the thing about so much (for) stardust is that it has such a prevalent theme of “i am not what you wanted. i see how i fail to live up to your expectations and how i will always fall short of those expectations. if i keep trying to live up to who and what you want me to be it will destroy us both.”
i’m a hard pill to swallow. all this effort to make it look effortless. rip myself apart to be whatever you need me to be. i can’t be what you want me to be.
this is where the themes of serious unseriousness and “lava boots” and being safe to be weird come in. instead of destroying yourself to please others (carving out a place in the world for two that is ultimately worthless because it isn’t your real self), you have to find the people who love you exactly the way you are. they love who you are right now, with all of your flaws and shortcomings and failings. and then you have to hold onto them and not let go.