~My Labels~
Happy Pride everyone! Here's a rundown of my queerness in excruciating detail, for anyone interested!
First up:
Gender
i identify generally as nonbinary, and specifically as aporagender
aporagender: a specific or umbrella non-binary gender identity separate from man, woman, or anything in between, while still having a strong and specific gendered feeling.
to me it's the secret third thing of gender! always third thing!
i think what's important to me though is that that third is undefined. i don't ever want or care to fully define myself in a gender way, but it's NOT man NOT woman and NOT anything between them. but it IS.
pronouns: they/them preferred but any are fine. i don't feel gendered by pronoun use. if you use he/him though i probably will assume you're not talking about me. i like it/its, technically more than they/them but i would have a bad reaction to a person using 'it' in an even slightly derogatory way so i'm not inviting that.
the real answer: i actually have some neopronouns that i use only in my head bc i think seeing them written might be jarring. xie/hurr/hyrs, pronounced the same as she/her/hers but spelled the way i like because it's for me. this is for my own comfort at people irl saying she/her and i think online i just prefer they/them or whatever.
titles/gendered terms: DO NOT like feminine-specific gendered titles or terms such as miss, lady, woman, etc, unless i'm part of a group (girls, ladies) and i won't flinch at 'women' but i don't feel like i'm being referred to. i don't mind anything meant casually in general, ie bro, buddy, dude, amigo. i don't mind masculine-specific titles like sir, mister, etc but i assume you mean them in a joking tone bc i absolutely do not ever inspire anyone to think i'm masculine.
however: my wife and i call each other wife most of the time bc spouse is the worst word ever, partner doesn't imply the legal benefits that the queer community fought so hard for, and we only use husband to refer to like specific actions ie sitting on ass watching tv while wife cleans. so we only use husband to make fun of useless men. and each other.
all right moving on
Sexuality
i generally identify as asexual, this is the first thing i will identify as when asked and it's the most important queer identifier for me. specifically, i am aegosexual.
aegosexual: a microlabel on the asexual spectrum that describes those who experience a disconnect between themselves and the subject of arousal. they may have sexual fantasies, view sexual content, or masturbate, but typically feel little to no sexual attraction or desire to engage in sex themselves.
tl;dr: i enjoy reading smut and sexual shipping and all that but it's NOT for me. the idea that people watch media and think 'i want to fuck that guy' is so fucking wild to me i could never understand it.
i'm also specifically really embarrassed LOOKING at sexual themed content, especially penises, no thank you no no no text only for me.
i have had sex in the past, with both guys and gals, and for a while i pretended to be into it to make my partner happy but when i landed my wife (who is also asexual) i discovered the unadulterated joy of Never Having Sex Ever and Not Having To Worry About It. if you're a baby ace or gray-ace and you're worried no one will ever wanna date you if you don't put out: relax. the future is coming for you.
last but not least
Romance
so idk if you've been following me at all or anything, but i recently had a big old romantic orientation crisis. it felt like this: i opened up my current behaviors, looked back at past behaviors, checked off what made me happy and what didn't, and went... huh.
i'm not comfortable identifying as full aromantic, and there's just something about grey-romantic i'm not really a fan of for no particular reason, but i can say i'm 'on the aromantic spectrum', and i stand by my microlabels of idemromantic and apexromantic.
idemromantic: one who experiences no notable internal differences between platonic and romantic feelings, often categorizing relationships and feelings as platonic or romantic based on external factors.
so this is generally applicable to how i feel when i don't have A Crush (that's the apex part). i'm not saying i love all my friends equally gawwdd no but i have a tier system based on strength of feeling, and the one i love romantically or choose to be in a relationship with is the one i want to be partners with. as in live together, get married, take care of pets together, do life together. if something happened to my wife (god forbid) i'd almost certainly move in with the next yahoo on my list (max) and within 2.5 seconds we would be a romantic couple. i need someone in that top slot bc i'm generally unable to live on my own due to disability and mental issues. i would not be able to support myself alone and i'd die. so... yeah.
apexromantic: an individual who does not experience romantic attraction towards strangers, may develop romantic attraction towards them when a personal bond forms, and then loses that romantic attraction when the bond grows stronger. may be described as a combination of demiromantic and frayromantic.
this is what i like to call The Crush Pattern. i don't crush on strangers, we have to be friends at least. then idk i suddenly trip and fall and i'm in crushland where the sun shies out their ass and i'm shaking and crying and desperate for attention from Them and this isn't even romantic half the time! this is just how i cross the threshhold from close friend to Important Person That I Would Die For. then once that closeness has been established, thankfully, the Crush feelings die off and i can just enjoy sharing a part of my soul.
...as for why i don't call it Squish or whatever the hell else nonromantic crushes are called: for one, it's the same shit to me. the exact same shit. even when i had a crush on my now-wife i like. wanted to hold her hand and watch anime with her and tell her how great i thought she was 24/7 it wasn't like i wanted to kiss on the mouth or anything (which is good bc she doesn't like kissing. i do, though not enough to do anything abt it lol. it's just mouth touch it's kind of cool i guess.) anyway the OTHER reason is that I FUCKING HATE THE WORD SQUISH. it makes me cringe every time. too wet. gross. disgusting. squish sounds like something cutesy and wet and generally harmless, whereas crush feels like i'm getting crushed all the way down the mountain under sisyphus' boulder. you hear me? crushes are AWFUL!!! i HATE THEM!!!
anyway that's me guys! happy pride :)
