Histórias que Só Existem Quando Lembradas / Found Memories (2011, 🇧🇷)
directed by Júlia Murat
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Histórias que Só Existem Quando Lembradas / Found Memories (2011, 🇧🇷)
directed by Júlia Murat
Found Memories. Chapter 2.
Finding Memories Sequel: (I advise you to read the 1st series for context).
Series Summary: Following the aftermath of Finding Memories, Bucky tries to complete goals he feels she would have discovered for herself as a way to let her memory live on. However, he never expected to find someone very close to who he believed she would have been if given the chance of normalcy. A journey of mourning someone he lost turned into a journey of discovering someone new happens upon the soldier. Maybe this whole normal thing isn’t as bad as he had pictured it in his mind. Maybe he had a better shot at it than he ever tried to imagine.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x (Teacher) Reader
Word Count: 4700+
Playlist Song: Magdalene by: The 502's
A/N: I know I said I wouldn't post another chapter until I finish writing the entire series, but I checked the follower count for the first time in a while and realized we passed 3000 followers recently!!! So I'm posting this in celebration of the 3155 people that have been kind enough to follow my writing journey and interact with stories that I put a lot of my time and effort into :) I can not explain how thankful I am for each and every one of your support!! XO
Chapter Notes: This chapter is written from the perspective of the reader. Each chapter will (for the most part) switch back and forth from Bucky and Y/N Clark's 1st person. I've read some books recently that did it in this format, and it was fun to read that way and see all points of view ;) Plus, I thought it was only fair that we saw Y/N's perspective from the last chapter, and you can get an idea of the character she will play. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it because this REALLY IS THE LAST chapter I'm posting until the series is complete. As always, please feel free to comment, even if just emojis or a few words. They all mean the world to a writer!!
Chapter 2:
I hadn't planned on going to the compound anytime soon, but Tony Stark had proved to be a sneaky man when it came to getting his way.
When I saw Morgan Stark on my enrollment sheet, my principal made a special visit to my room during the last week of summer when we reported before the kids. I was nervous about the kind of parent relationship that was to come after how serious she made the endeavor.
My principal, who is also one of the reasons I'm not staying at this school for another year, made it a big deal and practically scared me shitless that if anything was not to Mr. Stark's liking when it came to his daughter's education, it was on me to fix or else I'd be screwed.
It was a lot of pressure, considering this was a man who had saved humanity more than once and was likely to continue to rack up that number.
But the pressure was quickly taken away when he showed up to meet the teacher, and he and his wife, Pepper, were nothing short of kind and supportive parents every teacher hopes to work alongside of.
Now was he a little forward and slightly egotistical? Yes. But I was prepared, considering his reputation. Pepper balanced him perfectly and quickly put him in his place if he started getting a little too brash.
And it was quickly shown during any minor and major holiday that they were big-time gift-givers and loved to shower those that worked with them with random treats and thoughtful, yet overpriced, 'appreciations' as they called them.
I remember getting a card during Thanksgiving break that seemed simple and like any other card a parent sends as a thank you, but inside was a gift certificate for a spa day.
And no, not just a mani and pedi or a massage. It was an entire spa day treatment including; mudbaths, facials, full body massage, hot rock therapy, mani-pedi, acupuncture, and a list of other things I had never even heard of or knew as options. They had already paid for and scheduled it for me, and they had handed it to me like a Mcdonald's gift card.
I didn't feel right taking something like that from a parent even if I knew they were billionaires and it was equivalent to a Mcdonald's gift card to them. So I attempted to give it back and handed it back to Happy, who usually picked up Morgan and told him it was a kind offer, but I couldn't accept it.
The next day I had a bouquet of flowers waiting for me in the front office and a card that said;
"Sorry for leaving Tony in charge of your holiday gift. He doesn't realize how intense he gets in that department… But please do treat yourself to a spa day! I changed the package so that you and your sister can enjoy it together, and it's not nearly as overwhelming as the things he added to it. We appreciate all you do for our family. You deserve the pampering!"
It was a sweet gesture, and it felt rude to not take it after they had sent it back to me. I asked my assistant principal about it, who had Tony as a parent for the last 5 years, and she also said to take it. I wasn't used to the private school demographic as much, and she assured me that though it was nicer than what most parents gift, she's seen him gift more outrageous things that Pepper had to fix in the past.
"I had to talk him down from donating a hot air balloon ride for our field day last year. A spa gift certificate is nothing compared to what I've seen that man do…" she had said.
So though it still felt weird, I took advantage of it and took my younger sister to the spa, and we enjoyed the massages, mani-pedi, and facials we were kindly given.
All that to say, I've learned this semester that Tony was an ornery man. He reminded me of my father when it came to how he joked in conversations and how blunt he could be about his thoughts and ideas.
I had thrown something back to him during our first parent-teacher conference by the complete mistake of not filtering my thoughts. And when I thought I was going to get fired, he let out a loud laugh and told Pepper, "Finally, someone who can dish it back and not get butt hurt," he had laughed with a giant grin.
I apologized quickly and rambled about how he has remarks like my dad, and it was just a reflex to say what I countered with, and Pepper laughed too.
"It's ok, Ms. Clark. Tony needs the sass to keep him in line as often as possible."
"Yeah, it gets boring when people walk on eggshells around you. Where's the fun in etiquette?"
That got a quick eye-roll from his wife and a slap to the arm, which he laughed at, and we continued our meeting.
Since then, I have kept a professional demeanor around him, but I also don't hold back when he needs a quick sarcastic remark to put him in his place.
Now his sliding a resume into Morgan's homework folder was also on the list of things I was not expecting. Right next to the custom-made Stark iPad he gifted me for Labor Day. (Which who gives gifts for Labor Day?)
The resume was an offer to be a personal tutor for Morgan once she got to middle school. She was in 5th grade right now, and she was a bright girl. I don't know why he was worried about her having the extra help, but nonetheless, he offered me a job to be her full-time one-on-one tutor for next year.
He was willing to pay me enough that I wouldn't need a second job as a teacher. I would solely be Morgan's tutor, and the benefits and pay would be enough for me to work little hours for a salary that a top surgeon in New York would make.
A part of me struggled with the offer. I knew money-wise it would take care of everything I struggled with; rent, medical bills, helping my sister through college, and the list went on.
I should have jumped at this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work under one of the wealthiest and most admired men alive, but my heart could never accept something like that merely because it was such an outrageous opportunity to fall in my lap.
I kept saying in the back of my head that I hadn't joined this career for the money. It was never about the money.
The only reason I took a private school job this last year (which a friend was kind enough to get my foot in the door for) was that money was tight, and I needed the slight boost that public school funding couldn't give me. But I wasn't giving up teaching; I was just moving to a different group of kids to teach. A lot more privileged and supported demographic, but I was still influencing kids' lives.
Though after the last few months, I realized it wasn't a fit for me. As much as I wanted to make it be that and push my morals aside to continue so I could keep paying for things without going into debt, deep down, it wasn't what I signed up for.
I was meant to help the underprivileged and poverty-level kids. I was that kid that grew up with one parent working more than one minimum-wage job to make ends meet and the other being underpaid as a school teacher themselves for most of my life. The educators who aided and encouraged me to be where I am now made me passionate about the same efforts.
With all that to be said, I was moving back to the public school in New York after this year, and Tony had found out.
It wasn't that I didn't care for the kids at this school. I loved them. My group of 5th graders had become 18 of my own personal children. I wanted the world for them and everything in between. The difference was they could have the world and everything in between. They had access to those resources.
The kids I was going back to had lived in a world I knew far better than the one I was in. I wasn't of major aid to my upper-class students as much as I was to the lower class. And at the end of the day, my job wasn't about the money; I continued to remind myself. It was about the next generation getting the support they needed and deserved.
So when I saw that Morgan had left her sweater in the classroom before the break and I had the resume in my hand, I called and asked if I could come to talk with him about it.
I hadn't been to the compound, and the size and security of it all was nerve-racking. The number of guards, levels of clearance, and private entrances I had to go through just to meet him in the lobby was intense.
I couldn't help but marvel at the architect and the sufficiency the place ran on while walking up the steps outside into the building.
People were walking around in grey and neutral-colored attire, and I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb with my bright red and checkered winter coat. Though I like neutral colors, I was never one to keep strictly to that. It was near impossible for me to pass up an accessory or statement piece that popped with color. Hence why I always got the comment, "Oh, you're an elementary teacher? You definitely have the wardrobe for it."
Thank God I spotted Tony only a few seconds after entering the foyer because there were three different reception desks, which I'm sure went to all kinds of departments of the massive establishment, but I wasn't sure which one to approach.
He approached me with open arms and gave me a hubristic smile as I gave him a keen one in return.
"The homework folder is meant to hold Morgan's work. Not your side hustles," I said with a raised eyebrow as I handed him a new folder with just the resume in it.
"It's work from a Stark; does that not count?" he said back, his grin never leaving.
"Yeah, but the work I'm supposed to review is usually based on story elements and division facts. I don't think Morgan is worried about salary levels and insurance benefits at her age."
"With a work ethic like her mother and a brain like her mother… She'll be managing a place like this in no time," he placed his hands in his pockets, not taking the folder just yet.
I handed off the sweater instead and held onto the folder, knowing I wouldn't be leaving with it either way.
"That I can't argue. But she may want to get her math down before she starts something like that up," I held onto my tote bag with one hand and dropped the other with the folder.
"Which is why I had that in her folder, so math and whatever else she needs help in, she can have you to h-."
He was cut off when a tall, dark-skinned man approached abruptly. I recognized him as one of the Avengers but didn't want to seem shocked or freaked out, considering I was in their home, basically.
"Hi," he said.
Running to his side was a second Avenger I somewhat recognized, but he seemed more hesitant and nervous compared to the man with a sweet gap-toothed smile in front of me.
Tony's light and teasing mood seemed to disappear with his interruption, and he took a breath before saying, "I told you I would help you after I talked with-." He was cut off as the man patted him on the arm and went to introduce himself.
"Sam Wilson," he smiled kindly, offering his hand, which I smiled back and took.
"Y/N Clark. Nice to meet you."
Sam seemed to give his friend a silent look that communicated something else, and the blue-eyed man extended his hand as well.
"James Barnes," he gave a tight-lipped smile like he was being forced to converse, but I returned a firm handshake and responded.
"Mr. Barnes. Nice to meet you."
I realized then I had seen this man earlier today at the coffee shop I stopped at before my errand here. I didn't have my head on straight at the time cause my sister had called saying that the repair man who was supposed to fix our balcony door had once again canceled and rescheduled. This was the fourth time now, and it felt like our apartment was crumbling beneath us with the 20 other things my landlord had kept pushing off.
I thought I saw him staring then too, but like most strangers, I see in public, I just gave a brief smile and moved on with my day. Though in New York, I'm still learning that isn't a regular thing here. Many native New Yorkers could go the whole day not making eye contact with a single soul on the overpopulated streets.
I brushed past the fact he was studying me like I was him, as if we were both looking for an answer to a question we didn't even know.
Tony turned all of our attention back to him as he introduced me to them briefly and promptly gave them death glares. Clearly, they were waiting on something from him, and he wasn't showing patience for what I assume were usual antics between the two with how they talked to each other.
"Cyborge and Birdman, this is Ms. Clark. She's Morgan's teacher. Ms. Clark, these are two of my most impatient co-workers. Who I asked to give me a second before I talked with them…"
"Thank this one for the interruption," James said while childishly shoving his friend to the point he teetered on his feet.
"Just seemed rude to not introduce your colleagues," Sam gritted.
"It's fine," I spoke up, attempting to break some of the tension building. And instantly, Mr. Barnes's eyes were back on me like they had been in the coffee shop. But I acted like I didn't notice and turned to Mr. Stark. "I was here to just drop off these two things anyway."
I handed the folder off successfully this time since his attention was turned to the other two, and he took it while staring at them still.
"Yeah, well, I had a few things I wanted to discuss without… This interruption." If looks could kill, his co-workers would be in a casket 6 feet under right where they stood.
"I appreciate what you're offering, but I've already told you I have a job set with another district after this year."
James Barnes was grinning like a child who just got revenge, but why, I wasn't sure.
"Yeah, but… Money." Tony said the last word like it was a magic word that would make me reconsider everything instantly and fold.
"Money is great and all, but it's not what this is about, Mr. Stark." I couldn't help but laugh even if deep down I knew the risk I was taking not accepting his proposal. I went to readjust my tote on my shoulder as a nervous tic. "Maybe after winter break and I get some paperwork back from the new school I'll be at, we will better understand what I'll have on my plate."
"That sounds like a well-worded way to put this conversation off," Tony smirked.
He wasn't wrong. I had worded it specifically as a way to keep it on the table for him knowing he'd never relent, but also to be able to walk away from the conversation and not get convinced out of my already made-up mind.
"It's Christmas break, Mr. Stark. Have a great vacation with your family, and happy holidays," I nodded, starting to turn out to walk, but before I was completely turned back, I looked at the other two men. "You two as well. I hope the world is kind enough to give you all a break as you deserve during this time."
It was true. Crime and bad guys never ended, from what the news showed, and I couldn't imagine what big holidays looked like around here.
"If I know anything about teaching, I know you'll need a break just as much," Sam shouted towards me after I was a few feet away, making me laugh.
"Happy Holidays," I said a final time before moving for the exit, thankful that the two men were there to distract Tony from trying to convince me to join his payroll.
___________________________
"Oh sweet loving sister of mine, I'm home," I shouted in a sing-song voice but was abruptly cut off when I shut the door, and she stood on the other side like a damn statue. "Mother Fu-! Hallie!" I shouted after a scream let out of me first. "Why the hell are you acting like a Victorian ghost-child and standing there like that?"
"Why didn't you tell me where you were going?" she said, quickly bypassing how she made my heart practically stop beating for 5 seconds too long.
"I told you I was going to run errands," I answered vaguely, already knowing where she was going with this but not wanting to give her the advantage.
"Yeah, errands don't normally involve going to the Avenger's Compound!" she shouted with her arms up as she watched me walk into the kitchen and follow me.
"Jesus, lower your voice. We have neighbors," I grumbled, throwing my bag on the hooks on the wall and taking my coat off as well.
"Answers, please," she crossed her arms like a mother who had just caught her daughter sneaking out to a party.
"I had to drop off something that Morgan left at the school. I figured she'd want her coat for winter break," I answered honestly, just leaving out a few other details.
"Like she wouldn't have a whole room for winter coats alone. Why did you really go?" Hallie continued to interrogate.
I looked at her, and she was unwavering. I let out a huff of air, going to the fridge to grab a Dr. Pepper and the sweet cream to make my favorite drink after an eventful day.
"I'm not lying when I said I went to drop that off," I said, pouring the soda into a glass and waiting for the foaming bubbles to go down. "And you know exactly why I didn't tell you I was going there."
"You act like I'd go insane if I stepped a single foot on that estate," she groaned, pulling a stool out at our island/ kitchen table in the tiny New York City apartment we shared. "Even if Captain Roger's has walked on those tiles and maybe breathed in the same air and all…"
"Here we go…" I mumbled, shaking the creamer bottle as I waited for what I knew was to come.
"And so what if Natasha Romanoff has probably sat in the chairs or road the elevator that leads to what I assume are suites and apartments they have to themselves on the top levels?" she paused for effect as if waiting for me to confirm or deny as if I would know. But I just stared at her, and she continued without hesitation. "It's no big deal that Sam Wilson has probably flown the EX0-7 Falcon wingsuit in the field that surrounds the compound. Or maybe even hearing Steve playing an old jazz record. I know that cause there was a girl who used to live on his street when he stayed in the city, and she said there were a few nights that he would play all kinds of old songs with beautiful trumpet solos. Oh, and!"
I absentmindedly poured the practiced amount of sweet cream into the Dr. Pepper, grabbed a straw to stir it, and took sips of it as I patiently waited for her to finish her fantasies.
She went on about Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff, and any other Avenger that came to mind until she noticed me stop sipping my drink and start to slow-blink at her.
"Stop. I know that look," she pointed, stopping in her rant abruptly.
"What the you-just proved-my-point look?" I fluttered my eyelashes at her and took another sip.
"Shut up," she sneered, even though she knew I was right.
As if he had just realized people were home, her small senior brown-haired and deaf dog came hobbling around the corner and yipped when he looked at me.
"Hey, Chuck Norris," I sighed, and he came up to me, barking at my leg like I was an intruder in my own home. "I still don't think he's used to me."
"You say that like you didn't live with him for 10 years," Hallie laughed, walking over and picking him up with one hand and cradling him in her arm.
"Three of those years were just visits back home. I figured after a month of you being moved in here, his memory would catch up to realize I'm still the same person when we first rescued him."
Chuck Norris was a tiny little mutt my sister had found behind a dumpster in the parking lot of a Cracker Barrel close to where we lived when we were younger.
The vet had said he was already about four or five when we brought him in, but he had no microchips or anything showing he belonged to someone. He was also malnourished from only eating scraps that fell out of the dumpster since he wasn't big enough to scrounge through it himself. So he came with a laundry list of things he needed fixing with his tiny weak body.
We only ever had one cat growing up, so it was a responsibility my parents weren't too sure about taking on. But my sister being who she is, made a presentation the next night and was able to persuade them to let her keep him for at least a month to show she could handle it.
After a month, they saw how special of a dog he was to her and how she was practically the only one he trusted, and they couldn't just send him to the pound after that.
The laundry list of illnesses and help he was going to need to get him back on his feet led to a lot of medical bills in his future. But luckily, an old friend of mine I had gone to high school with went into Veterinary school and helped my family out a few times since we were still close.
Now Chuck Norris lived here, and he didn't care that I, even if I was paying most of the bills, lived here along with him. He only trusted one person wholeheartedly in his life, and that was my sister.
Now being 14, possibly 15 years old, his eyes weren't great, and he was almost a hundred percent deaf besides sharp noises he happened to hear every once in a while. I'm almost positive he had some form of dementia, too, cause he treated me like a stranger most of the time.
He must have been sleeping when I came in cause a lot of times, if he sees my walk in, he's at my feet barking and acting like he's going to be the one to bring an end to the big monster that teases and picks at his mom.
As for the name… Don't ask. My sister's an anomaly, and that's the only answer I have to give for that.
"Back to the question at hand," my sister continued, and I groaned overdramatically before walking to the couch with my drink and turning the TV on. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to see the Tony Stark?!"
"First off, I think you answered that question when you went on your little tangent of extremely specific details. You've for sure daydreamed about the Avengers, you nerd," I started, looking up at her where she stood by the coffee table with the glossy-eyed brown mutt in her hand, who I couldn't tell was looking at me or the window that was behind me. "And second, who's to say I even saw Mr. Stark? I was just dropping off a sweater, and I could have very well just left it at reception and carried on with my day."
"It's the fact you're saying it all as a 'could have' scenario instead of just saying you did," she deadpanned.
She had me there, and that one was on me.
"It's not like it's the first time I've ever met him. He is the parent of one of my students, so it's not a big deal to me anymore," I brushed it off and looked to the TV, and started mindlessly scrolling through the evening shows.
She immediately cut off my view by standing right in front of it.
"Move," I said, peeking my head around her body, which she quickly blocked again.
"Once, I'm asking once, that I get to meet him," she bargained.
"Eventually. Just not before the break. We're all tired and have been busy, him, I'm sure more than anyone, and I don't think the compound is where he wants to worry about crazy obsessed fans bombarding him," I looked at her with a big-sister stare. "Now, the whole thing is already over and done. Can I please just drink this and watch an episode of this documentary I've been waiting to decompress to all day?"
As if I was asking too much and the universe needed to humble me, the coat rack I had hung my coat and tote bag earlier fell to the floor with a harsh crash.
I didn't even look in the direction of the latest home improvement added to the list, but instead closed my eyes and sat up some.
"Classic," I mumbled and started to move to the closet we kept our toolbag in, but before I could stand up, Hallie stopped me.
"Don't. I bargained with the building repair man to come tomorrow instead of making us wait another week," she said, looking back at the damage. "He can do that as an extra fix for being an ass."
"How'd you manage that?"
I looked at her, impressed, considering the guy was a nuisance and very much a man's man. In other words, "How could two girls on their own ever manage without a big strong man to come and save them when things fell apart?" I think he got off on being able to make us wait for him when it came to things we couldn't actually fix. Talk about a savior complex.
"I said I had to bake some cookies for one of my classes and said I would bake some extra if he came sooner," she shrugged.
"You're a musical theater major. What class is having you bake cookies?" I gave her a weird look.
"None. I just didn't want him to think I was baking them just for him," she said with a witty smile.
"Attagirl," I chuckled, patting the couch next to me. "Just for that, I'll let you pick which documentary we binge tonight."
"Why is it always with the documentaries?" she huffed, sitting next to me despite acting like she was upset with the option.
"Don't lie and act like you don't get sucked in." I stood up and put the now half-empty drink down. "I'm going to change, but look through the ones we've already started and pick from those."
"Does Unsolved Supernatural with Shane and Ryan count?" I heard her shout as I turned into my room.
Normally the answer was no, but I could go for something fun and not so serious.
"Sure, but pick a good episode!" I shouted back. "Let Christmas break commence…"
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new-to-me #529 - Histórias que Só Existem Quando Lembradas (Found Memories)
Look what I found on a shelf in my storage closet. I have the soundtrack cds planing on my computer right no so I can listen to them while I clean.
Found Memories. Chapter 1.
Finding Memories Sequel: (I advise you to read the 1st series for context).
Series Summary: Following the aftermath of Finding Memories, Bucky tries to complete goals he feels she would have discovered for herself as a way to let her memory live on. However, he never expected to find someone very close to who he believed she would have been if given the chance of normalcy. A journey of mourning someone he lost, turned into a journey of discovering someone new, happens upon the soldier. Maybe this whole normal thing isn’t as bad as he had pictured it in his mind. Maybe he had a better shot at it than he ever tried to imagine.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader insert
Chapter Word Count: 4000+
A/N (PLEASE READ): So I may or may not have gone back on my deal to not post until I finished writing it all, but I'm 15 chapters in, and though I have a ton more to write, I wanted to drop the first chapter for my Finding Memories people to have some closure, and also to see where Bucky's story plans to lead.
This series is told through 1st person unlike a lot of my others, but I realize I like this style a lot more. So all this is from Bucky's perspective in this chapter. I also understand this may seem a little confusing with this being a reader insert for both these stories, so using Y/N will make it harder to tell the difference between the characters. I’ll be calling our previous Y/N from the Finding Memories series, Sloan, just to avoid confusion. But please don’t let that take away from any of the personal aspects of the story. This is just a continued story of Bucky finding happiness after the ending of Finding Memories. (Just think of it as him falling for you 2x ;) There is a note at the bottom after reading so please read that when you finish!
Last note! For each chapter, I am connecting a song from the playlist our last reader left and Bucky took on his own. The song will play off the vibes of each chapter. You don't have to listen if you don't want to, but it is here as a little piece of Bucky's theme (sometimes thought processes and feelings) in each chapter. Enjoy!
Playlist song: At Last by: Etta James
Chapter 1:
4 years and 364 days had gone by since her passing.
Almost 5 years, 2 weeks, and 4 days since I had rescued her.
I think the reason it stuck with me was that this was one of those missions that carrying on like normal afterwards, wasn’t really an option.
When you lose someone on the field, whether you know them or not, a piece of you is saddened that someone lost their life. Normal. Human. Emotions.
However, you feel depressed and emotionally stuck when it’s someone you had become familiar with and plan to continue to grow familiar with.
It hurt even more when it was someone who deserved to go far in life and learn so many things about themselves in a healthy and safe environment. It was a stab to the heart to know she never saw that for herself and had made a decision no one should be put in the position to make.
But it happened. In the very likely chance someone was to find her and use her for her powers again, she erased all possibilities of it getting into the wrong hands. And with it erased all chances to experience the good in the world as well.
After she died, Bruce and Tony tested her blood to find what the other mutation was even if I knew for the most part.
We didn’t have much time to understand it, or for her to really explain all the pieces that came with her enhancements that she seemed to remember the day before her ultimate fate. But from what she had passed onto me in the last moments of her life, I feel like I had some kind of grasp of it.
Her hand over my heart seconds before her powers consumed her was more than just a sentimental goodbye. She shared within that touch her fears, her intentions, her understandings, and the peace she found in her decision.
It was something I could never explain in words to someone else, but it was a feeling that made me understand why it all had to come to the end that it did.
She had told me the night before, that her powers were created from the cosmos, and it was a power that could bring an end to society and the world we try so hard to keep afloat in what feels like constant choppy waters.
She didn’t have to go into too much depth about what all that meant, but it would soon be proven within hours of explaining to me that we would not get the end we hoped for.
I can’t lie and say I never expected things to take the turns they did. I live the life I have constantly considering the worst-case scenarios, and her death was always one of those scenarios as soon as we saved her in that hidden terrorist facility.
Bruce and Tony confirmed that her gifts were something that could be world-ending and quickly incinerated her blood so that no one could get ahold of that kind of power down the line.
The wishes she made on her deathbed were met and I was trying to meet all the other ones she had made and never got the chance to do herself.
It took me a while to go into her room and start to clean out the few personal items she had slowly gathered in the short time she was there, but really there wasn’t much to clean.
She had a few plants. I took one and Wanda took the other. Her clothes were either taken by Wanda or Nat and the rest were donated.
She had some books that had been gifted to her about random things she had found interest in while trying to find herself. A cookbook, a book on herbs and plants she used to read to put a name to the plants on the compound during her walks, and some history books Parker was kind enough to loan her so she could catch up with the world around her.
The only other thing of significance I found, and didn’t realize was something she kept, was a journal. It was in the nightstand drawer, but it had been hidden under all the other books she had collected.
Inside, it was a list of notes she made about those she had become close with.
1. Wanda is from Sokovia and she had a brother named Pietro whom she misses dearly. 2. Nat had a sister that’s on missions across seas and sees her every other month, but they keep in contact when able. 3. Bruce has 7 PhDs but has test anxiety. 4. Tony blast rock music that can be heard 3 levels above. (check songs to see if they spark anything…) 5. Bucky acts like Sam annoys him, but I secretly think they’re just as good of friends as he and Steve are. 6. Steve and Bucky grew up together and from what Nat said, “One looks for trouble the other follows cause he still sees Steve as a 90lb Brooklyn kid.” 7. Sam is from Louisanna and mentioned making a shrimp boil… (Still need to look that up...) 8. Bucky likes to prank Sam and Steve in small ways that they never figure out and it drives them slightly insane. 9. Spiderboy is incredibly smart but is also somehow very naive to the teasing he gets from everyone else. 10. Movie nights are something that everyone gets excited about and they all have very different tastes in movies to show me. So far, I've enjoyed the comedies the most. (Peter picked the movie Grown-ups and some of the things they do make no sense and are extremely goofy, but I think that's why I liked it...)
The list went on for about five pages of random things she discovered and felt were important to know about the team and sometimes even herself.
But in the back, only found if you looked through each page of the small journal, was a list of things she wanted to try once she felt ready and was given the chance to.
It didn’t feel right ripping the pages out for myself, or taking the journal and ruining it with my scribbles, so I copied the list in a notebook of my own and added some things I think she would have enjoyed if I was given the chance to show her.
She only got about 24 things written that she wanted to experience in the real world. Most of which were simple things most take for granted having the choice to do any day.
Right now I was looking at number seven;
7. Go to a coffee shop and try different drinks with cinnamon in them. Find a favorite, so I can eventually say, “I’ll have the usual,” like they do in the movies.
It was hard to know what her favorite would have been, but I did the best I could. Eventually, I had a usual at the coffee shop I started the adventure on.
“He’s back.” The barista whose head was in the pastry display shot up and smiled toward me. “It’s been a minute since we’ve seen you. Life or work in the way this time?”
“What’s the difference?” I responded though it came across a little more melancholy than I meant.
Luckily, Trudy, the shop owner, had become familiar with me enough to know it’s just how I talk.
“Get him the usual, dear,” she said to the worker at the front as she wrapped a muffin and handed it to a customer waiting on the side.
When the worker just looked at her wide-eyed and freaked out, Trudy laughed to herself and pointed her to another task.
“Forgot she’s only been here for 2 days,” Trudy’s New York accent was strong as she typed in my regular order. “So. Any big bad guys in the world I should be worryin’ about or do you have it handled?”
“Nothing for you to worry about, Trud,” I smiled as she grabbed a cup and wrote one of her new names for me on it. She was clever with what she could come up with depending on the day. “Sorry, I haven’t been in. I was sent overseas for a bit the last few weeks.”
“You haven’t come in a month,” she said with a raised motherly eyebrow.
“Hate to break it to ya, but there are bad guys I have to take care of over here too. They keep me just as busy sometimes,” I chuckled, moving out of the way in case someone else needed to order.
“Yeah, yeah,” she groaned, grabbing a pastry and wrapping it up for me. “I made a new recipe from my Italian side of the family. Give it a try,” she stuck a sticker on it to seal the bag and came around the counter to give it to me. “Tell me how you like it.”
“How much?” I went on to grab cash knowing she likely wouldn’t let me pay anyway.
“Cost ya a review on Yelp,” she pushed it on me more. “I had someone come in the other day and try and cheat the system to get free stuff, and when I wouldn’t budge she lowered my rating on the damn website.”
“I don’t think one bad rating will hurt ya, Trud,” I sighed, taking it and putting the cash in the tip jar instead.
“Eh, I like to counter it with a good one where I can. Plus, I’m running out of fake emails to do it myself. Help a gal out.”
I laughed knowing she may have been a small hole-in-the-wall business, but she got enough foot traffic to keep her afloat even if she joked about going under if I didn’t give her reviews and tell my friends about it.
Before I could give her peace of mind knowing I’d help in any way she asked me, the bell rang as another customer came in.
I looked back absentmindedly and saw a woman with her head down while she talked on the phone, but was kind enough to go to the side and finish her conversation before walking to the register.
“That drink ready?” Trudy shouted to the back and just in time a barista walked out with the cup of my “usual” drink and handed it off. “I’ll be seeing ya sometime soon, right?” She withheld the coffee until I confirmed.
“Tomorrow,” I promised knowing I had one thing planned and I knew it wouldn’t be interrupted.
“Good. Have a good one, Boomer,” she winked and I looked to see the name matched on the cup.
“What does that mean?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Something the kids are calling old people like you and me,” she shrugged. “Figured if I was going to be called it, you should too.”
I rolled my eyes playfully before giving a final goodbye and heading toward the doors. The woman that had come in was hanging up the phone and happened to look up at the same time I passed.
She had soft eyes and smiled up at me in a polite way before sidestepping and moving to the counter.
I couldn’t help but stop with my hand on the door handle as I looked at her trying to grasp who she reminded me of.
She had kind features and her light smile was what made me do a double take. I may have imagined it, but something about her beamed at me in a way that I couldn't shake.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when someone else tried to come in and I quickly opened the door for them and moved out of the way. But I looked in the shop one more time seeing Trudy smiling back at the woman and sharing a similar banter she had with me.
I honed in my hearing some and caught the middle of the conversation.
“I would ask if you want your normal order, but it’s been so long I’m not sure if it’s the same,” Trudy teased.
“The move has been great. Thanks for asking Trudy,” the woman remarked with a laugh.
It would become creepy pretty quickly with me just staring and eavesdropping in the doorway, so I moved on even if I was intrigued to hear the rest of this conversation.
I took my time walking to my car since the woman’s face was sticking in my mind. Something seemed oddly familiar of her, but I couldn’t put a finger on what it was.
________________________
“Hey, I was looking for you!” Sam’s voice sounded as soon as I walked into the kitchen.
“I’d rather you weren’t,” I said back, going to the trash to throw my cardboard cup away and grab a snack from the fridge.
“Hardy, har, har,” Sam responded. “But really. I need help with a file I can’t access.”
“Maybe you can’t access it for a reason,” I gave a smug smile to him as I shut the fridge and took a bite out of the apple I stole from it.
“You're really channeling that clown energy as Parker would say today, aren't you?” he gave me a straight face before pulling papers I hadn’t noticed beforehand and passed them to me. “It’s just some notes on a mission we did last week, but I need to tweak some things. For some reason, the file isn’t giving me access so I was going to ask if I can go through your account.”
“Have Tony look at your account. Maybe the clearance level got mixed up. He had a new protection server put in the other week and a few accounts were tweaked.”
“Well, he's not in his lab.”
“Ok,” I dragged out. “Sounds like a personal problem.”
“Barnes, just let me on your account for two seconds to fix it and then I’ll go and find him. It won’t take me longer than five minutes,” Sam groaned.
I could continue to give him a hard time, but I needed to get some things ready for tomorrow and wasn’t in the mood to keep up my normal antics.
“Fine. Where’s your computer?” I huffed, biting into the apple again and waiting for him to bring it to me.
He smiled like he won, even though I could still say no if I wanted, and grabbed the laptop on the counter and handed it off to me.
I logged in like normal and went to the file, but was stopped when I came to the same problem he had.
“What the hell?” I glared at the screen and tried a few more tricks but this new protective program Tony had installed was foreign to me.
“Damn it,” Sam crossed his arms and sighed. “You’re the third person now. Why won’t it let me see this damn file?”
I looked at him waiting for him to explain.
“I asked Nat and Wanda too. No luck,” he shrugged.
That was strange. It was a file from the mission we had done last week. A thief that had been stealing intel from some division in the SHEILD operations over some classified information, but we had captured and incarcerated the hacker.
“Friday,” I asked into the void and her voice followed.
“How can I help, Sargent Barnes?”
“Why aren’t we able to get into these files?”
There was a pause as she tried to find the answer.
“It seems to be in a classification you don’t have access to. Clearance levels are not high enough. Would you like me to call Mr. Stark?”
Sam and I shared a look that showed we were on the same page. There were very few things we didn't have access to, so the system was screwed or not modified after the update. At least that was to hoping it was something that simple.
“No. Where’s Tony at?” I asked instead.
“He’s headed to the lobby. He has an appointment with Ms. Clark.”
The name didn’t sound familiar, though there were a lot of people Stark talked to that I never cared to learn about. He was the face of the team anyway, so luckily he handled a majority of the social aspects of our job.
“Thanks, Friday,” I nodded my head to the exit.
Sam nodded in agreement and we made our way to the lobby to find him.
It wasn’t a portion of the compound we were usually in, so seeing people in business suits coming and going always reminded me of the mass amount of workers who never did fieldwork that came and went.
“Stark,” I shouted once I spotted him at one of the reception desks talking with the secretary that was handing him papers she had just printed.
He turned at his name and looked at us both confused as to why we would be there.
“Got a question for ya,” Sam started out.
“Can it wait? I have a meeting with someone I actually like,” he said sarcastically.
Before I had the chance to spit something back at him and give him a taste of his own medicine, Sam took over.
“I need access to a file of the mission report we just came back from, but it’s not allowing me to get to it,” he summed up.
“Strange,” Tony hummed, looking at the papers he was previously handed as if our issue was nothing for him to worry about.
“It won’t let me through either,” I said and he eventually looked up rolling his eyes before putting the papers on the counter and giving us his attention finally.
“Can this wait like 20 minutes?” he asked.
“It might be because of your new and overly complicated-” I started and once again, Sam saved me from saying something that would probably have Tony ignoring us the rest of the week if I wasn't careful.
“We’ll wait,” Sam nodded. “We’ll be over there.”
He pointed to a few chairs off to the side and nodded his head for me to follow. Though I was against the motion, I obliged to not make matters more annoying. I’d give him 20 minutes, but I was just as intrigued by this issue as Sam was now.
Tony went back to the secretary and grabbed the papers looking through them before grabbing a pen and sloppily marking random things out before handing it back.
Just as he turned back, he seemed to have spotted who he was looking for to begin with and I followed his eyeline.
Walking in and looking around marveling at the size of the place before seeing Tony and smiling at him, was the same woman who I had seen at the coffee shop. The same one who was talking to Trudy about a move.
I must have been staring while she and Tony met in the middle and started casually conversing. She reached into the tote she was carrying and handed Tony what looked like a sweater and a folder, but he only took the piece of clothing leaving her with just the folder still in hand.
My stare must have been unmoving cause Sam nudged me with his shoulder and gave me a weird look when I broke out of my trance.
“What are you gawking at?” he asked, looking where I was and raising his eyebrows. “Oh, I see.”
I furrowed my eyebrows and gave him a disapproving look to show his mind wasn’t in the right place.
“Shut up,” I grunted, slouching some in my spot, but only to show disinterest in an attempt to push him off my case.
“No, I get it. She’s a pretty lady,” Sam chuckled, crossing his arms and leaning back in his own seat. “Just didn’t see you looking for something like that anytime soon-”
“Don’t get any ideas,” I cut him off. “I saw her at a coffee shop earlier today and she just looked familiar. That’s it.”
He looked from me back at the girl and turned his head as he analyzed her.
She was smiling at something Stark was saying and shaking her head about whatever it was he was grinning about. I wasn’t sure what the conversation could even be about, and with the loud echoing space, I couldn’t exactly pinpoint what was being shared.
“I have an idea,” Sam spoke up after a second and stood up without any hesitance, and walked towards the two.
“Sam, wait! Stop! What are you doing?” I whisper shouted sitting up and looking around as if someone else was in on this idea with him.
When he didn’t turn back or let up in his steps, I was quickly on my feet trying to get ahead of him to stop him, but he was walking faster causing us to interrupt the two abruptly and throw them both off.
“Hi,” Sam smiled kindly at her then back at Stark.
“I told you I would help you after I talked with-,” Tony started, but Sam patted his shoulder and made him pause.
“Sam Wilson,” he went on to introduce himself while putting his other hand out for her.
The woman seemed surprised by the introduction, but she was kind nonetheless and extended her own hand before introducing herself.
“Y/N Clark,” she smiled. “Nice to meet you.”
Sam turned to me and she followed his look. I wasn’t prepared to talk to her, but I wasn’t going to be rude and just sit there silently and stare at her.
I extended my hand as well and she smiled at the motion.
“James Barnes,” I gave a tight smile, but it wasn’t because of her, it was because I was seconds from punching Sam right in the chest for putting me in this position.
“Mr. Barnes. Nice to meet you,” she nodded, returning the handshake and it was surprisingly firm.
I would have paid mind to the detail, but now being in close proximity to the woman, I was seeing features that I hadn’t taken in before.
She had Y/H/C hair, Y/E/C eyes, and her smile was one I had seen before. She was wearing a bright red checkered winter coat that sat on top of a tan sweater tucked into a nice pair of brown slacks. It seemed fitting for her even if I hadn’t known anything about her. But something in her persona showed she was kind and had a welcoming nature.
Tony rolled his eyes once again and decided to go ahead and introduce us.
“Cyborge and Birdman, this is Ms. Clark. She’s Morgan’s teacher. Ms. Clark, these are two of my most impatient coworkers,” Tony motioned to us. “Who I asked to give me a second before I talked with them…” The glare he was giving us pulled me away from staring at her longer than what would have been socially acceptable.
“Thank this one for the interruption,” I shouldered Sam harshly which he became slightly unbalanced from and gave me another glare.
“Just seemed rude to not introduce your colleagues,” Sam gritted through his teeth, talking to me when the comment was directed to Tony.
“It’s fine,” Ms. Clark spoke up, breaking the growing tension between us three, and I immediately turned my attention back to her. “I was here to just drop off these two things anyway.”
“Yeah, well, I had a few things I wanted to discuss without,” Tony continued, only taking a second in between to send us yet another death stare, “this interruption.”
“I appreciate what you’re offering, but I’ve already told you I have a job set with another district after this year,” she smiled professionally, and I couldn’t help but smile myself at seeing someone say no to Tony.
“Yeah, but… Money.” His eat-shit grin worked on the weak-minded, but clearly, she was not that.
“Money is great and all, but it's not what this is about, Mr. Stark,” she chuckled, readjusting her tote on her shoulder. "Maybe after winter break and I get some paperwork back from the new school I'll be at, we will better understand what I'll have on my plate."
“That sounds like a well-worded way to put this conversation off,” Tony smirked.
She returned it which proved he was right, but she wasn’t falling for his schemes still.
“It’s Christmas break, Mr. Stark. Have a great vacation with your family and happy holidays,” she nodded, turning to walk out, but not completely turned away. “You two as well. I hope the world is kind enough to give you all a break as you deserve during this time.”
“If I know anything about teaching, I know you’ll be needing a break just as much,” Sam shouted in her direction with a smile.
She laughed at that and it was a sound that made it hard not to smile as a reaction to it.
“Happy Holidays,” she said one final time, waving kindly and moving to the exit.
“Well, she seems nice,” Sam grinned in a teasing manner and turned to face us both by taking her place.
“This is why I haven’t brought her around here,” Tony sighed heavily and ran a hand through his beard. “Now, what do you two want?”
Sam followed quickly after Tony, who was already walking back to the lab, but I couldn’t seem to pull my eyes from the red checkered jacket that was out the doors now and walking down the steps.
It was another feeling that I couldn’t quite put into words…
I unfortunately don't have a release date for the next chapter as I am going to stick to my promise of finishing the series before I post any further. This is just to give an idea of what's to come! As always, any likes or reblogs, and comments (even if just a heart or a gif) makes my blood, sweat, and tears for this series feel validated :') ANYWHO!! I'm excited to share with you all the stories to come with this series and these characters because in writing them, I've fallen in love with them myself.
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Remembering What I Can’t Feel Anymore
I got a little OCD tonight and decided to organize my junk closet. Ironic, really — a junk closet, when just four months ago I had practically nothing. But there was something comforting about seeing all those boxes, bits of furniture, clothes, and random odds and ends. I took inventory, tossed a few things that had officially crossed into “trash,” and smirked at the fact that I even had junk to…






