my love, from the moment we first met - I knew I should run far, far away from you. You’re everything I’ve ever feared, everything I’ve always tried to avoid. But the moment you saw me in that bar, the moment you looked up at me with those big, beautiful golden brown eyes, I knew I was fucking gone. I can honestly say that nothing in this world has ever compared to the way it felt when we first kissed. I remember all those times we crossed paths in New York, all those times I caught you staring at me and all the times I rushed out before you plucked up the courage to ask my name. I blame the alcohol in our systems that night because the only thing on my mind when I saw you again - was that this had to be it, that you had to be it. And then you turned into an asshole and reminded me of all the reasons why I fucking avoided you. In all fairness, we had an amazing weekend and it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway, at least not then. Not while you were busy running back and fourth with your busy job (and sleeping with everyone that gave you a second glance). We would have crashed and burned. But I get it now, you were just as scared as I was back then and I should have known. I’m sorry that when I joined the show I lied to you, but you’ve heard that apology a thousand times and if me pretending to have a girlfriend to avoid hooking up with you is the biggest lie I’ve ever told you, then I’d consider ourselves damn lucky.I guess in some ways I’m still scared. I can’t lie and say that I don’t panic every time I think about what would happen if one day we just stopped loving each other - but you convince me every single day, every single moment, even - that it’s not going to happen. You tell me everything, you open up to me in ways you’ve said you never could with anyone else and I can sense that, you have this raw emotional energy that still overwhelms me to this day. I don’t mind that sometimes you just need me to hold you when it hurts, I don’t mind that sometimes you need all of my attention just to make sure I still love you, or that sometimes you just want to be angry for the sake of being angry. I get it and I’m prepared to be there for all of your worse days because I know it’s worth it, that you’re worth all of it. You still look at me the same way you did in that coffee shop, like you’re trying to seduce me with those damn eyes of yours and I’ll admit, it still works, just this time, I’m not running away. I’m no longer scared of being with you, I’m scared of losing you and for the risk of sounding hopeless as hell, you honestly are my world. When you’re not around, I ache, it’s like I can feel that you are not there and I no longer feel whole. You have given me the world in all of the days in the two years that we have been together. You talk to me about children and marriage and all of the things that I never thought I would see myself doing. You brought me - you brought us a house and proved to me that this isn’t some temporary high, you’re in this for the long run and I can’t even begin to explain to you how truly blessed I feel for being that person you chose to do that with. I still live for the days when you take my hand like an excited little boy and tell me all about the plans you have for us, I look down at those eyes I love so much and that gorgeous smile on your face - I can see it, I can see everything - my past, my present and my future. I will give you everything you ask for. I have put so much faith in us that there’s no room for mistake and all I want, all I ever want is to keep on making you smile. I have faith in us, because you have faith in us and I’ll be damned if I won’t do everything in my power to always let you know that you are loved and that you are adored. But I fucking swear to the high heavens that we are not calling our son, Batman.
