#freelings

[donewithnothing]

A bit of me ..

Diaries 📓

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[deciphermywords]

That time when I let other people control my life

As a person who've grown so much to love the company of other people, I pretty much depended on another person for enjoyment. For example, I don't eat alone, I always have asked other people to accompany me when going in to restaurants or just for a simple lunch and I enjoyed it to an extent that when I eat alone I feel like a loser. I mean, it is great to have someone by your side to talk to you, to laugh at your jokes and to simply listen to you but as I got older I realized something, I realized that at some point no one is gonna be there for you but yourself.

In my group of friends we have this unspoken rule and it goes like "You have to be the first one to reach out, we'll wait for you to talk to us and we will figure something out after that." and for me this is a great rule, it gives everyone space to figure things out on their own and if you are ready talk then they will help out but it gets messy at some point. It gets messy when no one is reaching to one another, it's like a wall put up and no one is going to put it down first in order to communicate and talk things over.

I realized how toxic it was when slowly I stopped communicating with them. It's a choice that I made when I felt like a piece of shit and my mental health is really in a bad place. I was so insecure on what is happening in my life because everyone's having a job, they are enjoying their work and they have found new set of friends. I felt like I was stuck in the past and can't move on with my life while they have clearly moved on. Slowly, it became hard talking with them and being with them. They talk about work and their salaries and how toxic some of their workmates while here I am, a potato, whose life is stuck and don't know what to do about it. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them, for what they have accomplished but I felt like I am not part of that chapter in their life and it saddens me.

I waited weeks for someone to reach out but alas the rule remains, unscathed and unbothered. I slowly learned to enjoy things all by myself. I started eating at my favorite restaurants alone then I moved on to going to a park alone and slowly I became bolder with my activities and went to a museum, watched in a movie theater and went to a trip. It feels really good, being able to do things on your own.

It is empowering to be independent and to do things alone but there is a saying that "No man is an island". I will talk to them soon enough to tell my stories and adventures while they are away, catch up with them, but for now I will enjoy my time alone. Afterall, you just cannot let other people control your life, be someone who will not be tied down because you are alone, love yourself with or without company and you will be happy.

[slowlyand-i]

My mind is a chaos.

[slowlyand-i]

The power of imagination makes us infinite

Freelings

[silvergirl98]

..it doesn't add up like it did in high school mathematics, I can't carry the one and find the square root of the problem because most of the time there is no problem. There is no life or death situation, there is no rhyme or reason, there is just feeling. And I am feeling all of them at once.

Meghan Rienks

[holthoff94]

Tumblr is my Notebook.

I can’t help but thinking, deep thoughts that is. All day every day, I’m constantly evolving via my profound state of mind. I am an academic at heart; a scholar if you will. I put pen to paper almost every day because I flock to personal notation. I like to visualize what I have written in order to reflect on personal experiences.

[tarpittales]

Just your average American family!