#flow of thoughts

[jolandaobleser]

random april drawings

[databoy]

pursuing the avoidant heart

I had to stop pretending this is real This illusion cost me the perspective to rebuild

Can I trust in my discernment When it causes this much confusion I thought I could see all the signs but you Chose so carefully what I can and cannot see

I trusted in my heart but tripped up I also chose not to see - I couldn't hear reality in the silence you had built to keep yourself safe

I never took the time to question anything - all the answers I just never received I just kept running towards you - projecting my own needs And somewhere in that, I left you behind I just kept running - I will take the lead But you had already turned inwards; to hurt, to heal, to grieve

I came into your life like a whirlwind You told me this is what you wanted but now I just don't know

You were not ready yet, to grow I was too absorbed in my trauma to know

I gave up comfort and safety and took a leap of love But I never quite made it to the other side Misattunement, maladjustment - a yearn for your touch A lack of boundaries creates unsafety, a lack of compromise

And it brought us to here My inner child shaking with fear An activated nervous system cannot unwind I missed all the obvious signs And so it broke me Ever so slowly

You busied yourself on the ritual of letting go We never had that conversation - how was I to know That I had lost you before you were gone Is it cathartic to accept I was wrong I wanted this so viscerally for so long It was too hard to admit I didn't belong (here)

As I process my attachments I see this trauma as mine I had hoped that you would Reach out to me in time But if there's anything I learnt from this We can't rush the healing of our self Some are frustratedly impatient Some are not ready for help

With the repatterning of trauma comes a shift in perspective I am ready to accept my mistakes Rescuing others was never part of my journey Somehow I was convinced that's what it takes

And over and over, I couldn't reach you Instead of stepping back, I insistently pushed through I tried to build us a life that we both never wanted And somehow I thought all of this was for you.

[psych-lady]

How to stop my mind from thinking and thinking and thinking...

I'm afraid to close my eyes

That is when my thoughts keep running

[psych-lady]

I am standing in front of you

Afraid to hold you and take a step

I don't know why, I don't know how. 

I am afraid of what the future might be. 

I wish I have the courage to open you.

To be continued......

[kindregards19]

There was a day in my life when I was feeling really downs and nothing in my immediate future looked worth living. I was all alone at the roof of my house and I made a wish to see a shooting star. I did not want to wish on a shooting star, I just wanted to see one.

5 minutes later, I saw a star passing by. I have often wondered if anyone ever listened to me; that day I found out, somebody was. I don't know who or why or what their intention was (or is, you never know), but somebody's listening in to my thoughts. It is worse than having a stalker because thoughts are sneaky and unreliable and most importantly, unconscious.

How do I get them out of my head?

[suyogketkar]

What Writing Means to Me

What Writing Means to Me: To me, writing is the means, the medium, and the end. It is as nameless, formless, and transparent as water. And, a lot many things. What about you?

At first, I wanted to compose this post as a poem. But, that would mean another poem on my blog. And, I have had a little too many poems on my blog within the last one year. This, in one way, diverges from the original contemplation on writing. But, wait. I don’t wish to begin this post with a negative thought. That’s is how much writing means to me.

My writing is my ambassador to you. It means…

View On WordPress

[okiesdokies]

Flow of thought

I don’t hate my self.

I don’t hate my body.

But there are many things I don’t like.

Examples: my weight, stomach, back..

I do like my hair, my eyes, my face, my ass

Things I’ve accepted about me - my thighs.

I’ve always been a bigger girl. Never been skinny in anyway. I don’t know what it’s like to be skinny..

I don’t want to be skinny.

Yes I want to lose weight. But I don’t want to be a size zero. I don’t wanna be 150lbs.

I want to rid my body of my stomach pouch, I want my back to be...

I want my nails to be longer

I feel conflicted. I want to be a confident strong woman. But I also want to feel like I’m not fat.

What if during the day I eat only healthy things, and drink all the water... and then at night I enjoy food with my boyfriend.

But I love food. I just want to eat all the foods.

Like right now. I want porkchops. Or tacos. Or spaghetti and meat sauce. Or salmon. Or chicken and rice.

I just want to eat it all. It’s so delicious.

Ive realized without someone else it’s like I have no control over myself.

Like going to bed at a good time, eating decent food, not over eating..

I’m better with someone.