved a child’s life and potentially many more. That means something. What you do is important work.
“I…I actually needed to hear that,” you grin, taking a deep breath. “It has been a rough couple of weeks.”
Alex softens at your words, “Now that our case is done, would you like to go on a date with me?”
“I.. uh,” you say, glancing over at Olivia, who is still talking to Fin, “Things are a little complicated right now.”
“Complicated with Benson?” Alex says with a little smile on her lips. “I knew she was obsessed with someone. You are a lucky woman.”
“Wait what are you talking about?” You question but don’t hear an answer because Olivia grabs your forearm.
“Cabot,” Liv growls before taking you out of the room.
Once in the hallway you finally rip your arm away, “What the hell do you think you are doing Olivia?”
“She was looking at you like you were a meal,” Olivia huffs. “You aren’t some piece of meat you are an actual human being.”
“What does it matter how she was looking at me Olivia? We are just friends remember,” You snap at her.
“Maybe I don’t want to be friends anymore!” Olivia blurts out, smashing her lips into yours fueled by jealousy, and the upsetting thought that she may lose you.
Your breath escapes you as Olivia’s mouth presses hard against yours. You pull away after a couple of moments before pressing your forehead against her. “Liv…”
“I made a mistake Y/N, and have been doing it for weeks. I want you,” Olivia says, trying to catch her breath.
“Oh Liv,” you reply, cupping her cheek gently.
“If…if you don’t want this…don’t want me, I’ll never bother you again,” her voice shakes as she leans into your palm.
“I have always wanted you Liv,” you admit sheepishly, “but this time we do it on my terms. You take me out on a real date..woo me..let me get to know the real Olivia Benson.”
Olivia’s heart stutters at the words, “I can do that. What about Friday 6pm? I’ll pick you up at your apartment.”
“Deal, now get back to work, you dork,” I say, pushing her back towards the precinct. “I’ll call you when I get home.”
Oliva winks as she walks back to her desk passing by the blonde. What she doesn't see is the exchange of twenty bucks from Alex to Fin to settle their bet. Fin had bet you would make the first move and had lost to the ever competitive attorney who knew exactly how to push Liv over and let her win.
Money secure in her pocket Alex walks out calling your name. You stop to look at her.
“So I am assuming that your situation isn’t getting any less complicated?”
“I mean it is in a way. Not how you hoped…but I would love to be friends.”
“Friends,” Alex agrees. “Maybe you have a hot sister or brother?”
You laugh, “I'm a foster kid so I don't know about any siblings but I'll be your wing woman.”
“Does that mean we are going for drinks?” Fin asks wrapping his arm around your shoulders.
“Fin…” you tsk rolling your eyes, “after the week we had of course we need drinks. You have to buy the first round though.”
“Damn,” Fin groans. “Wanna get your girl?”
You blush at the words, “She is not my girl…”
Fin and Alex both bark out laughter at this. Alex gently pats your shoulder, “She has been practically undressing you with your eyes the whole case. Anytime you walk into the room she smiles and hangs onto your every word. She may not be your girl yet but you are hers.”
“She is your girl like Munch is my jew,” Fin cracks.
“Still not appropriate, Fin!” Munch yells as he approaches.
You roll your eyes as they start to argue about Fin’s new nickname for Munch. You step back into the bullpen walking over to Olivia’s desk. There is a shyness in your step but as soon as Olivia catches wind of you she turns to smile. Your heart melts a little as you finally let yourself get caught up in her.
“Miss me already?”
“Always,” you tease, “Fin told me to come get my girl so we could get some drinks.”
Olivia beams at your words but her face falters, “I'm supposed to be on call.”
“Go,” Cragen urges Olivia as he watches the scene unfold. “I'll stay on call everyone deserves a night off.”
“Captain Cragen, I owe you cause Liv is in charge of babysitting me and Fin,” you grin as Olivia groans.
“Can't wait to hear all about it,” Cragen nods a knowing smile growing on his lips. “See you around Y/N.”
He walks back to his office and you extend your hand towards Olivia. She shuts her files, throwing on her coat before her fingers curl through yours. You set off down the hall chasing after Fin, Munch, and Alex who have already fallen into a heated debate about where to go for drinks. As you get into the elevator Olivia pulls you into her so her arms wrap lazily around your waist. You lean back into her before throwing in your own idea for a bar. This starts the debate all over again and the detective can't help but smile at the way the two parts of her world are coming together. No one notices Elliot watching as the doors close on them, but he notices the way Liv leans over and kisses your cheek gently, and it causes his heart to drop.
Finding Salvation: Chapter 17: Finding What The Point Is
Summary: You are always there to remind Olivia what the point is.
Warnings: Set after S4ep22
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1.2k
You are watching the clock, counting the minutes until Olivia gets home. She had called you earlier, telling you she had finally wrapped up the case and would be coming back. There had been a heaviness in her voice that immediately told you something was off, so you prepared for her arrival.
There are a variety of bubble bath options waiting on the edge of the tub, her fluffy robe awaits on the bed, and ice cream is stocked in the freezer. You also have a candle burning on the kitchen counter, making the apartment smell like coffee with a hint of vanilla. As a backup, you have a comedy queued on the TV and blankets ready on the couch.
It had been over an hour since she had called, and there was a sinking feeling in your stomach. It was not unusual for her to get called into work after she finished a case, but this felt different. You think about calling her when the front door opens.
The relief is instant until you realise how upset she actually is. Her boots clatter against the wall as she kicks them off. Her jacket thunks to the floor when she misses the hanger, and she swears before she tries to pick it up. When it falls off the hanger the second time, she lets out a shuddering breath that has you getting off the couch.
“Liv?” You ask her as you notice her wiping away tears that roll down her face.
When she notices you standing there, she turns her back towards you. She takes a couple of deep breaths, her shoulders shaking before she can get control. When she finally looks at you, her eyes are rimmed with red. Olivia tries to speak, but more tears come instead. You open your arms, and she falls into them.
She clings to you, her face nuzzling into your neck. Your hand gently card through her hair, and you rock her gently. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
Her quiet sobs turn into sniffles as she murmurs. “Nothing is ever okay.”
You are used to Olivia being distraught after cases, but you have never seen her this lost in her own thoughts. You pull back slightly so that you can grab her gently by the jaw. She allows you to pull her head up, but she doesn’t meet your eyes.
“Olivia, tell me what is going on in that beautiful brain of yours,” you say gently. She shakes her head and you tsk. “I want to help, and I can’t do that if you won’t let me in.”
She takes a moment before nodding. Her body shakes as she tries to explain what happened. To help her feel more comfortable, you take her hand and lead her over to the couch. You don’t give her a choice merely pull her down to sit in your lap. She curls herself around you as you pull a blanket around both of you.
“Alright, you ready to talk now?” You ask softly.
Olivia keeps one hand curled in your shirt as she begins talking. “I got into this job because I wanted to protect victims. I wanted to give them a voice when no one was listening to them.” She sniffles, taking a second before she continues. “Now, even an order of protection puts them more at risk of being stalked by their rapist. I just… I don’t see a point anymore.”
She lets out a defeated sigh before she starts again. “I went to talk to Elliot.”
“You went to Elliot’s?” You ask the hurt in your voice unavoidable.
Her face crinkles again, and her hand tightens in your shirt like you might suddenly leave her. You feel the anxiety radiating off her, so you pull her tighter against you.
“I just…I’m so worried that one day you are going to get sick of me complaining about my job,” she says with a crack in her voice. “Your job already has so much darkness to it, and then I come home, and I just add more darkness. All I am is dark. I have already lost so much in this job. I don’t want it to make me lose you, too. I can’t lose you. I can’t.”
She starts to cry again, pressing her face into your neck. You lace your fingers through her hair, kissing her forehead. “Oh, Olivia. You aren’t darkness. You are the light in my day. You are the reason I am excited to come home.”
“I just don’t know what to do anymore, Y/N,” Olivia sighs. “I’m selling a little piece of myself every time. What’s the point?”
“Hey, look at me,” you say gently. You wait until her brown eyes meet yours. “The point is that you are there to give them a voice, Olivia. In the darkest moments of their life, you are the only person who actually listens to them. You give them hope, Olivia, that’s the point.”
She lets out a wobbly smile. “How do you do it?” When you raise your eyebrow, she explains. “You always know the right thing to say, no matter the situation.”
“I channel my inner Olivia Benson and then say what she would in this situation,” you say, which makes her laugh.
“Smartass.”
“It made you smile, which is what I was aiming for,” you say, kissing her forehead again. “Now, how do we turn this night around?”
“Shower, cuddles, and ice cream?” Olivia asks sheepishly.
“If that is what my baby wants, that is what my baby gets,” you say, untangling your arms so that she can stand.
When she is back on your feet, she reaches for your hand, and you follow her through the apartment. In the bathroom, you perch on the counter recounting the trials of your day. She listens intently, asking questions when appropriate, and making lighthearted jokes when necessary. You can tell from the way she comes out of the warm water that she feels lighter.
There is a twinkle in her brown eyes and a smile on her lips as she leans in to kiss you. It’s short and sweet before she wanders to the bedroom to pull on her robe. Once she ties the string around her waist, she turns back to pull you in by the hips.
“You are the best thing that ever happened to me,” she says softly. “My finding salvation.”
Your cheeks burn at the admission, and you lean in to kiss her. “Mm, I think you have that backwards, my love.”
“We can argue about it over ice cream,” she winks, heading towards the kitchen.
You are halfway through a movie with empty ice cream containers on the coffee table when Olivia falls asleep. Her head is placed in your lap, and one of her hands is curled in yours. Your fingers gently run through her short hair, watching as her chest rises slowly. You wish you could put into words the way Olivia has saved you, but instead you settle for this moment of peace in this dark world.
Finding Salvation: Chapter 14: Finding A Way To Celebrate One Of The Most Important Days Yet
Summary: Birthdays are meant to be special and Olivia wants to prove that to you.
Warnings: None, I'm trying this whole soft and fluffy thing.
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1.2k (think fluffy filler)
Things didn’t really change when Olivia moved in. It was such an ingrained part of the routine that even the smallest changes went unnoticed. More closet space was cleared for her clothes, her books joined the shelves, and the floor stayed scattered with her work clothes that she couldn’t be bothered to pick up. The studio apartment wasn’t crowded; it became a haven for Olivia to fall into when she needed it the most. It was the home Olivia never knew that she could have.
Olivia woke up with her arm draped over your hips and her face nuzzled against your back. Morning light had just begun to leak through the curtain, and she could already hear the honking horns in the street below. You were oblivious to all of it as you burrowed further into the pillow. As Olivia moved to shift off the bed, you let out a soft whimper. She merely smiled and kissed your cheek before pulling back the covers. You only protested for a moment before pulling the covers over your head and falling back asleep.
Olivia didn’t even attempt to wake you up early anymore; she had merely learned how to navigate around the apartment in near silence until you decided to roll out of bed. Sometimes she would curl up with a book on the couch, but other times she would accelerate the process by making food. She was by no means a culinary chef, but she had learned enough to no longer burn pancakes and eggs. This is what she made now, keeping a watchful eye on you while you slept.
At first, it was small movements, a turn here or there, but then it got bigger. She could see you peeking out from underneath the blanket, then pulling it back over your head.
“Mi amor,” she laughs, “what exactly are you doing?”
You groan, throwing the covers down. Your arms cross in a pout as you look at your girlfriend. “I was debating if I wanted to get out of bed or if you were going to bring me food.”
Olivia rolls her eyes but walks over with two plates of food. “It is your birthday. Of course, I am bringing you food in bed.”
You smile, taking the plate from Liv so she can sit next to you. “You remembered.”
“It’s the most important day of the year,” she points out, leaning over to kiss you on the cheek. “There is no way I could ever forget your birthday.”
You can’t help but smile and lean closer into Olivia. She knows birthdays have never been your favorite, that more often than not, they end up in disaster rather than in joy, but she was determined to fix that. Not in some big, grand way, just in small, little moments that would make you smile. Breakfast is a great start as you sit in a comfortable silence with Olivia while you eat.
Once your plate is cleared and you go through your usual morning routine of getting ready, Olivia ushers you to sit on the couch. On the small coffee table is a gift bag that is brimming with gifts, all covered in purple wrapping paper. You take a moment to look at it, almost too nervous to touch anything.
“You really didn't have to Liv,” you mumble, your hand going to pick at a loose thread on your pants.
She grabs your hand to stop your fidgeting. “I love you Y/N. You deserve to be spoiled. Let me spoil you.”
You smile leaning over to kiss her softly. “I love you most.”
Olivia shakes her head in protest then gestures towards the gifts. You grab the first one ripping into the paper. It reveals a book that you've been dying to read. The next one is a burgundy scarf that Olivia immediately loops around your neck so she can pull you in for a kiss. You laugh loudly, a smile etching your face and Olivia feels like she has won the lottery. You are just as excited about the bundle of notebooks and pens bought for you.
It is at the last present that you take pause. Underneath the wrapping paper is a long black velvet box. It’s expensive, you know before you even open it. No one has ever bought you gifts like this before and your fingers tremble slightly as my clicks open.
The gasp that left your mouth was involuntary but made Olivia stiffen. She had taken a risk, but you were her everything, and she needed something physical to show all that she couldn't figure out how to put into words.
Nestled in the silk fabric of the inside of the box was a silver necklace. Your fingers gently trace the chain till you get to the charm. A simple infinity splattered with diamonds and a heart on the right side. It is beautiful and tears instantly sprang to your eyes.
“You are my forever,” Olivia whispers. “My infinity.”
You grab the necklace from the case holding it up to her. “Put it on please.”
Olivia’s nerves calm at the grin plastered on your face. She pulls back your hair and secures the lock. Once you adjust it to the perfect spot she leans down to place a kiss on the arch of your neck.
When she is back against your side you curl around her placing a smattering of kisses on her face. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is the best birthday ever.”
Olivia can't help but laugh as she holds you. “Don’t jinx it. We still have so much day left.”
“A day filled with spending time with you. Nothing can ruin that.”
And nothing does. You spend the afternoon curled on the couch flipping through the pages of your book. You lean back against Olivia with a blanket pulled tight around you both. She reads over your shoulder with her hand making lazy circles on your arms and legs.
Lunch is leftovers and your favorite snacks but neither of you really move until dinner time. As the sun bleeds into darkness Cragen, Alex, Much, and Fin swarm the small apartment. Elliot doesn't show but Liv didn't expect him to and you don't seem to care. The othrrs bring carryout from your favorite restaurant, make silly cocktails named after you, and play board games late into the night. Each brings a book to add to your collection and they all sing horribly off key as you blow out your candles.
Olivia watches you argue with Fin over an intense match of Uno and she can't believe she pulled it off. A birthday where all you did was smile and laugh. A day where you were cherished and loved from the moment you woke up till the moment you collapsed in her arms to sleep.
It is then that Olivia realizes some of the best moments aren’t loud and crazy. They are soft and filled with the people who matter the most.
Finding Salvation- Chapter 10- Finding A Way To Stay Put
Summary: When you narrowly escape Olivia's most recent stalker, she has to come to terms with the fact that maybe she is doing more harm than good in your life.
Warnings: Major S3 ep2 Spoilers, Stalking, Canon Typical Violence, Brief mentions of dead body
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3.2k
Olivia knew that her job came with numerous risks. She hadn’t forgotten when the perp had watched you through the window and threatened you. It weighed on her that she hadn’t told you, but she wanted to protect your innocence for as long as she could. Just because you knew what she did for a living and had met the rest of the squad didn’t mean that you needed an insight into every horrible thing that came across Olivia’s desk.
Every time that she arrived at your apartment or wandered the streets of New York, she felt a tingle on the back of her neck. The one who told her she was putting you in danger. The feeling only amplified when three dead bodies showed up, with the only connection being back to her. She had a sinking feeling that you were the next one on that list. Part of her wanted to push you away again, run as far as she could, to make sure nothing bad ever touched you. However, her feelings were all-consuming, and she couldn’t leave you again. She had to give you the chance to look at every piece of her and love you anyway.
These were the thoughts on her mind as Elliot tried to convince her to take a step back from the case.
“What about dinner?” Elliot asks, trying to soothe his own anxiety.
“When is the last time your family has seen your ugly mug?” Olivia asks and laughs when Elliot brushes her off. “Don’t worry about me, I’m going to be with Y/N.”
Elliot pauses for a moment, looking at his partner, “You tell your girlfriend about this type of stuff?”
Olivia shrugs, “I am thinking I may start.”
-~-
Olivia holds up the piece of paper strewn across the kitchen island. It was the same one that she had been analyzing at the precinct. Her hand shakes as she holds the paper, “When did you get this?”
You shrug, climbing onto the counter to reach a salad bowl off the top of the fridge, “Two or three days ago. I don’t have time for that scam bullshit, so I ignored it.”
As you clamber down, you look at your girlfriend, her face pale with fear, “Liv, you look like you have seen a ghost. What is going on?”
“They all got these papers…”
“Who?” You say, gently taking the paper from her hands. “Liv?”
“A man is stalking me…he killed three people off my caseload to try and get back at me. We have been following leads for days. This paper…that was how he lured all of them in,” Olivia whispers, a rock building at the base of her throat.
You let the words wash over you, and you expect to be afraid. You were a mere decision away from being a body that Olivia found buried in the woods. However, you push your own feelings aside as you look at your girlfriend struggling in front of you. You can tell that everything in Olivia’s body that she wants to run, to push you far away, to leave and never come back, so that she can spare you.
Before she can run for the door, you grab her by the hips and pull her to you. Keeping one hand anchored to her hip, you use the other one to brush her cheek. She automatically melts into your touch, and it causes a faint smile across your lips.
“Please don’t run,” you whisper.
Olivia’s smile is wobbly as she responds, “I am trying my best. I just don’t want you to get hurt. He was so close to harming you, and if something happened to you…I don’t… I don’t think I would be able to make it.”
“Oh my sweet Olivia,” you grin, placing a kiss on her hairline. “I knew what I was signing up for when I decided to date a cop. It is going to take a lot more to scare me away. Especially when I care so much about you.”
Olivia circles her arms around you, burying her head into your chest. She doesn’t say anything, just holds you against her until her heart begins to slow down. Later that night, when she is finally able to drift off to sleep, one hand is wrapped in your shirt, the other gripping your waist so that you don’t disappear into the night. You watch her sleep, running your fingers through her short hair until you are sure that she has settled.
“I love you, Olivia,” you whisper, barely audible, before you place a kiss on her forehead.
-~-
Olivia’s body jolts awake at the unending ringing of the buzzer. Her heart is beating out of control, and she struggles to remember where she is. She looks over at you, still sprawled against the sheets, stuck in a dream. The clock on your nightstand reads 4:30 am, and her heart sinks even further. The sound never stops, and you groan in your sleep, throwing back the covers. You wipe the tiredness from your eyes before crawling out of bed.
“Wait,” she says, clutching your arm, “let me do it.”
“Olivia, it’s just a prank,” you assure her, going to the buzzer.
You call out to the person on the other side, but there is no answer. When you go to step away, the buzzing starts again. Fear makes your hair stand up as you look frantically at your girlfriend. Olivia doesn’t wait; this time, she just scrambles to her bag that is against the door. She takes out her gun, clicking in the magazine, before rushing out the door.
You know that you should wait for her, but you can’t seem to stay still. You grab your apartment keys and head down the stairs after her. She is standing in the doorframe, gun pointed onto the street when you see it. An arm hanging out of a box with Olivia’s name written backward on it. There is blood leaking from the box onto the street. You can’t help but release the scream.
Olivia turns around immediately, lowering her gun, “Oh, Y/N.”
She rushes to you, taking you into a tight hug. She turns your body so that your eyes are no longer glued to the box. She backs you up against the wall so that she can protect you from any danger that may lie outside the vestibule. Instinctively, your arms wrap around her, nuzzling into her neck. Her fingers card through your hair as she tries to calm you down.
‘It’s okay, baby, I got you. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise,” Olivia mumbles into your skin.
As she holds you against her, she pulls out her phone, calling the police. When she hears the sirens approach, she pulls back slightly. Her thumb traces your jawline, grounding you in the present.
“Why did you follow me?” The question isn't harsh but instead filled with a quaking anxiety that Olivia can't seem to suppress. “You had no idea what was waiting out here.”
“Neither did you,” you point out.
“Yeah, but I have training and carry a gun.”
“And it isn't my first time seeing a dead body,” you blurt, causing a look of confusion to cross over Olivia’s face. “I'm a foster kid, remember? I didn't grow up in the safest of places, and sometimes bad things happened. I'm fine…it just…that could have been you.”
The words sink into Olivia’s skin, and she sighs, defeated, “and it could have been you.”
You nod solemnly as police surround the apartment. You lean in to press a soft kiss to your girlfriend's lips. “You need to catch this bastard.”
-~-
After the police question you both and you are released back to your apartment, it is time for you to dress for court. Olivia tries to argue with you about how you need to stay home, but you ignore her.
“It’s a termination trial, Olivia. We have already moved my testimony twice, I have to do this,” you protest, gathering your things. “If I don’t stand up for this little girl, no one will.”
Olivia knows that it is pointless to keep harping on this point. You fight for your foster kids as fiercely as she fights for her victims. You kiss her before grabbing the door handle.
“Just be safe, okay?” She says softly, admitting defeat.
“Always,” you smile, and before you can stop yourself, you blurt out, “I love you.”
A blush crosses your cheeks as you realize the words that slipped passed your mouth. You close the door before Olivia can respond, too nervous that she won’t reciprocate the feelings. She is left in the entrance of your apartment with a smile etched across her face.
-~-
Olivia is on edge all day as she works to find connections between her old cases and the new ones. She knows that you are in the courthouse, and it should bring her peace, but the words you said still ring in her head. You love her. You love her, and she didn’t get the chance to say it back. She thinks about texting you, but knows that you aren’t going to get it for hours, and saying it over text seems impersonal. When she tells you that she loves you, she wants to be able to hold you and kiss you. All of this, with the stress of the case, is weighing heavily on her. It makes her snappier than usual.
“Take it easy, you are wound a little tight,” Cragen points out as Olivia snaps another pencil.
“I am fine, if you want to have a protective detail, put it on Y/N, not me. She is the one that I am worried about,” Olivia grits out her anger, only rising.
She grabs for her things, storming out of the precinct to follow the next lead. When it pulls her back to a suspect who holds resentment against her, she hands the interview over to Stabler and Cragen.
“Come get a beer with us,” Fin encourages her. “I already texted your girl. She said that she would meet us there, but only if you were there.”
“And how exactly did you get my girl’s number?” Olivia jokes as Munch hands her all of her belongings.
“He may have pulled it off her witness statement,” Much shrugs as they set off down the streets of New York.
Olivia can only roll her eyes as her friends do their best to distract her from what is going on. When they arrive at the bar, her eyes immediately land on you. You lean against the bar with a drink already in hand. She rushes to you, picking you up in a crushing hug.
You squeal, wrapping your arms around her neck, “Well, hello babes, I missed you too.”
“I love you,” Olivia says without hesitation, kissing your lips gently.
Your cheeks blush at the words, and Olivia can’t help but grin. She presses her lips against your hairline, “Thought I didn’t hear you this morning?”
“Well…I… maybe,” you laugh.
Olivia grins, moving a strand of your hair behind your ear, “I heard it and I have been thinking about it all damn day.”
“And I want a damn drink,” Fin says, stealing yours from your hand.
You roll your eyes as he down it, “Now can you love birds move over so we can get some real drinks?”
The four of you find a booth in the corner, and Olivia plasters herself to your side. Her hand stays glued to your thigh as you banter with Fin. She even cracks a smile and laughs once or twice. With you by her side, the world doesn't feel like it is going to collapse in on itself.
When the night wraps up, your hand finds its home in hers, and you walk through the chilly evening back to your apartment. Her mind is on edge as you stay pressed against her. She turns for every sound, her hair stands up on her neck, and she feels like everywhere she looks, she sees him. When footsteps follow a little too closely for a little too long, she releases your hand to turn on her pursuer.
As she wheels around, she thinks about telling you to run, but knows you won’t. You are too stubborn to leave her side even now. She doesn’t know if she loves or hates that about you. Anger rises when she figures out it is her protective detail- not yours. A protective detail that Elliot put in place himself.
-~-
You sit in the back of the FBI’s car watching Olivia storm up to Elliot’s house. You can see the rage coming off her in waves. You had attempted to calm her down on the way over, but it hadn't worked. Olivia was determined to rip her partner's head off.
You don’t hear all of the conversation, just the bitter statement she releases at the end.
“If you can’t trust your partner, it is time to get a new one, Elliot. Now leave me the hell alone.”
She storms back to the car, sliding next to you. For a brief moment, your eyes catch Stabler’s, and you mouth the words thank you. He gives a solemn nod in understanding, and for a moment, you think that maybe Olivia’s partner wasn’t as big of an asshole as you previously believed.
Once you are back at your apartment and settled into bed, Olivia is clinging to you as if you will disappear with a sudden wind gust. Her fingers trail through your hair with her other hand, making mindless shapes along the hem of your shirt. You can tell there are thousands of thoughts circling through her head, and you don’t even know how to pick them apart. Instead, you lean in and place a gentle kiss along her jawline.
“I love you, Olivia Benson,” you whisper gently.
A smile stretches across her face as the thoughts settle for a moment. She pulls you close to her, “Not as much as I love you.”
It isn’t perfect, and there is still a man out there who is determined to pull apart Olivia’s life, but in this moment, the world settles.
-~-
Olivia knows that she is getting too close to the case. The number of people who lost their lives due to her kindness and past mistakes is becoming too high. Yet she can’t seem to let it go, not until this man is off the street. Her rage still boils at the thought of partnering with Elliot after he went against her wishes. So instead she formulates a plan of her own.
“I have some vacation time coming up,” Olivia whispers. “I am getting too involved in this.”
“If you want to take it go ahead,” Cragen encourages her.
She hurries from his office before he can catch onto what she is really going to do. In the back of her mind she absolutely knows that she needs a real vacation, and she will, right after she does one more thing.
Her hand raps against the door of one more potential victim. When the door opens to a gun pressed against the victim’s temple she knows all of this was a horrible mistake. She is without back up and yet another person’s life is at risk because of her. The events unfold without her truly processing them.
She is in the apartment, her gun shaking in her hand, as she trains it on her stalker. She has never shot a person before, and she doesn't want to start now. Yet when his gun locks into position Olivia doesn't think there is any other choice. Two shots ring out in quick succession. Just as if it were target practice she shoots right up the middle, never missing her mark.
He slumps to the floor just as back up arrives. When the gun he was using as a threat was found empty her heart sinks. Cragen waits back at the precinct, a look of fatherly disappointment written across his features. Olivia doesn't wait for the lecture, just hands over her gun and badge.
“How long?” She asks, already dreading the answer.
“Given the circumstances…a week,” he sighs. “Maybe you should actually take that vacation you were talking about.”
Olivia nods grimly, going to her desk to grab her things. Elliot gives her one longing stare but doesn't say anything. His partner instead disappears down the elevator.
As she does seemingly every day now she ends up at your apartment. After two short knocks you open the door.
“Baby, hi,” you smile, pulling her inside.
“I am taking us on a trip,” Olivia says, pulling you close to her.
“Right now? In two months? When?” You ask your eyes already lighting up with the possibilities.
“Now.”
You had included that option as a joke but at Olivia’s darkened expression you knew something was wrong. “You are joking right?”
“Nope, right now. I booked us a hotel in Catskill,” Olivia explains her fingers curling into your hips.
“Liv, that sounds beautiful but something is going on. You never are able to get time off work, especially this sudden. Tell me what happened.” Your finger comes to gently cup her cheek.
Olivia’s resolve hardens for a moment, “Nothing. Nothing happened.”
You quirk an eyebrow at her, “Don't start that with me. I love you, now spill it before I'm forced to call Fin.”
Your girlfriend chuckles at this whispering back her love before she takes a deep breath.
“I shot him. The man who threatened you and has been stalking me. He held a woman at gun point. I knew he wasn't going to stop at just her…he was never going to stop,” she explains in a rush. “His gun ended up being empty but I thought it was loaded. They put me on a week probation…”
Your features soften as you look at her, the weight of the world resting against her shoulders. She looks releaved that you are safe, at least for the moment, but another part of her wishes this never happened to begin with. You kiss her temple softly.
“You did what you had to do,” you whisper along her hairline.
“He wanted me to shoot him so that I would have to live with this. So I would have to see him every time I close my eyes,” Olivia admits a hint of defear layered in her voice, “I fell right into his trap.”
“So then let’s do something about it. Let’s get your control back,” you say squeezing her one final time. “Let’s take a vacation.”
A couple of hours later, after numerous calls to get work covered, you were on the road with Olivia. The windows were down letting in the breeze. The scent of summer changing into fall clung to the edges of the day. You put your head back against the headrest, your arm sticking out the window, fingers creating a path through the wind, and for once the unknown doesn't scare you. If you can be with Olivia then everything else is just background noise.
